Nobody's Perfect (36 page)

"There will be times when I want you to spend time in your head, like now. I want you to be thinking about some of the scenes you will release for me soon. Don't you dare even think for a second that I might leave you alone. Okay?"

Part of her wished he meant he'd stay with her forever, but she pushed that impossible thought aside. No one could ever love someone as broken as she was. He just meant he wouldn't leave her during this scene.

"Thank you, Sir."

His lips brushed hers. Tingling. She'd actually felt something! Perhaps because she hadn't anticipated it. Maybe if she let her guard down more, gave herself permission to feel something, this scene actually could do some good.

Savi pictured herself as Damián must see her, naked, arms and legs spread wide, exposed. She hadn't placed herself in such a vulnerable position with a man since she'd regained control of her life and body after escaping her father and Lyle.

Crack!

Savi jumped, much as she had done when she'd first heard him crack the whip last night. Well, given how tightly he'd bound her, she'd barely moved. But her heart pounded in her ears. The sound of the whip popping in the air brought her senses to full alert.

Damián came from behind her. He had recoiled the whip again and held it in his left hand. He walked in front of her, so near he warmed her with his body's heat. He wrapped the whip around her back at waist level. He pulled it from side to side against her back, letting the friction of the leather warm her skin.

"The whip is going to free you, Savi. I don't want you to fear it. I want you to embrace it as it is embracing you right now."

He made this implement of pain and torture sound like a lover. The leather continued to rub against her skin, back and forth. No pain. Just a steady pressure as the friction built a fire beneath her skin. Her knees grew weak. She'd have been lying in a puddle at his feet if not for the arm restraints.

He tugged her body against his and bent to kiss her behind her ear. What would it have felt like if she weren't so numb? She didn't think she really wanted to know. The whip continued to slide against her skin like a snake, then slithered away as he stepped back. Damián's body heat receded, as well, as he pulled away.

His expression grew even more serious; not angry, just concentrating, getting in the zone. He looked down at the whip, checking the handle much like a tennis player adjusts the webbing in a racket, then simply stared at the braided handle as he took several deep breaths. He planted his feet apart, looked up again, and nailed her with his gaze.

"Prepare yourself, Savi."

Prepare? How was she supposed to prepare herself for a whip?

"Have your first negative memory ready and speak it immediately after the whip removes the clothespin. I want you to let go of that memory before the sting recedes."

Wait. He was going to remove them with the whip? "No, wait!" Her body grew tense. He'd cut her to ribbons.

Crack!

She jumped again as the sound of the whip split the air, but he hadn't struck her. Once again, he let the whip crack in the air. The man was just messing with her head.

"Collect the first memories you want to release. The faster you spit them out, the quicker the pins will be removed."

Well, it was good to know she controlled that aspect of the scene. If it hurt too much to release another memory, she'd just stop, or slow down.

"The longer they continue to pinch your skin, the more intense the pain will be when they are removed, regardless of whether they're removed with the whip, or if you safeword, and I need to take them off by hand."

Oh dear lord. She needed to do this quickly then, regardless. But she wasn't going to safeword. Not yet, anyway. She didn't want to disappoint Damián. She tried to think of some of the memories she wanted to release, so she could rattle them off quickly.

"Just as the sting increases in intensity with each one, I want your memories to escalate in the level of power they hold over you. With the release of each one, you'll break another of the shackles that have held your mind and body captive for so long."

"Sir, I don't think I can rank them in order of their power."

He didn't get angry or upset, which relieved her. "Fair enough. Do your best, but releasing the less traumatic ones first will help you build up to the more debilitating ones. It is to your benefit to speak the memories as quickly as possible, release them, and then move on to the next one. Don't let the emotion of the event you're releasing overwhelm you and don't place yourself back in that dark place. Just get the memory out and move on. We'll talk about them more in aftercare."

Savi remembered Patti's aftercare with Victor. She wanted that closeness with someone, but the intimacy she'd witnessed between the other couple scared her spitless.

What had she gotten herself into? She now knew that the longer she waited, the worse it was going to get.

"Ready, Savi?"

Was she? She nodded automatically, then tried to focus on which memory to reveal. She didn't want to remember.

"Excellent. Prepare to release your first memory, Savi."

Would the whip hurt her? He wasn't going to strike her skin, just the clothespins. She wouldn't feel anything. So, what was the point of this exercise again?

Pop!

The sound registered in her brain a second or two before she identified the pressure, followed by heat, just above her right hip. The clothespin snapped shut and clattered to the floor. The last pin he'd applied became the first to be removed.

"Speak, Savi. Now."

In her surprise, her mind had gone blank. Quick! Which memory would she reveal? She thought of a safe one she'd shared with Damián before, on Christmas morning. "Father let Whiskers go outside. He knew my indoor cat would be killed or die, but he didn't care."

By the time the heat from the pinching of her skin had faded away, she immediately tried to think of the next memory. He told her not to dwell on each one.

Even though she hadn't felt pain, she knew it would be difficult for her to use her pain-coping mechanisms with so many unpredictable sensations and memories bombarding her.

"Prepare yourself."

Pop!

He didn't give her much time to think. The next pin on the opposite side. She had to speak quickly. "My feet. The sadists in the penthouse beat the soles of my feet so badly. No one had ever done that to me before." Again, a safe memory. Damián had seen what had happened to her there.

Pop!

Without a verbal warning, the next pin was removed. He was alternating sides, moving up her body in the order those pins had been attached. Knowing the pattern helped her to prepare for the next one, but she liked it better when he gave her a verbal warning.

"Speak."

Think! "Those bastards took pictures of me when I was…spread open. I don't like to have anyone touch or look at me there, much less photograph me."

For the next few pins, she revealed more of the abuse that had occurred in her father's hotel. How many more pins were there? How long could she continue to spoon feed Damián more memories of that day, without revealing the ones that held more of an emotional hold over her?

"Let's move to an earlier memory. Tell me about an abusive scene with your father or your handler from the hotel."

God, he was on to her.

Pop!

Savi hissed, feeling the bite this time. He had changed from a predictable pattern, because this was one of the clothespins he'd attached under her arm. Anger boiled up inside her.
No!
She would not give in to that emotion, knowing it would only lead to a beating. It always did. She took several deep breaths and suppressed her anger, hoping this session would end soon. She couldn't reveal those darker memories. Beads of sweat sprang up along her hairline.

Thwack!

The whip struck again, only this time the tail thudded against her right hip. A half-second later, she felt a stinging pain blooming in her left butt cheek where the tip of the whip had struck her skin. "Ow!" There weren't even any pins there!

"You didn't give up a memory fast enough with that last one. There are consequences to keeping those memories inside, Savita—and I'm not talking about the sting of the whip on your hot little ass, either. Don't hesitate the next time."

She watched him draw the whip back and let it sail toward her. Think!

Pop!

Another pin, this one near her left breast, was released, stinging more than the one on the other side had earlier. He was right. The longer the clothespins remained, the more pain she would feel. Hurry. Think.

Filthy whore.

No!

You wanted it!

Nooo! I didn't!

Pop!

The raw emotion made her throat burn, closing off her words, but she fought to get them out. "Maman left me alone with him. She didn't want me anymore." While she'd revealed to Damián earlier that her mother had left her, she hadn't shared her feelings of rejection.

She tried not to think about that time in her life. The one person she should have been able to trust above all others—her mother—had walked away without a backward glance. No goodbye. No communication to explain why she'd left. The feeling of abandonment remained with Savi to this day.

Pop!

Damián continued to pick off the pins in random order. He removed two more pins as she fought to regain control quickly in between and spoke of lesser hurts from the past. She needed to pull back from those more horrific memories no one could discover--those memories that hurt as badly after she spoke them as they had before the pin was removed. This wasn't going to work at all.

Savi lost her train of thought, but she must have babbled something as the next pin was removed. Her attempts to suppress the darkest memories became harder and harder. The lesser memories would no longer come to the surface at her command, obliterated by the ones she didn't want to speak.

Thwack!

The whip thudded against her left hip, snaking across her ass and the tip bit her mons. She opened her eyes and realized he'd stepped closer. The wrapping of the whip around her just made it sting all the more when the tip struck. Moisture wet her cheeks, whether from sweat or tears, she didn't know.

Savannah, stop being such a cry baby. It's very distracting.

A sob tore from her throat before she could stop it. "You're hurting me, Father! Get off me!" She struggled with her bonds, but couldn't push her father off her.

"Savi, where are you?"

"My b-b-bed."

"Savi, this is Damián. Tell me where you are."

Firm, gentle hands stroked up and down her sides and a warm body pressed against her backside. Not Father. Damián—and he wasn't on top of her at all. The sound of Damián's voice and the touch of his hands pulled her back to him.

She took a deep, cleansing breath and exhaled the negativity from the flashback. "I'm with you, Sir. In your club."

"That's my girl.

From the stroke of his hands, she knew the clothespins were gone from her sides. He soothed the skin where she'd been pinched by the ones he'd removed. All that were left were the ones he hadn't removed yet from the undersides of her arms. His hands brushed against them, making the flesh burn and bringing her even more into the moment.

"I feel that. It hurts."

"Good."

He came to stand in front of her again. He wiped the tears—yes, they were tears—away from her cheeks. "I'm so proud of you, Savita."

Damián was proud of her. Her chest swelled with his praise.

He kissed her cheek. "Ready to continue?"

She nodded.

"Answer verbally. Remember, I might not see the nod of your head."

"Yes, Sir. I'm ready."

"What's your safeword?"

"Tamale, Sir."

He pressed a kiss against the side of her neck, then stepped back to where he had delivered the last blow. With the heat of his body gone, her nipples grew erect. She felt that, too, and willed her body not to respond to him in a sexual way.

Pop!

The sting of the pin being removed from the underside of her right arm stung, but not as badly as his gaze on her erect nipples. He could see her body's blatant sexual response.

Dirty slut.

Thwack!

The tip of the whip came down again on her butt cheek and she jerked against the chains that held her tight. She needed to give up another memory.

"I'm a filthy whore!" Oh, God, no! It was too late to call back the words once they'd been spoken. She hadn't meant to reveal those things to him, but they had been at the forefront of her mind. Damián wouldn't want to touch her now that he knew what she was. A sob tore from her throat. She didn't want the whip to strike her skin again. That hurt much worse than removing the pins.

Then she realized she had felt the pain. She wasn't numb any longer!

Pop!

The pin pinching the underside of her right arm was removed and pain shot through her body as if the whip had lashed her skin again.

"Lyle chained me to my father's desk, face down."

Pop!

"My father pressed his weight on my back. I couldn't move. I couldn't get away. I couldn't breathe. Oh, God, no!"

Burning. Intense, searing pain.

Wracking sobs tore from her throat as she screamed, "Tamale! No more! Stop!"

"Shhh. I have you, Savita."

She felt the heat from Damián's body. In quick succession, he removed the last two pins and she screamed at the pain as his hands rubbed the sore spots. "I'm just helping to get the blood back to those spots. It'll help the pain recede faster."

She'd almost made it. Only two more to go. She'd failed him.

"I'm sorry, Sir." She gasped for a breath on another sob.

"I'm so proud of you for allowing yourself to feel something again, Savi. I can tell you felt the sting of some of those—and you released some of those pent-up memories."