Never Without Hope (Sacred Vows Book 1) (28 page)

My eyes followed his movement as he stood.  I soaked in the vision of his muscled legs under his dress pants. Either James had lost a few pounds, or he
’d been working out. Regardless, I loved what I saw and wanted to say something to him, but refrained.

Nibbling on my lip to keep from grinning like a silly schoolgirl, I reached for his arm. We walked to the truck
, and he opened my door. I climbed inside and he patted me on the behind before I had a chance to sit. The fact that he felt comfortable expressing affection with a friendly, yet intimate touch encouraged me greatly.

As I adjusted my seatbelt and pull
ed my hair loose from my jacket, I noted a peculiar expression on my husband’s face. A naughty one.

He reached for my hair and rubbed the silky strands between his fingers.
“I just love touching your hair.”

Sighing as I absorbed his soft, husky words, I closed my eyes and allowed him to touch my hair, wishing I could feel it like I would if he touched my skin, but enjoying it just the same. I
’d take what I could get. After all, James hadn’t done anything this sweet since Jimmy joined our family. At the time, we couldn’t do much more than kiss. Because my body needed to heal from childbirth, he had to get more creative with his affection.

“
I love you.” he whispered, then touched my cheek.

Opening my eyes, I took in the warm, inviting expression on his face. For once I didn
’t cry at the sound of those precious words. “I love you, too.”

James lowered his lips to mine, and though he didn
’t linger, I thought I’d die from the joy flooding my soul. His kiss contained strength and desire. And I’d needed hope—to know he still longed for me, too. I nodded at the bags on my lap. “Thank you—for everything.”

James nodded, a sly grin forming on his lips, like he was pleased with himself.

My lips tingled as he started the engine and backed out of the parking space. He pulled on to the main road. I wondered whether he planned to come inside our home, or if he would wait for me in the truck, and I obsessed about it the entire drive.

What would I do if he came inside? He hadn
’t stepped foot in our house since the night of his arrest. Would he resent the memories of that night, or had he truly forgiven me like he’d said? The agony of not knowing was making me crazy.

Finally, I prayed for the Lord to quiet my mind,
Your will be done, Lord.

Chapter 32

My heart pounded as I walked toward the front door. James followed me, carrying the gift bags. He’d promised to not peek, so I let him help me.

I was afraid to say anything about him coming inside, because technically it was still his house. He paid the mortgage. Who was I to challenge his right to enter his own home?

He surprised me at the door when he touched my arm. “Mind if I come in, Hope? If you do, then I’ll just wait out here until you’re ready to go.”

My hands trembled just enough to make sliding the key into the lock challenging. I hesitated, not sure what I wanted, yet knowing what I wanted at the same time. But would this be a good time or not? Unable to decide, I bounced the decision back to him.
“What do you want?”

“
You,” he whispered.

Not sure I
’d heard him correctly, I asked, “What?”

“
I want to come inside.” He shifted his feet. “Unless you don’t want that.”

Wondering if he spoke in code, I answered him, a bit breathless when I thought about what could happen.
“No, it’s okay. Maybe you can make…lunch…while I change.”

“
Works for me.” He offered a devastatingly handsome smile.

My pulse tripped. I forced my attention back on the door before it became too obvious what I had on my mind. The key slipped inside and I turned the lock.
“There.”

Opening the door, I stepped to the side as James entered with the bags. I closed the door behind him and checked the clock on the wall.

A little over two hours until we had to be in court. There was a lot we could do in two hours, I thought wryly as I followed him into our bedroom.

I peered at James as he set the bags down and wondered what went through his mind.

Stuffing his hands in the front pockets of his dress slacks, he said, “You go ahead and change. I’ll whip up some grub for us.”

“
All right.”

The moment my husband left the room I started peeling through the closets. I snatched up a tiny pair of shears and snipped off the tags as I admired each item.

Stepping out of my current underwear, I paused, then wadded them up and tossed them into the bathroom trash along with my worn-out bra. Scanning my underclothes drawer, I yanked out numerous items that were either faded, stretched out, or slightly torn. I even pulled out the lone bra and underwear set that I usually wore when I met Tony. I threw them away even though they were still in good shape. I needed to cut all ties to the affair, and I figured tossing those was the perfect place to start.

Once I finished that task, I tried on some of my new items and examined myself in the mirror. The few pounds I
’d lost made a big difference in how good I looked in my new boy shorts. And I liked that. A lot.

I
’d always wanted to try out that style and see how well they fit, but never got around to it. With a grin, I acknowledged that James would find them incredibly sexy.

Touching up my makeup in the mirror, I sighed. But no matter how sexy I looked, until James was ready to be intimate with me, none of that mattered. I didn
’t want to manipulate him in any way, so I reached for my new blouse, slipped it on, and buttoned up the front.

“
Hope, are you ready to—” his strong voice weakened and he sounded a bit breathless as he scanned my bare legs “eat…now?”

His hungry eyes told me he had a whole different idea in mind. Though I loved watching him devour me with his gaze, I didn
’t want to rush things, so I reached for my trendy stretch jeans.

“
Don’t.” His eyes fixed on me, he stepped inside our bedroom. “Let me look at you.”

Goose bumps pricked my arms as I let him roam over me with his gaze. Stepping closer, he touched the top of my shirt and worked on the first button.

Parts of me throbbed with delight at the thought of what he was about to do. My eyes lowered and I watched his hand work every button until he arrived at the last one.

He gently removed my blouse and admired my new black lace bra and boy shorts that his money had purchased less than an hour ago.

My body tensed, but it was a pleasurable feeling and I relished it. His hands dropped to his sides as he took every inch of me in. I couldn’t help noticing that his pants seemed stretched to the limit right by his zipper. My mind reeled with the implications, and my breathing deepened as every sensory neuron I possessed clicked on.

Now on full alert, my body cried for more as James and I gazed at each other.
“I’ve missed you, Hope. Is this…is it too soon for you?”

I couldn
’t talk. I could barely breathe. So I slowly moved my head side to side.

His shoulders relaxed and he pulled me into his arms. The scent of his skin,
the heat of his touch, and the sensation of his hard body pressing against me combined until my emotion spilled over. I couldn’t contain my joy.

My husband wanted me. His desire for me had returned, and if his physical response was any indication, we
’d be making love very soon. And I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside me and have our bodies and souls unite in the mystical, holy union of marriage.

His lips grazed my neck and traveled up my face until he pulled me deeper into the moment with his heady kisses. We eased on to the foot of our bed. His tongue explored my mouth as gently as a whisper, but with enough heat to set our house on fire.

I moaned as he gently nudged me until I laid flat on my back. Every part of me wept with relief. I was ready for whatever he had to give me.

James stood and unbuttoned his shirt, then removed it before he unzipped his pants. I couldn
’t help staring as he removed his last piece of clothing. I took in his delicious build and marveled as the one part of his body that had failed to respond to me perked up, ready for whatever came next. The sight enthralled me.

My husband glanced down to acknowledge what I
’d noticed, and the look of pride in his eyes told me he was relieved and thrilled that his abilities were back. I sighed and slid my gaze higher until our eyes locked on each other. Even though my husband worried about the slightly thinning hair on top of his head, he was still the sexiest man I’d ever known. The only man I’d ever truly loved.

Sure, Tony had bedroom eyes and a hot accent, but they were nothing in comparison to my husband
’s attentions, because I knew my husband adored me with his whole heart. He was committed to me and to our marriage. Real love was what made the difference, because attraction could only go so far.

I mentally berated myself for letting thoughts of Tony enter my mind at such an intimate moment as I watched James ease onto the bed beside me. He lifted his free hand and teased the skin around my navel because he knew that drove me crazy. I scooted a little closer and rested my head on my hand as I propped myself up and faced him.

The look in his eyes made my heart race. He reached for my lips and ran his finger over them. “You’re so beautiful.”

My mouth twitched with a grin.
“You’re pretty hot, too.”

He trailed his finger down my arm and adjusted himself so he was close enough to unclip my bra. Then he did so as he pressed his warm lips against my neck. I melted against him as he kissed and explored every inch of me until I nearly climaxed from the experience.

When he finally entered me, I literally wept from the pleasure it brought to my soul. I cried as my heart overflowed with love for him. Then I sobbed as I reached both a physical and emotional crest more intense than anything I’d ever experienced before.

James shuddered
and then mumbled something about finally making love to his wife, like he couldn’t believe he’d done it, yet he had.

Moments later he relaxed as he held me in his arms.

The tears streaming down my face came from an overjoyed outpouring of my heart as I clung to my husband and felt a spiritual and emotional union with him that was so intense that it had to be ordained by God. Making love had never been such a spiritual experience for me before. Not to mention a physical and emotional tidal wave crashing over me.

I smiled contentedly as a deep satisfaction washed over me from having been so thoroughly loved.

James must’ve felt my hot tears because he nudged me back until he could see into my eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long...but I couldn’t. But oh how I wanted to.”

His voice lowered until I could barely hear him.
“I’m so…happy right now.”

My throat tightened with emotion and I rasped,
“Me, too.”

“
I can’t ever lose you, Hope. I’d rather die.” His eyes shone with unshed tears.

“
I believe you.” My chin trembled.

He leaned closer and kissed it, then closed his mouth over mine.

The sound of my stomach growling startled us both.

“
Hungry, Babe?” He offered an intense look, so I knew his question held a double meaning.

With a shy grin, I whispered,
“not anymore.”

My answer
couldn’t have pleased James more because he leapt from the bed and scooped me into his arms as if to carry me over the threshold again. I giggled. Neither of us wore a stitch of clothing.

Since Jimmy wouldn
’t arrive home from school for at least three more hours, we had nothing to fear but running out of time. I glanced at the clock.

We had to be in court in less than an hour.

I smiled. James had made love to me for a good thirty minutes after foreplay. It had seemed like an eternity at the time, but now I was truly impressed because I couldn’t recall James everlasting that long before. If today’s performance were any indication, we’d have some amazing days ahead of us.

James placed me on a chair at the table, leaned down, and kissed my breast.
“We don’t have time to get dressed,” he muttered, knowing full well that wasn’t true.

While
we were short on time, I know he just wanted us to eat in the buff. We hadn’t done anything that crazy since our honeymoon.

In so many ways our time together felt like starting over, and I relished every minute, marveling at how much things in our marriage had changed for the better. Truly God made all things beautiful in His time. And I sensed the time for James to come back home was upon us.

“I want you back.” I spoke with all the sincerity I could muster as he arranged chips on my plate—while still completely naked—with decorative precision.

James paused and turned to face me, plate in hand. He wore a wry grin.
“I kind of figured that.”

“
I mean like I want you back home. Today.” Blinking back tears of joy at the satisfied grin that covered his face, I stood and walked toward him.

James set my plate down, wrapped his arms around me, and drew me close.
“I’d like that, too.”

I lingered naked in my husband
’s arms, until I could get a grip on my emotions.

Peering around his shoulder, I spotted my plate on the counter and laughed at the sight. James had taken the chips and arranged them into the shape of a heart. Such a small gesture, but so thoughtful that it made me want to squeeze him tight.

Never again.

With God
’s help I’d never hurt my husband again.

Somehow as I thought the words through, I knew this time they were possible. Not just because my husband had met my physical needs, but because deep in my heart I knew that God wanted to richly bless my life.

And He wanted to include my husband in that plan.