Never Without Hope (Sacred Vows Book 1) (27 page)

Maybe a bit of ice cream would give me the boost I needed to get back on track. I imagined plunging a spoon into a pint of caramel nut ice cream and letting the confection melt on my tongue as I sat in front of the computer. Yeah, that
’s what I needed.

Detouring to the supermarket on the drive back home, I became so fixated on getting the ice cream that I didn
’t look around me, or I would’ve seen Tony’s wife’s car in the parking lot.

Chapter 30

As I turned the corner and headed for the ice cream freezer, I came face to face with Tony, his wife, and his son, whom he held in his arms.

At first Tony
’s eyes grew wide, but he recovered quickly. He waved his hand at me as if to shoo away a pesky fly. “See what I told you? She follows me. I cannot get away from the woman.”

Shocked, I couldn
’t move. Why would he tell her something like that? Unless he was trying to play the victim to win his wife back.  He must be a desperate man to make up such a scheme that was obviously not true.

“
Stop harassing my husband, you witch!” Tony’s wife approached me with her hand raised. Her face held such loathing I worried she’d hit me in the store.

Instinctively, I stepped back and nearly stumbled into a display.
“What? What are you talking about?”

Their baby started wailing. Tony shifted his son on his hip. The screeching sound of his mother
’s voice had apparently upset him.

She pointed her finger at me and hissed,
“He’s told me all about your calls, your making him lose his job by stopping by his work. And to think I started to believe you when you said you were sorry. And all the while you were…Oooh! You’re fatal attraction! I’m gonna sue you and make you pay for this you—”

Without waiting for her to finish, I mentally blocked out her voice, turned my back on them both, and ran from the store. Forget the ice cream! I had to get away
…as far from them as possible. My heart raced as survival instinct kicked in. The woman at the checkout counter watched me leave, a worried look on her face as she reached for a phone. But I didn’t care. I just needed to get out of there so I could breathe!

Frightened, I whipped the door of my SUV open, tossed my purse on the seat, hopped inside, and cranked the engine.

How had this happened? I thought they’d left town. And for him to tell her such lies about me was beyond scary. What if my husband believed them?

I groaned. I cried. I moaned deep within my spirit and prayed with words I didn
’t understand, but God knew my heart. He knew my cry for help.

Tears streaming down my face, I drove home still praying.
“Lord, help me to get through this. I need Your strength Lord. Just when I think it’s over something like this happens. Haven’t I suffered enough for my sin?”

I cried and yelled at God
, and when I finished, I sensed a calmness in my spirit. As if God was pleased that I’d talked to him truthfully about my frustrations and pain. While it didn’t solve my immediate problem, at least I knew God was with me through it all.

“
Thank you, Lord. I’m leaning on You. Please hold me up.”

My house loomed in the distance. I thanked God for answering my prayers even before I knew what His answer would be, and I parked in our driveway. Like a zombie I
entered our home and dove on our bed. Mentally and emotionally exhausted, I closed my eyes and prayed. I could catch up on my paperwork later. Right now I was tired. So tired.

I woke to the sound of pounding on my back door. Glancing at the clock, I noticed I
’d slept for three solid hours. Jimmy should be getting home from school any minute. Maybe he’d forgotten his key, and I’d locked the door in haste.

Sliding to the floor, I approached the back door. More insistent pounding told me that Jimmy was not the person doing the knocking. I peered through the peephole. A man in a white shirt waited for me to answer. He looked official.

Opening the door a mere two inches, I asked, “Can I help you?”

“
Mrs. Williams?” he asked?

“
Yes. How can I help you?”

“
You’ve just been served.” He slid the envelope toward my hand until I grasped it, then turned and walked toward a government vehicle.

Glancing closer, I noted the man
’s car door bore the County Constable insignia.

I
’d been served?

I closed
the door and glanced at the envelope in my hand. By who? James? Was he asking for a divorce after all?

My hands shaking, I stepped away from the door and opened the envelope. What I saw ripped the air from my lungs. Tony and his wife were suing me for harassment and requested a hearing to get a restraining order against me.

Groaning, I realized that meant I’d have to face them in court. I didn’t want to see them again, let alone talk to them or get a judge involved in my business. But if I didn’t show up I could get an injunction against me. I also didn’t want to be assumed guilty because I failed to show up and defend myself.

The door opened. I glanced up as Jimmy walked inside.
“Who was that?”

My mouth opened, but the words wouldn
’t come.

“
Are you in trouble, Mom?” Jimmy set his backpack down and watched me expectantly.

“
I don’t know. I have to go to court to defend myself. This is simply not true.”

“
What’s not true?”

“
That man…I was seeing…he and his wife are taking me to court.” It sounded horrible to my ears to be telling my son about my problem, but he’d asked and I wasn’t going to lie to him.

“
What for?” Jimmy touched my arm.

“
They said I’m harassing them.” I folded the papers and returned them to the envelope. Anger rose within me as I considered that in fact they were harassing me, and not the other way around. I just wanted to forget about what happened, but Tony’s wife seemed determined to drag my name through the mud.

“
That’s nuts, Mom. You’re not harassing anybody.”

“
Doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “I still have to go to court, even if it’s only to tell them it’s all a lie. I have to make this go away. I don’t need a blemish on my record.”

“
Don’t worry, Mom. God knows it’s not true. He’ll help the judge see that.”

Jimmy offered me a hug. Such childlike faith my son had. Maybe that
’s all I needed. The simple faith children possessed that God loved so much. That full trust in Him. Determined to not rely on my own strength this time, I agreed with my son.

“
Yes, God will be my defender. You’re right. I’m not going to worry about this.”

“
Good. Now what’s for dinner?”

Glancing at the phone on the wall, I chuckled because I knew what his answer would be before I asked.
“How does pizza sound?”

*****

Later that night, James called to pray with me before bed, just like he promised he would. “Hey, Hope.”

“
Hi.”

His soft laugh grabbed my attention.
“You don’t have to sound so happy to hear from me.”

A wry grin pulled at my mouth at his humor, even though nothing about my situation was funny.
“It’s not you.”

His voice grew serious.
“Then what is it?”

“
I got served…papers. I have to go to court.”

“
Served? Who? What?”

“
Tony and his wife are bringing me to court. I’m charged with harassment.”

“
That’s ridiculous…or…is it true, Hope?”

I blinked several times.
“No. I didn’t mean to run into them at the store. I just went to get some ice cream. Then he came up with this cockamamie story that I’d been following him around. She even called me fatal attraction!”

“
Wow. So when is it?”

“
What?” My throat constricted. I still couldn’t believe Tony was doing this to me.

“
The hearing. When is it?”

“
Next Thursday at three. Downtown.”

My husband exhaled into the phone.
“I’ll go with you.”

I hadn
’t considered that. “You’ll what?”

“
I’ll go with you. Lend you support. I don’t want you facing them alone.”

That made sense, but it frightened me to think that Tony and my husband would be in the same room together. What would they do to each other?
“Are you sure you can handle it?”

“
I’m going to have to. Don’t worry. I feel God speaking to my heart about this. He’ll give me the strength I’ll need to keep from going off on that man.”

“
O…kay. Um. Sure. I’ll meet you at the courthouse then.”

“
Are we still meeting next week for counseling?” My husband’s voice sounded strong. Maybe he could handle it better than I thought.

“
Yes. I wouldn’t miss that for the world. I need it.” Suddenly very weary, I yawned.

James laughed.
“Great. Let me pray for you before you nod off on me.”

As my husband led prayer
, my mind wandered. How would I face Tony again? I didn’t want to see him. I wanted to forget I’d ever known him.

Inside I felt a nudge.
This is needed for your healing. Trust Me.

What else could I do, but trust God?
“Yes, Lord.” I whispered at the end of my husband’s prayer. And I’d meant it.
Amen. Let it be so
.

“
Hey, Sweetheart, are you still with me?” My husband’s voice grew husky. I loved it when he used terms of endearment with me.

“
Yeah, I’m here.”

“
Good. I want to kiss you over the phone. Are you ready?”

My heart swelled. My husband used to blow me kisses over the phone when we
’d first dated. It was like going back in time and starting all over again.

“
Sure.” I giggled. I couldn’t contain it.

A breathy, airy smack touched me over the airwaves.
“I love you, Babe.”

Unable to contain the emotion in my voice, I responded thickly.
“I love you, too.”

Maybe the next time I saw my husband, he
’d kiss me for real. For now, I’d take whatever he offered. That had to be enough.

Chapter 31

Over the next week I talked with James on the phone every night before bed. He led the prayer and I added my own as well. We still hadn’t kissed. Our last therapy session had been so emotional that it wouldn’t have felt right anyway. Not after James had confessed that he still struggled with the image of me in bed with Tony. At least he was being honest, but it hurt just the same.

Maybe we still had some loose ends to tie up before we could make that leap. Neither of us were ready. Not yet. And we both knew it.

Of course, it probably had a lot to do with my upcoming court date. Tomorrow would undoubtedly be the scariest day of my life. My husband and my former lover would come face to face, and it terrified me every time I pictured it in my mind.

In fact, several times over the past week I
’d woken up sweating as I imagined the worst case scenario. James had a temper. I feared that he’d rip Tony apart and get arrested in the courtroom. I just couldn’t shake the image of the bailiff hauling my husband away in handcuffs.

The phone rang. I checked caller ID.
James
.

“
Hi.” I swallowed hard, my eyes still wet from crying when I’d thought about losing James all over again. I considered telling him not to come.

“
What’s wrong? You sound like you’ve been crying.”

I decided to tell him the gut-wrenching truth about my fears.
“I’m worried, James. I know how angry you can get. I don’t want you to get in a fight with Tony at the courthouse. Maybe you shouldn’t go with me.”

“
What? I’m not letting you face that vulture alone.”

“
See what I mean? You hate him, don’t you? You hate me for doing this to you.” Tears burst forth and I sobbed, praying I was wrong, but fearing I was right.

After a long pause, my husband caressed me with his tender voice.
“Oh, honey, I don’t hate you. I hate what the enemy did to our family, but I could never hate you. I don’t even hate him. I’m disgusted with him and the head games he and his wife are playing with you, but you don’t need to worry about me losing control.”

“
I don’t?”

“
Nope. I’m all prayed up. I have a peace about this. If I keep praying and force the enemy’s thoughts from my head, I’ll make it through just fine. Then it’ll be over, and we can move on with our lives.”

He had peace? Was prayed up? Wow, God really was doing a miracle in my husband
’s heart. I don’t recall him ever being that solid in his faith before. I guess when you got kicked down and then hit an all time low like James and I had, about all you could do was look up.

And I sure hoped he was right about his self-control. I yearned for that kind
of strength. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”

“
I’m taking the whole day off tomorrow. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyway, and I’d rather drive with you to court than just meet you there. That would make me feel a whole lot better. I don’t want you stuck alone with those people if they arrived first and for some reason I ended up getting there late.”

“
You sure?”

“
Most definitely. First I’d like to take you to breakfast, then maybe we could go shopping and get you a nice outfit you can wear to court in the afternoon. Sound good?”

“
Sure. But why new clothes?”

“
I want you to look and feel your best. It’ll help boost your confidence.”

That made sense.
“I can use all the help I can get. Thanks for thinking of me.”

His voice sounded husky.
“I think about you all the time. I miss you.”

“
I miss you, too.” Tears started flooding my eyes afresh.

“
How’s our son?”

“
He’s doing better than expected. He just got his final grades for the first quarter, and they’re all A’s. Impressive, huh?” I chuckled, delighted that our son had done so well in school despite the drama in our family.

“
Yeah, he takes after his smart mother.”

Before I could stop myself, I snorted,
“Yeah, right. I used to think I was smart, but obviously I’m not because ever since—”

“
Do we have to go there again? I’m getting tired of you always going back to that subject. Can’t we just talk about something else? Please?”

Not sure how I felt about being corrected, I muttered,
“Uh, sure.”

Silence reigned.

I swallowed hard, not sure what to say next.

James must
’ve felt the same way because he ended the call. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“
Okay.” I hung up before he could hear me crying again.

Why did I have to shove my foot so deep into my mouth by talking about the affair every time we spoke? Must be I still felt insecure about our relationship, like I was just waiting to be rejected. Or maybe I tested his commitment to our relationship.

But what if court ended up being a disaster and James decided to break things off? Worse, what if the truth hit him hard and he turned on me?

I could only pray that the Lord would protect his heart and reassure him that I would never do something like that again. It wasn
’t worth the risk or the pain. Yeah, the sex with Tony had been great, but James had assured me sex was no longer an issue for him. Even if it continued to be a problem, as long as he didn’t reject me in our marriage bed, I’d be committed to our marriage.

Purge that thought.

I had to be committed anyway—for better or for worse—if this was going to work out between us. I just needed to keep the communication open and not give up or turn to someone else when things seemed out of hand. And I committed to pray, to reach out to the Lord, cry to Him when I hurt, and let Him hold me in my grief.

No more pushing away the Lord when things got difficult.

Closing my eyes, I smiled even as a wayward tear rolled down my cheek. My heart melted when I pondered how much I wanted to find out if what James had said about his abilities was true. I longed to know my husband in the Biblical sense—and soon.

But I had to make myself be patient and give us time to heal. If waiting would solidify our bond, then I would defer my heart
’s desire as long as possible. At least until God gave me the go-ahead. James would have to initiate things. Not me.

*****

The next morning I awoke and saw Jimmy off to school. He had returned to being a kid again, so while he rattled on about the field trip his class was going on that afternoon between shoveling spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth, I listened and thanked God that my child had moved on. Or at least it appeared that way.

I prayed my assessment was right because I needed to know that he was recovering from the trauma of his father
’s absence. Then I could focus better on getting the court hearing over with and moving forward. I had to stop looking back.

My cell phone rang. James called
and said he was waiting for me outside.

Bundling my coat against my neck to ward off the morning chill in the air, I locked the house and approached my husband
’s truck. “Hey.”

James scanned the length of me and grinned.
“Hey, beautiful.”

My heart did a little flip at the glimmer in his eyes. The rest of me started to respond, so I closed my eyes for a moment and blew out a long breath. I needed to block the invading thoughts and desire for James before they made me crazy.

Funny thing was even though my mind tried to suppress my body’s response, I didn’t do so well. Wasn’t there a Scripture from Genesis where God said to Eve that a woman’s desire would be for her husband, yet he would rule over her?

A wry grin tugged at my mouth as I climbed in the truck and considered how I
’d love it if James took control right now and whisked me away to a private place where we could enjoy each other. I peered at his handsome face from the corner of my eye and stifled a giggle.

“
What’re you grinnin’ about?” James reached for my hand, grabbing it the moment I clipped my seatbelt. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze.

Through bubbling laughter, I replied,
“You. Me. ‘Nuff said.”

The wicked gleam in his eye told me he caught my meaning and liked it. A lot.

“Well, that’ll make this even more fun then.” Lifting my hand to his mouth, he kissed it tenderly, just like the gallant men in historical romance novels did when they wanted to impress a lady. It must be working, because I was thoroughly impressed.

Trying to offer a concerned look, but failing miserably, I asked,
“What did you have in mind, mister? I get the feeling you’ve planned something evil.”

He winked, then released my hand and started the engine.
“You know me well. But I wouldn’t call my plans evil. A bit wicked maybe, but not evil.”

My mind raced with the possibilities. I liked what my thoughts concocted, but had no idea what he had planned as I followed him into my favorite department store. One that I rarely shopped due to the above-average prices. But oh, what eye candy. What a treat to just be there and browse around. And with my husband!

Gazing in awe at the extensive display of women’s lingerie, I paused in front of several garments that I’d always dreamed of owning, but could never afford.

My husband slipped behind me and put his arm around my waist. His warm breath tickled my ear and sent a shiver zipping through my spine as he whispered heatedly.
“I want you to buy as much as you want.”

Was he serious? Expand my wardrobe in lingerie? Since we
'd married, other than the sheer black baby-doll James loved, I’d purchased only two staple nighties, which thankfully still fit me even though they were a bit worn. I usually wore my husband's old T-shirts to bed. And my bras and panties were also fading and stretched out. What I wouldn’t do to pitch the whole lot of them and start fresh.

James stuffed some bills in my hand. Peering down, I spread the bills like a fan and gaped.
“Five hundred bucks?”

“
You’re worth it.” He winked and moved closer to the intimate apparel aisle.

“
But how can we afford—”

“
I had it tucked away. Between our savings and what I’ve saved in beer money I think this should cover it. Am I right?”

“
Yeah, but you don’t have to do this…” But I was so glad he did. I had a silk fetish and loved the feel of satin and silk against my skin. And no one knew that better than James.

“
But I want to, Hope. I want our time to be special when we…you know…”

My cheeks heated
, and I marveled that my husband could still make me blush. “Okay, if you insist.”

He laughed. Probably because he knew it wouldn
’t take much to get me to buckle and shop. But I felt funny having him see my purchases ahead of time. “Do you mind going to the tool department while I blow this cash? I want to surprise you later.”

“
No problem.” Like most men, James could only tolerate being around headless mannequins wearing hottie nighties for mere minutes before he’d go lose himself in a crowd. I remembered the days when we were newly married with fondness. James would cringe whenever I headed toward this section of any department store. Then he’d duck his head if he saw anyone he knew and try to drag me out the door before they saw us.

My, how times had changed.

Running my fingers over the costly lingerie, I hunted for my size until I’d accumulated seven new sets of underwear, all sexy, some virtually transparent, and all in different colors. I picked out a few boy shorts to add to my bundle, then purchased a few items in the intimate apparel section.

When I completed my purchases
, I still had seventy bucks left. I found a gorgeous blouse and trendy pair of jeans and brought them to the counter. The clerk handed me less than a dollar in change. James had told me to spend it, so he couldn’t fault me on that. Besides, this might be my last chance to splurge.

My husband
’s normally thrifty nature didn’t allow for many outings with this level of extravagance. And believe me, I felt the love that he’d intended to show. When my husband parted with money for what he normally considered frivolous things, that really meant something.

Beaming as I clutched my shopping bags, I kissed my husband
’s cheek, startling him when I approached him from the side. He’d had his pocket Bible open and was so engrossed in the pages that he hadn’t sensed me near him.

“
What are you reading?”

“
The Psalms. I love the encouraging words.” He closed the little Bible and slid it in his back pocket.