My Love Forgive (12 page)

This is going to require much time and much more thought.

I hung her clothes up on the padded satin hangers I’d bought for her use before placing them in my closet. I spared Risa a glance while making my way to the armchair. She watched me, eyes wary and body tensed to leave at my whim.

She thinks I’m going to tire of her. She couldn’t be any more mistaken. How can I reassure her though? I never learned those words before. All I can do is show her through my actions.

“Come here, Risa.”

She slid off the bed and walked over to stand between my legs.

“Yes, Damian?”

I patted my thigh once. Risa climbed onto my lap with a relieved sigh. She twined her arms around my neck and rubbed her warm cheek against my shoulder. The difference between my completely dressed state and her nearly undressed one didn’t bother her at all because she preferred it.

“What would you like to eat tonight, little girl?”

“I don’t care.”

“Is that an answer?”

“It can be.”

I jostled her on my leg. “Answer me properly.”

Risa buried her face deeper. “Chicken.”

“Yes?”

“Fried chicken with fries from KFC.”

“Chocolate chip cookies from the bakery?”

She nodded.

I dropped a kiss on the top of her dark head. The question slipped out before I could analyze its need to exist at that particular moment. “Why are you so scared of me?”

“I’m not.” Risa pulled back and hopped off my lap. I let her go to see what else she would do. “I’m not really hungry for food right now, Damian.” She stripped off her black bra and matching panties. “I’d rather have you.”

I stood up. I grabbed the back of her neck with one large hand and squeezed. Ignoring her startled cry, I pressed my lips against hers very, very softly.

I thought of taking what she was offering. I imagined tunneling my fingers deep inside her, twisting and stroking until she collapsed with beautiful pleasure. I thought of using the same hand to push her back onto the bed before ordering her to lick each finger clean. I even thought of doing it all over and over again until she begged me to stop.

I thought of it but couldn’t find the desire to do such a thing when it was obviously so wrong.

“Don’t use your body this way, Risa. It cheapens what we do.”

I guided her to the bed, hand still attached to her neck, before tucking Risa beneath the covers. “Take a nap while I go get the food.”

“But Damian—”

“Hush.”

I ignored the silent pleading even if I couldn’t ignore the rejection in her eyes.

It’s not what you think, Risa.

“I want you to sleep while I’m gone. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“You are to stay here in this bed until I come back. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“Answer me properly, Risa.”

“Yes, Damian.”

“Yes, Damian, what?”

“I’ll stay in this bed until you come back, Damian.”

“And you’re to do what?”

“Nap.”

“Why?”

“Because you said so.”

“And because I don’t want my sweet girl to be fussy and cranky tonight.” I brushed her forehead with my palm and dropped a small kiss onto her puckered lips. “I want you happy and that can’t happen if you’re too tired. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes,” she answered with an angelic sigh.

Turning off the lights, I made to leave the room when I heard the tiny sniffle followed by another. I walked back to the bed in two steps only to find Risa buried under the covers.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

I fought the violent urge to rip away the comforter. “You’re lying to me, Risa.”

“I’m not! I’m just…”

I waited for her to finish. When it became apparent she had no intention of elaborating, I inhaled, closed my eyes, and sought patience. Careful to keep my voice even and soft, I asked, “Risa? Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know!”

The terrible whine ended in a choked sob.

It hit me what had happened.

“I’m not rejecting you, Risa.”

Silence broken by the waves of her grief buffeted my ears. “Risa, did you hear me? I’m not rejecting you.” She shifted beneath the mound of crisply laundered cotton. I leaned down to catch her wet whisper.

“Yes, you are.”

“I don’t lie.” I rubbed the area covering her back. “Why don’t you believe me?” I exhaled in frustration when she wiggled away. “Risa, stop it.”

“No!”

It would set a dangerous precedent if I gave into her tantrum. Things were too new between us to lose discipline. I knew it yet the idea of Risa in this kind of pain crushed me. I regarded her for a moment before settling on my next move.

This is all I know how to do.

“Little girl, you are not getting a single cookie tonight.”

Risa paused long enough in her weeping to warble, “What?” before squeaking loudly.

I tore away the blankets and hauled her over my knee. Risa’s lovely round bottom clenched in anticipation of my heavy hand.

I did not disappoint.

Letting up only when her flesh matched the angry red fog in my brain, I clasped her shoulders and flipped her onto the bed. Risa’s mouth whispered my name when I wrenched her legs apart.

This isn’t how I want to be with her tonight but I can’t help myself. I have no idea why this bothers me.

I deadened my conscience long enough to surrender to animal instinct. My fingers made quick work of belt, button, and zipper.

“Pull it out. Now!”

Risa’s hands scrambled to appease me. I noted her tear-stained cheeks and suffered a noxious mix of guilt, lust and something unidentifiable. Her pain, one directly inspired by me but not of me, needled me to respond viciously in kind.

“Make your pussy nice and wet for me.”

Risa rubbed the engorged head against her slit for several long minutes before angling her hips to let me sink into her.

“Now thank me for letting you feel good even when you’re being so bad.”

Masochistic relief replaced the bleak pain in her voice. “Thank you, Damian. Thank you so very much.”

“You’re welcome, you little bitch.”

I proceeded to slam into her. I fucked Risa, crudely and with little attempt at tenderness. Blind anger plucked my control, unraveling it until there was nothing left but the urge to hurt her.

I didn’t turn my life upside down just for you to behave like this.

Oblivious to my rage or why, Risa grabbed me tightly about my waist and buried her face against my neck. Her chants of “Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” along with her raucous laugh of bliss as she came made my stomach clench in ravenous need.

I buried my face into a pillow when I finished, teeth gritted and lips pressed against letting even the smallest whimper out. The customary euphoria of orgasm held a new unwelcome dirtiness.

I hated it.

Risa moaned my name while pressing tiny kisses all along my uncovered neck. “You don’t know how much I needed that. Thank you.”

Her chatter infuriated me for the first time.

I pulled away, needing to put distance between us. I inspected my clothes before deciding they were too soiled to be seen out in public. Risa’s prattle of, “I think I can take a nap now,” and “I can’t wait for dinner,” piled on top of my dirty clothes threatened to break my silence in a very nasty way.

How can you be this blind, Risa?

Tingling began in my fingers and toes, spreading up my limbs, and creating the bizarre sensation of not having control over my body. I blinked several times, fighting a strange weakness that made it hard to concentrate on anything beyond the feelings invading my body.

Am I getting sick?

I watched her climb under the covers and snuggle her way into a comfortable nest. Risa closed her eyes, cutting me off as succinctly as she did when she smiled.

How can you act like you just didn’t manipulate me into doing something I didn’t want to do?

I stalked into the closet. My fingers itched to rip off my clothes and throw them to the ground. Of course, I did no such thing. Instead, I methodically removed my shoes, retying the laces before placing them in their assigned position on the wooden shoe rack.

I took off the rest of my clothes in deliberate order. I hung up the shirt and pants in the designated part of my closet sectioned for the next dry-cleaning trip. I removed my underclothing and replaced them with a fresh undershirt, underwear, and socks. Once dressed in an identical outfit complimented by a charcoal tie, I picked out another pair of highly-polished shoes.

I found no comfort in my familiar routine. Chaos muddied my mind, making it difficult to dissect and identify why I was so enraged.

I gave into her. Why? Why was I so weak?

Just then it dawned on me.

My coiled aggression, giving into her, and the ensuing rage was all because of one thing—Risa had hurt me. Her inability to see what her distrust of me was creating, her silence, and her falsity drilled a huge core of hurt inside of me.

My sweet little girl had crushed me completely.

How could I make her see what I felt for her?

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so eager to kiss him after everything he’d put me through. It didn’t matter to me though. I always wanted Damian, from the first moment I met him and the chain on my ankle did nothing to diminish that.

My mouth devoured his. I couldn’t get enough of him. The taste of Damian shot through me like vodka.

Cold. Hot.

With one swipe of his fingers, he shut off the water. He then anchored me firmly to him with his hand in my hair. I moaned my need for him as I rocked my hips hard against his. “I need you, Damian. I need you inside me.”

My harshly whispered words got me what I wanted.

He stood up, shifting us until he sat on the tub’s edge with me opened widely over his lap. Our hands roved over the other with fevered need. My lips tore away from Damian’s to kiss and nip the skin of his throat. I rubbed my cheek against the stubble, aroused to see him in rare dishabille. Damian was always so exacting about his appearance, so careful to be perfectly shaved at all times. Feeling the scrape against my skin was a rare delight.

Words failed us but our bodies did not.

I rolled my hips sensuously against his while Damian cupped my face in his strong hands. He took long, drugging kisses from my mouth until I thought I’d die of pleasure. Gorgeous flashes of the sun and moon imprinted me every time I opened my eyes.

It was exquisitely intimate, beautiful beyond description.

Soon we tumbled onto the marble floor, Damian taking the brunt of the fall as I landed on top of him. He smirked briefly, entrancing me as always as I searched his gaze, trying to discover what he was thinking to make him smile so.

Are you thinking of me? Do I make you happy in some small way?

My thoughts faded when Damian flipped me onto my back and swooped down to kiss the tops of my breasts. I nearly came right then and there with each strong tug of his lips on my sensitive nipples.

Damian gripped both of my wrists in one of his hands. Pinned to the floor, I experienced a strange kind of freedom, despite the fetter on my leg. I couldn’t move except for how far he allowed me. I just had to accept the pleasure he coaxed effortlessly from my body.

His name a chant in my heart, I arched in excitement when he pressed his hips against my mound. After grinding against me for long delirious moments, Damian finally freed himself. He didn’t bother to take my panties off. His long fingers sank into me, pumping me just the way I liked it to get me ready for him. My legs spread widely, greedy for more.

Low laughter filled my ears. Joy warmed me at the familiar husky notes. I smiled and leaned forward to reach his mouth. Damian’s thick cock slid inside me with one thrust. Tearing my mouth from his, I gasped loudly and wound my legs around his waist.

Straining against Damian, I met him stroke for ruthless stroke. Harsh breathing filled the tiny spaces between us, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the sounds of my chain scraping against the stone floor.

Damian’s clever fingers snaked between us. He stroked me, thumb and forefinger plucking and stroking the seat of my keenest pleasures. I let out a guttural groan. My mouth opened, words ready to tumble out in supplication, as I was trained to do from this beautiful man.

He shook his head. “No.”

No, I couldn’t come? No, don’t beg?

His name passed as a whisper of supplication. Damian merely shook his head again, but his fingers worked me faster until ecstasy rolled over me. I pressed my flushed face against his extended arm and moaned. Laughter tickled my throat, but I swallowed it whole as I heard the metallic call of my captivity.

“Risa…”

Damian let go of my wrists. His strong hands clutched my hips, angling me higher so he could sink deeper inside. I clutched his strong body close, remembering us from this position countless times.

He hunched over and kissed me hard, soothing the sting of teeth against skin before sliding his tongue playfully against mine. Soon Damian lifted off me and artfully arranged me on my knees before entering me smoothly.

The primal nature of our lovemaking thrilled us both if Damian’s groans were any indication. I gripped the edge of the tub as his thrusts quickened. He wasn’t going to last much longer. Damian growled my name and crushed me in his arms.

I knew happiness.

Afterwards, we both curled up on the floor. Face to face. Damian brushed his fingertips across my cheek. He then reached down and brought my thigh up. He touched my cut gently. The strife between us faded as I stared into his beautifully mismatched eyes.

I loved the temporary peace but not nearly as much as I loved him.

We were in the tub, my back to his front.

“Risa, tell me why you chose to cut yourself instead of apologizing.”

The rushing water camouflaged my initial hemming and hawing. I found it easier to explain while facing away from Damian’s painfully direct gaze.