My Love Forgive (13 page)

“It seemed like the least I could do after hurting your feelings.”

Damian paused briefly in the midst of scrubbing my shoulders. “Why do you think you hurt my feelings?”

“I could see it in your eyes. I felt so bad. I don’t want to hurt you, Damian. I never want to hurt you.” I shifted and sat forward. My eyes drifted shut as Damian washed my back in long passes.

“Does it hurt?”

“No, not really. Not as much as you’d think it would.”

“I wasn’t talking about your leg.”

“Oh!” I swallowed the obvious question. Giving myself a moment to think, I answered slowly, “Yes. Hurting you hurts me.”

“I’m glad to know it. As far as your leg, that’s too bad. Maybe a throbbing knee would be an efficient reminder to keep your recklessness in check.”

“I wasn’t reckless until I met you, Damian.”

“Really? Somehow I doubt that.”

“It’s true. I never did
anything
like the stuff we do until you. I never even knew this life could exist.” I gave into the pressure of Damian’s palm against my chest. I leaned back until I settled comfortably between his legs.

“Then what were you looking for?” Damian abandoned the washcloth in favor of using his hands. He squeezed a large gel dollop between my breasts. His fingers smoothed the viscous liquid over my skin. “Feeling safe, protected, and completely owned?”

I relished the tender care he showed my body. It made me happy. It made me confused. Everything had changed and nothing had changed. We were the same and different.

I wanted Damian’s love and now that I’d finally gotten it, I didn’t completely trust it. Obviously it was because of the chain, but was it because I never really trusted Damian?

“Why do you think I was looking for something? How did you know me, Damian, before I knew this about myself?”

“It was obvious to anyone with my kind of eyes.”

“You mean anyone with your sadistic streak?”

“Yes.”

I gained courage from not having to look him in the face. “Damian, you were so cold to me at the beginning.”

“I know.” His hand didn’t pause in smoothing over my back.

“Why did you even go out with me?”

Damian cupped water and splashed it over my skin. “Because I wanted you.”

He didn’t elaborate so I asked, “It was just a sex thing?”

“Not
just
.”

I laughed a little. “You knew I wanted you. You always knew that.”

“Yes.”

“But I didn’t know that you wanted me. I’ve never been sure in that.”

His lips touched the nape of my neck. His fingers played with the chain hanging over the tub’s edge, rolling the links in his hand. “Does this prove it to you?”

“I would’ve rather had roses and some perfume or jewelry first.”

He chuckled. “Later on I’ll shower you with enough of those to last you a lifetime.”

“I just have to survive this trial.”

“We both have to survive this.” Damian kissed my shoulder and whispered, “Do you still hate me for not letting you leave me?”

My eyes closed. “I never did.”

“Yes, you did. I’d hate me if I were you.”

I turned around and cupped his face. Damian’s unshaven cheeks prickled my fingertips. I traced his beautiful lips, moving onto his perfect chin, before moving up high on his sliver cheekbones. I stared into his gorgeous eyes, fixated and fascinated by their drastically different hues. It was like staring at the sun and the moon, heaven and hell, all at the same time.

My sense of betrayal had already faded. I was overwhelmed by the blessing of being so close to this dangerously unpredictable man.

The fringe of his long, feminine lashes drew my lips. I kissed each eye while Damian held himself so still. My kisses drifted down slowly until I reached his lips. I kissed them softly, tenderly. My tongue flicked along the hard seam of his lips until they opened to me.

Our tongues tangled sweetly. I felt the fine tremors go through his large body. They reflected the ones going through mine.

“I hate what you did last night and what you’re continuing to do. But…”

“But?”

“But I’ll always love you more. Believe that even if you can’t believe anything else from me.”

He gave me a clipped nod. “You’ve never been this open with me before, Risa. It’s already worth it to me. Now all I have to do is get you to like the chain.” He grinned suggestively. “Which considering how much of a masochist you are won’t take too long.”

I wished I could share in his amusement. I suddenly wondered if I had somehow asked for all of this because I had liked all of it. Well, before last night. “What does it say about me to like…”

To like you hurting me just so you can make it all better?

“Pain? It says nothing you don’t want it to say, Risa. It doesn’t mean you’re a deviant. Now me on the other hand…”

Damian actually made a joke! Or least as close as a joke as I’d ever heard him make. I turned around but not before I smiled and asked, “How did you know you were like this?”

“I’ve always known.”

“Really?”

“Really, really.”

His arms slid around my waist. It felt wonderful. “How young were you when you first started doing this kind of stuff?”

“Sixteen.”

“What did you do?”

“Not very much. A little spanking, some light bondage.”

I sputtered and swiveled around. “Not very much? That sounds like more than a lot.”

Damian smiled sweetly before taking his large hand and turning my head back around. “Keep looking forward.”

“Why? Are you embarrassed?”

“You know better. I’m saving you from embarrassment.”

“I’m not embarrassed!”

“That’s why you’re blushing.”

I slapped frothy hands against my cheeks. “I’m not!”

“I could retire by now if I had five dollars for every time I’ve made you blush.”

“You’re not a very nice man, Damian.”

“You’ve known that from the beginning.”

“I don’t know why I ever even liked you.” My grouching came off more petulant than threatening.

“Because you can’t help yourself.”

“True.” I giggled.

“What?” he pressed while kissing my shoulder sweetly.

Dropping my head forward, I mused, “No one at work really knows the real you. Everyone thinks you’re a perfectly self-contained, brilliant example of the modern corporate worker but I know better.”

“I
am
a perfectly self-contained, brilliant example of the modern corporate worker.”

“Well, yes, but you’re also a mean, rude, vulgar, foul-mouthed bully.”

“Only to you. Besides, one doesn’t have anything to do with the other. Drop your head back.”

Damian waited until I obeyed before reaching out for the decorative pitcher perched on the tub’s corner. I watched him dip it into the water and closed my eyes in anticipation.

“You’re polite to everyone but me,” I persisted.

“Yes. So what do you think that means?”

“I’m your target…your release for negative emotions.”

Water doused my face, flooding my nose and making me cough and sneeze simultaneously. “You jerk! Why did you do that?” I lunged forward to hang over the edge of the tub and eyed him evilly.

Damian shrugged. “You wanted to play the martyr. I helped you.”

“You…you…” I sputtered.

“Yes, Risa?” he asked with a benevolent smile.

I didn’t have time to cover my mouth before another violent sneeze seized me. Mucus and spit oozed out, making me an unappetizing girl.

“Here, let me help.”

I flailed and pushed his arm away. “Ugh! Don’t, Damian.”

“No. Look at me.”

“No!”

Horrified, I went to hide my face but Damian manacled my wrists with his hands.

“Look at me.”

“Why?” I twisted in his hold. I dug my nails into him. “Let go!”

Damian yanked me to him. Water sloshed out of the tub. “You just said hurting me hurts you. Yet, you’re willing to do it again so you can hide. Do you see the correlation? Or do I need to be more explicit?”

His hard whisper shamed me. Once again I treated Damian as if he had no feelings, as if he didn’t care about me at all. I went limp. “I’m sorry but I can’t help who I am.” I kept my face turned away, choosing to push my chin into my shoulder.

“You’re fighting me harder now than you did when I chained you. Don’t you see the madness in that?”

My cheeks flamed hotter. “Why does this matter to you so much? I look disgusting.”

“It matters to me because I say it does. That’s all you need to know.”

“That’s not fair!”

“Neither is fighting me all the time.”

I let out a long breath and blinked back angry tears. “Are you the only one who knows what’s right for me, Damian? Am I not capable of making my own decisions? Do you see me as a child?”

“No. You can. Only sometimes.”

His string of replies made sense to me. “Then why all this?”

“Because I didn’t want you to be the one I regretted. I don’t want you to be someone I see years from now in a bar, making small talk about how great things turned out, all the while feeling as if I were cheated out of our life together. I won’t accept that.”

His confession blew me away. “I just needed some space, Damian.”

“So you say now. You wouldn’t have said that if you walked out the door. Did you remember telling me you’d never been in a relationship long enough to call it long-term. Why do you think that is?”

“Because I’ve been meeting the wrong kind of men.” I shot him a resentful glance that didn’t leave him any illusion of what category I thought he fell in.

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s you.”

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s you.”

He smiled. “I liked it when you were so much sweeter to me this past month.”

“Yeah? I liked it better when you weren’t so crazy.”

Damian’s grin faded. The air thickened with tension. I wished I could take back the words, but more so, I wished I hadn’t meant them.

“You said I looked like I hated you last night. If there was any hatred in me it was because you keep pushing me away every time I get too close. All you had to do was be truthful with me.”

This isn’t my fault.

I tightened my lips. “I guess our truce is over.”

Damian got up. My gaze flew over his gorgeously nude body. He met my stare unflinchingly. He left the tub and walked over to a fluffy stack of aquamarine towels. Damian brought three over to the tub and set them down on the edge. He then took one for himself and left.

Damian didn’t say another word to me for the rest of the day.

We hadn’t spoken since yesterday morning. I’d brought her breakfast, lunch, and dinner like a faithful manservant along with leaving an array of drinks and snacks for in-between. She began thanking me for that first meal but my icy stare had frozen the rest of the words inside her throat.

Risa had been my mute doll ever since.

After I’d left her in the bath, I laid out a simple dress for her to wear along with a bra but no underwear for obvious reasons. Since I’d removed all the phones and computers the night I’d brought her here—except for the ones I kept in the study—she didn’t have access to the internet and would probably go mad from boredom. But I left Risa a pile of new books and a stack of DVDs, all her favorites.

She probably had accepted their existence as proof of my nefarious plans. They were actually gifts I’d stockpiled and planned on giving to her for the holidays. Their repurpose worked in my favor.

I couldn’t deny my anger in her withdrawal, but I would’ve done this regardless. Distance between us was necessary. Obsessed I might have been, insane I wasn’t.

Even if that’s what she thought. Was I being sensitive? I didn’t know. I never was before.

Risa wanted me more than ever, but her pride and worldview demanded that she had to break free. Isolation would give her time to think and time to admit that she needed me as much as I needed her.

Away from Risa, I contacted her supervisor as well as the CEO and HR. I’d fed them the excuse that I’d contracted Risa for a pet project and she wouldn’t be back for an undetermined time period. I also let the CEO know my investigation was complete and they could hire an IT Director. I then had my personal staff ensure all of Risa’s financial obligations were paid off or paid through for the rest of the year.

It was good to be king sometimes.

I spent the rest of the day working. While I was able to compartmentalize well enough to power through a long list of tasks, Risa was never too far from my thoughts.

Every half hour or so, I’d look in on her via the camera hidden in the ceiling. She slept for half the day, head under blankets. I didn’t like that because I couldn’t see if she had cried at all.

Although I might not have been able to easily keep my distance if she had cried, so it was probably for the best. I didn’t like her tears. They made me feel uncomfortable and out of control.

Once Risa woke up she explored the room before turning her attention to the manacle around her ankle. I’d lined the inside with thickly padded fur to keep her skin unmarred.

I doubted Risa would appreciate it.

She didn’t know how much worse it could be for her. Then again as an American girl from a nice family, why would she know any different?

A Konstantinov knew what it could be for a girl to end up as a commodity. One of the family knew of the confiscated passports, endless clubs to be shuffled around, trying to pay off a debt that increasingly grew larger, and that was if she was lucky.

But I wasn’t a Konstantinov. I was a Black-Price, raised by a couple that never tried to pass themselves off as my parents but rather my guardians. Which wasn’t to say they were unkind or distant, but their affection went no further than a servant would have for an employer.

I learned at a young age who I had been born as, who I needed to grow up to be, and how nothing could ever get in the way of my role.

I have no uncertainty that kidnapping my lover, locking her up in one of my private estates, and chaining her to the bed went against my life’s ambition. Freedom was an illusion at best. My cage couldn’t be seen but that didn’t mean it didn’t exist.