My Blue River (24 page)

Saturday, December 25

Christmas

The entire night Addy was so adorable. She experienced her first white Christmas and it was fun to watch her be so childlike about everything. She seemed to be really happy with her Christmas present. I got her a new lens for her camera. I know she just got one for her birthday but as amazing as her photography is, I bet she can never have enough lenses. I don’t know much about photography, but I know when I see something I like and I love the pictures she takes. In fact, she takes downright amazing photos. I wish she would just decide to go into photography and then realize that Montana is the perfect place for that career—majestic mountains, mighty rivers—the outdoors magazine type of work for her would be awesome. I almost told her that back in October when we were hiking up to Castle Peak Falls but decided not to. She would have just ignored my suggestion anyway.

I wanted to give her an opal necklace to match the earrings I got her for her birthday, but I didn’t want to settle for just buying something. I wanted to pick the opal myself and I wasn’t able to get to Idaho. The mines are closed anyway. Maybe I’ll do that for Valentine’s Day.

She spent Christmas evening with my family. I could get used to that. They loved her, but my closest cousin, Jessica, is worried about me getting hurt. I respect her opinion and, frankly, I’m worried about getting hurt too, but if I don’t take a chance on this relationship, I’ll never know. I can only hope and pray I get my way on this and it isn’t really MY way, it would be OUR way…just me and Addy. Every day I’m with her, I get to know her more and it’s another day that makes me imagine my entire life with her. I’m a bettin’ man—I’ll bet she thinks we’re too young. I’d also bet she thinks she’s going to make me into a college man. That won’t happen.

********

New Year’s Eve was as much of a battle with my mother as Christmas had been. Her problem with me and Jack’s relationship was becoming more evident and it was really getting on my nerves. She should have been thanking her lucky stars that I was enjoying my time in Montana. After all, I had told her the day we left California I would never forgive her for moving us here.

In the end, it was another compromise. I spent all day with my family and even played video games with Aaron, which secretly I loved. I hated admitting to myself that I was having fun and felt a touch of regret when it came time to for me to go, but I wanted to be with Jack when the new year arrived.

“You wanna go to The Barn with me and Jack?” I couldn’t believe what just escaped my lips.

Neither could he. His eyes popped open wide in surprise. “Really?” exclaimed Aaron.

“Sure. Why not. It’s a new year and maybe you and I can have a new beginning.”
This must be my new found maturity.

“You sure Jack won’t mind?”

“Oh, please. You know Jack won’t mind.”

“Well, okay, then…sure!” He was genuinely excited. This would be his first outing since being grounded for having beer in his room. When that happened, it had been a bum-luck-type-of-day for Aaron. It was that one time Dad didn’t knock before entering and he only did it as a joke because Aaron put a sign on his door with those specific instructions.

Mom and Dad would only allow him to leave the house without them if he was with me or Jack. I didn’t ask him to go so that he would owe me in some way, but now that I thought about it, he did. If I needed to call in a favor, I was certain to get it.

“One more thing, Aaron,” I said firmly. “You gotta be good. Don’t run off on me with Dumb and Dumber.” I shook my index finger in a very parental way at him.

His face reflected an expression that said I had just dampened his spirits. He was surely plotting a high with Jeff and Troy and I had just killed that plan.

Jack arrived to take us to The Barn and only minutes later, we arrived at the New Year’s Eve party. The energy of everyone’s excitement filled the room. Aaron had indeed found Jeff and Troy, but I kept an eye on them until I could no longer repress my need to use the restroom. I may have felt responsible for him, but nature was calling. I didn’t want him to do something stupid and then have to deal with the wrath of Mother.

“Jack, I’m sorry to ask this of you, but could you keep an eye on Aaron for me?” I asked.

“Of course. No problem,” he replied.

“I’m going to the restroom. I’ll just be a minute.” I had waited so long I was now doing the potty dance.

“Seriously, it’s okay. Go,” urged Jack, waving me away.

“Thanks.” I ran to the restroom.

After my much needed bathroom break, I was about to come around the corner when I was stopped short by the sound of Jack’s voice. I was so familiar with his voice I could have picked him out of a crowd of one hundred people. Jack rarely sounded angry, so it really caught my attention. I stopped to listen.

“Like hell you are,” demanded Jack.

Uh-oh…Jack cussed. That means not only is he serious, but he’s really mad.

“Who put you in charge?” asked Aaron.

“Addy did.”

“Dude, you’re so whipped.”

“You’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a crap about comments like that.” I smiled and stifled a laugh. That was exactly one of my favorite things about Jack. Unlike me, who worried so much about what other people thought, Jack lived his life the way he pleased without concern for the recognition or validation of others.

“Whatever, Jack. Just back off. I’ll be back in two seconds. She’ll never know.”

“She’ll know because I’ll tell her.”

“Dude, what the hell’s your problem?”

“You’re my problem. I happen to be in…insane for your sister, who happens to care a lot about you. If you screw up this night for her, I’ll be on you like stink on shit.”

“You’re a total buzz kill.”

“Sorry, man. I can’t let you do it.”

“Fine. Just take me home then,” groaned Aaron. “I’ll meet you at the door.” I could hear Aaron stomp off like a little boy because he had not gotten his way.

“Yep. Meet ya at the door. I’m waitin’ for Addy.”

“You would!” Aaron shouted back at him.

I waited ten seconds then rounded the corner. I kept it to myself that he had just been my hero, and in about another five years, Aaron would be able to admit Jack had just been his hero, too.

“Oh, hey, I guess Aaron wants to go so let’s take him home, okay?” said Jack. I could tell getting rid of Aaron couldn’t come soon enough for Jack. Even he had his limits.

“Oh, really? Where is he?” I looked around, playing ignorant to his location even though I knew he was standing at the door pouting.

“He’s at the door waiting for us,” grumbled Jack. He was trying to hide how irritated he was with Aaron, but I knew how he was feeling.

We said a quick goodbye to everyone, loaded ourselves into the Jeep and went home. The moment we walked inside, Mom and Dad were all over us questioning why we had returned so early. Mom ran to Aaron to inspect his eyes and breath, which further irked him so he lied, saying he felt sick to his stomach. He pounded up the stairs to his bedroom. When Mom and Dad questioned us about his sobriety, we vouched for him but didn’t explain his bad mood. We told them we were going back to The Barn and that we’d be back after midnight.

Once we left, Jack turned his Jeep back in the direction of The Barn.

“Umm…I have an idea. Why don’t we go to The Beach?” I suggested. I flushed at the thoughts I was having. It felt exciting and naughty.

“It’ll be cold at The Beach.” He clearly hadn’t caught on.

“Then I guess we’d better…
heat things up
.” I stared straight ahead, but I could feel his head turn ever so slowly in my direction.

Jack looked back to the road and said “Uh…yeah, okay…um…we could… we could heat things up.”

I bit my lip in anticipation.

********

Jack’s Journal

New Year’s Eve

I shouldn’t leave myself alone with Addy, especially when she looks so incredibly…HOT, but the night didn’t start out all that great.

Aaron acted like a dumbass again tonight. She gave him a chance to join us for New Year’s Eve. He blew it. We took him home. I was headed back to The Barn when she suggested we go to The Beach.

Once we were there, we ended up kissing…and kissing…and kissing…until I could no longer take it. I knew better than to pursue anything further. Her body told me she wasn’t ready—neither am I.

I suggested we get outside and make a different fire—an actual fire. But as I stared at the fire I couldn’t help but notice how much the fire reminded me of us. It started as a slight flicker—the slightest spark—then burst into hot flames.

We talked a lot. I was surprised at how much we discovered about each other. I learned that her family was a lot like mine religiously. They didn’t really go to church, but had a deep sense of spirituality. She hated to admit that she had never thought a lot about religion until she saw her parents praying together and heard them say her and Aaron’s names and actually found comfort from that. She said she likes my spirituality but quickly added my lips are her favorite things about me—which led to more kissing. I have come to know she doesn’t like it when a conversation becomes too deep.

I’m also surprised at how insecure she is. For someone who seems confident, she isn’t. She worries she’ll disappoint everyone she loves. She worries she’ll never achieve her goals. She worries what others think of her. That’s sad really. What a sad way to live. I wouldn’t trade being a free spirit for anything. I’ll slowly help her, I hope. I know I have unconditional love for her and maybe that love will give her some sort of re-birth in confidence someday.

As midnight approached, the fire became hot, smoldering, dark coals. They almost looked harmless, like you could touch them and not get hurt, but we all know coals are hot—they’ll burn and sting you. If you get burned bad enough, you’ll scar for life. That’s probably just like us, too. But some scars are worth having.

We kissed at midnight until I knew I should take her home, whether I wanted to or not. I know I love her, but I didn’t want to tell her in the heat of the moment. To say it that way would diminish it. It would somehow seem less important—less real—a feeling that had only been expressed from intense passion or seem like I had another motive. It has to be special when I tell her that I have fallen totally and completely in love with her. It has to be unique and real.

I only wonder if she loves me, too.

********

January brought Jack’s eighteenth birthday. I felt bad for him that his birthday was so soon after Christmas. He had probably spent his entire life being cheated out of birthday presents. My New Year’s resolution was to be more thoughtful of others, starting with Jack. I really wanted to make his birthday special so I put a lot of effort into planning a surprise party at The Barn. With the help of his mom, we had it catered by The Sugar Shack.

It was amazing that we had pulled it together and that no one blew the surprise, but once we entered The Barn on the evening of January eighteenth, Jack about passed out. I even included my parents thinking that if my mom could see us together, she would understand the depth of our relationship without me having to actually say the words to her. If she had understood, I couldn’t tell because her face gave nothing away. I officially gave up trying.

About two seconds after everyone screamed, “SURPRISE!” Jack exclaimed, “I can’t believe you did all this!” He looked around the room, amazed at how many of his friends and family had come just for him. He began waving to the crowd like he was a celebrity.

After we mingled for a while, I gave in to my impatient desire to have him to myself. I wanted to give him his birthday present, so I pulled him out into the cold, winter evening.