Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (42 page)

Shade can build a wall like no other. Yesterday, when I didn’t agree to marriage, he shut me out and has kept me out ever since. I’ve known him two weeks! It’s a miracle I even recognized these feelings as love! I wasn’t ready to get married for fuck’s sake. Was he religious? Did he go to church? I’d never been and was a little worried what would happen if I tried. What of his family? Did he have any allergies I should be aware of?

We’ve been playing house. But somewhere between playing and a few of murders, love happened.

I won’t deny it, I loved him, everything about him. But marriage wasn’t on my mind, at least not yet. I wanted to date him, get to know him better, and oh, I don’t know…find out what he was keeping from me.

Since he’s been avoiding me, I’ve been in a writing frenzy. Finally firing up my new Mac and getting over having to start from scratch, I couldn’t stop writing our story if there was a gun to my head. The words flowed beautifully and I did nothing to stop them. Goose bumps broke out over my skin when I thought of us together in the Shelby.
Killer sex scene coming right up…

My idea of a good book (and my fans agree) involves danger, angst, and dirty sex. Personally, I liked a happy ending but not every story has one. Although, I really hoped this one did but it was too early to tell. Now that the race and the post victory sex was written, I pushed away to take a break and stretch.

I didn’t like the distance. The looks of yearning he gives, only to deny us both what we really want.
Was he punishing me or, himself…
Sadly, I wasn’t up to date on real life love, and prior to Shade, I just made shit up. Snagging a mug, I pour my coffee then set it on the counter before hopping up on it. For some reason, I liked sitting on countertops. It was childish and probably unhygienic but I really didn’t care. One wall separated us but the gap felt like miles.

When he makes a phone call I realized the sound of his voice was a balm, it soothed me. Shade saw me, wanted me, and wanted to keep me. For a lifelong cast off that was a big deal, being wanted was everything.
He
was everything. Leaning closer to the wall, I listened to his words smiling when he switches his words from being formal to informal.
He doesn’t even know that he’s doing it…
However, when I heard him speaking of me, I froze. Who was he talking to? Reminding myself I was only hearing one side of the conversation, I moved even closer, careful not to give myself away.

She entertains me,
okay that made me smile.

You would like her,
Well duh, I’m easy to like.

The door is always open, just don’t bring him with you,
Uh him who?

No one could ever compare to you,
The fuck did he just say?

Meeting her isn’t wise
, he says then pauses.
Because she wouldn’t understand.
Why did he sound sad about that? And no, I didn’t understand but then I heard;
I’m enjoying her company until I cut her loose,
and something inside of me curled up and died.

Throwing my mug in the sink, I hear him quickly disconnect his call (asshole) before tracking me down. He comes into the bedroom while I’m slipping my shoes on and asks me, “Going somewhere?” with attitude I did not deserve.

“I have a thing,” I tell him reaching for my bag. “I’ll be back later.”

“You aren’t going anywhere until you do me the courtesy of discussing it with me.” So he was back to being formal.
Fucker…

“First, I’m going to my post office box to check my mail. Then I’m going to get a pedi, is that acceptable to you?”

“You’re taking the Shelby?” he asks pinching his nose.

“I planned to, yes.”

“I don’t like it when you’re not within sight.”

Yeah well, get used to it…
“Be back in a few.”

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly.

“
Everything
,” I tell him slamming the door behind me.

Color me bummed out when he let me go.

She fucking left.

The energy spilling from her was lethal so I didn’t push or follow. Whatever I did to piss her off must have been epic, only I didn’t know what it was.
Women…I would never get it right.
Then there was the call to Luna. I knew she worried and I wanted to ease her mind a bit but I still wasn’t certain Sun meant it when she said she loved me or that she wanted to stay. For years Luna lied to my face, I didn’t hold that against her since she was raised to do so but it was fucking with my head.

When Luna asked me about her, I couldn’t wait to share. I told her that she entertains me, that she would like her. The two would hit it off (maybe) and if Luna ever found out Sun was her favorite author, she might combust or steal her from me. She asked if she was ever allowed to come back and visit to which I said, the door is always open just don’t bring him with you. I may not be in love with her, but the man stole my wife and it stung.

Then she played coy like her feelings were hurt.
I always knew I’d be replaced but you sure work fast. How do I rate next to her?
I knew she was teasing, so I told her no one would ever compare to her. Luna who was raised by a manipulative asshole, loved compliments. Then she asked when she could meet her and I explained that I didn’t think it wise. I went on to say Sun wouldn’t understand when I was actually thinking,
she might try and kill you…

When she told me she was happy for me, asked me if this was a forever kind of thing. I lied and told her I was enjoying her company until I cut her loose. The reality was, I was waiting for her to cut me loose and was scared to death. Now, here I sit in the kitchen sipping on wine wondering if I should call her, maybe send a text. Tell her I missed her? That I was sorry for doing whatever upset her? Next thing you know, hours go by and when Sun comes back in, she’s a drunk as I am. “I missed you,” I blurt.

“Yeah?” she asks sitting on the table putting her feet on my lap.

“Your toes are beautiful,”
the most beautiful I have ever seen…
“Lift them up.”

When she does, I rub the soles earning a moan from her. As she watches me I take her toe into my mouth and suck. Her eyes widen, her breathing catches so I suck harder. Working my way up her legs, I rub her through the material in her jeans and when she lies back on the table, I strip her from the waist down. Gripping the edges for support, her back arches when I spread her with my fingers and lick.

“More,” she begs while hitching each leg over my shoulders. Sitting forward in the chair, I scoot her down putting my face flush with her pussy. Wrapping my arms up and over her thighs to keep her still, I give her everything I’ve got. Once she screams her release, I pull her up and drag her to the bedroom. Both of us were too drunk to make it to the bed and when we hit the floor, she spread her legs and I slammed home.

With my balls bouncing off of her, to my sweat dripping onto the exposed skin of her stomach, I couldn’t slow down. Like an animal, I snarled and bit wanting to leave my mark. When she scored me in return, I spanked her ass hard enough to make her scream. Tackling me to my back, she pins my hands above my head and starts to ride me hard. Knowing I wasn’t going to last, I threw her at the bed just enough to bend her over.

I knew she wanted me, I knew I pleased her, but I also knew she was holding back. Needing reassurance because clearly I was a chick now, I cover her body with mine and order her to tell me who she belongs to. When she didn’t answer, I pulled her hair and asked again.

“You,” she screams in ecstasy and pain. “I belong to you.”

On a strangled cry, she comes again and knew I wasn’t far behind. Gripping her shoulders, I pound her from behind ignoring the burn from the blade and the beating my body had recently taken. Nothing mattered beyond keeping her at any cost. My mouth salivated at killing for her, my fingers itched to brand her again, but first my balls were blazing to come and yelling out her name, I did.

For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. As she fell asleep in my arms, I whispered, “My Sun,” before following her lead. Waking up slowly, I rub my stiff neck wondering when I got into bed and why she wasn’t in it. Foregoing the shower, I found her in the kitchen and if she was pissed yesterday, she was resigned today. Immediately I regretted being too drunk to talk to her about it.

“I’m leaving,” she says softly. Her eyes were rimmed with red, as if she spent the night crying. “Before you try and stop me, I want you to know that I do love you. But I can’t compete with her, Shade, I won’t.”

“Compete with who?” Jesus, is that my voice?

“Luna.” No emotion, dead.

“Why would you think you had to?”

“I’ve been competing with her all along, I just didn’t know it until last night,” she says hardening her features.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” and it was freaking me out. Trying to get closer, she puts both hands up and I stop dead.

“That’s the thing, Shade, I understand everything now,” leaning forward she levels me with a look and says, “Especially after a nice stiff fucking and just before you fell asleep when you said,
My Luna
.”
Oh fucking hell…
When her phone chirps she looks down with zero emotion says, “Gotta go, my ride’s here.”

“Wait,” I beg her.

“I’ll be back later for my stuff.”

Without another word she walked out of the door and two things happened. The first, I needed the counter to hold me up and the second, was dialing Luna and whispering, “I need you, it’s an emergency,” before sinking to the floor.
 

Shitty circumstances aside, I liked Razor. He didn’t say much but he was reliable. After pulling an all-nighter and not able to be near Shade another second before I killed him, I shot Razor a text and he was there for me. He waited for me outside and once I delivered my speech, I took my bag and walked out.

Props to Shade for looking genuinely shocked, by the way…

Once I gave him my address, he drove and I sulked. When we pulled up to Starbucks, he parked, opened my door and inclined his head for me to get out. Neither of us spoke while we sipped our coffees and I was content to stay that way until he leaned up against the sedan making it clear we weren’t leaving.

“What sent you runnin’?”

Oh, this one is easy.
“He said her name after he fucked me last night.”

“Ouch,” he says wincing. “You gotta know his history with Luna is complicated.”

“I don’t
gotta
know anything,” I snap. “Besides, it’s hard to know when he never bothered to tell me.”

“He was never in love with her; plus, she’s in love with someone else,” he says looking at his boots. “But them together was never about love. Her old man was a tyrant, Shade killed his ass to protect theirs and then a few months later she was gone. Took her to the guy she loves himself. Dropped her off and that was that.”