Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (43 page)

“So I overreacted?”

“Didn’t say that. Look, Shade ain’t a normal guy, you gotta remember that. The compound, me, all the shit he does… You’re in danger just for loving the guy. Devyn won’t be the last challenge and someone will always be waiting to take him down a notch. Shade’s a killer because he has to be. You’re a good woman, ain’t too many of those these days. But you already got blood on those pretty hands and in time, it might fade some; but you stick around him, around us, it’ll stay with you forever.”

For the next couple of hours we sat on the hood of the sedan talking. He told me about his mother and son. How he wanted his son to go to college and obey the law. I told him about foster care and my books. How I wrote warped love stories hoping to find one of my own. When he gave me that look, I laughed realizing what he had and that was I already had it. Nodding to me to get in, he did a U-turn taking me back to Shade.

We had a lot of shit to sift through but every good love story had drama, and if I did anything well, it was writing a happy ending. Thanking him, I hop out and head in the door following his voice. When I enter the kitchen and see him talking to a woman, I knew immediately she was Luna.

I was gone for three fucking hours.

“Sun,” he says gaping at me.
Hand in the cookie jar you fucking prick, prepare to lose that hand…
“I’ve been fucking worried.” Maybe he was but he was also not moving either.

“Uh, hi. I’m Luna,” she says stepping forward to offer her hand. Looking at it, then at her, I grab her wrist and hold it up to Shade giving her no room to move. “I’m sensing a pattern here, Shade. Do you mind explaining this to me?”

“Let go of her, Sun,” he says menacingly.

“Or what?” I counter. “Three hours, I’ve been gone three hours and I come back to her here?”

“You know about me?” she asks not trying to take her wrist back. Smart of her, considering I was close to breaking it.

“I know enough,” I warn her. Pinning him with a stare, I didn’t care that he looked murderous.
You’ve got nothing on me right now…
“Then you know our marriage isn’t legal – ”

“I’m sorry?”

“Our marriage isn’t technically legal?” she squeaks out.

Dropping her arm, I back away feeling sick. “You’re married?” Shade was too shell-shocked to answer. Luna though, couldn’t seem to shut up.

“Well yeah,” she shrugs. “I mean I was, but you’ve got the brand too and it’s bigger so yours trumps mine.”

“Come again?”

“Your moon,” she says backing away now. “Wait,” she says looking at Shade for help. “You aren’t – ”

“No,” he says low.

“Then why did you---?” she tries, but I pushed her out of the room to round on Shade. Shade, who didn’t appreciate my touching his precious Luna, decided to grab me keeping her out of my reach.

“You do not,” he growls. “Ever touch her.”

“Shade,” she pleads to him to what? Defend me? Cute.

“Shut the fuck up,” I growl at her. “You,”
and here comes the boom…
“Ever put your hands on me again, I’ll kill you.”

“She really is perfect for you,” Luna quips from outside the kitchen.
The bitch thinks this is funny
…

Why did I want to crush her and shield her at the same time? God, this made no sense. She was small, breakable and I couldn’t visualize her with him, ever. “If you value your life,” I glare at her. “You’ll leave.”

When she looks at him again like I swear she was conditioned to, I advance.
Size is deceiving, I’ll just hurt her a little…

“Sun,” he says stepping forward putting his hands on her shoulders like she was his kid sister. “Meet your biggest fan.”

“Don’t,” I growl.
Don’t betray me like this…

“Luna,” he says pulling her forward like a child and she goes easily. “This is Calamity Jayne, also known as Sunshine Cortez; however, she prefers Sun.”

She blinks once, twice, then squeals before wrapping herself around me like I was a Christmas present. Not letting go, she started quoted books, touching me all over and asking a million questions.
You’re so pretty, oh God, Shade she’s so perfect for you!
Will you sign my books? Shade says you fit, that you like to fight. You are so bad ass! I can’t believe it’s really you! What are you doing Saturday? Will you teach me your moves? What’s that guy’s problem stalking your videos? Creepy much?

Not knowing what to do, I stood there and did nothing. I wasn’t recruiting friends and certainly wasn’t looking to be besties with his fucking wife, who was everything I wasn’t.
A wife he loved and the sole reason he was holding back. As if hearing her name on his lips didn’t gut me, seeing how he looks at her shattered me. I call bullshit on her loving someone else because she curled into his body easily, knowingly. Shade was her security and I was…backing away, I felt the ache in my chest spread throughout my body like a virus.  Betrayal and heartbreak, this bestseller, I decided, hurt like a bitch.

The last thing I wanted to do was break her trust, but I had to. Luna was a lot of things but she wasn’t a fighter and was defenseless against Sun. By outing her, I knew it would send Luna into fangirl mode and keep Sun from reacting. I couldn’t allow any harm to come to either one of them, so I betrayed her.

Luna was finally calming now that she got the excitement out of her system; but Sun was simply devastated. You could see it was a physical thing, she shut down. Thanking Luna for coming, I ask her to leave wishing it didn’t have to be this way. But this turn of events was my fault.

However, Luna did give me sound advice.
Enough with the owning already. It’s played out and let’s face it, you don’t own shit you just like thinking you do. She deserves a choice, let her choose you. You deserve to be chosen.

“I’m sorry,” was all I could say because this whole thing, hurt.

“I trusted you with my secret,” she says in complete defeat. “I trusted you with my heart. Legal or not, you were or are still married and we have matching marks. I told you how I felt about lying.”

“Please,” I try.

“No,” she shakes her head. “No best seller, no bullshit, and most importantly no you. I no longer belong to you, if I ever did. I was a replacement, a distraction. Tell me, when did she leave you?”

“Forty-eight hours before you knocked on my door.”

“Wow,” she says sadly. “You still love her.”

“I’ll always have love for her,” I try explaining. “But she loves another.”

“There’s always a but, isn’t there?” she whispers. “What’s happening right now? This would sell books. I couldn’t have written a thicker plot. Man loses his love, clueless female shows up offering the perfect escape. She falls for him, would kill for him but he holds back even calls his wife for relationship advice. The angst, heartbreak and the heroine’s feelings of helplessness, of never being enough. But I write fiction and your character no longer exists.”

“I could make you stay.”
Stay because you love me…

“No. You think you can,” she whispers. “But we both know that’s not true. Had you been honest, none of this would have been an issue.”

“So you’re leaving me then?”

“Yes and this time I won’t be coming back.”

There was no stopping her, I had taken things too far. Right here, five feet from each other, she was done with me. “At least take the Shelby,” I offer. “I can have your things delivered.”

“Actually,” she says opening the door. “I want nothing that has ever come in contact with you.”

When the door clicked, I considered dragging her back inside and forcing her to forgive me but I didn’t.

The first week after leaving Shade was rough. I cried, punched pillows, and refused to leave my apartment. Food held no appeal, neither did writing. Week two though, I was pissed at the world and stayed indoors for everyone’s safety. Week three, I was melancholy and foolish for pining for him, but I did it anyway. Now I’m half way through week four and yesterday the urge to write hit me hard. Leaving the computers he bought for me behind, I checked my credit card balance and when I realized I had enough to buy another one, I did.

I’ve been writing for sixteen hours, only stopping to pee or drink more coffee. Making sure I wasn’t disturbed, I shut off my phone and closed out the internet. It was just me and thoughts.
I missed him so much that motherfucker
…

In all the years I’ve been writing, I’ve always written someone else’s pain, never my own. I was a big believer in writing happy endings; only this time I didn’t have the ability to do it. To keep my readers engaged, I would have to find a way to pull it together, only right now, I couldn’t.
He didn’t come for me
…

Writer’s block was no laughing matter. My muse decided to try sobriety and left this shit show in my hands.

Standing in the kitchen, I look from him to her and wonder if any of this had been real. She was his past, did that mean I was his future? The answer was crystal clear when he defended her, warning me off. The look of protection on his face stopped me in my tracks. “You do not ever touch her.”

He would kill for her.

She wore his mark, the moon was bright on her wrist mocking mine. This woman had his heart, would always have his heart but because she loved another, he passed the time with me. “I will always have love for her.” Did he comprehend what that did to me? I had no wealth, no family, nothing substantial, to give but I offered him my heart. The one thing I owned that you could not place a value on. Trusting him to keep it safe, protected.

Here I sit, overlooking the river wishing that just once I would be someone’s first choice but knowing I’d never be.

Closing my eyes, I decided that this was enough writing for today. Whose bright idea was it to write her own story? Oh yeah, mine… Clearly, I was an idiot. A knock on the door startled me, getting up, I look through the peep hole seeing no one. The complex was gated, visitors needed permission, so I figured it was a neighbor. Opening the door, I look down and see Luna smiling up at me. God, she was tiny… Note to self: yell at security.

“How did you get up here?”

“I have skills,” she says moving past me to come in.
Pushy little thing
… Plopping down on my couch, she curls her feet under her body and pats the cushion next to her.
Oh good, she was crazy too
… “I’ve decided we’re going to be girlfriends,” she says happily. “I’ve never been allowed to have friends, but you’re going to be the first.”

Blowing out a breath, I take a seat and attempt to choose my words but she didn’t give me the chance. “Your secret is safe with me, I won’t tell a soul who you are, promise. But I was talking to Shade last night,” did she notice my wince? “And I realized you were the only thing we truly had in common outside of business.”
Don’t cry, Sun
… “We didn’t talk much except about your books. He lied though, I’m not your number one fan, he is.”