Long Time Coming (18 page)

Jamal immediately stood up and screamed, "I don't believe you! That's not fair!" He then ran out of the room.

Deidre got up and followed Jamal.

Diamond's bottom lip began to quiver. She stood up and walked over to her mother and asked, "Why do you want to die?"

"Oh, baby, I don't want to die." Kenisha grabbed Diamond and hugged her close."If it were up to me, I'd stay with you for a million years."

Diamond pulled away from her mother and asked, "Who is it up to?"

Shaking her head, Kenisha answered, "I don't know, sweetie."

"Jamal and I had the kids in the children's church pray for you when you were in the hospital. I think I'm going to ask the adults to pray when we go back to church."

Kenisha wanted to tell her daughter not to ask nobody for nothing. God wasn't listening to their prayers. He didn't care nothing about them, so don't waste your time, but she just brought her daughter close to her again and hugged her. She wanted to hug all her children as many times as she could between now and death.

Kennedy climbed down from Johnson's lap and walked over to her mother with a curious look on her face. She looked at Kenisha and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Everything, baby, everything," Kenisha said as tears blocked her vision.

N
o!" Jamal yelled as Deidre walked toward him."I don't want to go back in there."

After receiving the news from Kenisha, Jamal had run outside and was now huddled in a corner on the porch."You don't have to, honey. Just wait right here for a second, I'll be right back." Deidre went directly to the entryway closet and grabbed Jamal's coat and hers and a blanket, and then ran back outside."Here, put your coat on, and we'll get under the blanket so I can sit out here with you for a while. Okay?"

"Okay, but I'm not going back in there," Jamal told her as he put his coat on.

Deidre took the seat cushions off of the two chairs that were on the porch and handed one to Jamal as she sat next to him on the other one. She then put the cover around them."I hate being cold. How about you?"

"It's not so bad. The worst for me is getting too hot," Jamal said.

"Well, is this cover making you hot?"

"No, it's fine."

After that, the conversation stalled. Deidre didn't want to push Jamal. Having your mother tell you that she was dying was a lot for an eight-year-old to take in. He needed to process the information, and she wasn't going to rush him.

They had been silent for about ten minutes when Jamal finally said, "You might want to go back inside. I don't want you to freeze out here."

She took that to mean that Jamal was starting to get cold. She shouldn't have given him the cushion for his bottom; maybe she would have been able to get him back inside faster if his backside froze off."I might, but I'm not going in until you do."

"But that's silly."

"No sillier than you sitting out here freezing."

Jamal was silent another few minutes, and then he asked, "If she knew she was dying a couple months ago, why didn't she tell us?"

"Some things are hard to say, Jamal." Deidre knew that from experience, so she didn't have any rocks to throw at Kenisha."Your mom has been trying to figure out a lot of things for herself and for you, Diamond, and Kennedy."

"Well, who is going to keep us if we're not going to have a mama no more?" Jamal asked, sounding angry.

"That's the other thing your mama wanted to talk to you about. I don't think I should tell you anything before your mother has a chance to finish talking to you all."

Putting his hand under his chin in a sulking fashion, Jamal said, "I don't want to hear it."

"You must want to know, Jamal, because you just asked me." Deidre stood up and held her hand out to Jamal."Come on, let's go talk to Kenisha and get some of your questions answered."

After a minute Jamal grabbed Deidre's hand and lifted himself up. He walked into the house and back into the family room. Kenisha held her hand out to him, and he ran into her arms.

"It's not fair. It's not fair," Jamal kept repeating.

"I know, baby, but I can't do anything about it." Kenisha ran her hand down Jamal's back, trying to caress him.

He stepped back from her as his eyes lit with an idea."What if I did extra chores at home? That way you could rest more and get better."

"I wish it was that simple, Jamal. But I don't want to lie to you anymore. I'm dying, and there's nothing we can do about it."

Jamal's hands clenched into fists as he angrily said, "Then what are me, Diamond, and Kennedy supposed to do? We're just kids; we can't take care of ourselves."

Kenisha looked toward Deidre and Johnson. Johnson stood up and put a hand on Jamal's shoulder."Sit down for a minute, Jamal. Deidre and I would like to talk to you about something."

Jamal sat down, but his eyes now suspiciously scanned the room, connecting with the three grown-ups.

Deidre asked Kenisha, "Do you want us to tell him?"

Kenisha nodded.

Deidre asked Diamond to sit down next to Jamal. Kennedy jumped back on Kenisha's lap, and Deidre saw no reason to move her. Kennedy had no clue what was going on, anyway. Deidre turned to Jamal and Diamond and said, "I want you both to know that Johnson and I have grown to love you so m-much." Her voice broke with the weight of the emotion she was feeling, and she couldn't go on.

Johnson stepped in."What Deidre is trying to tell you is that we want you all to live with us, as a family. Kenisha has asked us to adopt you, and that's what we plan to do."

Jamal shook his head. He turned to Kenisha and said, "I want to live with my daddy."

"Honey, your dad will be in prison for at least eight more years. You'll be sixteen by the time he gets out. If you don't live with the Morrises, you'll be placed in foster care, and I know you don't want that."

"He might come home sooner. You always said that he could get paroled at any time."

"That's not going to happen, Jamal. He'll be gone at least another eight years. I'm sorry, son, but that's the truth."

"What about Grandma Martha? She'll take us."

"You don't want to do that, Jamal," Kenisha said."Your Grandma Martha has a drinking problem. She wouldn't raise you the way you need to be raised."

Deidre was a little surprised that Kenisha came right out and told Jamal that his grandmother had a drinking problem, but if she were trying to protect her children from harm, she would probably tell them some things they didn't want to hear too. She admired Kenisha for looking out for the best interests of her children at any cost.

Jamal pointed at Deidre and Johnson and said, "They don't even know us. Why would they take us in?"

Deidre crouched down in front of Jamal and said, "I know you. The first day you came to my office, I knew there was something special about you. I had no idea that we would one day become family, but Jamal, I have to tell you that each day I've spent with each of you I have fallen more and more in love. I tried to fight it for a long time, because I had no idea that Johnson and I would one day adopt the three of you. But that's what Kenisha wants, and I hope you'll want us too."

Diamond gave Deidre a hug and said, "Thank you for adopting us."

"Thank you for letting me," Deidre said with tears in her eyes. This was hard. It was so hard, but she would walk through the fire for these children. She only hoped that she would be able to help them through this.

"But I thought you were praying for my mother," Jamal said, that suspicious look in his eyes again.

"I was, Jamal. And I still am. You can pray for her too. And when we go to church—"

"No!" Kenisha's voice boomed throughout the room.

Deidre turned and looked at Kenisha.

"Stop taking my kids to church. I don't want you filling their heads with false hope."

Johnson said, "Wait a minute, Kenisha. You knew we were Christians when you asked us to adopt the children. I'm sorry, but we will be taking them to church. So you need to make sure that you want them to be with us, because we will share our faith with them."

"And that's a good thing," Deidre interjected. Now that she had agreed to take the kids, she couldn't bear to lose them. The only way she would willingly give them up would be if Kenisha received a miracle and survived this ordeal.

Incredulously, Kenisha asked, "How can you still trust God, with all the praying you've done for a child and for my healing, and nothing ever happens?"

Deidre sat down next to Kenisha and tried to explain her faith the best way she could."I don't know why some of my prayers haven't been answered. But I still believe that God is able to do the impossible, and that is why I trust Him."

Unmoved, Kenisha said, "If you want to waste your time with church and all that whoopla, go ahead, but I'm going to make sure that my kids know the truth." Kenisha turned to her children and said bitterly, "God don't care nothing about us. We're from the projects, and that's where you'll end up when you're grown if you don't do something to change things. You hear me? Don't wait on no God in the sky to change things for you."

Jamal, Diamond, and Kennedy nodded.

"And don't pray for me at that church Deidre and Johnson takes y'all to, either. If God wanted to heal me, He could have done it already, right?"

Diamond jumped up, angry now too."That's right. I'm not asking those stupid old kids to pray to God for nothing else."

"All right, then," Johnson interrupted."Your mom is getting tired, so I think it's time for you kids to take your baths and get ready for bed."

"But I want to stay up with my mom," Diamond declared.

"And you can. But first you need to get in the tub and put your nightclothes on. If Kenisha is feeling up to company after that, then you guys can hang out in the family room all night long if you want. Okay?"

"Okay," Jamal said as he got up and made sure his sisters followed him upstairs.

Deidre was so grateful that Johnson had come home for this talk. She honestly didn't know how she would have stopped Kenisha from ranting on and on against God without starting an argument with the girl, but Johnson had handled it perfectly. There was no need to chastise Kenisha in front of her children. Kenisha had been given a death sentence. She knew people who lost faith for a lot less than that. Deidre would just have to pray, pray, and pray some more for Kenisha's heart to soften toward God.

Deidre stood and removed the pillows from the couch."I'll put the bed out for you and change the sheets before you get in. Is there anything else you need before I go to bed?"

Kenisha grabbed Deidre's arm, and with a stricken expression on her face she said, "I need a pain pill."

"Are you sure? I think the kids are coming back down here."

"Tell them I went to sleep. I can't take the pain anymore. Please, I want the pain to go away."

Deidre got Kenisha a pain pill and then changed her sheets. Johnson helped her put Kenisha in bed."Do you need anything else?" Deidre asked.

"Yeah, give me another one of those pills," Kenisha said, words slurring as evidence that the medication was already taking effect.

"These are pretty potent pills, Kenisha. You're only supposed to have one at a time."

"L-leave the bottle."

"You're going to be knocked out in a minute; just wait for the pill to do its job."

"Leave the bottle!" Kenisha screamed at her.

The look in Kenisha's eyes told Deidre that Kenisha wasn't looking for relief of physical pain as much as she wanted to check out from all the emotional pain she was feeling. Deidre shook her head."I'll check on you in a few hours. If you need another pain pill, I'll give you one then."

Deidre and Johnson were headed upstairs when they spotted Jamal, with his Spiderman pajamas and a pillow under his arm, as he dragged his covers down the stairs behind him.

"Now's not a good time to go down there, son," Johnson said as he and Deidre met up with Jamal on the steps.

"Why, what's wrong?" Jamal asked in a panic.

Deidre quickly reassured him, "Nothing is wrong, Jamal. Your mom is tired, that's all. She went to sleep as soon as she got in bed."

"I want to sleep down there with her," Jamal said.

"Okay, Jamal, but please don't wake her up. Be very quiet when you go down there," Johnson instructed.

"Where are the girls?" Deidre asked.

"I just ran their bathwater; they're getting in the tub now."

"Okay, I'll go help them," Deidre said to Jamal's back as he ran the rest of the way down the stairs.

"Hurry up with the girls. We still need to talk, remember?"

When Johnson told Deidre this morning that he would accept responsibility for the children, he informed her that he still wasn't sure about where they stood, and that they would have to hash things out later. She just hadn't imagined that he had meant later that same night."Okay, I'll be there as soon as I finish with the girls."

She then went into the bathroom. The girls were undressing. Deidre helped Kennedy into the tub and washed her up while Diamond washed herself.

Deidre pulled Kennedy out of the tub, dried her off, and then put a diaper on her so that she wouldn't soak the sheets through the night. Diamond got out of the tub, and Deidre handed her a towel to dry off with. The three of them then went into the girls' bedroom to put on their pajamas. Then Diamond asked, "Can we go downstairs and watch a movie with mama now?"

"No, baby, your mama was so tired that she fell asleep not long after you came upstairs to take a bath. But you don't have school tomorrow, so you can watch a movie with her then. Okay?"
Please say it's okay.

"Okay," Diamond and Kennedy said in unison.

"Well, then, climb in your beds, and I'll read you a book before you go to sleep." Deidre looked on the bookshelf in the girls' room and grabbed a fairy-tale–princess book off the shelf while they got in bed and pulled the covers up. As Deidre pulled a chair in between the two beds and sat down, she thought that this book was exactly what they all needed tonight—a little make-believe.