Long Time Coming (7 page)

"Please sit back down, Kenisha."

"Why?" Kenisha said as she put her hands on her hips."So you can rain on my parade? No, thank you. Just tell me what else you have to say."

"Look, Kenisha, I'm not trying to be all gloom-and-doom like you said. I just feel an obligation to let you know exactly where we stand. So will you please sit down so we can discuss this?"

Kenisha sat back down. She took a deep breath and said, "Let me have it. What's the bad news?"

"Our biggest problem is the late detection."

"I'm only twenty-three years old, Doc. I didn't think I needed to run to the hospital for every ache and pain," Kenisha interrupted.

Dr. Lawson steepled his hands in front of his mouth. When he moved his hands, he said, "I understand that, Kenisha. And most people your age would be perfectly fine not going to a doctor, but you had cancer, and even though the tumor has shrunk, I'm not sure that we got to it in time."

The look on Kenisha's face displayed the bewilderment she was feeling."I don't understand what the problem is. You said the tumor shrunk, so you can operate, right?"

"Yes, we can operate. I'd like to schedule you as soon as possible. You'll be in the hospital for a few days after the operation, so you'll need to find someone to keep your children. Will that be a problem?"

With the family she had, yeah, that was going to be a problem. Kenisha wanted to ask Dr. Lawson if he'd like to watch three well-behaved children while she had a couple of tumors pulled out of her. But then she thought about something Kevin had said about Jimmy Davis owing them a debt. Although she would never in a lifetime ask that man for anything, she had no problem with making Angelina pay her father's debt.

Angelina had spent her life being pampered by that perv and worrying about nothing but studying and getting good grades. Angelina was Martha's pride and joy. Mommy dearest had always favored Angelina just because her father had a good job. But if Martha had been any kind of mother, Jimmy wouldn't have had a job at all, because he would have been in jail. So as far as Kenisha was concerned, today was payday, and Martha could scream to high heaven if she wanted to, but the princess was going to be babysitting."Yes, I do have someone to keep my kids while I'm in the hospital. It won't be a problem."

"Good, then I'll get you scheduled for next week."

"All right, then, I'll make arrangements for my kids." Kenisha stood up, preparing to leave.

Dr. Lawson closed the file as he said, "I don't want to get your hopes up, Kenisha. We'll do the surgery and then some chemo. But there are no guarantees."

"Doc, hope is all I've got. So when you open me up, I need you to be full of hope that day too, okay?"

He nodded."Okay, Kenisha. I'll do what I can."

"I've got three kids, Doc. You're going to have to do better than that," she said as she opened his office door and walked out. She raced out of the hospital as fast as she could, tears streaming down her face. She was suddenly claustrophobic and needed air like a fish needed water.

As Kenisha walked to the bus stop, she called Angelina and told her all about how her father had raped her when she was a child. She then told Angelina that she owed her a favor, because somebody had to pay for what Jimmy Davis did. By the time Kenisha hung up the phone, Angelina was in tears, but she had agreed to keep Kenisha's children while she was in the hospital, and that was all Kenisha cared about.

D
eidre and Johnson sat down in the family room for their normal Saturday morning scripture reading and prayer time. They'd been married for seven years but hadn't dedicated their lives to Christ until the third year of their marriage. Since that time, as long as Johnson wasn't deployed, they made Saturday morning the time they sat down as a family with God.

"So what have you been reading this week?" Johnson asked Deidre.

This was normally how their family time with God began: they would discuss the chapters or verses in the Bible that they'd read individually that week and then talk about what stuck out for them. Deidre thoroughly enjoyed reading the word of God, because each time she read a particular book of the Bible, she found something new that she hadn't seen the last time she read it. But lately she hadn't felt much like delving into her Bible, so she admitted, "I didn't have time to read anything this week."

Johnson hesitated for a moment, started to say something, shook his head, and then said, "I've been reading in 1 Corinthians this week. I came across some verses in the second chapter that really stuck with me. Would you like to hear them?"

Deidre hated herself for being so fickle with God, but she really didn't want to listen to Johnson quote scriptures this morning. She wanted to crawl back into her bed and throw the covers over her head and stay there until the morning passed by. But the look on Johnson's face made her feel bad about her sour mood. So she said, "Yes, Johnson, please tell me about the scriptures that impacted you this week."

Johnson opened his Bible and flipped to 1 Corinthians. When he reached the second chapter, he pointed at the fifth verse and read, "
Your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God."
He then pointed at verse 9 in chapter 2 and read, "
But as it is written, 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. '
"

Deidre was trying to get involved in Johnson's scripture reading, but it was so hard to be optimistic. Because even though she knew in her heart that the promises of God were
yea, yea, and Amen,
it felt more like
no, no, and no way
where she was concerned.

"Those scriptures spoke so clearly to me this week," Johnson was saying."Because I truly believe that God hasn't forgotten us and that He has our best interests at heart, no matter what it looks like right now."

She leaned her head back against the couch and said, "I wish I had your faith. Honestly, Johnson, I just really don't know what God is thinking concerning my heart's desire." She put her hand against her heart as she continued, "Having a baby with you would mean everything to me, but God doesn't seem to care."

"Don't say that, honey."

A tear rolled down her face. She wiped it away."I don't want to say things like that, but I'm thinking it, Johnson. So why shouldn't I say it?"

He pulled his wife into his arms and wet her face with loving kisses."I don't like to see you hurting like this, De. Tell me what I can do to help you, and I swear I'll move heaven and earth to make it happen."

She knew Johnson meant every word he said, but he still couldn't help her. He wanted a child, and she desperately wanted to give one to him, but nothing they had tried so far had made any difference. And Deidre knew with everything in her that one day soon she would have to pay for how she had deceived Johnson.

"Can we just go on and pray?" Deidre was trying to move things along faster than their normal relaxed Saturday morning pace. They usually fixed breakfast together, and then sat down in the living room and discussed the scriptures and the way each of them felt the scriptures had impacted their lives that particular week. And depending on what they were dealing with—impending deployment, mistreatment by a bad boss, financial situations, or whatever the case might be that week— Johnson and Deidre had always been able to come together and discuss it. But things had changed, or more precisely, the one thing that Deidre desperately wanted to change hadn't. And now she just wanted to get on with the ritual so she could get to the rest of her day.

"Okay," Johnson said as he gently put Deidre's hands in his. And then Johnson went before God in prayer. He thanked God for all His many blessings, praised Him for being a great and wondrous God. Once he was done with his prayers of thanksgiving and adoration, Johnson began praying for the many people he and Deidre had added to their prayer list. Before he finished, Johnson brought Deidre and himself to God's remembrance. He thanked God for providing the answer to their situation, and for helping them see and understand which way God was leading them.

Deidre had been enjoying the prayer until Johnson started talking to God about their situation. It was the same thing with no results each week, except for this new thing Johnson had added about God helping them see which direction He was leading them in. She wanted to question Johnson about his motives for saying something like that. Did he no longer believe that God was going to give them a child? What direction did he believe God was leading them in? But she didn't say anything. Any question she had would just expose her failure as a woman.

Ready to have this time of sharing over and done with, Deidre stood up and asked, "So what are you planning to do today?"

He stood with her and put a smile on his face."I was just about to ask you that. What about it, woman? Do you want to spend the day with a soldier?"

She started to reject him, but then she remembered that she needed to pick up a few things at the commissary. Whenever she went on base, she liked to go with Johnson, so she said, "Yeah, let's shop on base today. I have a few things I'd like to pick up."

"All right, let me take a quick shower, and I'm all yours.

"As Johnson walked away, Deidre silently prayed, asking God to lift her out of this depressing mood that she was in. She told herself that she was going to put a smile on her face and go out and enjoy the day with her husband.

Johnson made it easy for Deidre to find things to smile about. He held her hand as they walked through the flower shop. He bought her a red rose, but he didn't just hand it over, he bowed down, got on one knee, and presented it to her as if he was making a presentation to a queen. Deidre took the rose and inhaled the fragrance."Thank you, Johnson," she said as they continued to stroll through the BX.

Numerous vendor tables lined the halls. Deidre liked to shop at the vendor tables before going into the actual BX because she knew that the people who rented the vendor tables were small businesspeople, surviving from day to day. At one of the tables, she found a butterfly necklace. At another she picked up a T-shirt of President Obama and his family. At the third and final table they stopped at, Johnson found some African American artwork that he wanted to hang in the family room. But Deidre wasn't so sure if she wanted to look at another couple lounging on canvas in her family room; she was more into abstract art, so she politely pulled Johnson away from the table and walked him into the BX.

They spent hours on base, and Deidre was actually enjoying herself. When they had purchased everything they wanted at the BX, Deidre and Johnson headed over to the commissary, and that's when the smile left her face. Marissa Thompson, the woman Johnson worked with at Wright-Patterson, pushed her cart next to Deidre's. Johnson and Marissa had first worked together when they were both privates and stationed at Andrews Air Force Base. Deidre always wondered how Johnson and Marissa ended up at Wright-Patt together after all these years. Johnson said it had just been sheer coincidence. But as Deidre looked at Marissa's protruding stomach, she wondered if that had actually been the truth.

"Hey, girl, so you hanging out with your military geek today?" Marissa lightheartedly joked with Deidre.

"Yeah," Deidre answered, emotionless. She couldn't concentrate on anything but Marissa's stomach. Marissa wasn't married, so Deidre had no clue who the father was. And then she wondered why Johnson had never even mentioned that Marissa was pregnant.

Marissa patted her stomach and said, "I've got two months to go. I can't wait to deliver. This little one is kicking my butt."

Johnson came back down the aisle carrying a box of Fruity Pebbles cereal with a childlike grin on his face. However, by the time he stood in front of Deidre and Marissa and saw the look on Deidre's face, his smile evaporated.

"I didn't know you were expecting," Deidre said, while looking from Marissa to Johnson.

A puzzled look crossed Marissa's face."Really? I thought Johnson told you."

Johnson cleared his throat as he playfully punched Marissa's shoulder."Deidre and I have better things to do than talk about you."

"Oh, it's like that, huh?" Marissa fired back."Then maybe I'll just take that godfather thing back. What do you think about that?"

Deidre was speechless. Johnson was being named godfather to a baby that she knew nothing about. She turned toward Johnson. He looked nervous, but why would he be nervous if he wasn't guilty of anything? No longer in the mood to grocery shop, Deidre released her shopping cart and started walking out of the commissary without saying another word to Johnson or Marissa.

"Hey, hon, where are you going? We haven't finished shopping," Johnson said, trying to get Deidre to come back.

Deidre kept walking. She didn't trust herself around Johnson and Marissa on a military base. Both of them were enlisted, so if a fight broke out, Deidre was sure she would be the one who would go to jail. When she stepped outside, Deidre remembered that the truck doors were locked and Johnson had the key. It was August so it was hot outside, but Deidre didn't care. She'd fry before going back into that store with Johnson and Marissa. She sat down on the bench outside and tried to come up with plausible reasons why Johnson had hidden Marissa's pregnancy from her. But the only thought that kept rearing its ugly head was that Johnson was the father; that had to be the reason he hadn't told her.

So many thoughts were running through Deidre's mind right now that she couldn't think straight. Had Johnson planned this little meeting between the three of them? Was he going to tell her about his baby right there at the end of the cereal aisle? Deidre looked around, wondering if everyone on this base knew what a fool Johnson had made of her. She wanted to run, just get out of there. But the one thing that kept her on the bench waiting for Johnson was that her heart didn't believe that the man she married could do something like that. She was just being emotional. There had to be some other explanation as to why Johnson had never mentioned that the woman he worked side by side with every day was expecting a baby.

"Hey, why'd you run out of the store like that?" Johnson asked as he walked over to her.

"Let's just get in the truck and go, please." Deidre got up and walked to Johnson's Ford pickup and stood there waiting for him to unlock the door.

Once in the truck, Johnson turned to Deidre again, and asked, "Am I missing something, Deidre? What just happened?"

She wouldn't look at him and didn't open her mouth to answer. She just leaned her head against the headrest and stared out the window.

Johnson waited a moment trying to give her time to speak, but when it was clear that she wasn't talking to him, he turned on the engine and drove home. When they walked in the house, he tried again."Do you want to talk about what you're upset about?"

At the base, Deidre had felt so consumed with her thoughts that she couldn't open her mouth to form words. But in the safety of her home, Deidre's tongue began to loosen."Why didn't you tell me that Marissa was pregnant?"

Johnson shrugged."I don't know. I guess it must have slipped my mind or something."

Deidre folded her arms across her chest and twisted her lip."Mmph. Well, did you forget to tell me about a wedding also?"

"What wedding?" Johnson's eyebrow rose.

"Does Marissa have a husband or not?"

"Oh, no, she's still not married."

Unfolding her arms as if she was preparing to use them, Deidre asked, "Is it your baby, Johnson? Is that why you didn't tell me that Marissa is pregnant?"

"What!" Johnson said, clearly taken aback by the accusation." Did I miss something here? Because you seem to be on a page that I didn't even know was in the book. What's going on?"

Deidre rolled her eyes and walked away from Johnson without saying another word.

He grabbed her arm."Deidre, don't shut me out like this. What is going on with you?"

She pulled her arm from his grasp."Nothing is going on with me. I just want you to answer my question. Is Marissa carrying your baby or not?"

"Of course not. I don't even know why you would think such a thing."

Deidre saw the look of hurt on Johnson's face and was immediately sorry that she had put him through this inquisition. Of course the baby wasn't Johnson's. He was a good and upstanding, God-fearing man. Johnson would never hurt her like that. But sometimes it was hard for Deidre not to think that everyone had secrets, since she knew she had one."Look, Johnson, I'm sorry for accusing you of something like that. It just seemed odd that you didn't tell me that Marissa was pregnant."

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get upset. But I never thought you would assume the baby was mine."

Deidre raised her hands, wanting to put an end to the conversation."Okay, Johnson, I really don't feel like talking about this anymore. I'm going to bed."

He looked at his watch."It's only six in the evening. We haven't even had dinner yet."

"I don't feel like eating right now. Can you just find yourself something in the kitchen? I really need to lie down."

"All right, go ahead. I'll be in the room in a little while."

Deidre went off to her room and lay down for the rest of the night. It was all too much for her to deal with. Everyone seemed to be able to get pregnant but her. Even women with no husband were able to find someone to get the deed done, but here Deidre was with a husband who wanted so desperately to be a father, and she couldn't give him what he wanted. The guilt was eating away at her, and she didn't know how much more she would be able to take before she just exploded. How she wished she had been honest with Johnson when they first met. Maybe if she had told him back then that she probably wouldn't be able to have children, he wouldn't have married her and she wouldn't be in such torment now.