Long Time Coming (11 page)

"When do you plan on telling them what's going on?"

"I haven't got that far yet. I don't know."

"Okay, we can talk about that later, but my recommendation is that we check out a few of these adoption agencies and see if any of them are able to help you."

"When can we do that?"

"I'll make a few calls tomorrow and see if we can make some appointments."

"Okay." Kenisha hesitated and then said, "Thanks, Deidre."

T
he first place Kenisha and Deidre had an appointment was a social services adoption organization. It was there that reality slapped Kenisha in the face hard. The woman who sat behind the desk appeared to be in her mid-fifties, with salt-andpepper hair that was neatly swirled into a bun on top of her head. Her name was Leann Banks, and she was the kind of woman someone was always shushing, because she told it like it was with no sugar on top.

"It is unfortunate that you have three children in need of adoption. I could probably place the two-year-old within six to nine months, but the other two might take years."

Kenisha held up her hand, halting the conversation."Are you saying that my children wouldn't be placed with the same family?"

"Most of my adoptive parents only want one child, two at the most. It is a rare adoptive parent who will take three children at one time. I'm sorry, Ms. Smalls, because I realize that you don't have the kind of time I would need to place your children with suitable parents."

The story was the same at the other agencies. No one could guarantee that Kenisha's children would all be raised together, not even the
forever families–
slogan place.

Kenisha then talked with Children's Services to find out what would happen to her children if she died before finding someone to adopt them.

The social worker, Mr. Nater, told her, "If your children do not already have a guardian at the time of your death, they would be placed into the system and would live with foster parents until someone adopts one or all of them."

"Would you be able to ensure that my children stay together?" Kenisha asked with her fingers crossed.

"No. I'm sorry, I would not be able to guarantee such a thing."

Kenisha was distraught, but Deidre admonished her not to give up. Then about a week after the visits to various adoption agencies, Kenisha received a packet from one of the agencies with information on four couples that were either interested in adopting Kennedy alone or both Kennedy and Diamond together, but not Jamal. As she and Deidre sat down at her kitchen table to review the information on these people, Kenisha was at the point of tears over the fact that none of the couples wanted her son."What is Jamal supposed to do? He's a good kid, but he needs guidance just like anybody else."

"I know, I was thinking the same thing myself," Deidre admitted.

"How can these people think that eight is too old? If they're willing to take the two- and five-year-old, why not their older brother? Those girls should have someone to look out for them."

Trying to cheer Kenisha up, Deidre said, "All of this won't even matter when God heals you."

"In the meantime, what am I supposed to do about this?" Kenisha held up the papers they had been reviewing on potential parents.

"I've been thinking about this, and I really believe that your children should stay together. So let's throw all of these people back where they came from and wait and see what happens next."

Kenisha threw the papers back on the table."I agree. If they don't want my son, then they can't be very nice people, anyway. Let's go sit down in the living room and get away from these papers."

They got up and walked into the living room. It was Columbus Day, so school was out. The kids were over at Aisha's playing with her children, so Kenisha could review the information from the adoption agency without prying eyes.

"How are the kids doing?" Deidre asked when they were seated.

"They're doing good. I think Jamal knows something is up, but he hasn't asked me yet. That boy is just too smart for his own good."

"Yeah, I realized that the first time I met him. He was only seven at the time, but he spoke with so much wisdom that I was instantly impressed."

Kenisha saw a gleam in Deidre's eyes every time she spoke about Jamal. So she knew that Deidre cared about him. And it seemed to Kenisha that Deidre would be a good mother, but she wondered why Deidre hadn't asked about adopting her children."When we met, I remember that you were upset because you thought you were pregnant, but it turned out that you weren't."

The look on Deidre's face told Kenisha that she had touched on a taboo subject. Kenisha lifted her hand and said, "Look, if it's none of my business, don't worry about it . . . forget I said anything."

"It's okay. I don't mind telling you," Deidre said. She took a deep breath and then said, "I can't have children. When I was a teenager my doctor discovered that I had polycystic ovary syndrome."

"Poly what?"

"It's a condition that can cause problems with a woman's menstrual cycle and make it difficult to get pregnant."

"Just because it's difficult doesn't mean it won't happen, right? Isn't that what all that prayer stuff you're always talking about should take care of?"

"Well, it hasn't happened yet, and Johnson and I have been trying for several years."

"Is that why you and Johnson applied with that adoption agency?"

"Yeah, Johnson wants to be a father in the worst way."

"Would my death count?"

It was the first of the month, so Kenisha sat patiently waiting for Chico to knock on her door. She knew he would be there soon. This was the day he always visited Kennedy and just before leaving, Chico always seemed to find a reason to ask to borrow a few dollars. Kenisha normally didn't give him a dime, but today she had a twenty on the kitchen table, right next to the form for relinquishing parental rights that she needed him to sign.

Kenisha stood at the sink washing the breakfast dishes when she heard Chico pounding on the back door."Here we go," she said to herself as she opened the door.

"Hey, girl, what's been shaking?" he said as he strutted into her apartment.

"Nothing much, Chico. How about you?"

"Oh, you know how I do it. I'm always gon' find a way to get to the top."

Chico used to say that to her when they first started dating. She used to believe him. But that was when he had a real job and wasn't ninety pounds of human waste."I'm glad you stopped by, Chico. I need to talk with you about something."

"Oh, you're actually going to be nice to me today?"

"I don't have any more fight in me, Chico. Can you sit down at the kitchen table so I can talk to you?"

"Do I get breakfast?" he asked with hopeful eyes.

"Sure, sit down and I'll get you a muffin." Kenisha took the twenty off the table and put it in her pocket before she grabbed the blueberry muffins out of the cabinet. She handed two muffins to Chico and then sat down. As he devoured the food, she told him, "I'm dying, Chico."

"What?" he said as he stuffed one of the muffins down his throat.

"I have cancer. My doctor doesn't think I'm going to live very much longer."

He laughed."Is this some kind of trick? You're too young to have cancer."

"That's what I thought too. But it's true, Chico. And I've got the aches and pains in my body that prove something is definitely wrong."

"Your brother tried to tell me that you were sick, but I didn't believe him. I thought he was tripping off of some bad crack or something."

"It's true." Sometimes Kenisha amazed herself at how calm she had become with the news of her impending death. She was able to talk with Deidre about it without bursting into tears, and now she was having a rational conversation with Chico—telling him about her death as if she were telling him about Kennedy visiting the zoo for the first time.

Chico leaned back in his seat and stared at her for a moment."Well, I'll be," was all he said when he'd found his voice again.

Kenisha turned over the piece of paper that had been lying on the table. She put an ink pen on top of the paper as she looked at Chico and said, "I need to find someone to adopt the kids."

Chico scratched his head."Ah, man, Kenisha, I really wish I could do this for you, but I don't even have a place to lay my head on the regular."

Kenisha put her hand on Chico's shoulder and tried her best to empathize with him."I know you'd do it if you could, Chico. But you're not in the position right now, and Kennedy needs a mother and father who can take care of her." She pushed the paper closer to him and then asked, "Would you please sign this form relinquishing your parental rights to Kennedy so I can find her an adoptive family?"

"You want me to give up my rights to my daughter?" Chico asked in a tone that indicated he thought he should be getting the father-of-the-year award, rather than being booted out of the club.

"It's the best thing for Kennedy, Chico. She doesn't need to go into the foster care system. She needs to be with a loving family who will protect her and help her to grow into the woman she is meant to be."

"Why can't your mother take them?"

"You know why."

Chico stood up."You can't do this. I've got rights just like anybody else. You can't just take my child away from me."

Kenisha took the twenty out of her pocket and put it back on the table."Look, Chico, I really don't want to take Kennedy away from you. But if I die and Kennedy doesn't have adoptive parents waiting to take her, she'll go into the foster care system, and you know they will never let you have her. She'll be all alone, without her sister and brother, and without you, anyway. Is that what you want?"

"Well, no, but . . ." His eyes were on the twenty as he sat back down and pointed at the money."Are you trying to bribe me with that?"

"No," Kenisha said."I figured you might need a little money, so I wanted to help you out."

"If I don't sign these papers, are you still going to give me that twenty?"

Kenisha put her hands in her pocket and pulled out another twenty."Tell you what, Chico, why don't I just give you forty dollars? But that's as high as I can go, because I'm trying to save as much money as I can for my children's future."

"You want me to take that money so you can say I sold my child for forty dollars."

"No, I want you to do the right thing and give up your rights to Kennedy, and then I'm going to give you forty dollars. Two very separate things."

"How do you know I won't get myself together so that I can take care of my own kid?"

"I wish that were true, Chico. But I can't take the chance. I won't be around to take Kennedy off your hands if things become too much for you to handle. Think about your daughter, Chico. Do the unselfish thing for her."

"And you promise not to tell Kennedy about the forty bucks?"

Kenisha lifted her hand in the air as if swearing on a Bible in court."I promise."

He grabbed the paper, signed it, and then snatched the money off the table and stood up."There, are you happy? I've just given up the only thing that ever mattered to me on this earth."

"I know you care about Kennedy, Chico, but you did the right thing."

"Whatever," Chico said as he turned and stormed out of Kenisha's apartment.

Kenisha could tell that Chico was upset by what had just happened, but she couldn't afford to feel bad for him. Chico had destroyed his relationship with his child the moment he decided crack was more important. And if he would sign those papers so quickly, in order to get forty dollars, what would he do to his child when push came to shove? No, Kennedy would be better off if she forgot about Chico altogether.

Now came the hard part. Kenisha picked up the same pen Chico had used to sign his rights away and began writing a letter to James, Jamal's father. James had been Kenisha's first love. Even after Kenisha had two other children while he was locked up, James had forgiven her. He'd told her to do her thing while he was behind bars, but when he got out, they were going to be a family again. They had made so many plans for the future that Kenisha hated to write a letter that would cause him to stop dreaming of a better tomorrow. She only hoped that James wouldn't do something stupid that would add more time onto his sentence. He had eight more years to go as it was already.
Please, James, please be reasonable,
Kenisha spoke those words to the four winds as she put pen to paper.

Hey Baby,

I hope things are going well for you. I know you were scheduled to take your GED test a couple weeks ago. How did that go? I saw your cousin Joey a couple of weeks ago. He's been staying clean. He wanted me to let you know that he's got a job and his own place now.

Well, I wish I could tell you that I'm still counting down the days until you get released, but the truth of the matter is that I have some bad news.

I really hate to burden you with this, James. Especially since I know that you're just trying to do your time and get home. But a couple of months ago I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I had an operation and did some chemo, but nothing worked. You see, James, I'm dying. So I won't be here when you get out. I'm real sorry about that, because I really was starting to believe some of them dreams of yours. But do me a favor, James. Please don't stop dreaming just because I won't be here to listen. I want you to accomplish everything we talked about. Do it for Jamal, okay?

But here's the thing, James. Jamal is almost nine and by the time you get out he will be sixteen. And you already know the type of trouble we were getting ourselves into at the age of fourteen, so we both know that Jamal needs guidance. Someone who can steer him in the right direction before he starts making bad decisions. I'm asking you to sign this relinquishment of parental rights form that I'm including in this envelope and mail it back to me. It's the best thing for Jamal, so please don't be stubborn about this.