Long Time Coming (12 page)

Before I let you go, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much I have loved you. I haven't always done the right thing by our love, but you were the first guy I ever loved, and you will be the last. My heart will break for what could have been from now, until . . .

All My Love,

Kenisha

Kenisha folded the letter and the request form into an envelope, sealed it, and then she put her head on her kitchen table and cried for the things that might have been but never would be. Deidre kept telling her to have faith in God and to pray for healing, but Kenisha was living in this body that was deteriorating more and more each day. She had lived in her body for twenty-three years, and now she was dying in it. The only difference between the two was, instead of all the mental pain she had endured, she was now enduring physical pain. The sad thing was, she'd take all the pain this world had to give if she didn't have to say good-bye to James and her children.

W
ithin three days, Kenisha received a collect call from James. He was frantic with worry over her, but Kenisha tried to calm him."I'm okay, James. I've come to terms with this dying thing. There's nothing I can do about it anyway, so I might as well accept it."

"Have you told the kids?"

"No, I wanted to wait until I found the right adoptive parents for them."

"How much longer do you have?"

"I don't know. Dr. Lawson told me two months ago that I had less than six months. But to tell you the truth, I've been in constant pain since last week, and I'm starting to feel a little weak."

She heard a banging sound as if James' fist had hit something metal. He said, "I don't want to hear this, Kenisha. This isn't what we planned."

She held the phone tighter against her cheek as if the sound of his voice could caress her."I know, James. If I could change it, I would stay here and wait for you to get out, and then the five of us could be a family. But it just doesn't seem like that is going to happen. So we've got to do what's right for Jamal."

"What's right, Kenisha? You think giving up rights to my son is the right thing to do when you don't even know who would raise him yet?"

"I'm working on that, James."

"Yeah, well you let me know when you've got things all figured out. Because I'm not letting my son go to just anybody. If the people you pick want Jamal bad enough, then they'll come out here and meet me face-to-face."

Kenisha knew this wasn't going to be easy. James was no Chico. Even though both men loved their children, James loved Jamal more than he loved himself."Baby, I know this is hard. But we have to face facts. If I'm gone with no one to take care of Jamal and the girls, my mother will get them or they will go into foster care, and I honestly don't know which one is worse."

"How do you know that some miracle cure won't be found before you die? Anything can happen, and you're acting like it's already over."

Kenisha fought back tears, because the truth was, she wished she had the luxury of hoping and dreaming."If it wasn't for my kids, I would be right with you, James. You think I don't want to hope that a cure is found for me just in the nick of time? But if I don't make plans for my kids, and I should leave this earth, I don't think I would be able to go in peace."

"Let me speak to my son," James demanded.

"All right." Kenisha laid the phone down and hollered upstairs for Jamal to come downstairs and get the phone. When Jamal picked up the phone and started talking to his dad, Kenisha opened the front door and took the mail out of the mailbox. She sat down on the couch and sorted through all the junk mail. A look of disappointment spread across her face until she looked at the last envelope in her stack. It was from one of the adoption agencies she had signed up with. She was holding her breath as she opened the envelope and searched through the papers for what she had been desperately hoping for. And then she saw it. Jamal's name was on the paperwork. Someone was interested in adopting Jamal.

"Johnson, I need to go over to Kenisha's. I'll be back in a little while."

Johnson came out of the kitchen drying his hands on a towel."I'm almost finished with dinner. Can't you go over there after we eat?"

"Aisha just picked the kids up. Kenisha and I have to go over the new paperwork she received from those adoption agencies before they get back. Just eat a snack so you can wait for me. We can eat together when I get back. Okay?"

"Okay, we can eat dinner later. But before you go, I need to know something."

"What's up?"

"Were you serious the other night when you asked if I wanted to adopt Kenisha's children?"

"I know, I know. You want a newborn. But Johnson, those kids deserve a chance. Kenisha wants us to take them and that touches my heart because I know how protective she is about those kids."

"Just a couple of weeks ago, you were worried that I might get deployed and leave you to take care of one kid, but now you think you can handle three?"

"I don't know. It's a lot to take in. I'm still trying to process it myself," Deidre admitted.

"I really had my heart set on a newborn."

Deidre put her hand on Johnson's cheek. He had captured her heart from the first moment she saw him. All she had known back then was that she wanted Johnson Morris to be hers. She wished that she could give him his heart's desire, but sometimes she just had to let her heart change with the times."I wanted a newborn too, baby. But will you pray about this? Let's see what God thinks."

"Okay, De, you go and help Kenisha and I promise that I'll pray about this."

Deidre grabbed her coat out of the closet."All right, we'll talk about this some more when I get home. Okay?"

"Go see about your friend. I'll be here when you get home."

Deidre hadn't wanted to pressure Johnson into adopting three children rather than the baby he had in mind. As far as she was concerned, she had kept Johnson in the dark about issues important to both of them, so she was in no position to throw stones about him for wanting a newborn baby. But the truth of the matter was, Deidre had become attached to the children, especially Jamal. She wanted those kids and could do nothing but pray that God would help Johnson want them also.

Deidre tried to rein in her emotions. Kenisha had enough to worry about; she didn't need to be bothered with Deidre's problems. But the minute she walked into the apartment, Kenisha sensed her mood and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it. Let's just get down to business before the kids get back."

Kenisha pulled out the papers concerning potential parents for her children. She pointed at the packet on top and said, "This is the one that came for Jamal."

Deidre wanted to scream, "No." She didn't want anyone else to adopt Jamal. She wanted Johnson to want him just as much as she did. But she tried to be supportive."That's great, Kenisha. Did his father release his parental rights?"

Kenisha picked up a towel and wiped the sweat from her brow as she shook her head."James wants to meet the people I pick before he decides whether or not he'll sign the papers."

"You can't blame him for that. He just wants to make sure that Jamal ends up with the right people," Deidre said as she took the packet out of Kenisha's hand.

"I know. But I don't have time for James to go all stubborn on me. Chico signed Kennedy's papers with no hassle."

"Didn't you tell me that Chico was on drugs?" Deidre scanned the papers while she and Kenisha talked.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he don't love his child. I can tell that he does; he's just got that monkey on his back. I'm just glad I don't have to go through this with Diamond's dad. Not that I'm glad he's dead. I just know that he probably would have refused to sign just to irritate me. It wouldn't have been about what's best for Diamond. I really don't know why I ever started seeing that cat. Maybe Dynasty would still be alive if I hadn't fooled around with Terrell."

"You don't know that, and it's best not to even speculate on the matter." Deidre turned to the paper she was reading. She'd gotten halfway down the page when she looked back up at Kenisha."It says here that the potential parent is a single man, in his late forties."

"I know." Kenisha's tone displayed the disappointment she felt."The man had been married for fifteen years to a woman who couldn't have children. She died in a car accident last year, and now I guess he wants an instant family."

Sweat beads were now on Kenisha's neck and running down the front of her shirt. She picked her towel back up and dried herself off.

"Are you okay?" Deidre asked with a look of concern.

"Yeah, it's just hot in here."

"It feels good in here to me."

Kenisha laughed."On top of everything else, don't tell me I'm going through menopause too."

Deidre laughed at that.

"Next, the doctor will tell me I've got crow's feet or I'm growing two heads or something."

"No, no," Deidre said, still laughing."You're going to go to the doctor, and he's going to say, 'Good news, Ms. Smalls. We've found a cure for cancer. ' "

"And what would that be?" Kenisha asked with a grin on her face.

"Sweating."

The two women broke out in laughter again. And then, as Kenisha wiped some more sweat from her face, she said, "I need to bottle this stuff. I can probably cure the nation."

At that moment, Deidre truly admired her friend. Kenisha had been stricken with an incurable disease but still found a way to laugh about it. Most people in Kenisha's position would be having a pity party, but not Deidre's friend. She was steadfast and determined to do right by her children until she took her last breath.

Getting them back on track, Kenisha asked, "Okay, so what do you think of this guy?"

Deidre shook her head."My biggest problem is that he's single. I mean, what's his motive for suddenly wanting to adopt a son?"

"Yeah, my first thought when I read that he was single, was that the guy was some type of pervert, trying to get a defenseless little boy to call him Daddy by day and who knows what by night. But then, when I read the part about his wife not being able to have children, that made me think of you and your husband. What if something happened to you and then Johnson wanted to adopt a child as a single guy? Would you want him to be turned down?"

Deidre hoped and prayed that nothing would happen to her anytime soon. She wanted to experience the joy of parenthood with Johnson. But if for some unfortunate reason she died before they adopted or had a child, Deidre wouldn't want Johnson to be denied the opportunity to become a father just because he was single."I guess you're right. You should at least talk to this man to get a better impression of him."

"Hey, is something wrong? You look sad," Kenisha said.

"No, I was just thinking about Johnson and some of our issues. But I didn't come over here to burden you with my problems, so let's just get back to these packets."

"Is he cheating on you?"

Deidre thought about the day she had irrationally accused Johnson of fathering the child of his co-worker. When her sanity had returned, she had felt bad because she knew the kind of man Johnson was. He had made vows to her, and he would honor them until the day he died."No, Johnson isn't a cheater."

"Good, because I know people. We could have his arm or leg broken, couple black eyes. You name it."

Laughing, Deidre nudged Kenisha."Keep your thugs away from my husband."

"All right, all right," Kenisha put her hands in the air as if surrendering."But he better stop making you so sad, or else I might have to deal with him myself."

Deidre turned back to the packets."Do you still have the information on those two couples who were interested in taking Diamond and Kennedy?"

"I threw the ones that only wanted one or the other away, but I kept the two who wanted both girls. I hoped I wouldn't need them, because I really want someone who is willing to take all three of them."

"Keep hope alive," Deidre said in her best Jesse Jackson imitation."You don't know what God has planned."

"Can I ask you something?" Kenisha asked as she pulled the two packets of the potential parents out of the paperwork and set them on the coffee table.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Did you talk to Johnson about my kids?"

Deidre nodded, trying her best not to show the emotions she was fighting against way down deep inside her."We're discussing it. But I didn't want to get your hopes up until I get a final answer from Johnson."

"I know you want Jamal. Is the problem the girls?"

"Oh, no, Kenisha. It's nothing like that. I wouldn't want to see your children split up. I would take all three of them if Johnson and I decide to do this."

"Then what's the problem. Is it Johnson? Why wouldn't he want my children?"

Deidre held up a hand, trying to halt Kenisha's accusations against her husband."I have no doubt that if we took your children, Johnson would welcome them with open arms, but after waiting for a child for so long, Johnson has his heart set on a newborn."

"Why can't you convince him that my children are better than some newborn? If it's diapers he wants, Kennedy still wets the bed sometimes. Just put a diaper on her."

How could Deidre explain her reluctance to push Johnson into something he didn't want? She had lied to him for so long, and now that she was finally willing to face the fact that they needed to adopt, Deidre wanted Johnson to get his heart's desire, even if that meant giving up hers—giving up Jamal.

Demanding an answer, Kenisha said, "Why can't you convince Johnson to take my kids?"

Eyes averted, Deidre said, "I can't push him on this. He knows what I want. I'm hoping that he will come to the same conclusion."

"Well, while you're sitting around doing nothing but hoping, my kids will be split up."

"What if God heals you, Kenisha? This whole discussion will all be for nothing, then."

Defiantly, Kenisha shot back, "What if God doesn't heal me? Then what will you do?"