Long Time Coming (13 page)

K
enisha waited for Deidre to respond to her question. When she didn't, that left Kenisha with thoughts of her own. Like, maybe Deidre really didn't want to adopt her children. Maybe Deidre was worried that little ghetto children couldn't keep their noses wiped. Maybe Deidre thought she was too good to help kids who were in need of families to love and protect them.

When Deidre finally opened her mouth, she asked Kenisha, "Why do you have such little faith?"

"You know what?" Kenisha said as she stood up and moved away from Deidre."I think this whole faith-and-prayer thing that you're always on is a crock. You're not trying to keep me and my kids together. You just don't want to get stuck with my little ghetto brats."

Raising her hands to fend off Kenisha's words, Deidre said, "I never said anything like that."

"You didn't have to say it. Actions speak louder than words every day of the week. You're dragging your feet on adoption because you're afraid that you might get a project kid. You and your husband probably think that if you adopt a baby, you can pray away all that genetic poorness."

"A project kid? Is that what you think? That I don't want to be bothered with poor children? I hate to break it to you, Kenisha, but I didn't grow up in Beverly Hills, myself. My father worked hard every day of his life, but we couldn't even scrap our way to middle class when I was a child."

"Then why don't you want my children?"

"I do want your children. Who wouldn't want them? They are so very precious. I would be proud to call those kids mine."

"Then why haven't you tried to adopt them? You know they need a mother and a father."

Tears fell down Deidre's cheek as she lowered her head.

"You are a hypocrite! I can't believe I fell for your whole act of wanting to be there for me and the kids. I should have known when you couldn't even babysit for me that you didn't want my kids to be anywhere near your big, pretty house with the manicured lawn and big backyard."

"What are you talking about, Kenisha? Jamal has already been over at my house."

Putting her hands to her ears, Kenisha stormed to the front door and snatched it open."Get out of my house."

"What's wrong with you, Kenisha? I'm trying to help you."

"I don't need your pity."

"I'm not pitying you. I just want to help." Deidre stood up."Look, I understand your anger. I would be upset too, but I'm not the enemy. I just need a little more time to make this work."

"I know your type," Kenisha sneered."You'd gladly adopt a child from Africa or some underprivileged country, because that shows what a humanitarian you are. But ask you to take a child out of the ghetto, and you start having nightmares about getting robbed and murdered while you sleep."

Balling her fist, Deidre protested, "I don't think any such thing about your children."

"Get out of my house!"

"Why won't you let me help you, Kenisha? I know you've been through a lot, but why do you mistrust every shred of kindness that comes your way?"

"Oh, okay, well, if you won't go voluntarily, I'll help you out." Kenisha walked away from the door with every intention of strutting over to Deidre, grabbing her arm, and throwing the woman out of her apartment. But her legs locked on her.

One minute she was walking and seeing red as the anger inside her kept building, and the next she was falling flat on her face and into an abyss that was so dark and so controlling that she couldn't get out.

"Kenisha, Kenisha, what's wrong?" Deidre asked as she ran to her. She turned Kenisha over. As she felt the girl's arms and then her forehead, Deidre realized that Kenisha was burning up with fever."Wake up. What's going on?" Frantically, Deidre began looking around for the telephone. Finding it, she ran to it and dialed 911.

When the operator picked up, she screamed, "I need an ambulance. My friend has just passed out. I don't know what's wrong with her. She's got a fever."

"We'll get an ambulance to you quickly. What's the address?"

"I don't know," Deidre said, then threw down the phone, ran to the front door and looked at the numbers above the door. She ran back to the phone and gave the woman the address.

"Okay, now, can you tell me what happened?"

"She passed out. She has cancer. Can you just get someone here?" Deidre was screaming into the phone because she didn't understand why these emergency people asked so many questions. Shouldn't they be able to tell where you're calling from? And why did they have to ask a thousand questions? If a person is passed out, they should just get there and figure out what's wrong while they're on the way to the hospital.

"Calm down, ma'am. I'm just trying to help before the paramedics get there."

Before Deidre could respond to the woman, Aisha, Jamal, Diamond, and Kennedy walked through the open door.

"What's going on in here?" Aisha demanded as she knelt down beside Kenisha.

"She passed out. The ambulance is on the way," Deidre told her while still holding the phone.

The kids gathered around Kenisha with worried looks on their small faces. Jamal said, "Wake up, Mama. We're home. Wake up."

At that moment, Kenisha moaned and then shook her head as if trying to clear her mind."What happened?" she asked while lying on the floor, looking up at everyone.

"You passed out," Deidre said for the third time within the space of ten minutes. Then Deidre told the 911 operator."She's awake now."

Aisha tried to help Kenisha get up, but Deidre stopped her."They said we should let her lie there until the paramedics get here."

Aisha let Kenisha go and then grabbed Diamond's and Kennedy's arms."Come on, let's sit down and wait for the paramedics." As Aisha sat the girls down on the couch, she picked up the papers that were strewn across the coffee table."What's this?" Aisha asked."Why is Jamal's name on this adoption request form?"

"I've got to go," Deidre told the operator as she hung up and then grabbed the papers out of Aisha's hand."This stuff belongs to Kenisha. You'll have to talk to her about it later," Deidre pointedly looked at the kids, hoping Aisha would get the message. But nothing appeared to be sinking in.

"Why did you snatch those papers from me? That is my sister's business, and I have every right to know what's going on."

The paramedics picked the perfect time to rush through the doors. They picked Kenisha up and strapped her onto their bed on wheels."She looks a little disoriented," said the female paramedic, who couldn't have been more than twenty-one or twenty-two."Does anyone know her medical history?"

Aisha jumped in."Of course I know her medical history. I'm her sister."

"Can you come with us, so we can ask a few questions while we get her to the hospital?"

Aisha hesitated for a second, but then she looked at her sister, compassion dancing in her eyes."Yes, I can come. I just need to call my mother and have her go to my apartment and sit with my kids."

"What about Kenisha's children?" Deidre asked."Should I drop them off with your mother as well?"

Aisha shook her head."Kenisha would die before letting Martha watch her kids. You're her friend. Why can't you keep them for a few hours?"

Deidre turned to the girls and then looked at Jamal as he fussed over his mother. They needed someone. She wouldn't turn her back on them at a time like this."Okay, you go with Kenisha, and I'll take them to my house. My husband should be able to watch them for a little while. And then I'll come to the hospital and see how things are going."

"See you in a bit," Aisha said as she jumped in the ambulance after Kenisha had been rolled inside.

Jamal turned to Deidre."Can I go to the hospital with you?"

Deidre was still shaken up from all that had happened. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't very well break down in front of the children, not when she wanted them to believe that everything was going to be all right."Not tonight, Jamal. I'm not sure if children are allowed in the area your mom will be in. Now help me grab a few things for you and the girls so I can get y'all to my house."

As they headed upstairs, Deidre called Johnson from her cell phone. When he answered, she asked, "You aren't getting ready to go anywhere, are you?"

"No, why?"

"Kenisha was just rushed to the hospital, and I need to bring the kids to the house with us. Is that all right?"

"Yes, of course," Johnson said."I'll warm up dinner for them."

"Thanks, Johnson, I'll be there shortly." She hung up the phone and then grabbed a laundry basket out of Kenisha's bedroom and put pajamas, socks, T-shirts, and extra clothes in it. Jamal put their toothbrushes, lotion, and combs in a bag and then they left.

"Is my mom going to be okay?" Jamal asked as they drove down the street.

How could she answer that question? Was death ever okay? She'd heard family members comfort themselves by saying their dead loved one was finally at peace. But when Deidre's dad had died, she wasn't thinking about his peace, only her own sadness.

But Kenisha had woken up, so Deidre didn't think that she was dying today. And she hoped and prayed that God was listening to her prayers as she said, "I think she's going to be all right. She was conscious when the paramedics took her out."

Kennedy started singing her ABCs and Diamond corrected her on every letter that she missed. Deidre smiled as she remembered how she and her sister used to act. Deidre and Michelle were only a year apart, so they were constantly competing for their parents' attention. Michelle was the younger, so Deidre had always tried to show her mother that she was smarter than Michelle. Whenever Michelle said or did anything wrong, Deidre had always been quick to correct her.

The problem was, when they got older, Michelle seemed to do everything right. She'd gotten married right after college and then worked in her field for three years, until she had her first baby, which came right on schedule. Michelle and her husband had four children in all, and Deidre was still struggling to have one.

Johnson must have been waiting by the door because as soon as she pulled into the driveway, he came out of the house and helped her with the kids. Jamal grabbed Diamond's hand and walked her to the front door. Deidre went to the trunk to grab the basket with the kids' things. Johnson leaned into the back seat, where Kennedy had fallen asleep. He unbuckled her, and the little girl began to stir. Deidre closed the trunk as Johnson pulled Kennedy into his arms. Kennedy snuggled against Johnson and said, "Daddy," and then fell back to sleep.

Deidre's head popped up. She looked at Johnson, wondering if he hadn't understood Kennedy. But one look at the widening grin on his face and Deidre knew he had felt each syllable of that one word."Let's get them in the house, so I can go to the hospital and see about Kenisha."

They had four bedrooms in their spacious home. But so far, only two of the rooms had been put to use: the master bedroom where she and Johnson slept, and the room down the hall from their bedroom, which had been turned into a home office. Deidre went upstairs and took clean sheets out of the closet and made the beds in the two empty bedrooms.

She then went back downstairs and told Johnson, "I made the beds. So just put Diamond and Kennedy in one of the bedrooms together, and let Jamal have the other."

"I got this," Johnson said as he took bowls out of the cabinet."You go on to the hospital. I'm going to feed the kids, then I'll pray for their mom with them. We'll watch a movie, and then I'll put them to bed."

Deidre kissed Johnson and then headed out of the house. But as she drove to the hospital, she realized something that took her by surprise. Since Kenisha had passed out she had been moving on autopilot, but not once had she stopped to pray. Something was wrong with that, because Deidre had been the type of Christian who wouldn't do anything without praying first. Johnson hadn't forgotten. He'd added prayer time to his list of things to do with the kids.

She pulled her car over to a strip-mall parking lot and called Johnson. When he picked up, she said, "I didn't pray the whole time. I called 911, grabbed the kids' clothes, but I didn't pray for Kenisha during this whole episode."

"You can pray now, Deidre. It's never too late to pray."

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then exhaled.

"Are the kids eating?"

"Yeah."

"Would you mind if we prayed together?"

"I'd love to pray with you, Deidre," Johnson told her. He walked upstairs to their master bedroom, and then they united in prayer on Kenisha's behalf.

As Deidre entered the emergency room and asked for Kenisha's room, she felt as if she were ten pounds lighter. She wasn't burdened down or worried. After she and Johnson had prayed, Deidre began to believe that God was in control once again. However this turned out, it would all work together for good somehow. God would make it good.

H
ow is she doing?" Johnson asked when Deidre came through the door. He was standing in the entryway with a cup of hot cocoa in his hand.

"Are the kids asleep?"

"Yeah, I finally persuaded them to lie down about an hour ago."

Deidre looked at her watch."They didn't go to bed until eleven o'clock. Two of them have school in the morning."

"Tomorrow's Sunday, babe," Johnson said as he handed her the hot chocolate."Here. When you called and said you were on your way home, you sounded exhausted. So I thought if you drank this, you'd get to sleep faster."

Deidre gently touched Johnson's face with her hand."You're a prince. I don't deserve you."

"Aw, shucks, Mrs. Morris. You're making me blush," Johnson said jokingly.

She leaned in closer to him and whispered, "Let's go to our room so I can tell you about Kenisha."

Johnson followed Deidre up the stairs. When they were in bed, he turned back to her."Is she doing better?"

"They gave her some pain medicine, so she's a little loopy. But to be honest with you, it doesn't look good. The doctors said that her body is starting to shut down." A tear slid down Deidre's face as she continued, "The doctors don't think she'll last much longer."

Johnson pulled Deidre into his arms and held her.

"I don't know what happened, Johnson. I've been praying and believing . . . and then this. I just can't see God in this no matter how I look at it. This woman takes care of her children, and she wants the best for them. But she won't even live to see what becomes of them."

"We've got to stay in faith, Deidre. Keep praying even when it looks bad."

She pulled away from her husband."You say that, Johnson, and I have tried to believe this whole 'pray until something happens' mantra, but it gets harder and harder every time my prayers go unanswered."

Johnson wiped the tears from Deidre's face."God is in the prayer-answering business, baby. I believe that with every fiber of my being, but I also know that the Bible talks about the Heroes of Faith and how many of them died without receiving the promise, but still they remained in faith, believing that God was able."

"But why does it matter that God is able, if He won't help us?" Deidre asked, really needing the answer to her question as she lay her head on Johnson's chest.

Johnson leaned back against the headrest. He ran his hand through Deidre's hair, and then he began speaking in a slow, deliberate fashion."Remember the story of the three Hebrew boys who were thrown in a fire that was meant to consume them, just because they believed in God's ability to deliver them?"

Deidre nodded.

"What did they say, just before being put in the fire?"

In a matter-of-fact tone, Deidre responded, "They told the people that even if God didn't deliver them from the fire, as far as they were concerned, that changed nothing, because they knew that God could do it."

"Exactly!" Johnson exclaimed."And I believe the things we go through in life give us the opportunity to put our faith in God. Whether he chooses to bring us out of this or that or not, our job as Christians is to believe that He is well able."

"But, Johnson, I do believe that God is able. And I think that is what bothers me the most. Because if He is able, then that means He is choosing not to answer my prayers. And I don't understand that."

"Ah, babe, it is not our job to understand. We are only called to believe. The rest is God's business. Okay?" He bent down and kissed Deidre's forehead.

"I guess you're right. But, Johnson, I'm really getting tired of all this praying with no results. I need God to show me something."

Johnson turned out the light."Okay, baby, just go to sleep. Things will be better in the morning, I promise."

Deidre tried to go to sleep, but she had too much on her mind. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift in a hundred different directions. She prayed that Johnson was right about tomorrow being better, but in truth she couldn't see how things could get better from here. Kenisha was dying, and her children would be motherless. Each one of them was already fatherless for one reason or another, but now they would also be forced to live without their mother. It just didn't seem right.

Deidre had talked to Aisha while they waited outside Kenisha's room during the doctor's examination. And although it seemed as if Aisha was finally understanding the magnitude of Kenisha's situation, she still wasn't prepared to take on three extra children."I can barely take care of the four I already have. And Kenisha has her children so spoiled, I would never measure up with them."

"Do you think Kenisha will change her mind about allowing your mother to take the children?"

Aisha adamantly shook her head."Kenisha has never let Martha watch her kids. She says that Martha doesn't protect children. Ever since Kenisha was a kid, she has always talked about protecting herself, and then when she got older, it was all about protecting her kids."

That knowledge made Deidre appreciate how much trust Kenisha had placed in her, because for Kenisha to ask her to adopt her children meant that Kenisha believed that Deidre would keep her children safe. Kenisha had put a lot of faith in her, and now Deidre wanted to beg Johnson to forget about his dreams of having a newborn. But she knew she had no right to take yet another dream away from him. Getting to sleep that night was one of the hardest things Deidre had done in a long time.

The next morning Deidre and Johnson took the children to church and then went to the hospital to see Kenisha. The girls ran to their mother, jumped on the bed, and hugged her. But Jamal hung back.

"What's wrong?" Deidre asked him when she noticed his hesitancy.

They were in the doorway of Kenisha's room. Jamal pointed at the tubes and monitors.

"That's just an IV tube. They're replenishing Kenisha's system with necessary fluids. And that monitor is just keeping track of her heartbeats. The nurses want to make sure that she's okay, even when they're not in the room."

"Oh," Jamal said as he stepped into the room and walked over to Kenisha.

"Hey, boy, I've been waiting all morning to see y'all," Kenisha said as Jamal gave her a hug.

"We went to church first. Mr. Johnson said that we could ask the kids in the children's church to pray for you. So I did," Jamal told her.

"Yeah," Diamond chimed in."I prayed that God would stop you from being sick all the time."

"I'd like that too," Kenisha said honestly.

Johnson held out his hand to Kenisha."I'm Johnson Morris. I've heard an awful lot about you. But it's nice to finally meet you face-to-face."

"Likewise," Kenisha said. Her voice was hollow. Tired.

After that, the kids bombarded Kenisha with questions, one after the other, until Johnson volunteered to take the kids home and feed them.

"Thanks, honey," Deidre said as she stood up and kissed her husband."I'll call you when I'm ready to leave or I'll catch a cab home."

"Call me. No wife of mine has to ride in a cab." Johnson grabbed up the kids and left.

"You have a good husband. I wish I had met someone like him."

"Yeah, he's all right," Deidre agreed.

"Can I ask you something?" Kenisha turned to face Deidre.

"Ask away. I'm all ears."

"Okay. Why are you here? I mean, I tried to throw you out of my apartment yesterday. If I hadn't passed out, I would have. And now you've got my kids. But when I asked you to watch them for me before, you acted like that was a big problem."

"I'm sorry if you thought I didn't want to help you out with your children. But the truth is, my reasons were even more selfish than you had guessed."

Kenisha gave Deidre an
aha
look."So you admit it?"

Deidre held up her hand."Let me explain. This is not going to be easy for me, but I think I at least owe you an explanation."

"I'm listening."

Taking a deep breath, Deidre began her story."I told you about my condition, which makes it hard if not impossible for me to conceive."

Kenisha nodded.

"But what I didn't tell you is that my husband doesn't know that I have this condition. I've known since we started dating that Johnson wanted lots of kids, but I didn't want to lose him, so I keep my mouth shut. I made my mom and sister stay quiet about it also. They begged me to tell him the truth, but I refused."

"I thought Christians didn't believe in lying," Kenisha said without an ounce of judgment in her voice.

"That's why this whole thing has been so hard on me. Johnson and I got saved a couple years after we got married. My sister, Michelle, called to congratulate us. I remember how excited she was for me. I was excited also. Then she told me that I should tell Johnson about my PCOS so that there would be no secrets between us. And I told her not to ever bring that up to me again.

"I shouldn't have been so mean to her, but I was scared. I've been scared my entire marriage."

"But Johnson is willing to adopt, so if you tell him the truth, he might even be that much more willing," Kenisha said hopefully.

Deidre put her head in her hands and let the tears flow. The guilt of her deception had worn on her for so long that she could no longer contain her emotions."I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just . . . I don't even feel worthy of Johnson's love. He has suffered with me for seven long years, wanting a child as much as I do. I just wanted to be able to give him a child myself. If I could do that, my lie wouldn't matter."

"But he loves you, I could see that."

"I know he does. But now we have another problem. See, ever since we decided to adopt, Johnson has had his heart set on a newborn. And even though I would love nothing more than to adopt your children, I don't know if I can disappoint Johnson one more time." The tears fell harder as she finished. She looked at Kenisha, hoping to glean an answer to a question that had been plaguing her for years."How do I tell a man who wants children so bad, that I will never be able to give him any? And that he has to give up his dreams for a newborn because I have fallen in love with your children?"

Shaking her head, Kenisha said, "People deceive others all the time. The only reason you're feeling guilty about this is because of your church. It's the church. That's why I don't go. If I want to know what a loser I am, I'll invite my mother over."

"That's not the way it is. The church provides hope."

"You mean false hope."

"No, no, Kenisha, that's not true. The hope that God brings is not false," Deidre told her as she wiped the tears from her face and thought back to the conversation that she and Johnson had had last night. She believed every word Johnson said, so therefore she believed God. Faith was the answer, whether she lived to see the rewards of her faith or not."I do believe that God answers prayers. Whether he answers mine or not does not change the fact that God is good and that He is well able to do anything we need Him to do."

Without a second thought, Kenisha said, "I can't put my trust in a God that could allow me to die so young and you to yearn for children you'll never have."