Long Time Coming (2 page)

She should have told him. But he was all she'd ever wanted. Their love was so new, she'd been terrified of losing him. After the Lord saved her soul, she'd thought that if she charted her fertile periods and prayed . . .

"Mrs. Morris?"

Sniffling, Deidre wiped the tears from her face."I-I'm sorry, Jamal. I'll be out in a second." She blew her nose, took the pad out of her purse, and lined her underwear with it. Flushing the toilet, she adjusted her clothes before opening the stall.

As if he were talking a lunatic down from a ledge, he asked, "Do you need me to get you anything?"

Washing and drying her hands, Deidre shook her head.

"When I'm sad, Mama holds my hand. That always makes me feel better." He stretched out his hand."Do you want to try it?"

Deidre's heart swelled with love for this little boy who reached out to her when she needed it most. She grabbed his hand as they walked back to her office.

He squeezed her hand."Feel better?"

A tear trickled down her cheek."Much. Thank you, Jamal."

Back in her office, Deidre put her files in her briefcase."If you don't mind, Jamal, I'd like to go home. I'll call your mom and give her my telephone number and address."

"That's fine with me. Just as long as you let her know where I'll be. I wouldn't want her to worry."

Deidre almost told him that she was sure his mother wasn't all that concerned. If she were, she wouldn't have forgotten to pick him up. That was the other beef she had with God. She and Johnson would be great parents. They'd never leave their children to fend for themselves. But alas, the babies were gifted to the unfit, while she, Deidre Clark-Morris, babysat.

M
emories, like demons, kicked Kenisha around as she lay down on that hospital bed while this X-ray-looking machine sent radiation through the cancerous parts of her body. She felt weak and beaten as the ghosts of yesterday reclaimed her soul.

"Dynasty, girl, you ain't right."

"Ah, stop your crying," she told Kenisha as she raked the cards off the table."We won fair and square, and you know it."

Kenisha sat back and huffed."Just deal the cards." They were playing Spades. Terrell, Kenisha's boyfriend, was her partner. And Clyde was Dynasty's partner. Although the stiff way Dynasty was treating Clyde made Kenisha wonder if he was still her live-in boyfriend.
She turned to Clyde."You need to stop letting your bad habits rub off on my sister. She was a nice girl before she started messing around with you."

Laughter escaped the mouth of three of the card players. But Kenisha noticed something akin to regret dancing around her sister's eyes. Dynasty's silence changed the mood.

Clyde either didn't notice that Dynasty wasn't on his team anymore, or he was playing dumb. He put his hand over Dynasty's and said, "Ain't nothing wrong with my baby. She knows how the game is played. You're the one who needs to keep up."

Dynasty pulled her hand from Clyde's as she smirked at Kenisha."That's right, baby sis, you need to keep up."

"It's like that? All right then." Kenisha turned to Terrell and said, "You heard 'em, right? So I need you to help me show these knuckleheads how the game is played for real."

Terrell kissed the deck of cards and then dealt them. He turned over the first round of cards so that everyone could see what the other player was dealt. Clyde got the three of diamonds, Kenisha got the ace of spades, Dynasty got the king of hearts, and Terrell got the little joker.

"It's on now," Kenisha said with glee. She thought for sure that she and Terrell would win this hand, but the rest of the cards didn't go in their favor and they lost that hand also.

Terrell stood and stretched his long, athletic body."Guess it's time to go. I got people to see."

Kenisha frowned as she cleared the table."Thought you said you were going to let that mess alone?"

He walked around the table, bent down, and kissed her forehead.
"Girl, your man has gotta handle his business. How would it look if I let them thugs get away with creeping on my turf?"

Kenisha awkwardly pushed her big-bellied body out of her chair and stood."It would look like you had finally gotten your senses together. Like you were ready to grow up and be a father to our child."

Palming her belly, Terrell told her, "Girl, I'm gon' always take care of mine. Believe that."

Gently rubbing the side of his face, she tried again."I just don't want you to get hurt, Terrell. Every thug on them streets is not gon' back down just 'cause you're mean and mad."

He moved her hand from his face."Just have my steak ready when I get back here.come on, Clyde, let's go handle our business."

"I'll be out there in a minute," Clyde said.

Terrell walked out and got into the truck.

Clyde turned to Dynasty."Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Eyes downcast, Dynasty told him, "Nothing left to say."

"Don't be like this, Dy."

"It's over, Clyde. Just let me go, okay?"

He picked up a chair and threw it across Kenisha's living room. Dynasty jumped up and ran behind the couch.

Kenisha yelled outside, "Terrell, come get your boy!"

"You're not just gon' dismiss me like this, Dy. I've done too much for you."

With the couch between them and Terrell on his way back in the house, Dynasty let loose."Yeah, you've done a lot for me. But you've done a lot more to me. Don't you get it, Clyde? You ruined everything we had when you made me lose our baby."

"Why you gotta start with her? We've got things to do," Terrell called from the door.

"This ain't over, Dy," he told her as he walked out the door.

Dynasty came from behind the couch and yelled at Clyde as he jumped in Terrell's truck."Oh, it's over, all right. So stop coming over to my sister's house. I don't want to play cards with you. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even want to know you exist. Do you hear me, Clyde?" She slammed the door, locked it, then sat down and cried.

Kenisha went to her sister and softly rubbed her back."It'll be okay, Dy."

She looked up."When? I haven't seen an okay day since your crazy mama birthed me."

"She was your crazy mama first."

They both laughed, then Dynasty asked, "You got any Kool- Aid?"

Kenisha went to the kitchen, poured two glasses of orange Kool- Aid, walked back into the living room, and handed her sister a glass.
"I had no idea, Dy. You told us that you lost the baby because of some kind of accident."

Dynasty took a couple of gulps, then set the glass down."Yeah, Clyde accidentally kicked it out of me."

Kenisha flopped down on the couch next to her sister."I didn't know, Dy. Dawg. What made him do it?"

Sniffling and wiping the tears from her face, Dynasty asked, "Besides being crazy?"

Trying not to laugh, Kenisha nudged her sister."What happened?"

"We were at MJ's drinking and having a good time when Carlton walked in."

"Your ex-boyfriend Carlton?"

"Exactly. Well, Carlton spoke to me, and I stupidly spoke back.
Clyde snatched me out of that club, took me home, and proceeded to beat me from one room to the next. He said that my baby probably belonged to Carlton. That's when he kicked me. Over and over again."

"If I'd known, Dynasty, there's no way I would have let Terrell bring that dog in here."

"Don't worry about it. The sad part is, I think I still love him."

"How you gon' love somebody that did some mess like that to you?"

"I never said I wanted to love him, Kenisha. I'm all messed up, torn up inside. I just can't stop my heart from loving his no-good behind."

They sat there in silence for a while, both recognizing the irrational desires of the heart, the longings that just couldn't be denied, even when danger signs glared in their faces. Kenisha was still in love with James, her first love, but he was in prison, so she was trying to make things work with Terrell."Well, if you really love him, have you thought about giving him a second chance?"

Why, why, why did she think Clyde could change? Not a day went by that Kenisha didn't long to talk to her sister, her best friend, again. But her sister was dead, and she had sent her back into the arms of the man who had murdered her— this was her greatest sin. Cancer was her atonement.

A nurse stepped into the room, causing Kenisha to lock her memory back into the past.

"All right, we're done for today. You can put your clothes back on, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Same time, same place," Kenisha said with false cheer.

The nurse walked over to her bed and put a hand on her shoulder. With sympathetic eyes, the older woman said, "I know this isn't easy for you, but I'm going to try to make you as comfortable as possible every day you have to come to radiation. Okay?"

Compassion wasn't something Kenisha was used to receiving. It made her uncomfortable. She cleared her throat and asked, "Do you know how much longer I need to come here? I have kids. I can't keep dropping everything to be at the hospital."

"You don't have any other options. You need this radiation so we can get that tumor small enough to operate."

"What's your name?"

"I'm sorry, I thought I told you my name. It's Lori Myers."

"Well, Lori, do you have kids?" The woman looked to be in her thirties and so thin that Kenisha doubted she had ever carried any children.

"I'm not married yet," Lori said.

Why did these professional types always think you had to be married before having kids? Kenisha didn't understand them at all."Well, I'm not married, and I have three." She stood up and put her clothes on, then turned back to Lori and said, "I don't have a reliable babysitter, so I don't know how I'm going to be able to come here every day."

"One thing I've learned in life is that if you've got the will, you'll find a way."

Easy for her to say,
Kenisha thought. This middle-class woman was probably living in the suburbs. She had no clue about Kenisha's life. But Kenisha didn't try to enlighten her. She just grabbed her purse and left the room. Before leaving the hospital, she found a pay phone and called Aisha."Hey, I'm on my way home. Can you bring the kids to me?"

"Well, it took you long enough. My God, Kenisha, it's almost six o'clock."

"I know, I know. It couldn't be helped. Did Jamal have any homework?"

"How would I know? I thought Jamal was with you."

Screaming into the phone, Kenisha asked, "Are you telling me you didn't pick my son up? I called you this morning and asked you to get him for me."

Snapping her fingers."My bad, Kenisha. I forgot."

Still screaming, Kenisha told her, "You better borrow John's car and bring yourself to Good Samaritan Hospital and pick me up so I can find my son."

"What are you doing at the hospital?"

"Don't waste time asking me stupid questions. Get yourself over here now."

"All right, Kenisha, calm down. I'll be there in a few minutes. Sorry."

"Well, that just makes it all better, doesn't it?" Kenisha slammed the phone down without waiting for a reply.

O
reo ice cream and pepperoni-and-ham pizza was a combination for pregnant women. But Deidre sat defiantly on her family-room sectional, with no baby in her stomach, wolfing down ice cream and pizza anyway. She pointed at a video on the coffee table."Put that in the DVD player," she told Jamal.

Jamal read the movie title as he picked it up."You like this old stuff?"

"Old stuff? You mean
classic,
right?"

He popped the movie in and then punched play."Call it whatever you like. All I'm saying is, if it's a black and white, it's old."

In between a mouthful of ice cream and pizza, Deidre laughed. The sound was almost foreign to her. Laughter had been missing in her life since guilt about not being able to produce Johnson's child took hold of her and her "good" job became an evil nightmare.

Since she could do nothing about the child issue, Deidre tried desperately to push Johnson out of her mind. She knew she should have emailed him back at work, or telephoned him so he would know that she wasn't pregnant. But it was too hard to let the words slip out of her mouth. Too hard to hear Johnson's not-again sigh. So, as she sat back and pretended to watch
It's a Wonderful Life
with Jamal, Deidre thought about the problems at work.

Frank Thomas was the superintendent over the City of Dayton schools. He'd given Deidre a hard time ever since he took the position two years ago. His lack of trust in her ability to run her school effectively was taking its toll on her performance, which was another blow to Deidre's self-esteem and her faith in God. As a Christian, performing well was important to Deidre. She felt that she worked not only for Frank Thomas, but also for God. And when Frank belittled her efforts, she pictured God looking down on her and shaking his finger.

Deidre put her bucket of ice cream on the coffee table as a thought ran through her mind. Maybe she couldn't get pregnant because of all the stress on her job.

"Do you think this getting your wings stuff is for real?"

Remembering that she had company, Deidre turned to Jamal."What?"

"The angel in this movie. Do you think that's true?"

"Do I think what's true?"

Jamal rolled his eyes and pointed at the TV. Clarence the angel was telling a bartender that he needed to help someone in order to get his wings."Do you think that's true?"

She turned her face toward the TV."Oh. I'm not sure."

"What about angels? Do you think they're real?"

Sometimes I wonder.
"Yes, of course angels are real."

"Turn left here." When Aisha missed the turn, Kenisha jumped up and down in the front seat of the car."Where are you going? I told you to turn left back there."

"I was going too fast to turn. Calm down, Kenisha, I'm turning around."

"I'll calm down when I get to my son. How could you forget about him, Aisha? You ain't right."

Making a U-turn in the street, Aisha said, "I already said I was sorry about that. You told me that he's over at his principal's house, right? So he's safe."

Kenisha rolled her eyes as she sat back in her seat and glared at her sister. She just didn't get it. It's a wonder that Children's Services didn't visit her more than once a year.
The annual check-up,
Aisha jokingly referred to the visits she received from social workers. Kenisha would be mortified if some social worker came to her house accusing her of being an unfit mother.

While waiting for her sister to pick her up, Kenisha called the school but only got the voicemail. She called her mother to see if Jamal had called, but her mother was drunk and couldn't remember. Then Kenisha tried her home voicemail, hoping that Jamal had left her a message. That's when relief swept over her as she wrote down the address that Jamal's principal had left for her.

"You might be mad at me right now, but I have something to tell you and since you're in my car, you're stuck listening."

"What is it, Aisha?"

"I turned in my video to the
For the Love of Ray J
show."

Kenisha rolled her eyes again. Her sister was a reality show diva wannabe. Aisha had no talent whatsoever and four kids, so there was no way she was getting on one of those shows. But then again, most of the women on those shows didn't have any talent either. They just brought the drama, and people with nothing better to do tuned in."What makes you think Ray J wants to become an instant daddy to four kids?"

Aisha shook her head."Kenisha, you just don't get it. It doesn't matter if Ray J picks me or not. It's the exposure that I'm after. What if I get on that show and some producers see how talented I am . . . maybe I'll get a recording contract or something."

"Didn't they already boo you off of
American Idol?"

"My sinuses had been acting up that day, and you know it."

Kenisha started laughing. She couldn't help it. Aisha cracked her up. Aisha had big dreams for a project chick who couldn't even manage to get out of bed before noon.

"Laugh all you want, Kenisha. When I'm a big star, we'll see how much you laugh then."

Kenisha waved her hand in the air, dismissing her sister."Do whatever you want, Aisha. I've got my own problems. I don't have time to worry about you."

"Why were you at the hospital, anyway?"

"Turn right here, she lives on this street."

"Don't ignore me," Aisha said as she turned the corner."Why were you at the hospital?"

"Slow down, look for 6280. And it's none of your business."

"Oh, so I can play taxi, but I don't get to know nothing."

Kenisha pointed at a red-brick house."Pull over, Aisha. This is it."

Aisha leaned her head against the windowsill."Wow. Jamal sure knows who to go home with. Leave it to him to pick some rich white lady."

"Jamal's principal isn't white. She's a sistah." She got out of the car and walked across hunter-green grass, smelling the fragrance of the fresh pine mulch that surrounded the trees. Knocking on the door, Kenisha put a smile on her face and tried to forget that all she wanted to do was to find a bed and lie down.

"So what did you think of the movie?" Deidre asked Jamal as Clarence got his wings.

He got up and took the disc out of the DVD player. As he returned to his seat, he told her, "My mom acted like that guy for a while."

"Which guy?"

"The one who thought everybody would have been better off if he'd never been born."

Cautiously, Deidre asked."Why does your mom think that?"

"She doesn't now. But after my aunt died, I would hear her crying and saying stuff about it all being her fault." He looked down at his hands. Realized he was still holding the disc and set it on the coffee table."I watch these old movies a lot with my mom." He pointed at the slices of pizza on the table."My mom likes pepperoni and ham pizza too."

Deidre recognized the change in subject and let it happen.

"You know what?" Jamal asked."You remind me of my mom."

"Like how?"

"Well, you're nice, and you like kids."

Deidre smiled at Jamal."How do you know I like kids?"

"Ah, come on, Mrs. Morris. All the kids at school know that you're fair. You don't just ignore us because we're kids. You listen."

Hearing that from Jamal made Deidre feel much better about the strides she'd made at Jane Adams. Lately, with how her boss had been treating her, she'd started feeling like a failure. Like maybe somebody else could take over as principal and do a much better job."Thanks, Jamal. I appreciate your saying that."

"It's true. All the kids talk about how cool you are." Jamal's eyes turned sad as he shook his head."It's too bad you weren't pregnant today. You'd make a great mom."

The smile left Deidre's lips as sadness invaded her eyes. She stood and began clearing the food off the coffee table.
Lord, please make the pain go away.
But the pain would not move. Tears trickled down her face as she walked into the kitchen.

Jamal followed her and sat on the stool behind the counter."I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad again."

She grabbed a napkin off the counter and wiped the tears from her face, then blew her nose."I'm all right, don't worry abou—"

The doorbell rang.

Jamal jumped."That's my mom."

Throwing the napkin in the wastebasket, Deidre told Jamal, "Well, let's go let her in."

Kenisha had few dreams. But the one that stuck with her was about moving her children into a nice home in a nice neighborhood where they could go outside and play without ducking gunfire. Every Sunday when Mr. Hadley, her elderly next-door neighbor was finished reading his newspaper, he would knock on her door and give her the Home section. Kenisha pored over the pages, taking in the square footage and the acreage of the homes. Once, she even took the bus to a home tour event. She walked through three- and fourhundred-thousand dollar homes, asking questions about the structure and feeling the etching in the columns as if she could be an interested buyer. She knew what a quality home looked like. That's why her mouth hung open and she couldn't even say hello when Mrs. Morris opened the door and she stepped into the foyer.

"It's nice, isn't it, mama? Like those houses you look at on Sunday."

"You ain't lied about that, Jamal." Stepping past Deidre, Kenisha looked at the spacious open-floor plan. The winding staircase."This house is off the chain."

Deidre cleared her throat.

Kenisha turned toward her."Oh, hey. Gurl, I was 'bout to take a tour of this mug. Thought I was in one of them show homes for a minute. How you doing?"

"I'm fine," Deidre told her, then added, "Thanks for picking Jamal up."

Kenisha caught the college-girl attitude Miss Thang was throwing at her. She was about to go there with her, but after the day she'd had, she just didn't have the energy. So she simply told her, "You don't have to thank me. That's my job."

Deidre turned to Jamal."Go get your things." She turned back to Kenisha once Jamal was out of sight."It looks like you forgot your job today."

"Look, lady. I don't know what your problem is, but my son has never been left at your school before. I pick him up on time every day."

"Not today."

"Once, okay. One time out of a year."

"Once is too many."

Kenisha gave Deidre the hand."Whatever."

"How can you be so nonchalant?" Deidre kept her voice to a whisper as she told Kenisha off."Jamal is your son. He should be precious, and far more important than any errand you had to run."

Kenisha continued to roll her eyes with the five-finger disconnect still in Deidre's face.

"If you think I'm going to let you ruin Jamal's life, you can think again. I'm calling Children's Services first thing in the morning. We'll see how smug you are then."

Kenisha's hand came down."Look, lady, you've got it all wrong."

Tears flowed from Deidre's face as she pointed into the family room where Jamal was gathering his stuff." I'm not going to let you hurt him. A mother should love and care for her child. Not put him in harm's way."

Kenisha pointed in the direction Jamal took off in."That's my heart. Jamal knows he's my heart. I'd never do anything to hurt him."