Light My Fire (9 page)

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

“Cash, please—”

“I know you want something from me.” There was no doubt.

“I just wrote you a check for a few million dollars. What could I possibly want?”

That’s what I was trying to figure out.

“Cash, you were such a great guy to me. You were sweet, loyal…just amazing.”

“This is too many years too late.”

Sharon sighed.
“And I realize what I lost. Now every guy is only interested in me because of my success. They don’t care about me for me.”

“I know how that is,” I said sarcastically.

“You were the only guy who loved me for who I was…”

How could any guy love her now? She was a two-faced, lying whore.

“I want to make this right between us. I don’t care how long it takes. And I was hoping we could…reconnect.”

Was that a joke?
“Fuck no. I never want to be with you.”

“Let’s cut the crap, Cash.” Her confidence emerged. I knew her true motive was down there somewhere. I just had to pull it out. “You haven’t been in a relationship once since we broke up—five years ago. You still love me. And I…I know I love you.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Sharon, I don’t love you. The only reason I haven’t had a girlfriend is because I’ve been too busy chasing pussy. That’s it.”

She studied me. “Why do I feel like there’s more behind this story?”

“There isn’t,” I said firmly.

“I don’t believe you.” She pulled a loose strand of hair from her face. “I’m willing to be patient with you because of the horrible things I did. We can take it slow. You’re worth the wait. I just wish I hadn’t thrown you away to begin with.”

“I. Don’t. Want. You.”

She held my gaze, not backing down. “We’ll see.”

“I’m madly in love with someone else.”

That got her attention. “Who?”

“None of your business.”

“So, you have a girlfriend?”

“Well, no. It’s complicated. But I’m not available. That’s the bottom line.”

Sharon’s eyes narrowed. “How can you be in love with someone but not be with them?”

“I’m not sharing my personal life with you.” This bitch had a lot of nerve asking.

“That doesn’t mean anything to me. I’ll still try.”

I shook my head. “Try all you want. I really don’t give a shit.”

She placed her hand on mine. “You’re just as successful as me, you’re trustworthy, and you aren’t a liar. You’re my perfect partner. No one else could complement me but you.”

I moved my hand. “So, that’s what this is about? I’m your perfect partner for your image.”

“That has something to do with it.”

I shook my head slightly. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Just think about it. I could be the ally you need for your career. I’m beautiful, successful, and smart. I want a husband that I can rely on. You are that man. In return, I’d be faithful to you, give you mind-blowing sex, give you children, and be the wife you always wanted.”

The only woman I’d ever marry was Prudence. I imagined her sitting on the beach with our two children. She’d wear a sun hat to protect her fair skin. I would come up behind her then give her a big kiss. She’d melt into me, wanting to do something more but the kids were around. And that’s the dream I wanted. Prudence was my fantasy.

I stood up then pulled the bills out of my wallet. I tossed them on the table then grabbed my check. “Go fuck yourself, Sharon.”

Chapter Fifteen

♬

Prudence Clearwater

The technical writing of the contract was difficult to understand. I was college-educated and I had a good head on my shoulders, but this was gibberish.

Dean explained it to me over and over.

“We would own these songs.” He pointed to the paper.

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’re the artist and you’re the only person who can sings them, but we own the royalty indefinitely, even after you die.”

“Wow.”

“But your royalty percent is higher than ours. You’re getting a good deal.”

I stared at the paper, not really reading it. “What about any new songs I make?”

“Each album has a new contract.” He looked through the open door and saw no one. “But I think you’re going to be huge, Pru. And because of that, I think you should start your own company. That way no one would own your music but you. And you’re free to do whatever you want, creatively.”

“Well, that sounds like a long shot.”

Dean stared at me fondly. “I don’t think so.”

I read the contract one more time, but I was still nervous. Any time it came to paperwork, I was always scared. Even when I signed my papers for college, I was anxious.

“You don’t have to sign it right now. You want a night to think it over?”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay.” He grabbed the contract and put it in his bag. “You want to get something to eat?”

“I just want to get out of here.”

Dean gave me a sympathetic look then pulled me from the chair. He hooked his arm around me and guided me from the building. His touch was welcomed and soothing. I felt like I had someone to look after me, who genuinely cared about me. He reminded me of Jeremy…

We arrived at
the café on Ventura and sat outside. After being in that freezing building, it was nice to sit outside in the sun. Dean ordered my coffee and sandwich then placed it in front of me. I picked the bread then sipped the coffee.

“You’re
odd,” he said.

“Why?”

“Most people would be ecstatic right now.”

“I am,” I said quickly. “I’m sorry if I seem ungrateful.”

“You don’t seem excited…”

I took a deep breath. He’d probably think I was stupid for feeling this way. “Money changes people. I just don’t want it to change me. What if I become rude and self-centered? What if I turn into an egotistical bitch? What if…I’m not me anymore?”

“Who says you aren’t like that already?” He gave me a big smile.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m being serious.”

“Pru, you will change. That’s how it is. But I suspect you won’t be that different. When you live in ignorance your whole life, you never change. But when you experience life and gain knowledge, you grow. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ll probably be even better, honestly.”

Would Cash think so? I thought about him every second of every day. We hadn’t spoken to each other in a month, but I still loved him as much as I did before. I missed those bright blues eyes that reminded me of the sea, the scruff on his face from not shaving for a few days, and the way he used to
rock my world…fuck I miss that.

“You’re doing it again.”

Was Dean a damn mind reader?
“Sorry.”

“You really love this guy, huh?”

“I wish I didn’t.” The relationship turned out to be nothing but painful. “Actually, I don’t. Even though our time together was short and I didn’t mean anything to him, it was still the best time of my life. He’s the love of my life and he’ll always be that to me. How could I regret something that made me so happy…at one point?” I stared at the traffic on the road. Everyone was speeding by and switching into different lanes. I was grateful Dean drove me around everywhere.

Dean rested his elbows on the table then stared at my face. I’d become accustomed to the look. “Perhaps I was wrong.”

“Sorry?”

“I was wrong before. Maybe Cash is your one and only. You found your special someone early in life and now he’s gone.”

I nodded. “I really don’t think I’ll love anyone else for the rest of my life.”

Dean rested his fingers on his lips for a moment then pulled them away. His eyes glazed over like he was thinking about something, places far away. “Prudence, there’s something I want to ask you. It’s completely hypothetical. And I want to explain myself fully before you form an opinion.

What? That didn’t sound good…

“Winnie is the only woman who will ever be in my heart. A part of me wishes I could move on so I could experience that joy again, but I just can’t. But that isolation always makes me feel incredibly lonely. I bring girls around but it’s not the same. I’d love it if I could find someone who’s experienced the same heartache as I have. We could get married knowing it was a relationship of convenience, not love. It would make our families happy. And we could even have kids. It’d be a partnership
. But the biggest foundation of this relationship would be friendship. More than anything else, that’s what we’d be to each other. And since I’m your manager and your agent, we’d probably be a good match.”

I processed what he said many times. “What are you asking, exactly?”

“For you to marry me.” He spoke like he was talking about the crossword in the
Los Angeles Times.
  “We wouldn’t love each other, but we’d make each other happy. It would chase away the loneliness. I see the same despair on your face that marks mine everyday.” I stared at him, still in a whirlwind. “Like I said, it’s totally hypothetical. But if you’re going to be famous, people will constantly pursue you. If I were your partner, one that’s rich and powerful, people would back off and leave you in peace. You could mourn Cash to the end of your days and it wouldn’t make a difference to me.”

I nodded. “In this…arrangement…would we have sex?”

“I would like to. But if you don’t, that’s totally fine. My hand still does wonders.”

I didn’t react to his comical words because the thoughts were still swirling in my head.

“Like I said, it’s hypothetical. If it makes you too uncomfortable, we could pretend this conversation never happened.”

It was a crazy idea. I’d marry someone I didn’t love just to avoid the loneliness. But in theory, it didn’t sound that crazy. I never wanted to get married because it was too painful. And after Cash, I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I honestly didn’t think that would ever change. Dean could give me exactly what I wanted. He’d look out for my career, be my best friend, understand my love for Cash, wouldn’t expect anything out of me, and give me children if I wanted them. “No, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable.”

His eyes widened. “If we decided to do this, do you have any terms?”

I had to think about it. I never thought about having sex with Dean. I just didn’t see him that way. But eventually my needs would come forth and they needed to be satisfied. And Dean was a handsome man. I was just blind to it because I was in love with Cash. “I wouldn’t mind the sex.”

“Good. Because I’d enjoy that part.” He gave me a wink.

“You would never love me?”

“Not in a romantic way,” he said simply.

“What do you get out of this?”

“I don’t have to be alone anymore. Eight years without my wife has been difficult. I have many friends and family members, but it’s not the same as a life companion. Plus, I’d like to have kids.”

“And you’re okay knowing I would never love you?”

He nodded. “It’s where I got the idea.”

“I thought I didn’t want kids because I assumed I’d never marry, but in this relationship, I’d like to have children.”

He smiled. “Good. How many?”

“Three.”

“I could give you that.”

“Okay…”

“If we did this, we’d have to be monogamous. I don’t want to share you with anyone. And I would give you that same courtesy. Plus, the media will follow you everywhere. A cheating scandal would be in the tabloids six hours later.”

“I’m okay with the commit
ment. I’m not interested in anyone else anyway.”

“So far so good. Anything else?”

I thought of another rule I’d like to have. “No lies.”

“Never.”

“That’s all I can think of…”

“Like I said, it’s hypothetical. Think it over.”

It was an outlandish idea. It was definitely depressing, but comforting at the same time. At least I wouldn’t be alone. No one would pity me. They’d think I was happy with a loving husband. “If I agreed, when did you want to do this?”

“Whenever. We’ve only known each other for a month. We could wait a while if that makes you feel better.”

“I’ve been with you every second of every day, I know everything about you. I doubt there’s anything more to your story. I know your wishes, your habits, your backstory. There isn’t much left.”

He eyed me. “Are you saying you want to get married now?”

“No. I haven’t decided yet. I just meant that I know you well enough.”

“I don’t know.” He gave me a mischievous grin. “I could be another Ted Bundy.”

“You’re too sweet to be a serial killer.”

He sighed. “Being a nice guy sucks.”

“I love that you’re a nice guy.”

“But I always finish last.”

Chapter Sixteen

♬

Cash Matthews

I was livid for the next few days. Sharon pissed me the hell off. Who the hell did she think she was? After ruining my life, she basically proposed to me.

Crazy bitch.

And I still didn’t have Prudence. That was the worst thing keeping me up late into the night. The only comfort I had was her safety. When she called Jeremy, she said she was fine. And she must be.

My private investigator better be worth every damn penny. I didn’t budget well for this manhunt. I said he had everything at his disposal.

I spent another night drinking my pain away. I went through more beer than I did water or food, and I worked out even more because I was so depressed. It wasn’t healthy.

My phone rang.

Like a snake, my arm flew through the air and snatched it. “Tell me what you know.”

“I found her.”

My heart practically jumped out of my chest. I jumped to my feet. “Where?”

“She’s staying at Burbank Apartments.”

I grabbed my keys and flew out the door.

“Hold on a moment, sir.”

I didn’t slow down. “What?”

“I haven’t gone to the complex. You told me to call you as soon as I knew anything. But there’s a possibility I could be wrong.”

“I’m not waiting. We’ll find out together.” I hung up then peeled out of my driveway.

When I arrived at the building, Ian was already there. I slammed the door then looked at the building. It was old. Bars covered the windows and a baby cried in the distance. My heart fell when I saw it.

She stayed here the whole time?
She could have stayed with me.

“Let’s go.”

Ian came beside me and we walked inside the building.

“She’s on the second floor,” Ian said.

I jogged down the hallway and found the room number. My fist banged against the door. “Prudence, open the door.”

No answer.

“Prudence!” I grabbed the door and shook it.

Ian put a
hand on my shoulder. “That’s breaking and entering.”

I stepped back then slammed my shoulder into the door. It broke. I didn’t care about the damages or invading her privacy. My girl wasn’t staying here. I searched the apartment, seeing the cockroaches in the corner. There was nothing inside. No bags, no furniture, no presence of life.

I went into the bedroom and saw the same thing. “What the hell?”

Ian remained by the door. “This is her last place of residence.”

“Well, she’s not here!”

He didn’t flinch as I raised my voice. “Let’s talk to the land owner. He might know something.”

I was out the door before he was. When we reached the housing manager, I burst into his door. I was breaking all the rules.

“Prudence Clearwater. Where is she?”

An overweight man looked up from his portable TV. His glasses were uneven on his head. He clearly needed a new pair. “Sorry?”

My eyes widened in rage. I was already
gone. “Prudence Clearwater. 3-fucking-B.”

He sat up in his chair then looked at me fearfully.

You should be afraid.
“Out with it!”

Ian put his h
and on my shoulder. “Sir, let him answer.”

The manager looked at his computer then turned back to me. “A month ago, she disappeared. She didn’t pay her rent and all her stuff was gone.”

That didn’t sound good.

“Do you know where she went?”

“If I did, I’d have my rent money.”

Now was not the best time to be a smart ass. I opened my wallet and threw a hundred on the counter. “Tell me everything you know.”

The fat man eyed it but didn’t take it. “I have no information. I’m sorry.”

Ian leaned toward me. “Sir, come on.”

I stayed rooted to the spot. I couldn’t accept this dead-end. What happened to her? Of course, I jumped to the worse conclusions. What if someone captured her and sold her as a sex slave?  I couldn’t think about it. I’d slit my own throat if that were true.

After I took a few breaths, I marched out then stepped outside. A group of
low-lives were leaning against their beat-up car, smoking marijuana in plain sight. They were close to my Range Rover, but I was too upset to care.

Ian came behind me. “We’ll find her, Mr. Matthews. Don’t worry.”

A man with baggy pants that sagged around his knees whistled at me. His beanie covered his dreads despite the scorching heat.

I turned to him, not in the mood.

“You’re looking for that cute brunette?” He took a puff of his joint then lowered it to his side. The smoke blew out.

“Who wants to know?” I marched up to him, ready to tear his throat out.

“By the look on your face, I’d say you.” His boys clung to him tightly, not backing down. I didn’t give a shit if it was four against one. I’d kill them if they touched my girl.

I stared him down, waiting for him to speak.

“I may know a thing or two…”

I opened my wallet and tossed a hundred a
t him. “Speak.” My tendons hurt because they were so tight. I was ready to explode at any second.

“Some guy dropped her off one night. He drove a Lamborghini—white.”

“The car or the guy?” Ian asked.

“Both.”

“What else?” I snapped.

He shrugged.

I gave him another hundred.

“He dropped her off then drove away. But he came back an hour later.”

What the hell did that mean? “What time was this?”

“Two in the morning.”

I didn’t like the sound of that…why was some guy taking her home past midnight? And why did he come back….? “What happened when he came back?”

He shrugged again.

This fucker was lucky I carried so much cash in my wallet. I gave him more money.

“He carried her bags into the car and she got inside. After they left, they never came back.”

My heart broke—again. Why would he take her bags? Where did they go? Was she sleeping with someone new—already? We’d only been broken up for a month. Was that possible? But I guess she didn’t owe me anything. She had no idea I loved her and wanted to marry her. And she may not feel the same way at all. “Thanks…”

Ian studied me. “Are you alright, sir?”

“No.” I walked back to the car.

Ian came beside me. “I can work with that. I’ll look up all the white Lamborghinis in the area. I’ll find him, sir.”

But did I want to find him?