Light My Fire (10 page)

Chapter Seventeen

♬

Prudence Clearwater

Dean and
I had breakfast together like we did every morning. I made French toast and a pot of coffee. He came downstairs in his jeans and t-shirt. Even though he was a huge executive, he never wore a suit. And it was a nice relief. He wasn’t nearly as intimidating.

“I have a gig for you tonight.”

“What?” Did I hear him right?”

“It’s a bar in Burbank. One of
the studios is having an after-party there for their 200
th
episode—or something like that. I got you in.”

“Oh.”

“It pays a lot more than you were making before now that you’re with Capital Records.”

That caught my attention. “How much?”

“Three thousand.”

“American dollars?” I asked incredulously.

He smiled at me. “We don’t pay in euros.”

I was still shocked. “That’s so much money.”

“You deserve it. Plus, people from the industry will be there. It’s a good place for you to get publicity.”

Now I was nervous. I was used to playing
in front of regular people.

“Don’t be nervous, Pru. I’ll be there. Right in the front row.”

“You’ll always be there?”

He nodded. “Unless I’m dying in the hospital, nothing will stop me.”

I smiled. “Thanks. You’re a bit of a crutch to me.”

“I’ve noticed. But it’s okay.”

I finished my French toast then put the empty plate aside.

“But we have a few things to do today.”

“Like what?”

“We have to meet with your stylist and your trainer.”

“My trainer?”
Why do I need one?

“It’s not a big deal. Everyone has one. “We were supposed to meet
them in New York but they are going to be here for the day.”

“Oh.”

He eyed me across the table. “What?”

“I just…that’s a lot in one day.”

“What did you have in mind?”

I shrugged. “Could we go
to the movies? Do something normal?”

He laughed. “I have been pushing you pretty hard lately. Plus, we can take a trip to New York. I can show you the sights.”

“I’ve never been.”

“Then let’s do it.”

I smiled. “I always get my way with you.”

He chuckled. “This isn’t going to be good for our marriage.”

I didn’t respond. I hadn’t agreed to the proposal, and I wouldn’t for a while. I had to wait for Cash to fade from my heart somewhat. It would be wrong if I didn’t, not that he would care. He probably already fucked a dozen women.

“Stop.”

Dean caught me every time. “Sorry.”

“What movie did you want to see?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never kept up with film.”

“I’ll pick something.”

When we arrived at the theatre, Dean paid for our tickets and escorted me inside. The theatre was nice and cool. It was a nice relief from the heat. Dean got popcorn and snacks from the concession stand and we sat in the darkness. It was empty.

“When
was the last time you went to a movie?”

I couldn’t remember. “My brother and I usually just watch a movie on Netflix.”

“Is he the only person you spend time with?” he asked with a laugh.

“No. But I do a lot of
stuff with him.” I ate half the bucket of popcorn then licked my fingers. “Do you have any siblings?”

“I have a sister.”

“Older or younger?”

“Younger. We’re a year apart.”

“Are you close?” I asked.

“For the most part, but not like you and yours.”

“That’s cool.”

“She was Winnie’s maid of honor.”

Awe. That was cute. “Your family loved your wife?”

He laughed. “They loved her more than they love
d me.”

I immediately thought of Cash’s family. His mother loved me like her own daughter and she didn’t even know me. I missed Cash like crazy, but I missed his family just as much—especially Natalia.

Dean eyed me but didn’t say anything. He knew what I was thinking but it didn’t need to be said. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay.” He placed his arm over my shoulders then got comfortable. “I think about Winnie all the time.”

“But you seem to be okay with it.”

“For the most part.”

I ate the box of biscuits while we watched the movie. It was nice to do something normal for a change. And I could fall into a world different than my own. And the biggest reason of all, I didn’t think about Cash.

We went to dinner afterwards. It was a gorgeous Italian restaurant, designed like a fortress in Italy. It was dark inside and lit with a
romantic aura. I sat across from him then demolished the bread on the surface.

Dean watched me with a smile.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

‘What happened to no lies?”

“Damn.” He drank from his wine. “You eat a lot—which isn’t a bad thing.”

I shrugged. “I like food. I don’t care what anyone thinks.”

“You’re a dream woman.”

I laughed. “If only.”

“You are,” he said firmly.

I downed my glass of wine. “If I were, I’d have the man I loved.”

“He’s probably gay.”

“Memories of our time having sex all over his house came back to mind. “Definitely not.”

“Then there’s something seriously wrong with him.”

“I won’t argue with that.” His ex-wife came to my mind.

“Spill it.”

“Even if I’m not sleeping with him anymore, I protect his secrets.”

Dean leaned back in his chair and stared at me. “Well, that gives me peace of mind.”

“I’m an excellent secret keeper.” I pulled the napkin from my lap then placed it on the table. “Can I ask you something about your proposition?”

“Anything that comes to mind.”

“Would we sleep in separate beds…?”

“I assumed we wouldn’t, especially if we had kids.”

“Then would we sleep in your bedroom?” He said he never took women in there because he shared that bed with his wife. And I respected that. But I was curious.

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“I was just curious.”

He rubbed his palms together. “But I need to move on. So yes, we’d sleep in my bedroom.”

Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. “We don’t have to. We could stay in another bedroom.”

“No,” he said firmly. “I can’t keep hold
ing onto her like this. She’d want me to move on, especially with our arrangement.”

The waiter
brought the tab and Dean slipped the money inside. I felt pathetic not being able to pay for anything.

“So, does that mean you’d…sleep with me?” He kept a straight face while he spoke.

“To be honest, I don’t see you that way…at least right now.”

“I figured.”

“But maybe one day… Do you see me like that?”

He had a twinkle in his eyes. “You’re a gorgeous woman, Prudence. Of course I see you like that.”

“But you said you saw me as a sister.”

“I do.”

Red flag. Red flag.

“Let me explain,” he said with a laugh. “I can tell you anything like a sister. I am close enough to you like a sister. But you’re also a best friend and beautiful woman. In other words, you’re pretty damn perfect for a companion.”

I was speechless.

“But we never have to be anything you don’t want to be. We can be a married couple that doesn’t have sex. It’s that simple.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” he said. “No pressure.”

That made me feel a little better. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted. And Cash…he was always there.

Dean looked at his watch. “We should get going. You need to get ready.”

“Oh yeah…”

Chapter Eighteen

♬

Cash Matthews

Ted put
a party hat on my head. “Congratulations!”

Huh? I tore the hat off. I was not in the mood. “What?”

“We just finished our 200
th
episode.” He leaned forward and eyed my face, probably seeing the lines and bags all over my skin. I didn’t sleep last night. “Weren’t you listening…?”

No. Does it look like I’m listening?
“I’m sorry, Ted. I’ve just been going through a hard time.”

“I’ve noticed…”

And so has everyone else.

“If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” He clapped my shoulder. “You’re going to the party tonight, right? Everything is on the tab.”

My tab, I’m sure.
“I’m going to pass.”

“Come on. It’s a victory. Share it with us.” Ted kept his hand on my shoulder. I knew I wasn’t going to get out of this one. I’d been missing from the studio all month. People probably thought I was on suicidal watch.

“Sure…”

“Good.” He returned to the cameramen and helped them turn off the equipment. I stared at the vacant studio and suddenly felt empty. I should be grateful for everything I had but I wasn’t.
Nothing really mattered if you didn’t have the woman you loved beside you.

“Everything okay?” Julia jumped out of the shadows like a gargoyle.

“Hmm?” I put my hands in my pockets and tried to hide the mini breakdown I just had.

“You just…seem different.” Her long blonde hair complemented the green color of her eyes. She truly was a beautiful girl but she never did anything for me, not like Prudence. Maybe I should sleep with her to make myself feel better. Prudence had her legs wrapped around some other guy’s waist…
.fucking bastard.

“Cash?”

“Huh?” She probably thought I was high. “I’m sorry. I’ve been having some personal issues.”

“Well, I’m here to talk…”

No thanks.
“Thank you.”

“You’re coming tonight, right?”

“I’m paying for it. I may as well.”

She chuckled then moved down the stairs. “Come on.”

I put on my fake smile and followed her.

♫

We rented out the bar so we wouldn’t have to deal with anyone else, but that meant I was stuck with all my coworkers. I liked talking to strangers. I could pretend I was normal when they had no idea who I was.

Julia stuck to my side like a damn magnet. She probably wanted to prey on my vulnerabilit
y. She’s been into me since the day she started working. But I wasn’t into blondes. I used to be…before Prudence. Now I just wanted my musician.

Most of the crew was already wasted within the first hour, not very professional. But I couldn’t say a damn thing about being professional. I missed almost a full month of work.

“What’s on your mind?” Julia sat beside me at the table. She was sipping a glass of white wine.

Prudence. Prudence. It was always Prudence.
“Nothing.”

She wasn’t buying it. “You’ve accomplished so much at such a young age. You should be proud.”

“I am.”
No, I didn’t care.
I lost the only thing that mattered to me. What was there to be proud of?

She touched a strand of hair then played with it. I knew she was nervous around me. Prudence used to be the same way. And I missed that. After a few weeks, that vulnerability was gone. She didn’t h
ide her desire and pounced on me like a tigress.
Fuck. I missed her.

“What are you doing after the party?” she asked.

I hoped she didn’t have any ideas. “Going home.”

“You live alone?”

Obviously. She thought I had a roommate?
“Yeah.”

“I live in the apartment
s across the street.”

Where Prudence used to live. “That’s cool. You like it?” I decided to speak because I was being incredibly rude.

“You can’t beat the location.” She chuckled at her own words.

That was so lame.

Julia finally picked up on my mood and fell silent. I drank my bourbon and stared across the room. People joined us and engaged in conversation. I only half-listened. My mind wasn’t in the best state at the moment.

Music played in the background but I ignored it because I didn’t recognize it. The level of conversation became too loud anyway. All I heard was a guitar. When the noise level suddenly died down, I heard a beautiful voice.

When you’re gone, the colors of the world blend. Gray becomes yellow. Yellow becomes black.

I knew that voice.

Without you here, I am empty. Never whole.

I definitely knew that voice. I looked up
to the stage, which was across the room. Standing at the mic holding a guitar was my musician. Her hair was long and wavy, reaching down her shoulders. It looked a lot longer than it used to.

Golden earrings hung from her ears and she wore a tight black dress. Her legs stretched out underneath. They were long and beautiful. My heart slammed into my chest the longer I stared. I didn’t realize seeing her would hurt so much but it did. I missed her so much. Any doubt I had about her was gone. I need
ed her. Now and for always.

I left my table and moved closer to the front. The lights were bright on her face so I knew she couldn’t see me. Like in a trance, I moved slowly. The vision before me was more beautiful and majestic than
any in my memory. She closed her eyes numerous times as she sang her tune. When I listened to the lyrics, I assumed they were about me. But they could be about Isaac…I wasn’t sure.

Even though I was desperate to grab her and drag her off stage, I didn’t. I took a seat
and waited patiently. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, and I didn’t want to waste any time with bullshit. I wanted her to be mine for the rest of my life.

When she finished her set, the entire crowd clapped. There was
n’t a single person who wasn’t impressed.

For the first time, I felt nervous. I was going to make my move, open my already shattered heart to another person, and beg her to give me a chance. I’d love her with my whole heart and give her my full trust. And that was a big step for me.

I took a deep breath then stood. But what I saw made me freeze.

A man joined her on the stage, his mouth wide with an unmistakable smile. His hands moved to her waist and he gripped her. But she let him—and that worse. Prudence’s face lit up when she stared at him, the adoration and love evident on her face. He pressed his mouth close to hers and whispered into her ear. She didn’t pull away, clearly used to the intimate touch. She chuckled then whispered something back. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. He leaned in a
nd kissed her on the forehead.

My forehead.
And she didn’t pull away. Her hand still rested on his shoulders and her eyes closed when she felt him. The trust on her face was unmistakable. I wanted to gag.

The motherfucker pulled away then helped her pack her things. He kept staring at her, not hiding his fondness for my musician. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t breathe. I stumbled through the crowd until I finally reached the outside. People passed me on the sidewalk and one person ran into my shoulder. But I didn’t even notice.

I couldn’t believe this was happening…

I tried to calm down but I couldn’t.
Rage, betrayal, anger…everything you could think of rose inside me. Prudence was opening her legs to someone else….

The doors opened and Prudence came outside, her new boy-toy behind her. Automatically,
I turned my face and stepped away, not wanting her to see me like this. To know how much she hurt me. When they moved down the sidewalk, I turned around and watched them.

The approached a white Lamborghini and stuffed all her e
quipment in the trunk. Then the bastard opened the passenger door and helped her get inside. I was seething.

The break lights turned on and I knew they’d drive away. Instinctively, I waved down a cab and got inside.

“Follow that car!”

Cash, what the hell are you doing?
Why was I following them? What did I hope to achieve? Prudence had every right to be with someone else. As far as she knew, I didn’t give a damn about her. But I still had to know where they were going.

I couldn’t take my Range Rover because
Prudence would recognize it. We followed the car until it took the 101 to the other side of Hollywood. When we reached the quiet neighborhood, I knew this guy was loaded, probably wealthier than I was. And that just pissed me off even more.

The cab pulled over as the Lamborghini pulled into the driveway. I had to stay back so I wouldn’t be spotted. When they got out, they were both laughing. The way they moved around each other made it clear they knew each other well. The guy grabbed her guitar from the back then they walked into the house. After a few minutes, all the lights were turned off. And so did my heart.

I looked at my watch and saw the late hour. If she was staying here this late at night, that could only mean one thing. I could sit out and wait all night, but I knew I would only be disappointed.

“Let’s go back,” I said with a depressed voice.

The cab driver looked at me in the rearview mirror then left the street. The streetlights flashed across my eyes as we drove back. But I didn’t see anything. All I felt was pain. Prudence was obviously fucking this rich guy. She didn’t love me. She didn’t think about me. I meant nothing to her.

When I returned to my car, I sat behind the steering wheel but didn’t drive. I just stared at the dash, remembering the way Prudence would hijack my radio and turn on whatever she wanted to listen to.  I didn’t mind. She always sang songs she knew and I loved hearing her voice. But now she was gone.

I pulled out my phone then made a call. Jeremy answered a moment later.

“You found her, I take it?”

“I did.”

Jeremy paused for a moment. “Please tell me she’s okay.”

“Yes. She’s safe and well.” The bitterness came out of my voice. Jeremy caught on.

“What happened, man?”

I didn’t answer him. “I need a favor.”

“What?”

“Don’t tell Prudence I came to see you.”

He paused again. “Why?”

“Because she’s with some other guy. She doesn’t give a shit about me and she never did. Please don’t tell her.”

“I’m sorry, man…”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure? It might change things.”

“No,” I snapped. “While I was with you, trying to get her back, she already moved on with someone else. I don’t want her pity.”

“Okay. But she’s okay? Who’s the guy?”

“I have no fucking idea, but he’s wealthy as hell. And he seems pretty head-over-heels for her.”

I knew that made Jeremy fe
el better even though he didn’t say it. “I’m sorry, Cash. For what it’s worth, I wanted my sister to be with you.”

“That doesn’t mean anything to me.” I knew I was being an asshole but I couldn’t help it.

“Call me if you need anything.”

I hung up without saying goodbye. It was too hard to say bye to her brother, especially when I just said goodbye to Prudence.