Let Me Be the One (8 page)

I grab his hands again, laughing. “What. Did. She. Do
. Tom?”

He leaned in close to me and whispered, “She pokes her finger right into my as
s.  I didn’t know what hit me!”

I was now laughing uncontrollably. “I don’t know why I feel like comforting you and saying, ‘poor baby’.  It was probabl
y the best night of your life.”

“No,
I was kind of
traumatized.  So anyway, as soon as that happened I had no prayer of holding back and once I came, I could barely look at her, let alone freaking talk to her or cuddle.  We make our way back downstairs and she starts talking to some other guy.  I didn’t even care.  I got piss drunk.  I don’t even know how she got home.”

“So were you two an item after that? I’m thinking
probably not.”

“No.  I was happy to hit rewind for a little while and go back to girls who
wouldn’t go past second or third base.”

“And what happened to Amy?”

“She and I actually had a good laugh about the whole thing last summer.  But right after?  I’ve never been a kiss-and-tell guy but I did tell Dylan.  Dylan was way more experienced than me.  I told him just to…maybe see if that’s how it was?  You know? Like maybe what she did was normal for high school kids and I had missed the memo?  Long story short—once Dylan was certain I wasn’t interested in Amy, he got with her.  They had a passionate, three-week long romance.  She was right up his alley.”

“Well, thank you for sharing, Tom.  I do feel like I know you
much
better now.”

“I can’t believe telling that story makes me feel emba
rrassed even now, so many years later.”

“They say you
never forget your first time.”

He put his hand over his heart dramatically and said, “I know I’ll never forget my Amy.”

Tom

The more time I spent with her the more I
needed
to be around her.  When the guys were going out as a group I went—and I’m not saying I didn’t have fun—but I was surprised to find myself  wishing that I was with her instead.  Even if it was something I was looking forward to, Darcy wasn’t ever far from my mind.

The Sox were in the playoffs and Chris’s father, an exec with a big tech corporation, had a private box.  About ten of us were able to tag along with him.  I knew Nick would be one of the guys going but I decided to overlook that; the seats were great and we were in a VIP section with free beer and food.  Basically, Charles Manson could have been coming with us and I still wouldn’t
have turned down the invite. 

We all met at Chris’s.  I was fairly good friends with Chris, Denny, and Marty but hadn’t been inside their place once so far t
his year.  Nick lived there too so it just didn’t seem right.  It wasn’t as awkward as it could have been; there were enough other people there that we didn’t have to interact directly.  Also, most of the guys there played rugby with me so in some ways I was more at home than he was. 

It had the potential of being a rough night.  Someone started passing shots early but Chris put a stop to that after the second round, reminding us that his
father’s colleagues would be there so we “couldn’t act like a bunch of assholes.”  We made our way to Fenway on the T.  Nick was already fired up.  He was laughing too loud, being obnoxious towards some girls on the train; nothing terrible, just stupid.  Maybe I was imagining it but I could feel Nick’s nasty vibe directed towards me.  It’s almost as if he was doing things that would provoke me into starting with him.  Chris was behind me. “You catching this act, Chris?”

“Yeah. 
I’ll give him a not-so-gentle reminder.  Don’t get involved.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

Chris waited a few minutes and then when another loud, moronic comment was made I saw him grab Nick by his upper arm and whisper to him.  Nick looked like a scolded child and was quiet but brooding for the rest of the ride. 

Chris’s dad went all out for us.  The seats were incre
dible, the food was awesome, and we had waitresses handing us beers before you could finish the one in your hand.  Mr. Dolan’s business associates ranged in age from late twenties to fifties and they were all fun to party with. At one point I saw Chris pull Nick aside again after he grabbed one of the beer girls too aggressively and then Chris went to go smooth things over with her.  Although Nick didn’t make a total spectacle of himself, the boy was a nuisance.

Everyone was going wild towards the end of the game and then the Sox won it with a walk-off in the ninth.  The night had been great so far but as we were leaving I
sensed it was going to turn ugly.  I should have just gone straight back to campus to see Darce but I jumped off with everyone else to have a few beers at the place where Mac was bartending.

It didn’t take long.  Nick was standing off to the side of me, Denny, Dan, and Ben.  He was talking to Marty and was getting progressively louder.  I heard Marty say at one point, “I’d shut my mouth if I were you,” to which Nick replied, loudly, “Oh so
he can fuck
my girlfriend and I can’t say shit about it?  He’s a disloyal
fucking friend.”

I took a deep breath and
looked at Dan.  “Here we go.” 

Dan shook his head and motioned for the door but I no longer felt like pacifying this baby.  And if truth be told, the things he had said about Darcy were eating me up and I felt a strong need to call him on it.  “Nick, when someone breaks up with you more than a year and a half ago, I don’t think you can still refer to that person as
your girlfriend.  Just sayin’.”

“And you
can
call her your girlfriend?  I’d never thought of her as a dumb bitch but she has to be if she’d let you fuck her.  What does that make, Tom?  I don’t know…thirty girls in one year, fifty?”

“Shut your fucking mouth.” 

Chris came over then and stood between us. He looked to me as if to say, “Really?” and then looked to Nick and said, “Nick, leave it alone.”

He shrugged.  “No problem. 
I’ve had her—many times—and now I’m done with her.”

I barked out a laugh. “Yeah, right Nick,” and then I felt rage course through me as I shoved Chris aside and jabbed my finger into Nick’s chest.
  That alone knocked him backwards.  “Just so you know, if I
ever
hear you talking shit about her again, saying shit that’s clearly false, I’ll fuck you up.  You got that, Nick?”

Dan and Denny pulled me back then and we left, lea
ving Chris and Mac to deal with Nick.  I texted Chris to thank him for the night and apologize for my part in what had just happened but I didn’t regret it.  I wanted—no needed—to defend Darcy and needed every guy standing there to know that he was a dishonest piece of shit. 

I awoke the next morning to a crack-of-d
awn text from her:

Thanks for defending my honor. 

She answered on the first ring.  “Hello, handsome.”

“Hey, about last night, I couldn’t help myself, Darce, he was being a jerk.”

“It’s ok,
really.  I just think with him…I don’t know…it’s like you’re kicking the hornet’s nest.  It just gets him more riled up.”

“Just let me handle him, Darcy.  He’s nothing for you to worry about, ok?”

And he wouldn’t be anything for her to worry about because if he so much as looked at her funny I knew I would lose it on him. 

Darcy

Tom and I were starting to fall into a routine.  We usually ate lunch with the group.  We went to the gym together some nights or went running together. 

I was still maintaining my grades but I did have to force myself to snap out of it sometimes, as I would find my mind drifting to thoughts of him when I was sitting in lecture halls or trying to write papers.  Occasionally we went to the library together but I did have to study alone most nights because I had a hard time concentrating when he was right beside me.   He was just too damn good looking.  He had the all-American boy look with some surfer dude mixed in—a hot combination.  He looked like a god.  And when Tom looked at me, his eyes told me he wanted me.  I wanted to jump his bones every time he gave me that look.  Like I said, I was better off studying alone. 

The downside of his good looks was that many other women found him attractive.  Girls would always a
pproach him and flirt.  Although I knew he was with me, he was often the life of the party and I had to keep myself in check to prevent the feelings of jealousy that crept in when he so much as spoke to another girl.  And there were the times when reminders of his past assaulted me.  Like one Saturday afternoon when Caitlyn, Jenna, and Beth were at a game with me and next to us on the sidelines was another group of girls.  From their conversation it was obvious that two of them were intimately acquainted with Tom, right down to descriptions of his impressive manhood.  I wanted to scream, beat his chest, and run away but instead I calmly reminded myself, repeatedly, that what I was listening to was in his past.  Had nothing to do with us, right? After the game, Tom walked straight to me and lifted me off my feet into a tight hug.  “Sorry, I’m all sweaty.  I’m glad you’re here,” he breathed into my ear. 

I could see the g
irls next to me, mouths agape.

I whispered in his ear, “You know, I hate having to listen to random girls on the sidelines talking about how good you are in the sack.  It makes me wa
nt to punch you in the gonads.”

Tom’s whole body shook with laughter and he could barely get his words out, “I, I’m s
orry but you crack me up, Darce.”

“Glad I amuse you.”

He still held onto me but leaned back so we were eye to eye and although the smile didn’t entirely leave his face, his look turned more serious. “I am sorry, Darcy.  I’m crazy about you and no one else, alright?”

I kissed him to let him know we were good.  Ever
ything was better than good.

Tom meant it when he said he wanted to take his time with me.  Although I felt more than ready it meant something to me that Tom wanted things with us to be different than it had been with the others.  And it’s not like he was keeping his hands off me entirely—not even close.  We were moving at a slow pace but as time passed and we became closer, we went further.  He explored every inch of me and what he could do, just with his touch, his kisses, with his mouth—I’d just never experienced this before.  My body was crazy responsive to him.  And I wanted to please him too.  That first night I went down on him I was a little nervous, probably because I knew I was about to go where many had gone before me and I wasn’t quite sure how I’d measure up.

I knew girls went down on guys they’d just met like it was no big deal but I couldn’t understand that.  To me, literally and figuratively being on your knees, servicing a guy you weren’t close to, was degrading.  To do that with someone who didn’t care about you?  I’m sure girls regretted it after the fact.  With Tom it was different.  Because I knew he cared about me, if not loved me, it was different.  And I really
wanted
to take him that way because I loved him and wanted to make him feel good. 

Maybe in the past he had experienced some fancy tricks from other girls in this department but from his reaction when I first moved down his body swirled my tongue along his tip and took him in my hands, I
figured I was doing just fine.  His groans, the way he fisted his hands in my hair, and rocked his hips into me let me know he was loving it.  Just before he came he pulled me up to him, pressed me hard to his body, and kissed me deep as his hot release spread across my stomach.  He whispered my name as he placed soft kisses at the base of my neck and nestled his face into my hair.  “Tom, I’m so ready.”

He lightly stroked my center and practically hummed, “You are ready, Darcy.  Yo
u’re so sweet and you’re mine.”

That wasn’t exactly what I was getting at but he made me feel so good that I just went with it.  He knew what set me off and worked me over until I was biting my lip bloody to kee
p myself from screaming out.  As I lay across the smooth, hard planes of his body after, I went on, “Tom, when I said I was ready before I meant that I don’t want to wait anymore.  I want to be with you. I want to feel you inside me.”

“I want that too, Darcy.”  He cleared his throat and shifted me so that he was looking directly at me. “You know I love you
, Darcy, right? I mean, love you in a way…just stronger than I’ve felt for anyone else before.”

I felt a tear roll down my face.  I could die of happ
iness hearing him say those words to me. “I love you too, Tom.  I can’t stand the thought of not being with you.”

“Soon, Darcy, I’m going to make you mine.”  He kissed me tenderly and then cradled me against hi
m as we fell asleep together. 

It was taking me at least ten minutes longer to get ready every time I left the house.  I felt like it was going to happen any day now and I was making sure that I was wearing cute, lacy things everywhere I went; I was not getting caught in a sports bra and the undies I went running in.  I was in this constant state of anticipation, tingling.  I wanted to be the most desirable person he had ever laid eyes on when we were finally together.

I could be ready at any moment.  I had been on the pill to regulate my cycle for a while now so I was prepared.  Tom had, bit-by-bit, filled me in on the good, the bad and the ugly of his past.  It was hard to hear, especially when he told me that even though he’d mostly reformed himself, he’d been drunk and out of control as recently as a few months ago.  I mean, I was away and he wasn’t dating me or anyone else, but I have to admit, the fact that he could let himself be so reckless with someone he didn’t know bothered me.  I know it bothered him too and it took a lot for him to admit it to me.  He assured me he’d been tested and had not been with anyone since last May.  “I don’t want to kee
p any secrets from you, Darcy.”

That following weekend we were at a party with our whole crowd.  Beer pong, music blasting and everyone was dancing.  Midterms were over and everyone was letting loose.  It was still early when Tom came up b
ehind me and pulled me into him.  He leaned in close to my ear and said, “I played this song.  It makes me think of you.” 

Tom swayed to the music, holding my body against his—the boy could move—and sang the chorus to me, some words about wanting to get married and run away.  I looked back up at him, surprised, and he had a loopy grin o
n his face.  I wanted to melt.

Chris practically spit his beer out laughing, “Holy crap, you’re whipped.”

“Guilty as charged.”  Then Tom whispered in my ear, “Let’s get out of here.”

We were only a few doors down from his.  He had my hand in his and moved as if he was on a mission.  When we walked in, he lifted me over his shoulder and we both laughed as he took the stairs two at a tim
e holding onto me like a brute.

Once in his room, he slowly slid me down the length of his body.  We weren’t laughing anymore.  We were both quiet until he said, “You don’t know what you do to me, Darcy.  That song really does make me think of you.  The thought of being with you, marrying you, damn, even thinking of you carrying my baby fills me with this crazy happiness.  I
hope I’m not freaking you out.”

“Those are the sweetest words I’ve ever heard.”  I kissed him and he parted his lips, deepening the kiss.  He ran his hands over the curve of my waist, resting on my hips.  I moved my palms along his stomach, raising his shirt as I went.  He took the shirt off and tossed it aside.  He went to take my shirt off but I shook my head.  He looked confused for a second but then he ran his hands through my hair as I unbuttoned his jeans and moved them and his boxers down his hips.  He shucked them off and when he did, I looked him up and down for a m
oment, admiring how strong and truly beautiful he was.  I gently put my hands on his shoulders and guided him to sit on the edge of the bed.  I don’t know where the urge or the courage came from but I wanted to undress while he watched.

I tossed my hair to one side and just that alone forced a low growl from him.  Then I undid each button on my shirt, looking up at him as I went.  I took it off and tossed it with his.  I looked at him as I undid my jeans and shifted my hips as I moved them down my legs.  He was huge and rock hard.  He took in a ragged breath as I stood before him in my lacy bra and pant
ies. 

“You are perfect, Darcy.”

I felt shy all of a sudden and my hands shook a little as I undid the front clasp of my bra and slid the straps down my arms.  I shimmied slowly out of my panties.  I heard his sharp intake of breath.  I leaned in and told him I loved him and I meant it with all my heart.  I had never been so sure of anything in my life.