Let Me Be the One (3 page)

As it turns out, I didn’t see Tom for that entire first week of Septemb
er and I’m embarrassed to admit that out of desperation, I went to him.  Jenna never missed one of Dan’s home rugby matches and today I was happy to tag along.  When we got to the field I was surprised to see there were a lot more like me, girls who were willing to stand outside for a few hours to ogle these fine specimens.  I was reduced to a rugby groupie, no better than any one of them.  Ugh.

Tom was fun to watch.  He was strong; he coul
d lay people out on the pitch.  He was muscular but lean and fast; he broke away twice with one assist and a try in the first half.  Manly is such a lame word but it fit.  He was a man and I was in full-on lust. 

Jenna and I, along with
all
those other girls, went to the after-party.  There were a lot of people crammed into the clubhouse.  With both teams there, the number of very large, dirt-covered, rowdy guys made it a wild scene.  There was a keg in the corner of every room and random guys were offering you shots every ten minutes. 

I was cautious at these parties.  I knew several of the guys on the team and Dan was there, so I was in good hands, but my brothers, who played rugby for years, had hammered home the idea that things could quickly get out of hand and they’d witnessed
good people getting involved in things they were sure to regret. 

I spent most of my time talking to Chris, Mac, Jenna, and Dan, and was just people-w
atching, taking in the scene.

These guys seemed to have a following, girls who came to the games and parties solely for the hook-ups.  They didn’t appear to be anyone’s girlfriend in partic
ular.  Those girls stayed away from Dan; he was so obviously into Jenna that even though he was gorgeous, they knew he wasn’t a possibility.  Not so much with Tom.  I could have gagged watching the parade of flesh practically throwing themselves at him.  He wasn’t overtly reciprocating but wasn’t exactly shooing them away either. 

I saw him look my way a few times but I didn’t meet his gaze.  I wasn’t about to beg for it.  After two beers and
barely any attention from Tom, I snuck out without saying goodbye to anyone—classic Irish exit.  I don’t know what I thought was going to happen between us, but today was a let-down in every way. 

I ran into the rest of my roommates on my way back and got dragged to another party in the Village.  The Village was the area of campus where all of us seniors lived in these crappy, pre-fab, modular houses. 
The walls were so thin we could talk to each other without leaving our bedrooms.  It was great, though, because we each had our own room—didn’t matter that it was like the size of a walk-in closet, it was mine—and also, you could pick from ten different parties on any given night and not walk more than a few yards.

The party we walked into was packed and people were well on their way.  Nick was there but thankfully,
so was his girlfriend.  I didn’t remember crossing paths with her sophomore year and although I wondered how she put up with him, I wasn’t about to introduce myself and have a heart-to-heart.  Aside from a few looks in my direction, Nick left me alone tonight but I was getting unwanted attention from another guy.  For the most part they were harmless but some nights there would be a guy that could be a little too determined or downright aggressive.  That crap was starting tonight when some over-served fool started to get grabby. “Come on, just have a shot. What, you’re too good to hang out with me?”

Beth ran interference for me.  She was my ballsy,
five-foot-three, pitbull of a roommate.  She stomped right on his foot and met his gaze, “She just said she doesn’t want to. What’s your fucking problem?”

Usually
her act would save the night and reduce me to fits of giggles but tonight that wasn’t the case.  The fact that she felt the need to step in and defend me just burned.  Who was I?  Couldn’t I stand up for myself? After all that I’d been through, was I still too weak, still unable to tell a guy no? I felt so disappointed in myself. 

I wanted to go back to my bed. 

Another Irish exit. 

I was just done.

Tom

“Where’s Darcy?”

“Darcy left with that hot scrum-half from the other team about an hour ago.  Where have you been?”

I felt my chest crack.

Jenna dug in, “Oh, would that
bother
you, Tom?  Well, here’s a tip.  If you want a girl to think that you’re no longer a man-slut then discourage your harem of tramps from pawing at you in front of her.”  She shook her head with a look of utter disappointment. “You’re an ass.”

More sternly I asked, “Jenna, d
id she leave with anyone else?”

“No.”

Sweet relief. “Is she mad at me?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

That stung.

I left and headed towards the parties in the Village.
  I was still in my rugby gear—dirty, and a little drunk.  I had to scope out a few parties before I finally ran into her other roommates, Rene, Caitlyn, and Beth.  Rene told me she hadn’t seen Darcy in a while but thought she had probably bailed.  I saw Nick as soon as I came in so I figured she’d left because of him.  Then Beth said, “She’s got to get a thicker skin.  She’s too concerned with hurting guys’ feelings.”

“Did anything happen?” I was immediately thinking of Nick.  “Was
Nick harassing her?”

“Not Nick, some other
jackass just being overly aggressive.” 

“What happened?”

Beth shrugged like it was no big deal. “Some guy just getting too touchy-feely.”

The thought of a guy hitting on her, touching her when she didn’t want to be t
ouched, made me fucking crazy.  I wasn’t somebody who got angry easily; I didn’t explode and I didn’t fight unless it was unavoidable.  Darcy brought out a different side of me.  I wanted to protect her at all costs—I needed to protect her.  I should have been here. 

D
arcy

Sunday morning.

I was actually glad for this weekend to be almost over.  As I ran along the river I just kept replaying yesterday in my mind.  Maybe Tom wasn’t the guy I thought he was.  It was pretty evident from what I saw yesterday that he wasn’t really that into me and wasn’t interested in being with one girl.  Alright, it is what it is.  I’m here to get through this year and prepare to head off to med school.  I’m not wasting my time drooling over someone like Tom, I told myself.  Instead of ending my run at my usual point, I kept going and going.  I could have run a marathon.   It just made me feel better.

Later, Jenna and I walked to town. I was on a mission for lasagna and I’m actually a pretty excellent cook, if I do say so myself.  Plus, cooking always gave me a peac
eful, contented feeling.   How could all not be right in the world when your house was filled with the aroma of cake baking or chicken roasting?

After Jenna laid into me for leaving without telling her and Dan where I was going
last night, she told me that she gave it to Tom.   Jenna said Tom looked devastated when she told him I left with someone else.  I burst out laughing.  I loved her.  Jenna always had my back.  I did doubt he was truly heartbroken, though.  Tom Farrell, from what I’d witnessed, was supremely confident around women and had plenty of willing ones to choose from.  And I think that’s what was really bothering me.  The night we spent together in the city Tom seemed so genuine, someone that I could really see myself with.  But yesterday, the way he was at the party and even that first day back at the field?  Those flirty, breathy things he whispered in my ear that had made me ache?  Now I couldn’t help but feel that there really was another side to Tom—the phony Casanova who just wanted in any girl’s bed.  I wasn’t going to be
that
girl for him.  Not happening.

I spent the better part of the afternoon sautéing o
nions and garlic, making a homemade Bolognese sauce, and layering two large trays of lasagna.  It smelled awesome in our place and Jenna, my sous chef, was enjoying some Chianti with me.  This was just what I needed.  As we were taking the garlic bread out of the oven and everyone was coming to the table to feast, the door opened and Dan, Ben, and Tom walked in.  “Damn, it smells like heaven in here.  I’m not above begging for a home-cooked meal, Darcy.  Please tell me you can feed me,” pleaded Ben.

Dan shrugged,
cocky.  “I’m eating.  You’re all cutting out the carbs, right girls, so I’m just looking out for you by taking some of this off your hands.”

I could feel Tom’s eyes on me but I wasn’t going to turn around to look at him.  I couldn’t.  I was mad at him and mad at myself too.  How could I feel this hurt?  It was ridiculous.  There was nothing between us. 
I was being ridiculous.

Everyone else was at the table and fell into easy co
nversation while Jenna and I were getting odds and ends from the kitchen.  “What are you waiting for, Tom? Dig in,” Ben sputtered between bites.

I couldn
’t resist.  My common sense went out the window and the anger was burning me up.  I mean, he had all but ignored me yesterday after leading me on with the whispering-in-my-ear-nonsense the week before.  “Oh, I’m sure Tom’s got somewhere better to be.  He probably has one of his many babes cooking for him as we speak.” 

All the chit-chat stopped.  T
he room fell silent—so awkward.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw him lower his head, slowly turn around and leave.

I felt like a witch. 

And I couldn’t eat one bite of the damn lasagna. 

Tom

Her words were like ice.  Did it look like I was into those girls on Saturday?  I didn’t think so.  I didn’t put a hand on anyone and I didn’t flirt.  I had wanted to go straight to her when I saw her at the party but I thought I should take things slower.   I
did
eventually go looking for Darcy but she had bailed. 

Maybe s
he wasn’t that interested in me?  No, I didn’t believe that for a second.  I felt her body react when I touched her.  I wasn’t imagining that.  And my temperature felt like it spiked anytime I saw her, let alone got to touch her. 

Maybe I was
taking it too slow.  Maybe I just had to put it out there.  No risk, no return.

It wasn’t easy to find her during the week.  She wasn’t at lunch with her girls.  I had Dan scoping for me and she wasn’t at her place after dinner.  I trolled the library, no luck.  I ran into Jenna Thursday night and tried to be casual when I asked what “all of you girls” had
been up to this week.  Jenna knew me pretty well and, unfortunately, could see right through me.  She shot right back, “When you say, ‘all of you girls’, I’m assuming you mean, what has
Darcy
been up to this week?”

“You gonna make me beg, Jenna?”

“No.  I just don’t want you jerking her around if you aren’t serious.  She had a terrible year and I know she’s still skittish about being back here.  You know I love you, Tom, but you don’t have the best track record.”

“Thanks, Jenna.”

I walked away, disgusted. 
Really
? I was simultaneously mad at Jenna and mad at myself.  Had I really earned that poor of a reputation?  I had no intention of jerking Darcy around and I was going to prove it.

Friday, we were having a party and I knew all of her friends would be coming, so I hoped she would be there.  She didn’t come in with Jenna.  I was watching the door and didn’t see her when Beth, Caitlyn, and Rene walked in either.  I had a sinking feeling, figured maybe she was avoiding me, when I checked my phone and it read twelve-thirty but just then I saw her in the kitchen talking to Mac, one of my teammates.

I saw Nick out of the corner of my eye.  He was stan
ding still, staring at them.  He downed his full beer and went for another.  In Mac’s defense it was loud but did he really need to put his lips on her ear every time he spoke to her?  I mean, he was practically tongue-fucking her ear.  It was bringing out that eerie, evil look in Nick’s eyes and it was getting on my nerves too.  I could see Darcy take a slight step back when he did that.  She was uncomfortable with how close he was.  Good.

She walked off towards the bathroom when Mac ge
stured that he was going for a refill for them both.  He had two full cups in his hands when Nick practically dove on him and started throwing punches.  Everyone within ten feet of them was doused in beer, girls were screaming, and fists were flying.  Mac landed a few good ones to Nick’s face and then pushed him down to the ground with ease, “Nick, you’re such a fucking loser.  You think
your
girl likes it when you fight over Darcy?  Get a fucking grip.” 

When the dust settled, I saw Mac looking around for Darcy but I knew, from past experience, she’d probably already
bailed.  I took off running and caught up to her just as she was opening her back sliding glass door.  “Are you okay?”

Her back was to me.  She lowered her head and shot back
sarcastically, “Oh, you care?”