Imperfectly Perfect (16 page)

He grabbed a bottle of water and slammed the fridge door shut. "I think I've got something I need to get off my chest."

"Please do," I said, "because I can't handle much more of this hot and cold routine."

"Don't be mad, just hear me out," he paused for reassurance.

"Go ahead."

"I like you a lot Emma, you're just awesome. I think we could have something really great, but I just feel like I'm not a part of your life. I understand that your roommates are important to you, but I also know that if you and I are going to have a shot you've got to start letting me in."

I stood there gazing at him for what seemed like hours. I wasn't sure how I felt about what he said, let alone how I would respond. "Wow," was all I was finally able to mutter, "I'm sorry you feel like that."

"I know you're probably thinking that I'm jealous just because they're guys, but I swear I would feel the same if they were women. You do everything with them, and I feel like there is never any time for us."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"I'm not saying that you have to choose between me and them, I'm just asking that you give us a chance," he spoke softly, embracing me again, "because I know we could be a good thing."

He looked deep into my eyes and forced a smile. I knew he was right. If we were going to try to make our relationship work, I was going to have to start including Bradley in more aspects of my life; even if that meant leaving the boys out of it.

Over Christmas week, Bradley and I spent every free moment we had together. Things seemed much simpler without the guys around. We enjoyed each other's company and we were getting ready to take our relationship to the next level. We were going to spend New Years together. New Years had always been something sacred to the guys and I, but I sucked it up and invited Bradley to join us.

However my plans were derailed when Tyler and Shane called to inform me that they were extending their Maine trip. I tried hiding my disappointment from Bradley, but he was just so damn observant.

"What's up?" he questioned as he passed me my cup of coffee.

"Oh," I broke my gaze from my cell phone, "the guys decided that they aren't coming back until tomorrow."

"So they won't be joining us tonight?" Bradley sounded hopeful.

"Nope, looks like it will just be you and me."

It felt wrong. I knew I should have been ecstatic at the thought of more alone time with Bradley-any girl would have killed for the chance to kiss him at midnight-but I just really missed the guys. I couldn't help feeling the way I felt. I wanted to, truly I did. But I just couldn't seem to get passed it.

"Well we'll have fun in Times Square on our own," he offered while taking a seat across from me. I'd enjoyed our time alone but I think I was looking forward to have some company besides him. Maybe that was the problem; maybe we'd seen too much of each other over the holidays. I hoped that was it.

"Yeah, I know, it's just…" I paused. Bradley didn't need to hear me complain about not being able to be with the guys again. But the truth was I was super bummed. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't ring in the New Year with Tyler and Shane. Even when we were ten, our parents had arranged for us to be able to spend it together. It seemed as though this was going to be the first of our traditions to slip away and it was disheartening to say the least.

"Never mind," I finished.

He placed his arm around my waist, pulling me across the table and in to him. I placed my head on his chest and relaxed; I felt safe in his arms. Things with Bradley were going to be different than all my other relationships and I wasn't going to waste anymore of my time thinking about other nonsense. I promised myself that I wouldn't spend tonight being bummed. I was going to enjoy it for it was. I was embarking on a new journey with my perfect boyfriend.

I watched the exit for the airport come into sight and disappear just as fast.

"Can you tell me again why we're not going home?" I questioned.

I'd had enough of Maine and If I wasn't going to be spending time with my mother I didn't really see the point to keep staying. Tyler thought otherwise.

"Because Shane," he seethed, "you know damn well how it will end up if we go back."

I did know how it would end up, but I wasn't going to admit it to myself; or to anyone else for that matter.

"It would end up with me, happily in my own bed," I joked.

"Hardly, dumbass. One of two things would go down tonight my friend," Tyler spoke calmly as he exited the highway. "You could either end up hosting your very own drunken pity party..."

"Well, that could be fun," I interjected.

Tyler ignored me and continued, "I refuse to watch that shit anymore. Or you could end up starting shit with Bradley."

"Well that could be fun too. You're taking all the excitement out of my life," I whined.

"Either way Shane, I'm stopping you from making a complete ass of yourself. You can thank me later."

I fumed in the passenger seat. I hated to think that he was right, but he was. I couldn't be mad at him. He was only trying to help.

"You do realize that we've never missed a New Year's with Emma," I added, hoping to remind him that not only was he keeping me out of trouble, but he was also breaking tradition; and probably Emma's heart.

"She'll forgive us."

I knew what Tyler was trying to say it stung like hell. He was right; Emma wouldn't spend her evening worrying about us because she would be spending it with
him
.

"So what are we doing tonight?" I questioned in attempt to change the subject and distract myself.

Tyler smirked, pulling into the Holiday Inn that we had stayed at a few times before and I immediately knew where we would be ringing in the New Year.

'The Pig Pen'. It had to be the sleaziest bar in Maine, and possibly even in the country. Of course it wasn't actually called 'The Pig Pen', but no one called it 'Michael's'. It was notorious for good booze, better dancing, and the loosest women. I knew Tyler meant well, and he was making a real effort to pull me out of my funk. The least I could do would be to put my thoughts aside for one evening; although I suspected that would be easier said than done.

Even though I knew they wouldn't be coming I couldn't stop myself scanning the crowd. Part of me was still hoping that they would change their mind and pop up in our usual spot here in Times Square. But with less than a minute until the New Year, I realized that they really weren't coming.

I felt Bradley put his arm around my neck and I forced my attention back to him. He looked so handsome standing next to me in his wool pea coat and scarf. We smiled at each other as the thousands of people surrounding us began to count down.

I felt the excitement permeate through the air as everyone around me counted down to the New Year. It was a new beginning; a second chance.

"3...2...1!" the crowd shouted, "Happy New Year!"

Bradley pulled me close, pressing his lips gently to mine quickly. "Happy New Year Babe."

I murmured the same back to him, before quickly looking over my shoulder one last time. It was official, 2012 would be the first year we hadn't started together. They knew things were changing in my life, so they had given me the space that I needed, and that space would allow Bradley and I take our relationship to the next level.

I was excited to find out what the New Year had in store for me, truly I was. But at the same time I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something. I was missing the friendships I had grown to depend on. I felt the tears pooling in the back of my eyes. Before anyone could see my tears, I threw myself into my gorgeous boyfriend's arms with not only my body, but my whole heart as well.

I sat down onto the curb outside of 'The Pig Pen' just as the crowd started their countdown. I had lost Tyler in the crowd about thirty minutes ago and I decided to give up the search. He was obviously having a good time and I didn't want to bring him down.

The crowd began to roar with the sound of all the hopeless souls ringing in the New Year with people they hardly knew. I didn't belong there. I belonged in New York, with Emma by my side.

Desolate, I pulled out my cell phone. Part of me hoped she had called or sent a text whilst the other contemplated whether or not I should call her.

"Don't do it."

I turned to see Tyler towering above me, covered with glitter and beaded necklaces. I turned away from him without saying a word.

"The way I see it is if she hasn't bothered to call you, then she's not thinking about you. She's there with Bradley. She's not missing us."

"Yeah, I know," I began, "it just seems weird you know. We kicked off
nineteen
years together."

Tyler placed his hand on my shoulder and gave a squeeze. "I know man, but the way things are going it's the end of an era."

He was right. Emma had drawn the line in the sand. She knew what direction she wanted her life to go and unfortunately, that direction didn't include me.

The next three months flew by as I filled my time with Bradley. We did everything together; from shopping at the local farmers market and going to the movies, to just walking in the park. He even compromised and spent a few quiet evenings watching a movie on the futon with the guys. He was always a gentleman and the night would end with an earthmoving kiss. Things were great, but I still had feelings of doubt. I knew his good looks meant that I ignored some of the more worrisome aspects of our relationship but he made my body respond in ways I never thought possible; my lust for him drove me wild. Whilst I knew I cared about Bradley more than any of my other previous boyfriends and I wanted things to work with him, I was still unsure of his feelings for me. I knew he must like me-you didn't spend that kind of time with someone you just had lukewarm feelings for-but we hadn't gotten to the point in our relationship where we had spilled our guts about how we truly felt about one another. I wondered when and how that time would come, or if it ever would. I was hoping it would be sooner rather than later, because I was getting damn tired of holding out in the sex department.

You see, I was not going to blow this relationship by being a tramp. I had spent years giving it up easily and that hadn't got me anywhere. Besides, I needed to be sure of where I stood before we took it to the next level. I had been hurt way too many times to put myself out there like that again unless I was absolutely sure of where things were going.