Imperfectly Perfect (17 page)

I jumped out of my skin when my phone rang. I glanced down at the ID and seeing it was Bradley, I smiled as I answered. "Hey, I was just thinking about you."

"Really?" his velvety voice rang out. "All horrible things I presume."

"Possibly," god, his voice was nearly as sexy as he was. "So, what's up?"

"I need to see you," he said eagerly. "Right now. Meet me at the park, where we feed the ducks."

"Of course. I'll see you soon."

I heard the line go dead, and I couldn't help but feel elated. I loved that he was spontaneous like that. We rarely ever planned dates; he would call eager to see me and I would oblige and that's pretty much how our relationship operated. It never mattered what I was doing-or what time of day it was-I always made time for Bradley.

I leapt up from my bed immediately and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt. Just as I grabbed my purse there was a knock on my door. I reached and opened it. Shane was there leaning against the door frame.

"Hey buddy, what's up?"

I stepped aside to let him come in. He went and sat down in my computer chair and I couldn't help but notice how terrible he looked. The normal sparkle from his blue eyes was missing; he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. Work must have been dragging him down because he had been working long hours and had been out of the house a lot lately. He told me a few weeks previously that he was working a big case his firm had taken on
pro bono
.

"Do you want to go for a walk with me?" he asked running his fingers through his hair.

"I would love to but…"

"Let me guess," he cut in, "Bradley?"

I couldn't understand why he sounded annoyed.

"Rain check?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes in response, "Yeah, whatever."

"Shane, don't be like that." I pleaded as he got up and stalked out of my room.

"Don't worry Emma, it's not a big deal," he called out, "I can't even remember the last time we hung out, so what's another day?!" He slammed the door to his room and that was it.

As I walked to the park to meet Bradley, I steamed over Shane. He could be such a jerk sometimes. He had always been upfront about his feelings-for as long as I could ever remember he never failed to call people out-but I noticed it even more now that his job was becoming increasingly stressful whilst he worked towards becoming partner at his firm.

As I calmed down, I realized that Shane was right; he was my best friend and I had been ignoring him lately. I couldn't even remember the last time we had hung out; I'd been so wrapped up in Bradley and work that I didn't really have much time for anything else. I made a mental note to make it up to him.

But as upset as I was my worries melted away as I approached the bench next to the duck pond and saw Bradley waiting for me.

"Hey there," I said, sliding in next to him, "you waiting for someone?"

"Yeah this girl," he smiled and winked at me, "she's pretty amazing."

"That's too bad." I frowned. He took my hand and wrapped his fingers around mine.

We sat there for a few moments, just reveling in the silence. I leaned my head against his shoulder and I felt my heart skip a beat. Thinking that that was what love felt like, I convinced myself that I loved him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, despite my doubts. I felt myself beginning to work up the courage when he broke the silence.

"Emma?"

I lifted my head in order to look into his dreamy blue eyes.

"I-I-I think I love you," he stammered

I felt the tears begin to prick my eyes; it was the moment I had dreamed of. I finally had found someone to love me for me, and I immediately loved him back for it.

"That didn't come out right," he stuttered, "what I meant to say was that I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've never been in love before but I'm pretty sure that's what I feel for you."

I couldn't ruin it by crying, but I knew I had to say something.

"Me too," I choked, "I mean, I love you too."

He lifted his hand and softly caressed my cheek before brushing his lips against mine. I responded, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him into me. I needed him like I needed air and I needed it now.

"Could we go somewhere more private?" I whispered with a deep breath. "Like your place?" As eager as I was, I was still aware that a bench in Central Park was not an entirely appropriate location for me to release many, many months of pent up sexual frustration.

He quickly nodded grabbing my hand before I had time to change my mind. We had waited months for this, and neither of us was about to let the opportunity slide.

We had all we could do to make it into his apartment before we were clawing at each other's clothes. He pinned me against the wall. I knew I had reached my limits in terms of sexual tension and, judging by the way Bradley was kissing me, he felt the same. But in that moment it was a little too extreme for me. I broke the seal our mouths had formed and pulled back from him. I mean, this was a pivotal point in our relationship, not the makings of a porno.

"Easy there, slow down," I pleaded, "I'm not going anywhere."

"Sorry," he panted, "it's just… I've been waiting for this moment since I met you."

He leaned down and nuzzled into my neck. His lips grazed my skin, setting it on fire. At the contact, I lost control of my thoughts and decided to just go with it.

I squinted as the Sunday morning light shone through the windows and landed on my face. I took a deep breath and inhaled the crisp smell of clean sheets…and him. I watched Bradley's chest rise and fall rhythmically while he slept. I kissed his nose and he smiled without opening his eyes.

"Morning," his eyes fluttered open taking me into his arms. He squeezed against my body as he stretched his own. "Now this I could get used to."

"Used to what?" I asked.

"This," he said stroking my hair, "waking up next to you."

I smiled. "It is nice, isn't it?"

"Beyond nice." He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down on me. "So, what do you think?"

I scrunched up my face in confusion. "About?"

"Waking up here, you know, like every morning," he stuttered nervously.

It was cute when he was nervous. I knew where he was trying to go with this, but I wanted to make him sweat. "Are you trying to ask me something Bradley?"

"Yes I am Emma," he blushed knowing I was teasing him, "will you please move in with me?"

"Gee, I don't know," I joked, "it seems a little too fast for me."

He gently nudged me in the ribs.

I sat up and my eyes met his. "Of course I will! Besides, it will finally get my family off my back." I giggled when he rolled his eyes and kissed me.

"I love you Emma."

"I love you too."

I was elated but, in amongst the excitement, I couldn't shake the dread. It felt peculiar to me, because in that precious moment, I should have felt nothing but happiness. Instead, I felt a pang of guilt knowing that with the opening of this next door in my life I was going to be closing another; and leaving my boys behind.

I fretted all day thinking about breaking the news. Telling them was going to suck, but I also had to figure out the mortgage situation. Bradley suggested that I just keep paying my monthly portion of the mortgage on the condo; he figured it would be good for my credit rating. He said he would take care of the rent at his place, it didn't matter to him since he was already living there by himself but I couldn't see us doing that forever. So I contacted my mortgage broker to get some advice. He informed me that it would be the guys' responsibility to come up with the cash to buy out my share. The thought of asking Tyler to come up with that kind of money made me sick, so I just decided to keep making my payment.

I decided to tell the guys after buttering them up. I would have cooked for them if I knew how, but I decided it would be better for all of us if I just ordered their favorite takeout and did the dishes after. I set up the dining room table as best I could, and waited for them to arrive home from their nightly jog. I couldn't help the smile from spreading across my face as I heard them razzing each other in the hallway. I sure was going to miss them.

"Em?" Rob called out from the entryway.

"In here!"

They turned around the corner and I swear their faces lit up like they had won the lottery.

"You cooked!" Tyler joked.

"Yeah right, very funny! It's El Cantana," I stated holding up the takeout bag.

"Nice," Rob said as they all took a seat at the table.

Shane followed behind them, seemingly still angry over our spat two days ago. I hadn't seen him since. I knew I needed to talk to him, but it would have to wait. I had bigger fish to fry at that moment.

We ate and talked, like it had always been. We talked about our jobs and Rob told stories about his normal city escapades. Shane started to pick up the dishes.

"I'll get those," I said from my chair, "sit down for a second."

Shane sat. He looked gaunt and tortured, and his mouth formed into a straight tensed line. I made a mental note to take him to O'Malley's soon.

"I've got something I want to talk to you guys about."

The friendly banter and casual conversation stopped. It got uncomfortably silent, and I got abnormally nervous. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. It seemed as though I was letting everyone down. It was what I wanted…right?

Of course, Rob was the one to break the silence, "Are you pregnant?" he questioned.

I chuckled. "Gosh no! But there are going to be some changes because..."

Before I could deliver the news Shane finished my sentence, just like he had so many times before.

"You're moving out," he said bluntly, maintaining his focus on the table.

Everyone but Shane looked toward me.

I had nothing to say, so I just nodded my head slightly as a single tear ran down my cheek.

"Really?" Tyler asked obviously needing more confirmation.

I forced a smile but felt another tear roll down my face.

"With Bradley?" Rob questioned even though he knew the answer.

I nodded again, trying to force a smile through the tears. The room fell silent again and you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. It felt as though everyone's heart was breaking. We had discussed this before and we all knew that there would eventually come a time when one of us would move out to be with the right person.

"I'll keep paying my portion of the mortgage," I choked.

"We don't care about that Em," Rob said.

For the first time since I was a little girl, I felt alone. Once again I was an outsider. The tears streamed down my face faster now. I noticed Rob and Tyler share a secret glance across the table, talking without words like they always did. Shane kept his head down, apparently studying the grain of the wood. After what seemed like an eternity, it was Tyler who finally stood up and grabbed me, pulling me into his chest in a typical Tyler bear hug.

"We sure are going to miss you around here Em," he said with my face buried into his chest.

It was silent in the dining room while I sobbed into Tyler's shirt. Moments passed and I eventually came up for air looking around the room for more hugs. I tried to not be hurt when I noticed that Shane and Rob had already left the room. It stung more than I had expected it to; I thought I meant more to them than that. Tyler sensed my hurt and pulled me in closer.

"This is hard on all of us Em," he started, "they just need some time to adjust."

I could barely see where I was going as Rob quickly guided me down the hallway to his room. The pooling tears stung my eyes, and my hands pulled at my hair while he quickly shut the door behind us. I collapsed onto his bed and threw my face into my hands, defeat finally taking over my body. This was it, the beginning of the end.

I felt Rob's hand squeeze my shoulder.

"Buddy," he pleaded, "you alright?"

I looked up at him. "I've totally fucked this up, haven't I?"

"It's understandable. Hell, Tyler and I haven't been much help to you either. It's a shitty situation; damned if you do and damned if you don't."