If Only We Knew (3 page)

“I’m tired.” She squeezed his hand, and he could tell she was feeling uncomfortable.

“Okay,
mamita
.” He kissed her cheek.
Mamita
was his nickname he had for her whenever their co-workers were out of earshot. She always liked it, gave him that small, private smile, whenever he spoke Spanish to her.

“Congratulations.”

Matt walked up to Andrew, and they both watched Karen dance flawlessly with Tom. “I’m a lucky man. She’s beautiful,” Matt said.

“Yes, she’s beautiful, but I still don’t think you should’ve married her.” Andrew placed his hand on Matt’s shoulder.

“I want my baby to have a loving family, Andrew, unlike ours. Yes, Dad did everything he could for us, but Mother was never there. When she remarried, she dropped us off and forgot we even existed.” He got angry just looking over at his mother.

“Matt, what does that have to do with you marrying Karen? Mom was an awful parent, but we still had Dad. You didn’t have to marry her to be a good parent.”

“I don’t want my baby growing up in two different homes, spending half the time here and half there. I want him to be raised by two parents, in the same home.”

“I see our parents’ divorce still hurts you after all these years. But that’s in the past. You’re married now.” He squeezed his shoulder.

“I care about her. She makes me happy, and the baby just sealed the deal.”

“That’s all you should’ve said in the first place, and I wouldn’t have opened my mouth…but if I may say, I’ve seen you happy and laughing with someone else, too.”

Matt ignored him
and went
to the dance floor. “May I have a dance with my lovely wife?” Tom
slowly
released Karen, and
strolled off
.

“I would love to dance with you,” Karen said, taking his hand in hers.

“How’s my baby doing?” He rubbed her stomach, smiling. She was four months along, and he couldn’t wait until she
showed
.

She moved his hands, putting them around her waist. “The baby is happy because I’m happy, even though you married me because I’m pregnant.”

“I married you because I care about you. You and this baby—” he touched her stomach “—are finally my family.” He leaned down and kissed her lips.

Shannon and Melvin were out to dinner at a local, small Italian restaurant.

“Shannon, what’s wrong? You’re not eating,” Melvin said, staring at her with concern in his eyes, as the waitress came over to refill their water glasses.

“I don’t have an appetite,” she said, playing with her spaghetti.

“Are you sure it’s not more than that? You’ve been acting strange lately.” He took a bite of his food.

I need to tell him the truth, but how?
“What do you mean?” Pressing her lips together, she stared at him.

“You hardly let me touch you, and you’re always b
usy. I miss you,” he said, clasp
ing her hand.

She gently pulled her hand away. “I have a lot on my mind lately. Work’s been stressful.”

“Let me help you take the stress away,” he said, giving her a naughty smile.

She looked at him. “Melvin, I like you a lot.”

He grabbed her hand and kissed it. “Shannon, I’m falling in love with you.”

She was in shock at his confession.
She thought
of what to say next. She took a deep breath, and exhaled it slowly. “I think we should stop seeing each other.”

“What? Why? Where is this coming from? I thought we had something.” H
is
eyes showed
how surprised he was by what she said.

“I’m sorry, Melvin.”
Tell him
. She got teary-eyed as she took another deep breath. “I slept with someone else.”

“You what?” He raised his voice, released her hand.

“I can’t keep it from you any longer. I owe you the truth,” she said, wiping the tear from her cheek.

“You think this is going make you feel better, telling me your dirty little secret?” He looked at her with disgust.

“No, it doesn’t make me feel any better, but you deserve the truth. I made a mistake.”

“Who was it?” he asked in anger. She just stared at him. “Who the fuck was it, Shannon?” he yelled at her. People in the restaurant looked over at their table.

“No one you know,” she whispered.

“You’re fucking lying to me. I can see it in your eyes.” He stood up from the table. “You’re right. I don’t need to be with a fucking whore.” With that, he turned and left the restaurant.

I deserved that.
Not ready to look around and take in more disgusted stares, she kept her eyes focused on her plate.

Thirty-nine, forty, forty-one
…. Looking at her calendar, she counted the days. “Fuck.” She grabbed her keys off the kitchen counter and ran out her front door to buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy.

When she returned home, she went into her kitchen and
drank
water. “No, no, no. I don’t want a baby, I don’t want a baby. I can’t be pregnant.” She entered the bathroom. “I’ll kill him if I am,” Shannon cried out loud as she peed on the test stick.

Three minutes later, she took a deep breath. “No, this can’t be happening to me. Oh God, I’m having a baby, I’m having a baby. What am I going to do?” She broke down crying. “I don’t want a baby.”

Matt was at home,
looking over
the tellers’ schedules, making sure his supervisor hadn’t overlooked anything and that all lunch and breaks were correct. He’d been bringing work home since Karen left to visit her sister out of town. The house was lonely without her. The phone rang, and he picked it up. “Hello?”

“Matt.” Karen was on the other line, crying.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” he asked, getting worried.

“I had a miscarriage.”

He remained silent.

“Matt, I lost the baby last night,” she cried.

He heard the words, but they didn’t sink in. “What do you mean you lost the baby?”

“Our baby died, they did everything to save her, but it was too late. She was stillborn.”

“She.” He got teary-eyed.

“Yes, Matt, it was a girl. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Sweetie, it’s not your fault. I’m flying down there tonight.” He stood up from his desk and paced.

“No, Matt, you don’t have to come. I have my sister to help me through it. I’ll be home next week.”

“Are you sure, Karen? I want to be with you, supporting you.”

“Matt, you’re supporting me right now. You have to work, you’ve already taken a week off for our honeymoon. I’ll be fine, and if I need you, I’ll call you. I promise.”

“What did the doctor say?” he asked, still in shock.

“He said things like this happen, and it’s no one’s fault. He is going to schedule some tests and find out more, but I’m okay, baby. I’m just tired.”

“Rest, sweetie. I’ll call you later.” He hung up the phone and called Shannon, but she wouldn’t pick up. He left her a message. “I need to talk to you. Please come by the house. I need you.”

Shannon listened to the message. Matt’s voice sounded rattled. She texted him back that she was on her way and had something important to tell him. On the drive to his house, she thought of ways to tell him that she was pregnant, with his baby. She drove up his driveway and parke
d. She got
nervous going up to the door. Shaking off her nerves, she sighed and knocked on the door.

Matt opened the door, and his eyes were as red as hers. “Shannon, thank you for coming.” He pulled her into a hug.

She hugged him back. “What’s wrong?” she whispered as he hugged her tighter.

“Karen lost our baby.” He broke down, crying and shaking in her arms. “My baby…is gone.”

“I’m so sorry,” she said, not knowing what else to say. She, too, needed his embrace.

He just held on to her. After a few minutes he pulled away, wiping the tears with the back of his hand and closed the door. “I needed that.”

“I’m here for you. I know how much you were looking forward to that baby,” she said, touching his cheek.
I can’t tell you about my baby now.

“I didn’t even get to feel her kick.” They
moved
over to the couch. “It was a girl.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

She just looked at him with unshed tears in her own eyes. “I’m here for you if you or Karen need anything,” she said, taking his hands in hers. “Is she okay?”

“She says she’s okay, but if I feel like this, she must be feeling much worse.” He shared with Shannon the conversation he had with Karen.

“You need to be with her.”

“She doesn’t want me to.”

“Matt, the two of you should be together at a time like this.” She squeezed his hand. “She’s going to need you to get through this loss.”

“You’re right. I need to be with my wife.” He squeezed her hand back. “Don’t leave. I’m going to go check if they have any flights
departing tonight
.” He got up and
went
to his office. He yelled telling her he found a ticket. She saw him go up the stairs. When he came back down, he set a
backpack
by the stairs. He entered the living room.

“Thank you for waiting. Can you take me to the airport? My flight leaves in two hours. I’m not taking any time off from work.” He walked over to the stairs and picked up his bag.

“Of course I’ll take you. She needs you.” She followed him to the door. “If you need time off from work, let me know. I’ll cover for you.”

“Two days is good. I called her, let her know I was on my way. She didn’t want me to come, but I didn’t give her a choice.” He
opened t
he door for her, letting her by,
closed and locked the door. “You texted me you had something important to tell. What was it?

She continued to her car. “It’s nothing that can’t wait.”

“Hey, stranger.” Matt
bent
down, giving Shannon a kiss on her cheek before sitting down. “You started to eat without me.”

“Sorry, I was hungry.” She looked at him with a smile.

“I can see that.” He laughed
, looking at the food on her plate
. “You don’t like fish.” He
watched
her suspiciously.

“I know, but I’ve been craving salmon, mashed potatoes with sweet relish, apple sauce, and pistachio ice cream.” She still kept stuffing her mouth. He gave her the ah-that’s-nasty look. “Don’t look at me like that. It tastes really good,” she said with a full mouth, covering it with her hand.

“If you say so.” The waitress came over and took his order. “How are you doing down at corporate with your promotion and all, big shot?”

“The new position is challenging but it has its perks. I’m a strong person, but I don’t like firing people, and thanks to your branch, I had to fire two people this week.” She put down her fork.

“Shannon, they were coming up short at the teller line every freaking day.”

“I know.” She
chuckled
. “You asked me, and I answered. Changing the subject, how’s married life treating you?”

“It’s treating me just fine,” he said, looking away from her. The waitress came over with his food. “Thank you.”

Shannon stared at him, trying to think of a way to tell him about her pregnancy, but when she looked into his eyes, she could tell something was wrong. “Is she still not talking about the baby?”

“No, she says she’s doing okay. She’s acting like nothing happened. I’ve tried to talk to her about the miscarriage, but she changes the subject.”

“Maybe you guys need to go see a therapist.”

“I suggested that, but she said she doesn’t need to. The baby became my world. I was looking forward to becoming a father.” He paused. “I told Karen I wanted to try again, and she agreed,” he said, sighing.

She just observed him, taking a sip of her water. “Is she pregnant?”

“No, when she went to the doctor last week, she found out that she can’t have kids,” he said sadly.

She wiped her hands with a napkin and touched his cheek with her fingertips. “I’m so sorry.” She didn’t want to pry.

“Shannon, I want a baby with my wife, and now that dream has been crushed.” He got a far-away look in his eyes.