If Only We Knew (4 page)

I can’t tell him I’m pregnant now, either. Baby, I guess it’s just you and me. He just said he wants a baby with his wife. That night never happen. I wont be the cause of more misery in their life. At that moment, Shannon decided she was going to do it on her own. Shannon covered her mouth with her hand again.

“Shannon, are you okay?” he asked, touching her arm.

“Yes.” She gagged. “I just have to use the bathroom.” She got out of the booth, and scurried to the bathroom. She threw up, washed her face, and headed back to the table. “Sorry for running like that, but the food got to me.” She sat back down.

“That’s what you get for eating like a pig.” He laughed
, amusing himself
.

She gave him a
dirty look
and
continued
eating. “I did not.”

“You sure you’re okay? Maybe you have the stomach flu?”

“I’m okay.”

After lunch Matt walked into his office to find his brother Andrew waiting for him. Andrew resembled him, with the same green eyes—his father called it the Johnston stamp—except his brother had brown hair.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” His brother looked up at him from his chair.

“I was having lunch with Shannon. You should’ve called.” He w
ent over
to his desk.

“How is Shannon doing? I haven’t seen her since the wedding. What is she up to?” he asked.

“I guess she’s okay. She seemed a bit strange today, like she wanted to tell me something but held back.” He sat in his chair behind the desk.

“Did you ask her what was up?”

“I was about to when she asked about my marriage, and I told her what
we learned
.”

“Is Karen talking about any of it yet?”

“No, she acts like everything is okay, like nothing happened. I told her I wanted to try again, and she told me last week the doctor told her she couldn’t have children. Andrew, it’s always been my dream to have kids, at least one. God, I married her because she was pregnant.” He combed his hair with his fingers.

“I know. I mean, I told you not to—” Andrew grimaced and shook his head. “Look, I know you care about her, but do you love her?”

Matt stared back at his brother and thought for a second. “I care about her, but if she hadn’t been pregnant, I would’ve waited at least one more year. A year is not long enough to know someone.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you fucked her without protection.” His brother looked irritated.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that. I always used protection with her.” The memory of the night with Shannon came to mind. “And she told me she was on the Pill.”

“Look, what’s done is done. Now you have to live with the consequences of your actions. You guys can always adopt or get a surrogate.”

“I mentioned it to her but she said no. If she can’t have one herself, she doesn’t want one.”

“Matt, the both of you need to come to a compromise. She knew you wanted kids, I know it’s not her fault she can’t have kids, but there are other options. She just can’t say no. This is a decision you have to make together.”

“I know. I’m going to talk to her again.”

“You’re not getting any younger.” He
laughed, looking
at him.
.

“I have a meeting at corporate, so why did you really come by?” asked Matt, getting out of the chair.

“I just wanted to say hi to my baby brother and give you a message from your mother. She says she’s been calling you, but you won’t answer. She wants you to call her.” Andrew stood up.

“She’s
our
mother. What does she want?”

“She wants us to come over for dinner. I can’t make it. I have a date with a sexy blonde.”

“I’ll call her when I have time. Have fun with your sexy blonde.” He hugged him goodbye.

As Andrew walked out of the office and
exit
the branch, Matt went over to check on the teller line, making sure everything was running smoothly before he
stepped out
. He was leaving the branch when he ran into Sherry, Shannon’s older sister.

“Hi, Matt, how are you?”

“I’m good, on my way out. How are you?” He kissed her on the cheek.

“I’m great. Just stopped by to make a deposit. And I’m super excited! I’m going to be an aunt.” She grinned.

“Your brother’s wife is having a baby? Shannon didn’t tell me.”

“No, silly.” She hit him on the arm, looking up at him. “Shannon is having a baby.”

“What?” He raised his voice, shocked. His receptionist looked up at him. “Shannon’s pregnant?”

“You didn’t know?” When he shook his head, she continued. “My parents were fuming when they found out, you know how they are, but Shannon is a grown-ass woman.”

Why didn’t she tell me? Oh God, is it mine? “How far along is she?”

“Three months.” She paused. “You really didn’t know?” He shook his head again. “I thought she told you everything.”

“Not everything.” Matt leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “See you later, Sherry. I have to go.”

Shannon was typing on her keyboard when there was a knock on her door. “Come in.” She looked up at the door as the person opened it. “Matt, this is a surprise—two times in one day. What brings you by?”

“I had a meeting.” He sat down in the chair in front of her desk. “Is there something you need to tell me?”

“Not really. I’m working on hiring two new tellers for your branch.” She continued typing.

“It’s not work-related, it’s personal. Stop
what you’re doing
and look at me, Shannon.” She stopped typing and looked up at him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re pregnant? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

“Who told you?”

“Your sister.”

“
She has a big mouth,” she said,
rolling her eyes
.

“When were you going to tell me this earth-shattering news?”

“When the time was right.” She paused. “I was on my way to tell you two months ago, but when I reached your house, you told me you’d lost your baby, and then you told me today that your wife can’t have kids. Telling you would have been insensitive of me. Don’t you think?”

There was a moment of silence. “Is the baby mine?” He continued staring at her.

She looked away. If you lie to him, there’s no turning back.

“Shannon, is the baby mine?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“How are you so sure you’re not carrying my child? Your sister said you’re three months pregnant, and if my calculations are correct, it’s a very big possibility. I know we were drunk that night, but one thing I do remember is that we didn’t use protection.”

You’re the only one I’ve never used a condom with
. “I’m sure, Matt. I’m almost four months pregnant,” she said, lying to him.

“Who’s the father?”

“I can’t believe you asked me that question.” She was hurt. “I don’t fucking sleep around.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I know you don’t sleep around. Does Melvin know yet? Because last time I saw him, he said he was moving because of his job.”

She ignored the question. “It’s called a long-distance relationship.”

“Is he going to be involved with the baby?”

“Yes, he’s going to be there for the baby. He is excited about it, but we came to the decision we don’t belong together.”

“I thought you said long-distance relationship.”

“I was being sarcastic with you.”

“So, let me get this straight. He came to that conclusion after knocking you up?” He got up. “I thought you didn’t want kids.”

“I didn’t, Matt, but I also don’t believe in abortion. After finding out, it took me some time, but now I’m looking forward to it.” She looked up at him, touching her stomach. “I’ve always been very careful. I was on birth control, but I guess God made the decision for me. This baby is everything I never wanted, but now it’s everything I want,” she said, looking away from him. “I’m okay with the dad not being involved, if that’s what he chooses. I’m not the only single mom in the world.”

“I always thought you would make a great mom, even if you didn’t see it.” He looked at her.

“I don’t know about that. I don’t know anything about babies or being a mom.” She shook her head, thinking of the things to come: crying, diapers….

“Shannon, it will come to you naturally. You’re gentle, patient, and loving…all the qualities that make a great mom, and you have a great mom and sister to help you through it. If you need a babysitter, I’m here too.” He gave her his million-dollar smile.

She smiled back. “Thank you for trying to make me feel better.”

“I only say what I see.”

They just stared at each other in silence. She felt goose bumps creep up on her because of the way he gazed at her. Her phone rang and broke their connection. When she
was about
to answer the phone.

“I have to get back to the branch. I’ll talk
to you later.” He
hugged and kissed her goodbye.

Matt walked up to Shannon’s house with a bag of her favorite cookies, and was about to knock on the door when she swung it open.

“Damn, girl. That baby is growing.” He looked at her stomach, surprised.

She gave him a cold stare. “Well, thank you, asshole.”

“I just haven’t seen you in a while.” He
moved
closer, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “How are you,
Mamita
?” He rubbed her stomach. “You’re glowing.” The baby moved. “Wow, the baby moved. Did you feel that? Did it hurt?” He kept rubbing her stomach, laughing.

“Yes, silly. I felt that, and no, it didn’t hurt.” She
gigg
led
.

“Make him do that again.” He continued rubbing her stomach.

“I can’t make him or her move right now.” She
chuckl
ed. “I’m heading out.”

“Where?” He took his hands off her stomach. He’d been trying to stay away from Shannon, but he needed to see her. He missed her. Talking over the phone and e-mailing wasn’t enough anymore. Things between them had changed and he didn’t like it. He didn’t understand why she avoided him.

“I have a doctor’s appointment. I get to see my baby for the second time. I’m so excited.” She d
ug
for something in her purse.

“Who’s going with you?”

“No one,” she said, lifting her keys

“Can I go with you? I’ve never seen an ultrasound.” He closed the door behind her.

“You never went to Karen’s appointment?”

“No, the day she had her sonogram, she told me at the last minute, and I couldn’t go.”

“Yes, you can come with me if you’re sure you don’t mind.”
At least you’ll get to be a part of this experience.

“Why would I mind? I asked you if I could come along. Let’s take my car.” They walked toward his SUV, and he opened her door and helped her up, being a gentleman like always. He got in, looked over at her, and handed her the paper bag. “I got your favorite cookies.”

She smiled. “Thank you! I was craving some.”

He
turned
the car
on
and drove off. She opened the bag and
began
eating.

“I’ve missed you.”

“What are talking about, Matt? You mess with me every day, by phone or e-mail.” She gazed over at him.

“It’s not the same, and you know it. Just because you’re pregnant and I’m married doesn’t mean we have to change our relationship. I still need to see you,” he
said, staring ahead
. “Where is your OB-GYN located?”

She told him where the doctor’s office was. “I miss you, too. I just don’t want to impose on you.”

“You could never impose on me.” He looked at her for a brief moment before looking forward again.

Matt entered the room after Shannon was dressed in the hospital gown and up on the bed. The doctor came in with the nurse following behind him, and they turned on the monitor.

“Doctor Cooper this is my friend Matt Johnston,” she said holding on to her gown as the
nurse put
gel
on her stomach.

Matt shook the doctor’s hand.

“That’s cold,” she said, looking at the nurse.

Doctor Cooper went over, put the wand on her stomach, and
moved
it. “There’s your baby.” He pointed at the
monitor
.