If Only We Knew (10 page)

“Hello,”
h
e
answered.

“Hi son, it’s your mother.”

He was surprised to hear from
her
.

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?” He knew what she was
as
king
,
but wanted to hear her say it.

“That you made me a grandmother?”

“Yes.”

“Son are you sure that he is your son, because when I asked her, she just hung up on me.”

His jaw clinched, getting mad. “Who did you speak to?”

“The mother of your suppose child.”

“When?”

“Three days ago. Son she is nothing more than an opportunist, a gold digger…”

“Fuck…” he yelled. “Why would you call her, asking her anything? You don’t know anything about her or me…”
he continued
, and before ha
ng
ing
up
,
he
told her she would never see her grandson until she apologized to
Shannon
.

He
controlled is emotions before exiting his car
and
walking
up to her front door. Ev
en before he knocked
, he could hear Matthew crying, inside. He knocked twice, anxiously. After a moment, he could hear footsteps coming toward
him
.

Shannon opened the door, wiping the tears from her eyes.

He looked down at her,
observing the
way she looked. Her hair hadn’t been brushed,
and
it
seemed
like she hadn’t slept in days. “What’s wrong?”

She moved out of the way so he could come in, then closed the door. “He won’t stop crying. I’ve tried everything. I tried to feed him. I changed him, I burped him….”

He walked over to the bassinet he’d given her and picked up the baby. “Hey, little man, Daddy’s here.” He rocked him in his arms. “What’s going on?” He asked her, as the baby calm
ed
down. “¿
Qué te pasa, mi angel
?” he whispered in the baby’s ear.

She sat down on the couch, wiping her falling tears. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m a bit tired. He just wouldn’t stop crying.”

“Maybe he senses your frustration, Shannon.” He rubbed Matthew’s back. “I tried calling you. I came by and you weren’t here.”

“I just needed some time away from you and your family.”

Matthew stopped crying and started falling asleep. Matt sat down next to Shannon. “Where were you?”

“I was at my parents’. My mom wanted to spend time with Matthew.”

“Is your dad speaking to you yet?”

She sighed. “No, my dad is not speaking to me. He said I’m a disappointment. He just ignored me when I was over their house. He couldn’t even look at me. All my life I’ve tried to be the best at everything I did, to make my parents proud, and I make one mistake and he treats me like this.”

“He will forgive you because he loves you, Shannon.” He caressed her arm.

She gave him half a smile. “I hope so.”

He stared at her. “Are you going through postpartum depression? I read a lot of women go through it.”

“No, I’m not depressed. I’m just tired,” she said,
rubbing her eyes
.
“Your
mother accused me of wanting her money. She even said that I was your fantasy come true.”

“I apologize for my mother’s behavior. Why didn’t you tell me? I would never let her talk to you like that. Look, I spoke to her. She won’t be bothering you again, and if she does, it will be to apologize.”

“I was just tired of accusations from her, my Dad…I know what we did was wrong, but I can’t change the past. What’s done is done. I’m going to move on regardless of what people think of me.” She paused, now staring at him. “Was sleeping with me just…. Forget it.”
She said shying away from him.

“No, it wasn’t. I didn’t care about your race. It was you that night, me and you,” he answered, gazing into her eyes.

She changed the subject. “How did you get him to sleep?”

“I guess he missed me,” he said, smiling at the baby. “He looks more and more like me.”

“I’m trying not to spoil him.” She got up, taking the baby from Matt and putting him in his bassinet.

He
strolled
up behind her. “Does it matter what I think of you?”

She turned to face him. “Yes. What you think of me does matter.”

“Well, I think you’re amazing.” He took her hand in his. They stared at each other for a moment, and she changed the subject again.

“How are things with Karen?” She pulled her hand away and sat again.

“I went back home. We’re going to try and work through this.” He smiled. “She says at least now she doesn’t feel guilty anymore about me not having kids because of her.”

“That’s good to hear.” She looked away.

“Can I stay for a while? I want to spend time with Matthew.” He sat down next to her.

“Yes,” she answered, her eyes getting heavy.

“Why don’t you go take a nap? I’ll watch him until you wake up.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, getting up.

“Yes, I’m sure. I’ll take every minute I have with him since I can’t be with him twenty-four-seven.” He smiled.

“When he gets hungry, you can wake me up.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you.”

As soon as Shannon was safely in her bedroom, out of sight, he picked Matthew back up and sat down. Something crinkled beneath him, a paper. He tugged at it one-handed and opened it. It was Matthew’s birth certificate. Matt smiled, reading it.
Matthew Javier Johnston. Mother: Shannon Abigail Jones. Father: Matthew Miguel Johnston.
He looked at the baby. “Your dad is Spanish and Caucasian. Your mom is African-American and West Indian.” He smiled. “You’re the best of four cultures, but best of all, you’re my son.”

Three hours later, after trying to cook macaroni and cheese for Shannon, Matt walked into her bedroom with Matthew. He’d
cried
and chewed
on his fist, signaling he was hungry. Matt had tried giving him a bottle. He wouldn’t take it and just cried louder. Matt calmed him down a bit and walked over to the bed, where Shannon lay asleep on her side. He laid Matthew down, slid up Shannon’s shirt, and gently unsnapped her bra. He got on the bed, placed Matthew next to her breast, and the baby latched on.

“Poor baby, you were starving.” A bit of her milk got on the baby’s chin.
I wonder how it tastes
? He cleaned the milk with his finger and then put his finger in his mouth. “Mmm, that doesn’t taste that bad, little man.”

“What doesn’t taste bad?” Shannon asked, waking up.

“Don’t move. Matthew is latched on.”

“I know silly
.
That’s what woke me up.”

“You’re not mad I violated you?”

“You did it for a good reason. Let me guess, he didn’t take the bottle.” She stared into his green eyes.

“No, he wouldn’t stop crying until your breast was in his mouth.”

“What tastes good?”

“Your milk. I tasted it.” She looked at him, a bit curious. “He had some on his chin, and I wiped it.”

“
You could’ve just asked me for a taste.”
She said chuckling.

He stared into her eyes
, hoping she couldn’t see the desire he felt with what she just said
. “Would you have let me latch on?” he asked with a little naughtiness in his voice.

Her smile vanished.
“What? No, silly. I have some in the fridge.” She looked away.

The baby finished feeding. Shannon burped him and laid him down in his crib.

While Shannon was in the nursery, Matt set the dining room table for them to eat dinner
. When she came around the corner, she was surprised
. “
Oh Matt you didn’t have to.”
She smiled.

He pulled out her chair and she sat
,
he sat after her.
She picked up her fork and started eating, as he watched her for her reaction.

“It was the easiest thing to make in your pantry.
I know, I over-cooked the macaroni. It’s too soft.”

“No, it’s not it tastes great,” she said, taking another bite.
“
Thanks for dinner.”

They
began
talk
ing about Matt’s visitation.

“You can see him anytime you want, just call ahead of time.”
She said, before talking a drink of water.

“Are you going to ignore my call
s
?” he asked laughing.

She rolled her eyes at him, saying. “I
just
told you I needed some time.”

He caressed her left cheek with his fingers. “I was just kidding.” He noticed she was getting uncomfortable, when she slightly moved and he pulled his fingers away. “Are you ever going to let him stay overnight with me?” He asked
.

She had a strange expression on her face. “Really Matt! He’s your son you have every right to spend time with him. When do you think would be the right
time for him to sleep over
with you and your wife?” She waited for his answer.

They came up with an arrangement that worked for both of them: when Matthew turned three months, Matt would be able to take him every other weekend, but he could still come and see him in between times. And he brought up child support. Shannon tried to tell him she was okay with just having him in Matthew’s life.

Matt said no. He would support his son financially, and remained adamant until she finally agreed.

Matt woke up extra early to make breakfast for his wife. He entered their bedroom with a tray, loaded up with fruit, pancakes, bacon, and orange juice.

“Happy anniversary!” He smiled, placing the tray down on the bed.

Karen leaned up and smiled back. “Happy anniversary to you, too.”

He kissed her. “I tried to make your favorites before I have to go to work.”

“You know I’m on a diet,” she said, going to the bathroom.

“You’re beautiful just the way you are.”
he said eating her with his eyes.

“That’s sweet.” She returned to the bed and ate the fruit on the platter. She picked at the other items.

“What?” He knew better, but couldn’t resist asking.

“Baby, the bacon is too crispy, and the pancakes are lumpy.”

He just
stood observing
her. Why couldn’t she just say thank you and be grateful for him at least making an effort? “I tried. I have to get ready for work.”

“Sorry, Matt. Breakfast looks delicious.” She got up and kissed him on the lips. “Can you take it to the kitchen on your way down?” she asked, drinking the orange juice and lying back down to sleep.

“I’ll see you tonight for dinner.” He turned into the bathroom. He took a shower, dried off, and by the time he got out of the bathroom to
wards the closet
, Karen had fallen back to sleep. After getting dressed, he picked up the tray and headed downstairs. He ate what was left on the platter.

“Lumpy, my ass.”

Karen woke up to the sound of a cell phone, and smiled.
He loves me
. “Hello?”

“Hello, sweetheart. Happy anniversary.”
He
laugh
ed
being sarcastic
.

“Good morning.”

“Baby, only a year and half more and
half
of his assets will be yours.”

“I wish you were here with me.”

“I wish I was there, too. Instead, I’m here working on the old lady’s books.”

“Can you come over for lunch? Matt’s taking me to dinner tonight at Chanz, but I need some time with you.”

“I’ll be there in two hours. Make sure you’re ready for me, just the way I like.”

“I’ll have on my birthday suit, just for you.”

“See you later.”

“Bye.”

Even though he was tired, Matt drove home to pick Karen right after work. After all, it was their first wedding anniversary, and he wanted to make it special. Trying to shrug off his fatigue, he gave her a big smile as he pulled the car up to the valet stand at the upscale restaurant she’d chosen. He got out and raced around to open the door for Karen, and made sure to hold her hand on the way in. They were seated in the corner of the room, towards the front. It was the perfect, intimate setting.