At Last

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@
Last

BILLY LONDON

Copyright © 2010 by Billy London

All Rights Reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced or shared in any form, including but not limited to: printing, photocopying, faxing, recording, electronic transmission, or by any information storage or retrieval system without prior written permission from the authors or holders of the copyright.

This book is a work of fiction.  References may be made to locations and historical events; however, names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination and/or used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual persons (living or dead), businesses, events or locales is either used fictitiously or coincidental. All trademarks, service marks, registered trademarks, and registered service marks are the property of their respective owners and are used herein for identification purposes only.

Published by

Beautiful Trouble Publishing, LLC

PO Box 61

Colfax, NC 27235

www.beautifultroublepublishing.com

Cover Art:  Les Byerley
http://www.les3photo8.com/

Editor: Stephanie Parent

Proofreader: Novellette Whyte

http://proofreadernovellette.blogspot.com/

Formatter: Savannah J. Frierson,
http://sjfbooks.com/editing/

E-book Conversion:
Jim & Zetta,
http://www.jimandzetta.com/

ISBN (e-Book)
978-1-61788-027-8 (print) 978-1-61788-047-6

For all the lucky girls who found love on the Internet. You are not and never will be weird.

Note about eBooks

eBooks are NOT transferable.  Re-selling, sharing or giving away eBooks is a copyright infringement.  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the author or Beautiful Trouble Publishing.

Caveat

This work of erotica contains adult language and sexually explicit scenes, which are smoking hot.  This book is intended only for adults, as it is defined by the laws of the country in which the purchase is made.  Keep this book out of the hands of under-aged readers.

Glossary

Bang tidy
: Yorkshire, North of England compliment for “looking good.”

Bugger
: a derogatory term for a person equivalent to bastard.

Chav
: a derogatory term for a young lower-class person typified by brash and loutish behaviour and wearing real or imitation designer clothes.

Computer says no
: contemporary phrase from a television programme called 'Little Britain.'

EastEnders
: television soap opera based in the fictional area of Walford, East London.

Get done for
: Charged with a criminal offence.

Innit
: colloquialism for 'isn't it'.

M25
: 188.298 km [117-miles]-long motorway that encircles Greater London.

Peggy Mitchell
: matriarchal character in
EastEnders.

Punching above your weight
: colloquialism, phrase for 'out of your league.'

Rat-arsed
:
to get drunk or to be drunk.

Slagging [him] off
: to be verbally abusive about a person

Specsavers
: a reasonably priced optician.

The Sun
: a tabloid newspaper, which famously features topless models on the third page.

Twigged
: to come to a realisation or understanding regarding a situation.

Katie Price
: a glamour model.

Short shrift
: tell someone off crossly.

Wanker
: a jerk

Y'all right
: colloquialism for ‘are you all right.’

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date:  23 February 2010

Re: Little Miss Observant

Thank you for the compliment! Brightened an otherwise pointless day.  Ta ta for now.

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h...

Date: 23 February 2010

Re: Er…

Who are you? Did you mean to send that email to me?

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 24 February 2010

Re: Sherlock Holmes type explanation

Of course that was for you! I’m Ryan. Chris forwarded that email you sent to him with the picture of all the teachers at my school. I quote: “Who is that seriously gorgeous guy standing next to you? Is he single? Is he from England? Please say he is…” Embarrassed yet? Good. Don’t worry about balancing the tables. I’ve already seen a picture of you from Chris’ collection, and you aren’t too bad yourself. Actually, you’re pretty hot. Did you know Chris has got a picture of you in a bikini floating around?

I wouldn’t get too excited. It’s something to keep Melissa on her toes when she thinks that no one else could possibly be interested in him. Don’t grieve for him, Court. It won’t last. He can’t keep his hands off anything female around here. Sorry. Not helping, am I? But let’s be honest, I live with the guy and I know for a fact that he’s selfish, inconsiderate, tactless and vain. Fuck. Just got told to get out for smoking. I need to smoke when I write to you. I’ll tell you why in—

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Date: 27 February 2010

Re: You and your weirdness

You'll tell me... What? I'm guessing you got chucked out before you could finish the rest of that sentence? And wait, you need to smoke when you write to me? Forgive me for not finding that flattering. And if Chris is supposed to be your friend, it’s hardly fair that you’re slagging him off behind his back.

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 03 March 2010

Re: You and your touchiness

I spent time writing that email, so I thought you should have what I'd done if you couldn't have it all. Reward-like. I don’t slag Chris off behind his back. I make sure I do it to his face. He laughs it off because who wouldn’t love worship and adore him? ’Cept you. Even his girlfriend doesn’t. You must have had a crush on him for years to be still wearing those pink Specsavers. Yeah, I got that from your emails.

Now to the why I smoke when I write to you. No offence, but you take a lot of effort to entertain. A cigarette is a tension reliever to ensure I give you as much of the giggle as possible. Sometimes I have one after, like that post-coital puff. A reward for doing so damn well. Now for the love of God, what is happening in EastEnders? Who are all these new people? Where the hell have they come from? I don’t have time to read through any rubbish on Twitter, I want an honest Londoner’s opinion.

You’ll be mad with me for a while, but when you’ve had enough of the rage, do us a favour, yeah?

Take advice from an honest observer: he’s absolutely not worth your energy, Miss Phillips.

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Date: 12 March 2010

Re: You

So what, writing to me is like sex? You are really disturbing. Have you had mental help? Although you sound like my best mates. They have been telling me repeatedly to find someone else. All right for them. They have guys softening the path they tread. I just have my mum’s foot spa. So Chris isn’t worth my energy, but why are you? And I still don’t know who you are, when you seem to know an awful lot about me. Again I am very, very, very scared.

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 13 March 2010

Re: Whatever you want to know

a)
   
Name: Ryan Edward Klark

b)
  
Age: 24, birthday 24
^th
September

c)
   
Hair: brown, curly, my pulling point and hours of wasted time

d)
   
Eyes: green

e)
   
Height: six foot one

f)
     
Current city: Cape Town, South Africa. Home town: London.

g)
   
Distinguishing features: two tattoos (you want to know where, you’ll have to ask me later) and one scar beneath my eye after walking into the corner of Gran’s new dining table at two years of age.

h)
  
Place of Birth: rainy day at four in the morning outside the Ivy in the back of a taxi. Mother patently unimpressed by arrival.

i)
     
Mother’s name: Lydia

j)
     
Father’s name: Ryan (Yes, I’m junior.)

k)
   
First girlfriend: at five years old. She was a little brunette called Katie who married Thomas McKenzie the next week. It broke my little heart.

l)
     
Worst habit: smoking, and biting the skin around my thumb. Both disgusting. Trying to give up the former, latter I have been doing since table trauma. Sorry.

m)
                       
Favourite Author: Bret Easton Ellis

n)
  
Favourite Music: Kings of Leon, Arcade Fire, Jay-Z, Ghostface Killer. If I add Barry Manilow will you judge me?

o)
   
Favourite TV  Shows: South Park, The Inbetweeners, 24, True Blood.

p)
  
Favourite Film: God knows. Pick anything and I’ve probably enjoyed it.

q)
   
Favourite thing to do with a free hour: write to you, get mildly pissed and drive absolutely nowhere with good music, and take pictures. I love photography. It’s what I do when I’m not teaching.

r)
    
What am I missing? What else do you need to know? Are you going to email me ever? Or shall I expect further blanking for days on end?

Kiss kiss darling, bonsie bons, good day. Uh oh. New manager’s going to chuck me out for having a beer in here. You know what? I’m having a new laptop shipped over, so I’ll stop winding this café up.

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Date: 13 March 2010

Re: The Madness

Did your mum drop you as a baby? She must have done, as you are quite insane. Why are you drinking at four in the afternoon? Just because you look like you should be on stage with a bass guitar in skinny jeans doesn’t mean you should act like some rock diva. And that’s not your birthday. That’s mine. Well, two years later anyways.

You’ll be glad to know that I like nutters, as long as they don’t plan long and painful deaths for me.

Look, I’ll tell you what’s going on in EastEnders as long as you don’t do anything weird during my emails. You know exactly what I mean. And we don’t argue about what I feel for Chris. Deal?

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 14 March 2010

Re: Madness is relative

You only like nutters, Miss Phillips, because you share qualities with them. I agree to your terms. However, I will talk about Chris. He is an endless source of amusement to me and everyone around. Isn’t he emailing you anyway? He says you barely do, not that he has the time.

He’s three timing Melissa. Fran and I (the other teacher, who’s also our flatmate) have a bet she’ll find out within the next three days or I’m cooking for a week. All week. Not bad really as I find cooking therapeutic. Like writing to you. I feel quite stressed at the moment, trying to mark a shitload of papers for tomorrow and I just know that a Vietnam-type war is going to implode soon.

I’ll just have to go to a bar and mark them. Please don’t ever teach. Not even for a sabbatical to find your humanity. It’ll suck the soul from that curvy little body of yours. I’m only doing this to get my parents off my back about my photography. They think I wasted three years of my life studying it.

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Date: 15 March 2010

Re: How?

He’s three timing? How does he even manage that and teach? Do I want to know how you even found out? Is this what’s stressing you, Chris’ manic soap opera love life? If you have to mark your papers in a bar, you can reward yourself every ten papers with a beer. Just don’t go writing things like “Yo, what the fuck does this sentence mean?”

Disclaimer – Courtney Phillips takes no responsibility for drunk marking by Ryan Klark.

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 15 March 2010

Re: Durrr

He tells me about all his “free rides with willing victims.” Fran caught him out. Ergo, Melissa will twig soon. Fran and I will be running for cover very soon.

While you’re dealing with your friend’s lack of respect for his girlfriend, check this link. This photograph actually made it onto BBC News. Nearly wet myself with excitement. I’m doing an apprenticeship with Robert Matthews when I get back. I’m not into fashion but hey, whatever makes me look good. If I get any freebies, I’ll chuck them your way. Not like I’ll have any use for a Gucci bikini. Know you will though… Send us a photo when you do.