At Last (2 page)

Disclaimer – Courtney Phillips is entirely responsible for making Ryan Klark space out his reward drinking with genius lines such as “Yo, what the fuck does this sentence mean?”

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Date: 15 March 2010

Re: Complete cheek!

You are so cheeky! You have one photo of me in a bikini. Isn’t that enough?

That photograph is insane! It just looks like Westminster Bridge is on fire. It’s incredible. You’re really talented. I mean that.

I’ve heard of Robert Matthews, he
is
pretty sexy, obviously that’s not why you’re doing the apprenticeship with him. Duh, Courtney. When did you get the apprenticeship? Do you know someone who knows someone who knows…Yeah, you get what I mean.

P.S. I do hope you’re sober.

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 17 March 2010

Re: You love it

One photograph will never be enough. I’d like to have a catalogue. Or a calendar. I know it’s March, but surely you can make pretend with sand and a fake backdrop.

You’re not allowed to ever say Robert Matthews is sexy. The man is very much so married. With a kid. So cut that out.

By the way, the rock has hit the planet. Melissa knows all. Fran and I are wearing hard hats around the flat, drink in hand. How are you anyway, Court? Over Chris yet?

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Re: Terms and Conditions

Date: 17 March 2010

Remember our deal? You just broke it. Bye, Ryan.

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 17 March 2010

Re: Loopholes

Come on, Court. You said “argue.” Not arguing, just asking.

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 19 March 2010

Re: Seriously…

I’ve attached a picture. Loopholes, Miss Phillips. I bet you’ve missed me…

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Re:  Irrepressible

Date: 21 March 2010

Are you going to do that every time you upset me? How much did you pay each person to hold up the cards?! How long did it take you to do? Or did you have it ready prepared?

Okay, you’re forgiven. But if you want us to be friends, there’s a line. I’ve drawn it. You don’t need to cross it. Okay?

Do you know what? For the first time in ages, I don’t care what Chris is doing. He’s not my boyfriend. The little time I’ve had from work, I’ve been thinking about you and your craziness! Still drunk marking?

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 21 March 2010

Re: Forgiveness is freedom!

I did it in one day, took the day off work and didn’t pay anyone anything. Just told them I’d upset the most beautiful girl in the world and I wanted to make it up to her.

The line will not be crossed again. Cross my blackened pickled-in-Jack-Daniel’s heart.

Now, what are you doing with yourself, why are you working so hard? Chris mentioned something about you wanting to do fashion. I’ve got links on that score. Stick with me, baby, I’ll take you places!

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Re:  Irrepressible still

Date: 22 March 2010

You weren’t kidding, were you? I’ve got a traineeship! How did you even? Oh Ryan! I’m so excited about it I can’t tell you. I’m working with Selene Reyce, who is beautiful and funny and unbelievably sweet. She went through my portfolio and told me to bring her some evening wear designs. Is she kidding me?! And she wants me backstage for her show for London Fashion Week. I mean, sweet Mary hell! When I got home, I cried. I’m still teary now.

Definitely sticking with you after this! I’m making you a shirt. Something that will match your eyes. You just need to send me your measurements. Can Fran do it for you? I would make a mass declaration of love, but it’s only been one day. So I’ll chill out.

(Love you for doing this!)

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 25 March 2010

Re: Of course you do

Everyone should get to do what they want to. You are my direct line to EastEnders, so I owe you.

As you’re happy in work, what else can the magician do for you?

You know what, we need to get on Skype. Before you ask why, I want to talk to you. It’s been a month and I would like to have a proper conversation with you. I’ll send you my account details, then if you need help figuring it out, well…well shit. You’ll have to send me your mobile and I’ll talk you through it. Work for you?

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Re:  Skype away

Date: 25 March 2010

Let’s do it.

What was I doing? What on earth was I doing? I didn’t know this guy from Adam, apart from the fact he said horribly flattering things like “the most beautiful girl in the world.” I was becoming ever so slowly obsessed with him. The phone rang, and I jumped ten clear feet into the air.

It was Ryan! He sounded far away, I thought, my heart pounding madly in my throat. “Court?” he asked. “Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, yes! I can hear you. Hi!”

“Hey, how are you?” Oh God, he had the sexiest voice. His accent had the lightest hint of Afrikaans; it was deep and like sifted gravel.

“This is so weird!” I admitted with a nervous laugh.

“Why, because you haven’t got time to think of something sarky to say?”

“Shut up!” I blushed, knowing it was true. “How are you?”

“Great, finally being able to put a voice to the words. You still sound like you’re going to slap the back of my hand with a ruler.”

“No I don’t!” I squealed in protest as he laughed.

“You do, but it makes me happy. How are things with the job?”

“Fantastic. Selene’s insisted my name goes on the website as a collaborative in the new collection.

She does it with all assistants and trainees. She wants them to know they’re important to the process. And we all went out for dinner at this silly expensive place in Mayfair and she paid for all of us. I have a huge girl crush on her.”

“Wait, wait, let me just enjoy that image for a second…”

“Stop it!” I admonished. “How do you even know her?”

“Her parents and mine go way back. She’d do a favour for anyone who knew her dad, and the rest you did yourself. I spoke to her after your interview, and she thought you were incredibly sweet.”

“Oh,” I breathed out, touched and embarrassed at the same time. “Really?”

“You know she likes you. Selene doesn’t mess about. She hasn’t got the time.”

“Have I said thank you yet?”

“You have,” he told me slowly, “but I’ll think of something better.” My whole body questioned what he meant by that statement. “What else is going on?”

I was silent, not sure how much he would want to know about stuff that had nothing to do with
EastEnders
or Chris or teaching.

“Well…I don’t know. It’s not that great.”

“You can tell me,” he prompted softly.

“You know I’ve got two best mates.”

“Yeah, Summer and Andie.”

I was a little shocked. “You actually listen to what I say?!”

“Every single word, babe. Come on, tell me.”

Reeling from the intimacy of the word “babe,” I brushed my hair out of my eyes and sighed.

“Well, Summer was going out with Andie’s brother Stephen. Until he did something silly.”

“Which was?”

“Sort of drunkenly stuck his tongue down my throat. And drunkenly, I sort of let him.”

“Shit, Court!” He half choked on his own amusement. “Is this how you keep your friends happy?”

“Stop it! I was practically comatose. Summer yelled at Stephen that I was so paralytic I could enter the Special Olympics.” I shuddered at the memory of it: Andie carrying me out into a cab, bellowing at her brother the whole time.

He laughed even harder. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but that was a good comeback. So they’re mad with you?”

“No, they’re okay with me, but raging at each other. And I’m the schmuck in the middle of it.”

“You guys have been friends since conception; it’s a bump. As long as you keep talking, it’ll work out.”

“Well, cheer me up and tell me a dirty joke.”

“Now we’re talking!” He paused for a minute. “There.”

“What was that?”

“I just gave you a virtual hug.”

I smiled. “Well, thank you very much, Mr. Klark. I appreciate the effort that went into that hug.”

“Behave, or no dirty joke. Ready?”

“Do it.”

* * *

Miss Courtney Phillips

The Most Gorgeous Hotel Ever

Paris, France (Klark-free)

Mr Ryan Klark S. Preston, Esquire

Not anywhere near a gorgeous hotel

Definitely not in Paris, France

(Jealous yet?)

21
^st
April 2010

Dear Ryan,

’Ello, ma cherie! Ça va, bébé? I’ve gone all French, as we’re in Paris! Selene’s taken all the trainees for a little education and historical appreciation of the art of fashion. French Revolution, Champs-Élysées, shopping! Yes, I am shallow and I revel in my shallowness. Who really cares, anyway? I’m bringing you back a souvenir, something tacky and utterly touristy that you’ll never dare to throw out because of loyalty to me. It’ll sit on your mantelpiece for years and years, until your mother comes over one day and tells you to chuck it or you’re banned from Christmas Day dinner. Ah, the fantasies.

Have you done the school portraits yet? Do you have to wear a suit?! Haaaaaa! That I do want to see. No more pictures of any day trips to the coast with surfboards. While I naturally appreciated you in a wetsuit, it’s not the same glittering weather over here. Are you going to relocate to South Africa? When are you coming back? Are you ever coming back? Is Robert Matthews going to have to chase you there? As fun as it was having you on speaker watching True Blood at the same time, it’s not quite like being in the same room and having a drink every time Sookie gets her knockers out.

Can I tell you something I’m not supposed to tell anyone? Summer’s birthday was last weekend, and she hired out a bar. It belongs to a friend of a friend of a friend, so he let her have the whole place to herself. There was a huge kerfuffle with a girl called Tara who has drug problems (something like crack, no lie). Anyway, after the whole buzzle calmed down, I noticed Summer and our mutual friend Iain had disappeared. They sooo did it. Iain calls me the next day as I’m trying to drown my hangover in as much grease as possible in my local café, and he comes over to have a coffee. He tells me that he and Summer definitely got it on. And I have to keep it quiet. Because Andie’s had a thing for Iain for ages, but Iain’s always been in love with Summer because he told me at yet another drunken party. I frequent them, don’t I?

Ah, what can you do? Clearly our friendships are destined for Hell in a hand basket. Sorry, I was meant to write you something nice, as getting a letter in the post is so much better than getting something by email. Now it’s full of crap about people you know nothing about. Never mind.

I loved your Rough Guide to Teacher’s Quarters, by the way! I still don’t believe you were listening to anything I said—multitasking is not a male-accredited skill. Has your shirt turned up yet? I sent it by recorded post, so you would have had to sign for it. Tell me so I can stop worrying if it fits properly. And don’t flatter me, if you hate it, say so.

Okay, one day I will write something more meaningful. Promise.

Speak soon, xx Court

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 26 April 2010

Re: Your Bible-length writing

I get kisses now? Excellent…

It was really nice to get something through the post, you were right. I would write a long involved letter about my friends’ intrepid love lives but to be honest, I haven’t really been paying attention. Apart from Fran, and I feel like a bastard for saying so, but I think she’s stalking me. It’s your fault. When Chris and Melissa paired up, she seemed to think that we were next, and you made it worse with your “get me your measurements.” It’s not like I can escape her, I live and work with her. With Chris and Melissa arguing all the damn time these days, Fran and I get banished to the kitchen to let them argue it out. I mean, for fuck’s sake she pinched my arse yesterday! It’s like Peggy Mitchell hitting on me.

I did get the shirt and it fits perfectly, no flattery, only can I get one in white, black and maybe a dark red? Please. Thank you. Get sewing, woman.

Enough—I’m starting to tense up again. I’m going surfing on the weekend. More beach pictures, sorry, must be done. So Summer and Iain. Why wouldn’t I be interested? They are in the crazy world of you, so I want to know about it. Look, if things go really tits up, I’ll fly over and protect you from the violence that will head your way because of you and your huge mouth.

Why would I need tacky souvenirs when I can just stick you on my fireplace and wait for my mother to tell me to chuck you out? You’re definitely more novelty.

Ryan xxx (one more coz you is special, innit?)

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Re:  Huzzah!

Date: 28 April 2010

Not back from Paris yet! Loving it, loving it, loving it!! Have you dealt with the Fran problem yet? Poor girl, running after you when you’ve probably spent more loving time with your camera. I’m so glad the shirt fits! I’ll get on with the other colours for you. And hey, for the record:

i)
     
I am not a big mouth. I just talk a bit. Too much.

ii)
   
Fran is probably only after you because you’re in easy reach.

iii)
I am not tacky! One is classy and elegant.

iv)
 
Is I special? Den gimme all your cake. Now, boy!

I’ll Skype you when I come back. xx Court

From: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

To: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

Date: 30 April 2010

Re: Bored now

Aren’t you back yet? Or have you met some random French bloke and you’re staying in France. I won’t be impressed if you have…

From: Courtney Phillips
yapalot@g
...

To: Ryan Klark
rudejoker@h
...

Date: 30 April 2010

Re:  End of the world

I
am
back. Can you still come over and protect me? Everything blew up in the middle of our local pub. Druggy Tara told Andie that Iain and Summer had been banging away since Summer’s birthday and obviously Summer couldn’t deny it, then I copped it for not being as shocked as Summer… It were right horrible. People in the pub just watched us like it was an episode of EastEnders.