I am HER... (43 page)

 
"It's Dr. Michael McDonald.  Mack.  Do you remember meeting me?"
  "Um, no.  I'm sorry.  Z?  Who is he?"
  "Sweetheart, this is my good friend, Mack.  I asked him to join us here.  He met you at my house a few weeks ago.  Can you try to remember him? Mack is your friend."
  "I don't have any friends."
  "Yes, you do.  I'm your friend, and so is Mack.  We want to help you."

 
Nope.  I have
no
friends.  I'm not doing this anymore.  I'm too tired, and too sad.  I don't want anyone tricking me anymore.  I'm done with them all.
  "Could you please leave now?  I really don't want to talk to either of you anymore.  I just want to sleep."
  "We have to talk to you, to help you.  You're in a potentially bad situation with your family, and Mack and I want to try to help you."
  "I want to see my family now.  Please?  I want my parents and husband.  Can you please leave?"
  "Listen to me very closely.  Right
now
, I am your doctor.  I am trying to help you, but if you push me away, your family will take you back to Chicago, and it will be very difficult, if not
impossible
for Z and I to help you at all.  Do you understand what I'm saying to you?  Listen closely.  I need you to stop pushing us away.  I need you to speak to no one else.  I need you to talk to us, so we can help you.  Once you are taken to Chicago, I won't be able to help you.  Your family has a different doctor waiting to put you in his care.  Do you know what I'm saying to you?"

 
"I'm sorry.  I'm confused."

 
"Sweetheart, please.  Your parents and husband want to put you in a special hospital with Dr. Simmons, and he’ll keep you away from Mack and I.  We won't be able to help you once you’re gone." 
What?
  Oh NO! Dr. Simmons.  Oh!  He'll hurt me again.  Breathe.  Gasp. 
  "
What?!
  What do you remember?  Breathe, love.  Come on.  In and out slowly.  Breathe with me.  Tell us what's wrong."
  "He... he’s bad.  He h-hurt me.  I remember.  He hurt me, lots. 
Oh god.
  He’s awful."  Come on!  Not now...
  "Listen to my breath.  Listen to my voice.  Calm yourself.  Please stay with us."
  "I'm trying. 
Really..."
  "I know you are.  You’re doing very well."  Almost there.  My breath is slowly returning.

 
"How did he hurt you?  What did he do?  You can trust Mack and me."
  "Um... I don't know
exactly.
.. But I
feel
what he did.  I just
know
he did bad things.  I'm sorry... I'm trying, but I can't remember what it was..." 
Shit.
  What did he do?!  "My brain is all slushy."

 
When there is nothing but silence, I realize they’re waiting for me to remember.

                                
==========

        
  
  "Listen.  I have to go.  Your family will be returning very soon, but Mack is going to stay for awhile.  You can talk to him when I'm gone, or wait until I return to talk to him.  It's your choice."

 
"I'm not going to tell your family that you’ve woken from the coma...
yet
.  I just don’t
actually
know you’ve woken yet…
understood?
”  A doctor will lie for me?  “That buys us a little time.  Your parents and husband are returning to Chicago this evening for your mother’s birthday party tomorrow night.  So, if you pretend to still be asleep when they visit, I can keep you here until they return on Monday.  Can you play along?  For Z?"  I can do anything for Z. 
  "What do I do?"
  "Ironically...
nothing.
  Just sleep, or pretend to sleep.  I’m going to give you a heavy muscle relaxer, and a sleeping aid which should knock you out while they visit.  They’re going to be here any minute, but they won't stay more than an hour.  Just lie there and don't move.  I'm going to schedule an MRI while they’re here, to kill more time for you.”

 
"I have to leave, sweetheart.  But I'll be back once they leave.  I promise.  I'll be back very soon."  And leaning in, Z kisses my forehead. 
Oh god, no!
  "Please don't kiss my forehead.  That's what Marcus does and I hate it."
  "No problem.  I prefer your lips anyway."  And kissing me on the lips, I hear his smile-voice.
  Grinning, "Thank you.  Please come back soon."
  "I promise." Z smiles back as he walks out the door.
 

                             
     ==========

  "He's gone now.  Can you open your eyes for me?"
  "I tried, but it was so bright, and it was really hard to open them.  They feel very heavy and sensitive to light.  Can I have a pair of sunglasses?"
  "Okay.  You can open your eyes later, and I’ll get you some glasses to wear.  Listen, this is very important.  Do you think you can
act
comatose while your parents are here?  I’m going to give you some medicine to knock you out, but it might not take affect for at least fifteen minutes or so.  Therefore, you
must
act comatose initially.  No moving at all, no matter what they do or say, otherwise they'll know, and you’ll be taken back tonight to Chicago.  Your family already has transport on call."

 
Tonight?  Why do they want me back so badly?  My mother hates me.  My father ignores me.  Marcus tolerates me.  As a trio, they are the most uncaring,
unfeeling
group I have ever known... Why do they care if I'm here or in Chicago?
  "No.  No medicine at all, I'll pretend.  I think I'll be fine.  I've been pretending my whole life Mack... I know what to do."
  "But this is different, it's about movement.  One flinch or blush, and they'll know you’re awake.  Are you sure?  I would feel much more comfortable knowing you were medicated and
actually
asleep during their visit."
  "But I wouldn't.  I don't know why, but I don't really trust that they won't hurt me when I'm sleeping.  I can't explain it... but..."
  "Stop.  Sleep.  I hear your mother.  I'll stay as long as I can, and I'll be back as soon as I can for the MRI."
  Walking from me, Mack leans against the back wall with my charts.  After a quick movement of my legs and turning my head toward the window, I settle into my deep ‘
sleep’.
  I'm
very
tired
anyway...
 

 
Waking, I hear their voices.  Oh, god.  Don't flinch.  My mother is as usual... Complaining about the cleanliness, the rude staff, the wall color... Christ! 
The color of the walls? 
Get a little perspective, would ya?  Ooops.  I almost giggled.
    I hear Marcus talking.  What’s he saying?

 
"... I don't understand.  She was supposed to be awake by now.  The medication for the coma was stopped 48 hours ago.  There’s no brain swelling.  There’s shouldn’t be anything wrong with her anymore.  So, tell me, what
IS
wrong with her?"
  "The surgeon told you patients
generally
wake up within 48 hours, but not always.  She had such a sudden rupture and surgery, that her brain went essentially into a kind of shock, if you will.  She also had the further complication of the other medication making her slip into a coma on her own, so the surgeon and Neurologist monitoring her had to base the medication on what her brain was already doing to itself.  She’ll wake up when she can, but more importantly, she’ll wake when her brain is ready."
  "Will she be normal?  I know I keep asking that, but I'm just so worried she won't be
normal
anymore.  If she's still
strange
like she was before, I don't know what I'll do."

 
“In my medical opinion, she…”
  "Marcus.  She'll be fine.  Dr. Simmons guarantees he can fix her." 
Flinch.
  Shit.  My mother’s voice can still scare the hell out of me.  Don't move.  Don't move. 
Oh. My. God.
  My mother’s holding my hand.  Even her hand is cold. 
Ew....
Gross.

 
"She’s my daughter, and I know she'll be fine.  She always bounces back from her little
episodes.
"
  "Mrs. Beaumont.  She has had more than an ‘episode’.  She has had major brain surgery, for a major aneurysm.  She may need intensive therapy, maybe even rehabilitation before she can recover from this episode, as you call it"
  "I know that, Dr. MacDonald!  And I will see that she gets it.  I just don't see the need to stress poor Marcus out with all this
drama
, when it will all be over soon.  She’ll return to Marcus
normal,
 and their lives can pick up where they left off.  I will have it no other way."  Jesus
Christ.
  Did her voice just scare the doctor as much as it scared me?
  "What if she doesn't want to pick up where we left off?  She was really upset about my little
transgression.
  She ran away.  She even did what she did to get away from me.  I think I really hurt her this time.  Maybe she..."  You think?
Asshole.
  "Marcus,
believe me
, what she did wasn't about what
you
did.  She was always
so
dramatic.  She was always looking for attention whenever she didn't feel she had enough.  Her father and I were so embarrassed by her, weren't we darling?"  Huh.  My father
is
here.  Nice grunt...
daddy. 
"…She always acted strangely around our friends and associates.  She was just so, so
ridiculous
when she was a teenager, but her father and I thought she had it out of her system once she grew up.  This isn't her first time doing something like this, but I promise you, dear, it
will
be her last.  When Dr. Simmons is through with her she will be perfect for you.  Please, don’t worry.”

 
What the hell is she talking about?  Not my first time?  Of course it is.  She’s crazy.  And a liar.  God, I hate her so much.  I wish she would stop touching me.  I wish I could pull my hand away.  I want to smack her face so badly. 
Shit.
  I think I've started shaking a little.
  "She's moving." 
Shit!
  "Yes, just muscle spasms.  I have an MRI booked, and I need to take her now.  Please say your goodbyes." Is that Dr.
Mack?
  "Goodbye, honey.  I'll be back Monday evening, after work.  I hope you're awake by then.  I hope you're much better."  Aaaah...
how sweet
. 
Asshole!
  "Oh Marcus, don't sound so sad.  She'll be fine.  You just concentrate on you.  Are you sure you want to return Monday evening with us?  We can take care of her.  You could just enjoy yourself back in Chicago, without all this upset."
  "Yes, I want to return.  I
should
be here.  If it wasn't for me, she would still be in Chicago.  She would still be the woman I love..." 
Flinch
again. 
Dammit.
  "I really need to get her to the MRI station.  MRI scans are booked solidly, and I shouldn't be late for the technician, especially on a Friday evening.  I'll take good care of her this weekend.... Enjoy your party, Mrs. Beaumont."
  "Oh, yes.  Thank you, Dr. MacDonald, we certainly will.  My parties are something of a Chicago tradition.  Isn't that right, darling?  Mr. Beaumont spoils me every year, don't you?"
  "Of course.  Why wouldn't I?  You are a treasure in my life." 
Oh. My. God.
  Gag.  Hello, father.  No kind words for your
comatose
daughter?  Am I a treasure in your life?  No?  But I never have been, have I?
  "Goodbye, darling.  When your father and I return Monday evening, I expect you to be up and well.  We have a nice stay with Dr. Simmons planned for you... to help you mend from this little
incident
.  I just hope no one has the inclination to ask about your whereabouts at my party.  We've decided to tell anyone who may ask that
regretfully
you had to attend a business trip in Florida this week." 
God. 
Even her breath in my face is foul
. 
Fight the
flinch!  Fight it!

 
"If you don't stop all this
shit
, I will punish you severely.  Do you hear me?"  She whispers in my ear, while kissing me on the cheek. 
FLINCH!