How We Lived (Entangled Embrace) (9 page)

His cheeks were damp and the tears I’d been fighting fell more freely. I tasted salt as some dripped near my lips. He watched me now, eyebrows raised.

“What?” I asked.

“You’ve got to be feeling something. Tell me.”

I shook my head and tried to move away, but he held me there.

“You don’t want to know. Trust me.”

“But I do want to know.”

“Fine,” I growled. So many thoughts and emotions raced through my brain, and then they started spilling out, one after the other. “I can’t fucking stand college. I’m pissed Kyle left me here to deal with this shit. I’m pissed he’ll never know who my first love was, or what it’s like to feel it himself. I fucking hate that my parents can barely be in the same room together anymore because of him.” Then slowly, in a tiny voice, I whispered, “I’m mad at you, too.”

His breath hitched in his throat. This was what we’d both been waiting for.

“You killed him.”

“I—”

No. I had to get this out. “You drove drunk, Chase. You drove drunk with my brother and Bear in the car. And you. How could you do that? You could have killed all of you, and then where would that have left me?”

He stilled and it was like the whole world stopped. At least, my whole world had. His answers—if he gave any—were everything I’d been waiting to hear even before I knew I’d been waiting to hear them. I needed him to tell me why.

“I wasn’t thinking. I was messed up. You have no idea how messed up I was. How messed up I still am.” He searched my face. “You still have me, though. I’ve been right here this entire time, but you stayed away. Why did you stay away? I needed you.”

His words punched a hole right through me. I didn’t know the answer. If I told him it was solely because of my parents, I’d be lying. I didn’t know what to feel about him anymore. There were so many emotions spinning around inside me. We’d always been friends, but there was more now. So much more.

“Please don’t tell me you stayed away because you don’t care.” He caressed my cheeks with his thumbs. “It would kill me. More than you know.”

How could he think I didn’t care? I looked down, unable to stand seeing the pain in his eyes and knowing I’d put it there. “I do care. Do you know how many times I thought about calling you or texting you? Or just showing up here? But it’s hard. It’s so hard.”

Chase dipped his face. Our noses brushed. His hot breath teased my mouth. We were dangerously close.

“But do you care enough?” His eyes closed for mere seconds before he opened them again, his stare concentrated on my lips. “Fuck it,” he growled.

His lips crashed into mine. He wrapped his hands around the back of my head and pulled me to him. Opening his mouth, he kissed me harder, not letting up until I kissed him back. He moaned and my body reacted. I pressed myself fully against him, and wound my arms around his back and under his shirt. His muscles rippled and tensed.

“Holy shit,” Chase said, kissing from my jawline to my ear, tracing a line with his tongue until he kissed me softly right under the earlobe. “Tell me to stop, Kels.”

That wasn’t going to happen. Instead, I lifted his shirt and kissed his chest like I’d wanted to do ever since the night of the funeral. His whole body pulled taut as I worked my fingers across his skin. He didn’t move at first. There was nothing but the rapid rising and falling of his chest, but then all at once he had his shirt off and his hands tangled in my hair. I found the base of his throat and slid my tongue over the little dip.

A deep rumbling sound I’d never heard him make sounded in my ear. It simultaneously sparked my nerve endings and shrouded me in desire. Over my shirt, he brushed his thumbs across my breasts. My fingers curled and dug into his sides. I wanted to keep him there against me, making me feel. My head was spinning. My knees trembled and he slipped an arm around my waist, securing me in place. He teased my bottom lip with his tongue until I was dazed and breathless.

His voice drifted through the haze. “Open your eyes, babe.”

I did. His face was intense. What he wanted—needed—rippled off him in waves, overpowering any sensible thought I ever had. Heat spiked uncomfortably between my thighs. I swallowed, waiting in anticipation as he seemed to search for something in my eyes, emotion after emotion playing across his face.

Finally, he spoke. “I fucking love the look on your face. And knowing I put it there? You have no idea what it does to me. What it’s done to me the thousand different times I’ve imagined it in my head.”

This couldn’t be happening. Chase, whom I had known my entire life, was making me feel things a boyfriend should’ve made me feel. What Bear should’ve made me feel.

That was nothing. This was everything. I ached for him. I wanted to know what he’d feel like all over me and inside me, wanted our bare skin to slide together.

He lowered his hands to my waist and squeezed. “If you keep pressing yourself against me, you’re going to be on my bed and flat on your back in a second.”

I shivered, imagining what it would feel like. “Is that a promise?”

His eyes darkened even more. “I don’t deserve you, Kels. But I can’t make myself stop. Don’t want to.” He cupped my ass in his strong hands and ground his hips against mine. “Do you want to stop?”

He was hard and thick where he touched me. I shifted so he’d press against the ache he’d started, but I couldn’t quite get there.

“
Chase
,” I groaned.

He swore, then angled his hips up. “Do you want me to stop? Answer me, Kels.”

An involuntary moan of pleasure passed my lips. He rocked against me a few times and the ache intensified and spread. Standing wasn’t cutting it. I moved toward the bed, pulling him along behind me. As soon as I turned, he was right there, easing me onto the mattress.

“Kels—”

“Don’t stop.” I slid my thumb under the top of his jeans, and felt his stomach muscles tighten. “Touch me, Chase.”

“Dammit.” He shook his head. “I told myself I was going to be smart for once.”

I held my hands above my head and waited. Chase’s eyes flashed before lifting my shirt up and over my head. His gaze seared my skin, lighting my nerves on fire. Heat spread over me as I watched him take me in. A single curl of hair tumbled over his forehead and I pushed it back. Before I knew it, he hovered above me again, his chest teasing mine. Every brush of his body thrilled me.

His soft exploration of my skin ended when he traced his fingers along the cup of my bra and grazed my nipple.

My trembling stopped him. He did it again and my breath caught.

“Here?” he asked. He dipped his head, moved the fabric of my bra away, and flicked his tongue over the peak of my breast, then caressed it with his thumb.

“
Oh
.” My ache started to throb. I pushed my hips forward, a rush of pleasure arching my body off the bed.

“Soon,” he promised. “But I’m not done with you yet.”

While kissing a path to my belly button, his hands worked at the clasp of my jeans and then lowered the zipper. The sound terrified and excited me at the same time. He tugged them down to below the tops of my panties. My stomach clenched when he brushed his lips across my panty line and I could barely breathe, let alone think, when he moved them down to drag his tongue across my hip.

Another spike of pleasure and longing hit. “Chase.” I breathed. Everything in me went tight with expectation. “Oh, God.”

He smiled against my skin. Then his head jerked up. “No. Tell me this isn’t happening.”

My breath stuttered out of me. “What? What’s wrong?”
Please don’t stop
.

A car door slammed, and he dropped his forehead to my stomach.

My heart raced for a completely different reason. “Shit. Is that your mom?” I pushed at him and scrambled toward the head of the bed.

“What day is it?” He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’m so sorry.” His gaze passed over me, stopping on my lips, on my bra, and then to my eyes. “If I don’t go out there, she’ll come in here.”

Bringing my hands to my chest, right over my heart, I nodded. It felt like it might pound right through my skin. “It’s okay.”

The look he gave me said he didn’t think it was okay, and the more I thought about it, it was definitely not okay. My skin still tingled with the pleasure he’d given me. I hadn’t wanted us to stop. Didn’t want us to stop. He leaned over and kissed me, dragging his lips across mine. When he broke away, I wanted to reach out and grab him, keep him there with me, but I didn’t dare.

In the middle of the room, he searched the floor. Finally, he found my shirt by the foot of the bed and handed it to me.

“Will I be okay in here?”

He found his own shirt and tugged the mess over his head. “I’ll make sure she doesn’t come in.” Before he left, he stared back at me and then strode to the bed. “Stay,” he pleaded.

I couldn’t keep the grin from my face. “Where else am I going to go?”

He slipped from the bedroom just in time. As soon as I was alone, the front door opened. I threw my shirt on and lay back down, attempting to calm my breathing.

Holy shit, that was amazing. I smiled into the darkness and pulled the covers around me and faced the wall. At least if Mrs. Crowley did come in, she wouldn’t know it was me in his bed. She’d freak the hell out probably. My parents freaking sued her, for God’s sake. Better she thought it was some random girl, or a new girlfriend.

My heart tripped over itself. Girlfriend? Could I be Chase’s girlfriend? Obviously I wasn’t right now, but was this leading to that? He was as into it as I was. It wasn’t like I’d never realized how hot he was, but he was always just Chase. He was like a best friend to me, too. Not just to Kyle.

Oh, Kyle. What would he think? Was he pissed off at us right now? Not just his best friend and his little sister, but his best friend who was known for getting what he wanted from girls and moving on to the next. I rearranged the pillow and flopped back down onto it. Chase had changed. And it wasn’t just because he’d told me he’d changed—I could feel it. He thought more of me than just as Kyle’s little sister, or as a friend. He wouldn’t do that to me.

My whole body tensed as Chase’s voice rose in the hallway. “Mom. Stop.”

“No, Chase. I won’t stop,” Linda said. She was using her mother voice. She hardly every used it so you knew when she did, she meant business. “I don’t want you getting hurt again.”

“Ma…”

Her voice softened. “Honey, I’m worried. Did they say anything to you? Did you talk to Kelsey? If I knew you were going to go, I never would have gone on the stupid cruise.”

“You deserved a vacation.”

“Forget about that. How did it go? Did you see her?”

I sucked in a breath and waited.

“I’m really tired, Mom. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

“Honey…” She paused. “You need to stay away. Things aren’t the same anymore. We don’t know if she’ll ever be able to see you the same again, and I don’t want that to drag you backward. You’ve been doing so good. It’s best to stay the course, keep doing what you’re doing. Seeing her, talking to her, will only hurt you.”

“Mom, I’m tired, okay? And you must be exhausted. I’m glad you had fun on your trip. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

The door handle jiggled. I scrunched down into his bed and kept my back to him even when I was sure we were safe, and alone again.

“Hey,” he whispered, nudging me.

I drew in a shaky breath. This would never work. Who was I kidding? My parents hated him, and apparently Mrs. Crowley thought I’d hurt him.

He squeezed my shoulder and then pushed my back against the bed. “Hey—” One look into my eyes and he knew. “No. Don’t you dare retreat from me.”

“Chase…”

Hurt swept across his face. “You heard her, didn’t you? She’s hurting, too. You and Kyle were like another set of kids to her.”

I dragged my hands down my face. “We were all hurt.”

Chase flinched. “I made a mistake.”

I grabbed for his hand. “I didn’t mean you did it. I was just saying we were hurt, too. Everyone loved Kyle. How could you not?”

“I know. There are days I wake up and my first thought is to call him, and then it hurts all over again.”

I patted the bed next to me. “Talk to me.”

He looked like he wanted to, but finally a quick shake of his head told me no. “Not now.”

I popped out my lower lip like I used to when we were kids and I didn’t get my way. “Please?” I asked.

He smirked, and then reached out and touched my lip, which had the exact opposite effect it used to when we were little. It made me aware of his fingers again, of my lips on his skin, of his lips everywhere on me.

“Not now. Later,” he said.

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about telling me his secrets, or to the thoughts my mind had already switched to.

He leaned over and gave me a sweet kiss. “And don’t worry. I’m not going to try to molest you with my mother in the house.”

I wished she’d leave for another vacation then. She’d gone on plenty since she and Chase’s dad divorced. What was another one? Like right now. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I wish your mom would suddenly remember she has to be somewhere.”

He put his arms around me and chuckled into my hair. Even his just holding me like this made me feel special. Made me feel wanted. I kissed the fabric of his shirt and patterned letters there I knew he would understand. I. M. D. Y. U.

“Again?” he asked.

I traced them one more time, and then closed my eyes. He answered me on my shoulder and I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips.

He’d missed me, too.

Chapter Seven

-Kelsey-

A brush of lips against my forehead woke me.

“Sleepyhead.”

I smiled. Chase had spent the night at our house enough times to know how my mom used to wake us. Minus the soft lips part. “Hmm?”

“Wake up, baby. Mom just left.”

I opened my eyes. His hair was all over the place, but adorable. “Where’d she go?”

He shrugged. “No idea.”

When Chase sat up, I looked around and was again struck by how nothing in his room had changed. This morning could’ve been a morning five months ago. There had to be something new. A new TV? No, that was still the same. Video game? His Xbox didn’t look like it’d been played in a while. The cords were wrapped around the controllers and thrown to the side of his dresser.

It hit me then. Maybe Chase was lonely, too. My room hadn’t changed in five months, either, but I wasn’t living in mine.

Before the accident, he’d had me, Kyle, and Bear. He had other friends, too, but they probably gave up on him—or turned on him—after the accident. “What’s it been like for you?”

His throat worked. “It’s no big deal.”

“It is a big deal. I know I’m late, but it’s a big deal to me now.”

He flopped onto his back. “I’m not going to complain about any of the punishments I got. I deserved them. Every single one of them.”

He was too hard on himself. Getting beat up? He didn’t deserve that. “Chase…”

He turned and grabbed my face. “Nothing handed down to me could’ve made me feel worse than how I already felt. Nothing. Now, please. I want to forget about that.”

I hid my face in his chest and hugged him tight. When I didn’t let go or let up, he laughed.

“What is this for?”

“I just—”

“Missed me?” he teased.

I smiled and moved so I could look at him. “Yes, I missed you.”

He grabbed my hips and tickled me. “That makes me happy.”

I squealed and dove on top of him, pinning his arms to the bed. I hated being tickled. He didn’t put up much fight. Not like he used to. I straddled his hips and his shirt rode up, revealing his stomach. I couldn’t tear my gaze away.

“What are you going to do to me now, my Kels?”

Heat crept up my neck. He’d caught me ogling him.

He laughed. “You are so damn cute when you’re embarrassed. If you let go, I know what I want to do to you.”

I pushed him down. And oh God, I probably needed to brush my hair. And my teeth. “Showers,” I squeaked.

His lips quirked. “I guess showers are needed first.”

“What time is it?”

He looked over my shoulder at the alarm clock. “Nine thirty.”

Good. Mom and Dad would already be at work. I could go home, shower, and dress without Chase noticing I was sneaking around my own house. Mom and Dad thought I was at school, so they’d be more than a little pissed to see me home.

“So…” His thumbs brushed against the backs of my hands. “I kind of have to do something today and I want you to come with me.”

My eyebrows raised. “Really?” It had been a long time since I hung out with Chase. I wanted to hang out with him, but there was this little part nagging me. What if someone saw us?

Screw it. This was my life. I jumped off him and headed for the window.

“You know you can use the front door.”

“For old time’s sake.” I slipped out and turned around. “Half an hour, okay?”

He grinned. “See you then.”

…

Exactly thirty-five minutes later—my hair had taken more time than I wanted—I lowered myself from Kyle’s room.

Chase waited for me by the corner of his house. “Where’s your car?”

“It’s down the block.”

“Why is your car down the block?” He looked weird. Mad and concerned, the mixture clouded his face.

Of course, he looked absolutely gorgeous, too. His dark shirt pulled tight across his shoulders and chest, and a pair of jeans hung from his hips. I gulped and tried to focus on his face. “Because I parked it there.”

He opened his mouth, no doubt to ask me why when I had a perfectly fine driveway in front of my own house.

“Before you ask, I parked it there because my parents think I’m at school.”

He ran his hands through his hair. “Jesus Christ. You’re supposed to be at school right now?”

“I told you I had summer classes.”

“Yeah, but then when you showed up last night I figured you’d said that earlier as an excuse to get away. What the hell are you doing home, then?”

“It’s awful there,” I said, needing him to understand. “No one gets me. They walk around like their life hasn’t completely changed because it hasn’t. Well, mine has. I don’t fit in. They worry about grades or who they’re going to bring back to their room after the next party. It’s bullshit. I’m not like them.” I kicked at the grass. “I don’t know if I ever will be again.”

“Come here.” He opened his arms.

I moved into them, needing to feel the security only he could give me. “You understand. You get me. No one else but us would get what we feel right now.”

“I know,” he said. He smoothed his hand through my hair to the ends. “Are you going back?”

I took a deep breath. I never thought I’d have to say these words in a million years. “I failed last semester.”

He stilled. “Do your parents know?”

“I hid my grades from them. They think I’m being an extra special student by taking a course load in the summer.”

“I thought it was weird you were taking summer classes. Oh, man.” He pulled me away and looked directly into my eyes. “We’ll talk about this later, okay? You look beautiful, by the way.”

My cheeks grew hot. “You look pretty beautiful yourself.”

He shook his head at me. “Same old Kels. Don’t take this the wrong way but you’re kind of a dork.”

I squeezed his hips. “Hey.”

His lips quirked. “You’re a beautiful dork, though, so it doesn’t matter.”

Standing on my tiptoes, I kissed the spot below his ear. “Am I a beautiful, kissable dork?”

He melted into me, but just as quickly backed away. “Yes, but if I kiss you right now, we won’t leave and I really don’t want to be late.”

“Late? For what?”

Chase led me to the passenger side and opened the car door. “This thing I do. I think you’ll like it.”

I got in, and a wave of uneasiness passed over me when he shut the door. It was impossible not to think about Kyle. “Wait,” I said when he got in. “I thought you said you could only drive under certain conditions.”

“This is one of those conditions.” He smiled. “Trust me.”

I
did
trust him.

After he backed out of the driveway, he put his hand on my leg. I stared down at his long fingers and then back at him. He didn’t move it. I didn’t want him to, but I was amazed at how quickly we went from not talking, to mourning my brother together, to…whatever we were doing now. I slipped my fingers between his and he looked over and smiled.

Everything felt right.

I squeezed his hand. “So, what are we doing?”

“First things first. You are about to have the most amazing breakfast.”

“McDonald’s?”

His face twisted in disgust. “Hell no. My friend’s making us breakfast.”

A friend? Once, I’d known all of his friends because they were the same as Kyle’s. The same as mine. Now, not so much.

“Prepare to be amazed, Kels. I’m not joking. His breakfasts are freaking delicious.”

He grinned again. Holy hot damn he was so gorgeous.

Within a couple minutes, we pulled into a parking lot and I stared at the building in front of us. It was familiar. Like a few days ago familiar. “Wait, someone you know who works at Vito’s Ristorante is going to make us breakfast?”

“Not just anybody. Vito himself is going to make us breakfast.”

“Are you serious?”

Chase chuckled. “Yeah. We’re old friends. Didn’t you see me at his bar the other night, or was some other incredibly gorgeous girl staring at me?”

“I didn’t stare at you.”

“You’re right. It was me.” He cocked his head at me and grinned, sending butterflies into my stomach. “I couldn’t keep my eyes off you.”

I’d never been the recipient of Chase’s charm. I’d seen it in action, but this was a whole different story. How did girls get through this? I needed to fan myself.

“Anyway, he knows we’re coming.” He motioned toward the restaurant entrance. “Shall we?”

I reached for the car door handle, but Chase ran around to my side and opened it for me. Then, he offered me his hand.

I looked at him, then down at his hand. “I don’t think the Chase I used to know opened doors for girls.”

His smile faltered. “Maybe I’m different when it comes to you.”

Well, that was good news. I took a deep breath and put my hand in his. After helping me stand, he moved his hands around my waist, fingers sliding into my back pockets. He squeezed and I had to breathe through what would have been a very embarrassing moan. The distance between us disintegrated. I leaned back to meet his eyes. They said we should definitely get in the car and drive to his house for the privacy of his bedroom.

“I’m, um…”

“You are…?” He dropped a kiss below my ear.

I cleared my throat, his nose almost touching mine now. “I’m, um, hungry?”

“Is that a question?”

I was fascinated by his lips. I knew what he could do with those things, the way they made me feel.

His eyebrow quirked up. “Kels?”

I shook my head. “Yeah?”

He chuckled and moved some of my hair around my ear. “Let’s get you inside and fed.”

When he stepped back, breathing came easier. Thoughts came quicker.

I slapped his shoulder. “Don’t do that again, Chase Crowley.”

“Do what?” His grin looked like the cat that ate the canary or whatever that stupid saying was.

I crossed my arms. “You got me all—”

His eyes shone. “Twitterpated,” he said with finality.

“Twitterpated?”

“Yeah, from
Bambi
. I got you all twitterpated.”

I had to laugh. “You must be losing your mojo if you need Disney to help you get girls.”

He held the door open, looking smug. “I think I’m doing an okay job by myself,” he said, and slid a finger down the small of my back.

I shivered. No wonder girls flocked to him.

“Hey, you two,” a voice called. “Just in time.”

“Vito, hey.” Chase urged me forward. “This is Kelsey. She’s the girl I was telling you about.”

I raised an eyebrow. Chase talked about me to this guy?

Vito had a welcoming, grandfatherly face with bushy silver-and-black eyebrows. His whole face wrinkled when he smiled, but his eyes were still youthful and bright.

“Hi, Kelsey. Come in. Sit down. I’ve got your plates ready.”

I shook his outstretched hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” Then I sat on the stool right in front of a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. “I hear you make the best breakfast.”

“Eat. Eat. You tell me.”

I unwound my silverware from the cloth napkin and took a bite of the eggs. Breakfast was breakfast, but this was something else. “Mmm. What’s in here? Garlic?” I took another bite and savored the taste. When I opened my eyes, Vito was staring at me. “They’re yummy.”

Chase took the seat next to mine in front of an identical plate. “Told you.” He freed his silverware and dug in.

Vito disappeared behind double swinging doors and then returned with two glasses of orange juice. “Hope you like.”

Before I could say anything, Chase said, “Kelsey loves orange juice. It’s her favorite.”

The whole thing reminded me of Saturday morning breakfasts at his house. Linda used to make the boys a huge breakfast before their football games and would buy orange juice especially for me and her. I smiled and he smiled back. Call me a cartoon character because hearts were about to spring from my eyes. I pressed my knee against his, and he pressed right back.

Vito leaned over the counter. “The boss…” He smiled at me. “That’s what I call my lovely wife of forty years. She helped me package the dinners last night so we’re ready to deliver for today.”

I sipped my orange juice. “Deliver?”

He looked up from his notepad, puzzled, his forehead more wrinkled than normal. “Aren’t you coming with us?”

Chase blushed, which was weird. Chase Crowley didn’t turn red.

“This is why I brought you here,” he said. “Vito and I deliver dinners to families in the area.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” And so not like something Chase would’ve done before. “To senior citizens? Like Meals on Wheels?”

Vito looked down and tapped his pen.

“No. Not exactly. We deliver food to soldiers in the area.”

I set my orange juice down. This was interesting. “Soldiers?”

Chase stared at the bar in front of him. “Yeah. We deliver meals to war veterans. Some have come home wounded and need help. Some are having a hard time adjusting. Some just came home and this is something special we do for them.”

“You…do that? You volunteer your time for them?”

“Yeah, well, I had to do something for my court-appointed community service, so I chose this.”

Vito started to say something, but Chase shot him a look.

I was already up and off the stool. This was for Kyle. It had to be. Why else would Chase spend his time doing something like this? “Thank you,” I said, and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He rubbed the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks. “Don’t say thank you. I don’t deserve it.”

I heard the swinging of the doors behind me and realized Vito had left us alone. Chase grabbed my face and lowered his lips to mine. The kiss wasn’t a passionate, take-me-now kind of kiss, but it had feeling. I closed my eyes, memorizing the way he melted into me.

“Is this okay?” he asked. “You’ll be fine, right? Because if you don’t think you can handle it, I’ll take you to my house.”

I stepped away. “Of course I’ll be fine,” I breathed. “What a great thing to do. Really. I had no idea they had a program like this around here.”

Chase waved me off. “It’s new. Come on, let’s take our dishes to the back and help Vito load the van.”