How We Lived (Entangled Embrace) (14 page)

“Oh God. This is why I can’t wait to get you naked.” He felt so good against the ache. I broke from his frantic kisses and stared down at us. Though his boxers and my panties were in the way, it was still a perfect picture. It just looked right.

I wound my legs around his body and pulled down. The rocking of his hips against mine coursed pleasure throughout me.

Chase lifted his head. “You’re killing me, Kels. Slow down a little.” He pumped a few more times.

“I’m sorry. You feel so good.” I stretched his boxers over his erection and yanked them down.

The rest of our clothing landed to the side of us. He paused, reached back for his jeans, and grabbed a square package from the pocket and threw the condom next to us on the bag.

“I hope that’s not the only one you brought.”

His eyes gleamed as he stared down at me. “I have a whole box in here.”

I threaded my hands between his arms and body and found his back. I was ready for this. Not an ounce of panic seeped into my thoughts. I knew I wanted Chase.

He dipped his head and kissed a trail down my neck. My hips rose to meet his, but then he scooted back and kissed along my belly and farther down. I stopped breathing. He pushed my knees open and nestled his head between them.

“Chase!” He hadn’t even touched me yet and I could feel the anticipation growing inside.

“I want to taste you.” He placed a kiss on my inner thigh and then he flicked his tongue across my center.

A spike of pleasure hit and made me shiver. He did it again, and I bucked against him. His hands clenched my ass as he buried his tongue between my legs.

Every inch of my body tightened. “Chase, please.”

He nodded, still kissing me down there.

I could barely think. I wove my hands in his hair, urging him on. “Oh God, yes.”

He broke away with a growl and grabbed the square package, ripped it open, and then ran the condom down his length while I watched. Hovering over me again, his expression turned from needy to worried. He traced a line down the side of my face, and we locked eyes. “Tell me if it hurts.”

He slid in slowly, and it felt good. We were joined. He filled me where I needed to be filled.

“You’re inside me,” I said, smiling.

“Almost.” He pushed a little more and I cringed. “Are you okay?” he asked.

I bit my lip. “It hurts a little right now.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.” I gripped his biceps.

He hesitated before pushing in a little farther. I sucked in a breath. Noticing, he started to pull out, but I clamped my legs around his hips.

“Just do it like a Band-Aid.”

He looked unsure, a crease in his brow.

“I trust you. I love you,” I said.

His eyes filled with emotion. He pulled almost all the way out, and then thrust inside me with one big push.

All
the way inside.

My eyes widened with the pain, but he sighed.

He kissed me along the side of my neck, to my ear. “I love you, too, Kels.” He slowly pumped a few times, little ones.

It started to feel good.
Really
good. I kissed his shoulder and met his thrust with one of my own.

“Oh my God,” he moaned. He pulled farther out, then slid into me again, but quicker this time.

“Ohh yes, like that. Faster.”

Chase took over, somehow knowing exactly what I needed and where I needed it. He sucked on my ear and bit it. “You feel unbelievable.”

He pushed into me harder and harder until I was breathless and holding on to him for dear life. I felt myself ready to explode. “
Please
.”

I met his hips with one last thrust of my own and fell over the edge. I trembled against him and he groaned before collapsing on top of me.

I held him to me and kissed his shoulders, his neck, his ears, while we shivered together on the sleeping bag. He stopped rocking into me after a little while and then kissed me. There was so much feeling behind it that I knew it couldn’t get any better than this.

His lips to my forehead, he asked, “Are you okay?”

I nodded. I was way more than okay.

He moved us so we lay side by side. “You’re being quiet.” He lifted my chin to stare into my eyes.

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to ruin the moment with some stupid comment like ‘
You were amazing
.’”

His lips quirked up.

“Okay, fine. You were amazing. It was amazing. When we’re together, I feel whole again.”

He kissed me softly on the lips. “You’ve ruined me, Kels.” He brushed his lips against mine again. “I will never want anyone as much as I want you. I will never love anyone but you. Forever.
You
are how I want to live.”

…

-Chase-

The other morning when we woke in my bed was nothing compared to this morning. I kissed her shoulder, her hair, her temple.

“Mmm.” She sighed.

“Are you sore?” I kissed her eyelids and then the top of her head. I would not take last night back for anything, but I didn’t want her to hurt, either.

She frowned a little, her thinking face. “Maybe. I can definitely tell you’ve been there.”

I stilled. She could tell I’d been there. She still felt me. I pinned her to the sleeping bag and smiled as I moved lower, toward her thighs. “Where does it hurt?”

She frowned. “Why?”

“I’m going to kiss it and make it feel better.” I gently pushed her knees apart and sank between them. “Show me where it hurts.”

She giggled and tried to close her legs, but I held them open. She stopped moving when I breathed on her.

“Right there.”

Did she have to moan like that? I was going to cream my pants. I kissed her inner thigh. “Here?” I teased.

She shook her head. “No.”

I licked her thigh again, then slipped closer to her center. Her head fell back against the sleeping bag.

“Right there,” she breathed.

Oh my fucking God. I drove my tongue inside her. She was so sweet. I grabbed her ass and held her to me as I swirled and licked and nibbled every inch of her. When she started to tremble, I moved faster. Soon, her moans turned into one last scream of my name.

Oh, shit. That was hot. We’d definitely have to do that again. “Better?” I asked.

“Much.”

I dragged her into my arms and kissed her ear. “We need to shower, and dress, and then undress so we can be whole again.” I was already picturing me dragging her back out here. Then a better thought came to me. Apartment. “No. We need to go to my room, grab my laptop, and look for an apartment.”

She tried to pull away, but I held on tight and kissed her throat.

“I have money saved up. Did you think I was going to keep on living with Mom now that you and I are together? We need privacy.” I kissed my way across her breasts and drew her nipple into my mouth. “And lots of it.”

“We?” she squeaked.

Didn’t she know it was only about us now? I wasn’t going to lose her again. “You’re coming, too. We’ll get a place close to campus. That way it will be easy for you to get back and forth to school. We can—”

She grabbed my face. “And when did you figure this out?”

“While my amazing girlfriend slept in my arms.”

She bit her lip before a slow smile spread across her face. “We can do all that, but I need you to do something with me today.”

“Anything.”

Kelsey’s face lit at my words. “I. L. E. Y. U.,” she said.

“I. L. E. Y. U., too, but I think I prefer saying the whole thing out loud so anyone and everyone can hear. I love you, Kels Larkin.”

…

-Kelsey-

While Chase was in the shower, I sneaked into my parents’ house through Kyle’s room. The window was unlocked, as always. As soon as my sneakers hit the carpet, I sensed something wasn’t right. And then I saw her. Mom. She sat in Kyle’s desk chair, which she had moved from full view of the window and tucked away in the corner.

She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, Kyle’s baby album perched in her lap. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

I didn’t really know what to say. She looked…different than she had the past five months. Maybe more like the mother I grew up with and less like the mother I’d been stuck with since Kyle’s accident.

“I guess old habits die hard.” She smiled and set the photo album on the floor next to a sealed-up cardboard box. In fact, there were several of them throughout his room. “I can remember you three sneaking in between houses at all hours of the night during the summer. It was only a matter of time before you came back.” When I didn’t reply, her face lost the hopeful smile. “I take it you’re not going back to school.”

“I told you I was transferring to Community. I’ve already set it up.”

Her lips formed a thin line, which pissed me off. She didn’t get to be unhappy about my decisions now. “Mrs. Crowley helped me.” There. I hoped that hurt.

She looked at the floor. “I’m not saying I agree with how you did it, but I’m glad you said something to your father and me about the way we’ve been acting.”

“You mean like Kyle was your only child? I’m still alive, you know.”

Mom frowned. “I know, Kelsey. You probably didn’t feel that way, but I know.”

“You’re right. I didn’t feel that way. You had your therapist tell me you wanted to divorce Dad.”

She made an annoyed sound. “I couldn’t tell you myself.”

“So, are you?”

“Am I what?” She peered at me through thick lashes that were exactly like Kyle’s.

“Are you divorcing Dad?”

She shook her head. “He’s been going with me to see Ms. Mackey. We’re trying to make it work.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. That would make things so much easier on everyone. “What would help is if you guys would look past your own pain and see everyone else’s.”

Mom made a choked laughing sound. “Funny you say that. Ms. Mackey mentioned something similar.”

I lifted my eyebrow. “And how much are you paying her?”

“It’s good to talk things out.”

“I know.” I sat on Kyle’s bed. “I’m seeing someone, too. A counselor at Community. I’ve only seen her once so far, but…I think it will help.”

“I’m glad.” She half smiled again. “Your dad and I want you to come home.”

She said “home” like it held promises. I wasn’t sure if I believed that anymore.

I breathed in deep. “I think I might have other plans. With Chase.”

Mom stared down at her khakis and picked at an invisible spot. “You love him, don’t you?”

“Yes.” I opened my mouth to say something else, but I didn’t really know how to explain it. Did I even have to explain myself to her? “I wish you could see past his mistake, past whatever it is that made you think he was less than us his whole life, and realize what a good guy he is.” That sounded completely lame.
A good guy
didn’t even begin to describe Chase.

“We’re…trying.”

“You’re going to have to try harder. Chase and I are…it. We come as a pair now. You’re not going to get me without him.”

Her lips tipped up, but her eyes betrayed her. Tears gathered in the corners. “You sound so grown-up.”

“I kind of am. Now.”

“We should start fresh then, right? You and Chase, and me and your dad?”

“And Mrs. Crowley?” I asked.

She nodded. “It’ll take time, but I want to try.”

“Me, too.”

Tapping the wood of Kyle’s desk chair, she said, “About the money, sweetie.”

“I don’t want to talk about the money, Mom. You guys do whatever you want with it.”

“I’m talking about the money Kyle left you. I’ve pulled it from the account we set up for your college and put it in yours. You can do whatever you want with it. I think you’re old enough to make your own decisions now. I mean, you probably always were, but we see it now.”

“Also.” She cleared her throat, but she couldn’t fool me. Her voice was shaking. She was about to lose it. “We’re giving some money to Kyle’s Meals. We’ve already made the donation.”

My eyes widened. “What?”

“We got a phone call from someone named Vito. I’m…” She lowered her red-rimmed eyes to the floor. “…we’re very—”

I stood and put my hand on her shoulder. “I know. That’s how I felt when I found out, too.”

She kissed my forehead quickly, barely a brush of lips against my skin. “I love you.” Then she stood and walked toward the door, but once her hand landed on the doorknob, she twisted to face me. “By the way, Kyle’s gravestone is up. They just put it in the other day.”

I watched her as she shut me in Kyle’s room. That went…okay, actually. Pretty damn okay. Chase would be thrilled. My parents were coming around. I could live with this.

I spotted what I came here for on the shelves across the room. I grabbed it and heaved myself into Chase’s room just before he came in, a towel around his waist. Beads of water dripped down his front.

“So, you going to tell me what we’re doing today?” he asked.

I jumped at him and hugged him. My parents were going to make him very happy. I wasn’t going to tell him, though. They were.

He staggered back until he found his footing again. “What’s this for?”

“I’m happy.”

He squeezed me tight and kissed my neck. “Me, too, babe. So, where are we going?”

I stepped out of his grasp and said, “Kyle’s grave.”

His brows knitted together. “Kyle’s grave?”

“Yeah. I think it’s about time I’m represented there. My parents got to pick the headstone, you got him an American flag, and I haven’t gotten him anything.”

“What are you doing for him?”

I patted my front pocket. “You’ll see.”

Chase dressed in front of me, which was more than a little distracting. I guessed it was something I’d have to get used to. Afterward, I drove us to the cemetery.

“Looks like his headstone is there,” Chase said as we came over the hill we sat on together during Kyle’s funeral.

He crouched down in front of the black marble when we got there. I was too busy fingering the bulge in my pocket to look at the stone. I knew what it said. My parents chose it right in front of me.

“Wow. That’s really…”

Dumb?
I wanted to ask.

“…perfect.”

“Huh? What?”