How to Rise Above Abuse (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (57 page)

“He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart”

(I
SAIAH
40:11).

Oh that the abusive husband would heed the model set forth by the Lord Jesus, and treasure and tenderly care for what has been entrusted to him!

In the spiritual realm there exists a bridegroom and a bride, a beautiful
portrayal of sacred and sacrificial love. Jesus is the bridegroom, and the church—all those who have trusted in Him as Savior and Lord—is the bride. Scripture testifies to the deep, abiding love Jesus has for His church—His bride, His people—ultimately evidenced by His sacrificial death on their behalf.

Jesus would never assault His bride’s worth. He would never hurt or harm her in any way. As the bridegroom, He laid down His life for His bride.

“This is how we know what love is:
Jesus Christ laid down his life for us”

(1 J
OHN
3:16).

God Almighty sees and knows. Everything that is done behind closed doors—even in the darkest night—glares exceedingly bright before the eyes of God. He sees the secret assaults, the blackened eyes, the covered bruises.

For the abused:
Find peace in God.
Rest in His protective arms. He will help you and rescue you. Never is it His will for a wife to be harmed by her husband.

For the abuser:
Have a holy fear of God.
You will be held accountable for every vile word and violent act you’ve committed unless you confess your sin and change your ways. God is just—He must punish sin. His compassion overflows toward the one you are harming. The Bible makes it plain:

“Does he who formed the eye not see?
Does he who disciplines nations not punish?”

(P
SALM
94:9-10).

For the Abused: Psalm 91

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the L
ORD
,
‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’
Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart…
If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the L
ORD
,
who is my refuge…he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways…‘Because he loves me,’ says the L
ORD
,
‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him’ ”

(P
SALM
91:1-4,9,11,14-15).

For the Abuser: Psalm 94

“O L
ORD
, the God who avenges,
O God who avenges, shine forth.
Rise up, O Judge of the earth; pay back to the proud what they deserve…
They pour out arrogant words; all the evildoers are full of boasting…
Take heed, you senseless ones among the people;
you fools, when will you become wise?
Does he who implanted the ear not hear?
Does he who formed the eye not see?
Does he who disciplines nations not punish?
Does he who teaches man lack knowledge?…
You grant him relief from days of trouble, till a pit is dug for the wicked…
Who will rise up for me against the wicked?
Who will take a stand for me against evildoers?…
He will repay them for their sins and destroy them for their wickedness;
the L
ORD
our God will destroy them”

(P
SALM
94:1-2,4,8-10,13,16,23).

The woman who sincerely wants to please God but is not grounded in the Word of God can become captive to an incorrect understanding of biblical submission. She associates submission with accepting abuse, believing it’s her call as a wife to suffer through kicks and punches. But nothing could be further from the heart of God, who never approves a husband’s abuse.

One key to correcting the confusion is seeing Scripture in light of its context. Yes, the Bible says, “Wives, submit to your husbands” (Ephesians 5:22), but it also says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25), which is a clear mandate for husbands to treat their wives with compassion and tender care. Here are three helpful steps for examining Scripture accurately and contextually:

•
Look at the surrounding verses.

•
Look at the purpose of the passage or book in which the verse is found.

•
Look at the whole counsel of God’s Word on submission and love.

•
Look at how we are to relate to one another:

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved,
a workman who does not need to be ashamed
and who correctly handles the word of truth”

(2 T
IMOTHY
2:15).

Arguments and Answers

A
RGUMENT
:
“When Jesus said to turn the other cheek, He meant that you should submit to abuse.”
²⁷

A
NSWER
:
When you look at these words of Jesus, the context is the issue of rejecting retaliation: Refuse to retaliate evil for evil. Jesus was not advocating submitting to abuse: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:38-39).

The backdrop of Jesus’ words about “turning the other cheek” was refusing to take personal revenge, not promoting or accepting abuse.

A
RGUMENT
:
“Because Jesus submitted Himself to abuse, if you want to be Christlike, you must also submit to abuse.”

A
NSWER
:
It is important to notice that on numerous occasions when the enemies of Jesus sought to harm Him, He eluded them and escaped. However, when the time came for Him to take away the sins of the world, Jesus allowed His blood to be the payment price to purchase our forgiveness. Clearly, Jesus did not submit to abuse without purpose. “Jesus went around in Galilee, purposely staying away from Judea because the Jews there were waiting to take his life… Again they tried to seize him, but he escaped their grasp” (John 7:1; 10:39).

A
RGUMENT
:
“First Peter 2:19 says we are called to endure unjust suffering. We are to take such suffering as being commendable before God. Peter wrote, ‘It is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.’ ”

A
NSWER
:
This passage is not dealing with husbands and wives; rather, it speaks to first-century slaves who suffered under the hand of cruel masters. Twisting this passage to condone or justify marital or family abuse is a deceptive mishandling of the Word of God. We can learn from this passage that God gives grace to those who endure unjust suffering. However, this is not a call from God for wives to endure abuse by their husbands. To the contrary, men who abuse their wives do so because of their own ungodliness. And in Scripture, God specifically calls husbands and wives to sacrificially love each other and treat each other with respect: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7).

The context of 1 Peter 3:7 refers to suffering because you are “conscious of God,” which means you are suffering ridicule, criticism, and rejection because of your faith, not because you are a woman or you haven’t met a husband’s particular or unreasonable expectations.

A
RGUMENT
:
“An abused woman should view suffering as her legitimate ‘cross to bear.’ As Matthew 16:24 says, ‘If anyone would come after me [Jesus], he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.’ ”

A
NSWER
:
Nowhere does the Bible indicate that the cross is an instrument of physical and emotional pain to be inflicted upon a woman by an abusive
husband. It is not self-centered for a woman to escape or stop abuse. In context, Jesus was saying the cross is a symbol of death—death to self-centered living, death to self-rule so that the Lord can rule our hearts and lives. The very next verse confirms that the cross stands for yielding our lives to the Lord, and not abuse: “Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it” (verse 25).

A
RGUMENT
:
“God made men superior to women.”