How to Rise Above Abuse (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (14 page)

B. A Key Passage to Read and Reread

C. How to Know Whether You Are Spiritually Abusive

D. How to Differentiate Between True Sins and Man-made Sins

E. How to Apply Guidelines in Spiritually Abusive Situations

F. How to Move from Legalism to Grace

G. How to Biblically Answer Legalistic or Abusive Arguments

H. How to Know Whether Divine Healing Is Guaranteed for Everyone Today

I. Recovery from Legalism and Spiritual Abuse

SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Think about it. Who in our society offends us the most? Isn’t it the robbers, the killers, the rapists, the flagrant
lawbreakers
?

Now think about Jesus. Who in His society offended Him the most? Wasn’t it the Pharisees, the religious leaders of the day… the legalistic
law keepers
? Didn’t they upset Him the most?

But why the Pharisees? After all, they went to the temple, paid tithes, read the Word, kept the law, prayed the prayers. So, why the prominent law keepers?

The answer is clear. Although they were representatives of the house of God, they did not represent the heart of God. Christ called them hypocrites. And He made it plain: They would be rewarded here on earth, but not in heaven.

Jesus said,

“When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites,
for they love to pray standing in the synagogues
and on the street corners to be seen by men.
I tell you the truth,
they have received their reward in full”

(M
ATTHEW
6:5).

The Pharisees couldn’t believe their eyes when they saw the disciples’ hands. The dirty, unwashed hands were such a contrast to their own pristine palms. These religious leaders strove to be the picture of perfection externally. They criticized the followers of Jesus, who lifted their food to their mouths with “unclean”
hands—ceremoniously defiled hands that had not been washed according to their customs. The Pharisees said, in essence, “Beware…your unclean hands soil any hope of righteousness.” But Jesus corrected them and said it was the Pharisees’
unclean hearts
that stained their so-called righteousness:

“What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’
but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean’ ”

(M
ATTHEW
15:11).

The practice of spiritual abuse has persisted ever since the serpent distorted and outright lied about God’s words to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. In doing so, the serpent managed to create doubt in their minds regarding the character of God and His relationship to those He had created. The result, of course, was that Adam and Eve found the thought of becoming like God more appealing than the thought of remaining dependent upon God. That led them to trust Satan’s words rather than God’s, and their descendants have struggled with this same problem ever since.
¹
The serpent said to Eve,

“Did God really say,
‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden?’…
‘You will not surely die…
For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened,
and you will be like God, knowing good and evil’”

(G
ENESIS
3:1,4-5).

The serpent contradicted God’s word and seduced the first couple into taking the fatal bite.

Though the practice is age-old, the term
spiritual abuse
is relatively new. The following definitions explain how spiritual leaders can misuse their position:

•
Spiritual abuse
is the
mistreatment
of a person by
someone in a position of spiritual authority
and results in diminishing that person’s spiritual vitality and growth.
²

•
Spiritual abuse
is the use of
religious words or acts to manipulate someone
for personal gain or to achieve a personal agenda, thereby harming that person’s walk with God.

•
Spiritual abuse
is often broadly defined as
any misuse of Scripture whereby truth is twisted
and which may or may not result in harming a person’s relationship with God. The victim in this case may not be an individual, but
truth itself
. In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul said, “We do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God” (2 Corinthians 4:2).

•
Spiritual abuse
is
putting confidence in your position of authority
and your
perceived right to use those under your influence
to accomplish your personal agenda. However, God alone has the right, wisdom, and power to accomplish His plans and purposes for those He has created.

“To the elders among you,
I appeal as a fellow elder, a witness of Christ’s sufferings
and one who also will share in the glory to be revealed:
Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care,
serving as overseers…not because you must, but because you are willing,
as God wants you to be; not greedy for money,
but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you,
but being examples to the flock”

(1 P
ETER
5:1-3).

The Heart of Spiritual Abuse

Q
UESTION
:
“What is at the heart of spiritual abuse?”

A
NSWER
:
At the core of spiritual abuse is excessive control of others. Spiritual abuse is acting “spiritual” to benefit oneself by using self-centered efforts to control others.

A—Acting
spiritual to

B—Benefit
oneself by

U—Using

S—Self-centered

E—Efforts
to control others

Examples:

•
The pastor who uses guilt or greed to compel attendance, financial giving, or service

•
The spiritual leader who takes emotional or sexual advantage of a counselee in the name of comfort or compassion

•
The religious people who accuse those who disagree with them of being rebellious against God

•
The parent, spouse, or ministry head who demands absolute, unquestioned obedience from family members or ministry staff—no matter what, whether reasonable or not, whether biblical or not

“Jesus said to them,
‘The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them;
and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors’”

(L
UKE
22:25).

Spiritual Abuse Is Not...

A
DMINISTERING
C
HURCH
D
ISCIPLINE

God commanded the church to administer church discipline for the purpose of correcting and restoring sinning Christians to fellowship with the Lord and with the church. Because the focus of church discipline is not on punishment, it must be administered prayerfully and in love. Another purpose of church discipline is to help maintain the church’s purity in belief and practice.

Example:
The apostle Paul instructed the believers in the church at Corinth to discipline a sexually immoral man by removing him from their midst. “Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast [sin] works through the whole batch of dough [church]? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast...as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed” (1 Corinthians 5:6-7).

R
EJECTING A
P
ERSON’S
I
NCORRECT
T
HEOLOGICAL
B
ELIEFS

The church must evaluate those who teach the Bible to other church members. The church, as the “pillar and foundation of the truth,” must reject
incorrect interpretations and false teaching, just as Christ rejected the self-made righteousness and erroneous teachings of the Pharisees.

Example:
The apostle Paul does not hesitate to identify those who would subvert the message of truth as being like those who opposed truth in the past. “Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth—men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected” (2 Timothy 3:8).

“Do this…Don’t do that…Do this…Don’t do that.”

What was the purpose of the Old Testament law—especially since we are not bound by it today? Simply stated, the hundreds upon hundreds of rules and regulations making up the law reveal a supreme standard of holiness—a standard no human being can keep. The law was never intended to leave God’s people discouraged and in despair, but to first show them that they were sinners and then to lead them to a Savior who would not only pay the penalty for their sins and forgive their sins, but give them power over sin and give them eternal life.

In other words, no one can keep the law perfectly, so no one can ever be saved by the law. The requirement of the law (perfection) shows that we all need God’s mercy and grace, which is found in Jesus alone. However, between the time God gave the law and the time Jesus came, the religious leaders so distorted and mishandled the law that it came to be viewed as the way to become righteous before God, making it a type of savior in and of itself.

According to this “distorted” law, the outward practice of do’s and don’ts defined people as righteous—and woefully neglected the issues of the heart. Then, when the true Savior came, the religious leaders failed to recognize Him and condemned those who did. Jesus adamantly opposed the religious legalism of His day and the spiritual abuse His people suffered at the hands of those who had been entrusted with the law. The apostle Paul said,

“Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God
and sought to establish their own,
they did not submit to God’s righteousness.
Christ is the end of the law
so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes…
Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because,
‘The righteous will live by faith’ ”

(R
OMANS
10:3-4; G
ALATIANS
3:11).

Whereas the general motive behind most spiritual abuse is power, the primary tool by which this power is gained is legalism.
³

The following statements provide a comprehensive definition of legalism:

•
Legalism
is a system of
living by the law
in order to make spiritual progress and earn God’s blessing. The word
legalism
comes from the Latin word
legalis
, which means “law.”
⁴

•
Legalism
is strict adherence to a code of do’s and don’ts as a means of earning the approval of God.
⁵

•
Legalism
is a misuse of the law, resulting in a
wrong
way of trying to appear
right
.

•
Legalism
is any attempt to gain or maintain God’s favor by human effort.

Unfortunately, the people of Israel were guilty of practicing legalism:

“Israel, who pursued a law of righteousness,
has not attained it. Why not?
Because they pursued it not by faith
but as if it were by works”

(R
OMANS
9:31-32).

Heart of Legalism

Q
UESTION
:
“What is at the heart of legalism?”

A
NSWER
:
At the core of legalism is a works mentality that looks to your own efforts to gain the acceptance of the Lord.

L—Looking
to your own

E—Efforts
to

G—Gain
the

A—Acceptance
of the