Here & Now (3 page)

He’s never looked more adorable than he does right now.

“No, Ma’am.”

Moving completely away from the door, I take his hand and head for the living room. He said there was something that he came by to talk to us about and in order to save him from whatever else my mom plans on saying right now, I’m willing to get to it even when it’s the last thing I want.

My body along with my heart is still back at the door pressed against it and eager to do it again.  A sentiment he must also agree with as the minute my eyes catch his when I’m seated, there’s a heaviness to the normal dark shade of brown that speaks to his desire.

Our
desire since I’m pretty sure the same look is completely clear in mine, which is definitely not going to go unnoticed by my mom.

When she’s in the room and comfortably seated across from us, Dillon turns toward me just enough that I’m able to catch his lips as they move, but not so much that he’s completely turned away from her and he finally starts to explain what his text was about.

“You know how things have been with my mom before I left and even now that I’ve been back. We got into it earlier and I left. I can’t get through to her. No matter what I say she’s going to keep on thinking and reacting the way she has been and I can’t deal with it anymore.”

He’s not the only one that’s been dealing with Rebecca Murphy. When Dillon first left for Toronto, she kept her comments strictly focused on me, choosing to do it when my back was turned, not thinking my mom or whoever I might have been with at the time would tell me what was being said, but the longer he was gone, the more she upped her assault.

She involved my mom and it got so bad that at one point, she had been called into the office at Wexfield High and had to answer to the school board over false claims with her students.  I’ve known about her since we got together last year, I just never knew it could be this bad.

“You did the right thing leaving. Normally I am against that sort of action between a parent and a child, but in your case it seems as though there’s almost been a reversal of roles in the last few years. With everything you are already having to face heading into college, the last thing you should be worrying about is parenting your mother.”

Leave it to my mom to get straight to it and pretty much say everything I’m thinking as I think it. She’s always been this way, but it’s seemed to get a lot more pronounced since Dillon came into our lives. We see eye to eye on a lot of his issues, first with his father and then with Rebecca.

“Yeah, well I’m right there with you, Ms. T, but walking away, especially right now with everything still tied up tight legally, it’s put me in a jam.”

“What kind of jam are you talking about?”

“I need a place to stay.” He starts, but before my mother can interrupt, he holds up his hand. “It wouldn’t be forever, just a couple of days, but when it comes to people I trust that I can turn to, they’re sort of in short supply.”

My heart softens when he says he trusts us. It’s not like it wasn’t well known, but whenever he opens up enough to admit things like this, it always has the same effect. Dillon is most definitely more than my mom and others believed him to be a year ago. He’s also being completely truthful right now. Other than Kayden, my mom and I seem to be about all he has left.

Which just makes me hate Bruce and Rebecca Murphy even more than I already did.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” My mom asks, interrupting my thoughts and bringing me back to the reality of the situation. What she’s getting at, she’s got a point. Staying here, at least for her, is definitely not a good idea.

But that’s not what my heart hears. It’s also not what my body reacts to. The idea of Dillon staying here, even if it’s only for a few days, makes the feeling from earlier when he had me pressed against the door even more prominent.

We could be alone together.

“No. It’s not a good idea and despite the fact that I’m a guy and I definitely think like a guy whenever I’m around your daughter, I still need to ask.”

I want her to say yes to this so bad I can taste it. When Dillon was in Toronto, it was torture for me. If he was close, even for a short time, it would go a long way to making things better for me. I need that connection we had back again.

The connection I willingly pushed away because I wanted him to experience life without worrying about me so much.

“Dillon, you’ve given me no reason to doubt your sincerity over the last year, but what you’re asking, it’s a lot, and with what I just walked in on, I’m not sure I can trust the two of you to abide by the rules I would put down.”

She doesn’t even finish and I can already feel myself frowning. I want to keep the way I’m feeling to myself, but the amount of things I’m experiencing as she’s talking, it’s too much for me to hide.

I’ve never given her a reason to believe I’d go against her. I’ve been the model daughter other than a few slips last year when I was trying to get to know the guy gripping onto my hand tightly now. She said she understood that, me seeing what no one else could, so her going back on that now hurts.

“I understand, trust me. It was a shot in the dark anyway. I should have gone to Kayden, but like I said, not a lot of people I trust; adults especially so I wanted to bring it to you first.”

How easily he’s giving in bothers me. I know Dillon’s changed, but couldn’t he at least attempt to fight this? Make her see that it would be okay for him to stay here? Why is he just lying down and taking this? Where’s my Rocky when I need him?

Squeezing my hand, I look up, and the minute our eyes meet, the answers to my questions are there.

He’s not fighting her because of the way he feels about me. He knows that even with as many assurances as we could give her, we’d still find a way to break the rules. The incident at the door proves it. We want to be connected to each other, especially after the distance, which means not even the threat of my mom could keep us apart.

She’s right. Dillon staying can’t happen, but I really wish it could.

I’ve got it bad.

“Would it be alright if I just hung out here for a while? I’m not quite ready to head back out there yet.”

Head back out there.
To nowhere.
I really can’t let this happen.

“Mom, please let him stay.”

She stands and makes her way over until she’s bending over the both of us. “You’re not kids anymore and I know that what I’m doing may seem cruel, but until you’re parents, you’ll never understand. This is what’s best for the both of you. As for Dillon spending time with you, he’s always been welcome in this house before and just because I won’t let him stay here for a few days doesn’t change that.”

“Thanks, Ms. T.” Dillon answers first, which I just follow up with a curt nod. Despite knowing she has a point, it doesn’t lessen how bad I feel inside.

When Dillon leaves tonight, unless Kayden takes him in—my boyfriend, the guy I’m head over heels for, won’t have anywhere else to go. A situation I never thought in a million years he would ever find himself in.

It’s just wrong.

“I’ll give you two some time, but Cadence, I’m watching.”

She strolls from the room and my body instantly turns into his, the impact of everything that’s been said over the last few minutes finally taking its toll as the tears begin to fall from my eyes.

Reaching up to wipe them away, our hands connect, Dillon having caught it and having the same idea. It’s only when I let him wipe them away and really look at him that the dam threatens to break again.

“It’s okay, Caddy. I sort of figured that’s how it would go down, and she’s got a point.”

“If Kayden says no…”

“He won’t say no. Coming here, asking her for this, it was selfish. I wanted to be able to be here with you, not because I don’t have any other place to go, or even because I trust your mother more than any other adult on the planet and needed her help. It’s because I wanted to be able to sleep with my girlfriend.”

“Sleep with me?”

“Not like that. Just sleep. Even being at home wouldn’t change that. I want to know what it feels like to wake up beside you. I want shit that I’m in no position to want right now.”

“You’re allowed to want things.”

“Not those kind of things. Not yet. We said we were gonna take this slow.”

“We are.”

“Baby,” he pauses, tapping his chin. “If I stay here, there’s no way in hell I’m keeping my hands off you. Your mom was right. I can barely keep my hands off you now.”

“I want you here.”

I’ve heard him, but what my head knows is right and logical and what my body and heart want are two completely different things. I don’t care how right my mom is, I still want to give him what he wants.

He’s not the only one who wants to know what it feels like to wake up next to each other. I do too. I have for months, long before he even went to Toronto.

“I
want
to be here so bad it hurts, Caddy.”

“Then be here. When she goes to bed, I can pretend that I’m sending you to Kayden’s, but you can stay.”

His eyes soften as he grins, a flash of the earlier desire present before fading and the hold he has on my hand tightens.

“You’re killing me.”

“Like the Russian and Rocky in Part Four?”

“Not quite, but close enough. And I’m really gonna regret having that marathon with you now.”

“Why? Because I might like them more than you?”

“No.” he laughs before running his other hand across the hand still gripped tightly in his. “I’m going to regret it because of how into them you are. It’s kind of hot, which does nothing for me fighting your idea of sneaking me into your room.”

“So you do want me to sneak you in.”

“Yes—No. Caddy…”

“What?”

“I’m gonna stay with Kayden. I know what your mom said bothers you, but just with the way this conversation is going, it’s clear she’s right. Are you going to be okay with that?”

Until a few minutes ago, there wasn’t even a plan for him to stay here, so of course I’m okay with it. I can’t help that I want more, or even that he does, but logic is going to win out because even with as ready as I feel to be with Dillon in every way, I don’t want it happening like this.

I really hate being such a good girl. Just once I’d like to see how the other half lives and do something different.

Tired of talking, I lift my hands and sign my answer.

I’m okay with it.

“Good. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, there’s something else I need your help with.”

What’s that?

“There are things I want to say, but I can’t seem to find the words. I think they’re stuck in my throat. Do you think we can spend the next couple of hours getting them unstuck?”

Dillon

Showing up on Cadence’s doorstep three nights ago was a long shot, but with the time it would take the lawyers to pull their heads out of the asses and advance me some of the money in order to get a place, I was running low on options.

I knew it was gonna be a no even before I got there. It had to be a no because Sarah Taylor is a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. She knew that letting me stay there—even if it was only for a few days—would end up with us together instead of apart the way she would’ve wanted.

Respect is a word I’m not familiar with. Other than my coach in high school and now the coaches here in university, I really don’t have any at all, but Cadence and her mom are different. After the way senior year went down, Sarah Taylor has my respect.

Sure, Kayden and Belle probably should have been my first stop, but when it comes to Cadence, she’s my safety, which means she’s always first. Even if I should know better.

Despite what the outside world might think, I’m kind of glad Sarah told us, or rather me, no. With the way I feel about Caddy, it’s only a matter of time before our relationship takes this gigantic leap forward and we finally sleep together. I’m not in the mood to rush that even though I’m pretty sure my dick has other plans.

I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with girls. A few before Amelia and I started dating a couple of years ago. I even did things with her, even if we didn’t take it all the way, so I’m not exactly a choir boy when it comes to this stuff. I’ve always just dealt with it in the same way. Get horny, find a girl to relieve it and move on to the next one.

At least that’s how I was until Cadence.

I can be a total jackass at times, craving her so fucking badly that it’s physically causing me pain, and I’ll swallow the shit down and deal because where I might have been down this road a bunch, she never has and I respect that.

Her mom saying no was the best thing for us because it’s hard enough to ignore the attraction and urges when I’m around her after school and practice. The last thing I need is to face it under the same roof.

Cadence in the morning, afternoon and night is something the old me would have jumped at, but the new me wants to avoid.

So it’s that resounding no that landed me on Kayden’s doorstep later that night, which judging from the look on his face when I explained how everything went down, he wasn’t pleased about.

~*~*~

Watching as Kayden slides the door open after I’ve attacked his doorbell for the third time, I notice his mouth open, but he closes it almost immediately as his eyes actually take in who’s standing on the other side.

It’s late. I spent way too much time over at Caddy’s, so him being pissed at someone laying on his bell at this hour, it’s understandable. The scowl he wears once he realizes it’s me is definitely expected.

“Dill, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I need a favor.”

“A favor that made you bang on my door at midnight instead of talking to me about it tomorrow?”

“Yeah. You know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important.” When he nods in agreement I motion to the inside of the house. “Can I come in?”

“No.” Kayden smirks. “I think I’m gonna let you suffer out here a little longer.”

“Asshole.”

“Pot calling the kettle black now, Dill? I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Don’t make me call out for Belle.”

Mentioning his fiancée, Kayden is gonna react in one of two ways. He’s either gonna let the jealousy shit he’s been dealing with since last year turn him angry or he’s gonna back down because he knows I’m childish enough to use it. When he backs away from the door, I can’t help but grin.

Kayden is whipped.

“Make it quick, jerk.”

“That’s what—”

“She said—yeah I know.” He says, finally backing up into the house and letting me through. Motioning to the sofa, he heads down the hall and following his orders, I hear the click of the bedroom door and then Belle’s voice quietly slipping through as I’m sure he explains what the hell is going on.

With the way I’ve seen the two of them be with each other, maybe sleeping in my car for a few nights was a better option. I’m about to invade a love nest.

After a few minutes of their conversation going back and forth, Kayden slips out and makes his way back into the living room, throwing himself down on the sofa beside me.

“What the fuck happened?”

“Got into it with Rebecca. Threats were made. I left. I had to leave, shit wasn’t gonna change.”

“So you’re here now because…”

“I need to crash somewhere for a few days. I’m gonna go see Bruce’s attorney in the morning, but it’s gonna take some time to unleash all that money he kept stashed away.”

“She still on you about Caddy?”

Scowling as I remember all of the things she said over the last few days about my girlfriend, I just nod and he follows it up with one of his own. If there’s anyone that understands Mom drama, it’s Kayden.

“Use my old room. You can stay as long as you want, just next time, deal with this shit a little earlier. Or fuck, I don’t know. Call me.”

Sometimes I have a hard time believing that this is the same guy I used to compete so hard with in high school. If I didn’t know that it was most definitely Kayden Walker, I’d assume he’d been body snatched. There’s no way he could ever be this calm and rational, especially when he’s dealing with me.

I guess it’s true what they say about what a difference time can make because it definitely has with him. Even when he was all fucked up a few months ago, he didn’t completely lose the change. He just adapted and ran with it.

The same thing I’ve been attempting to do since last year.

“Trust me, once I deal with this shit tomorrow, nothing like this will ever happen again.”

Nodding again but not saying a word, he just slides himself off the sofa with a grunt and heads back toward his room and Belle.

Before he can make it all the way in, I get to my feet and follow, clearing my throat before turning toward the room that’s going to be mine for the foreseeable future.

“Do me a favor?”

“Thought I was already doing you a pretty big one, Dill.”

“You are, but it’s not that kind of favor.”

“Spit it out before I decide I don’t wanna be nice and boot you on your ass.”

“You mind keeping the noise down? Some of us need to be on the field at the ass crack of dawn and don’t wanna be kept up all night because their roommate can’t keep it in his pants.”

“Fuck off.” Kayden laughs before shoving his body into mine, forcing me back so far I’ve got to grab on to the bedroom door to keep myself balanced. “Maybe you need to worry more about your own sex life and less about mine.”

Pushing his way into his room, I catch sight of Belle and the joke I was trying to make falls flat. Even now with everything cool between us, cracking even the most innocent joke about her seems wrong. Kayden, obviously catching a look on my face or maybe even the realization I’m having just shakes his head.

“Goodnight Belle.” I wave before turning my back, more than ready to escape the now uncomfortable hallway and fall into the safety of the warm bed waiting for me. Before I can completely close the door, she speaks and the worry I had over making an ass of myself with what I just said evaporates completely.

“Night, D. Sorry in advance for the noise.”

~*~*~

.

Three days later and I have to admit, it’s been an easy transition. It also helps that it’s not the first time I’ve landed on their doorstep because the last thing I wanted to do was go home.

Maybe if I’d kept up with that when I first got back, the shit with my mom over the last couple of months never would have happened.

Shifting at the sound of the locker room door opening, I’m met by the tense face of my new coach, before he levels me with a smile and moves out of the way so I can catch sight of exactly what he’s smiling about.

He’s got a new recruit and here’s where he introduces him to the guy he’s going to be forced into working with.

After practice last week, he called for a team meeting. It was me, Davis the fullback and a couple of assistant coaches and trainers all sitting around wondering what the fuck he was going to throw at us. That’s when he dropped the bombshell about the new recruit from Toronto. Quite the coo to hear him tell it. He was QB for one of the college teams there and was looking for a more laidback atmosphere, which had him moving straight into Wexfield.

Ryder Kane.

Getting a load of him now, I don’t see anything that jumps out to me that would make him quarterback material. He’s bigger than some of the guys I played with in high school, but we’re about even size wise. Ignoring the boy band haircut and eyes, which makes me think he’d be better in some glee club then on a football field, I focus on the one thing about him that does stand out.

His face is made of stone.

If I’m reading him right, Ryder is an angry son of a bitch and the way he’s standing beside our coach now, a look of indifference on his face, he looks a hell of a lot like someone else I know.

Me.

“Got another victim for ya, Murphy.” Coach says, his voice booming loudly as he slaps Ryder on the back, causing the guy to tense up, which only serves to peak my interest more.

If the guy wanted a more laid back atmosphere the way Coach said, then why the hell he is so tense? By now he’s gotta realize that the way things are run here is a hell of a lot different than Toronto, so he should have nothing to be tense about.

“Kane, right?” I question, focusing my attention on the guy standing in front of me and completely away from my coach.

“That’s what they tell me.”

“I’ll let you show him around and get him situated before practice. You need anything, you know where to find me.” Coach interrupts before I can answer Ryder back and almost as if we’re synchronized, we both nod at the same time, which only makes the old guy laugh before turning and heading back to his office.

“So, word is you’re some big shot from Toronto and running back really isn’t the position you were gunning for.”

I’m not intentionally trying to be a douchebag, but with everything Coach told me about what he used to be like at his old school, he’s definitely got me backed into a corner. There’s only one thing besides my girlfriend I give two shits about and this guy being some hot shot from the city threatens that.

Asshole mode activated.

“Afraid your position isn’t as secure as you think?”

“In your dreams. I don’t much care how great your stats are, or how many of the coaches here kiss your ass. I’ll believe the hype when I see it.”

“That can be arranged.”

He’s definitely cocky enough to fit in around here. Considering how up each other’s asses the other guys on the team seem to be, I figure he’s gonna be a perfect fit with that attitude. Too bad the one he really needs to fit with is me and so far, other than reminding me of my own douchebag personality, there’s still nothing special about him.

“If you’re that eager to prove yourself, I’ve got all the time in the world after practice.”

“That’s providing you make it through practice.”

Well, that’s new. Usually I’m the one making the threats, both on the field and off. Maybe we need to settle this before practice after all. There’s no way in hell I’m letting Ryder Kane get the better of me.

“Pretty strong words from the guy that ran from a first string quarterback position so he could get his ass beat by a bunch of defensive linemen here.”

Ever since Coach walked away, his eyes have never left mine. They’ve also maintained the same level of cocky annoyance. It’s obvious now with the way he averts his eyes away, taking on a darker sheen before he can hide it that I’ve gotten to him. Score one for me. I hit a fucking nerve with the cocky bastard.

Silence envelopes us, Ryder’s body tensing slightly and releasing before facing me down again.

“I’m not here to earn your approval. I’m here to play. Period.”

“Then why don’t you put your money where your mouth is? Suit up and meet me on the field.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re kind of a prick?”

“Usually they go for asshole, but prick works too.”

I’m telling the guy the truth, but in a rare flash of emotion, something I get the feeling he doesn’t do a whole lot of, he breaks and I catch the smirk on his face. Another score for me. He’s not a robot after all. If I can get past the bullshit, I might be able to work with this guy.

Ryder Kane is going to be a challenge, but it’s the kind of challenge I’m up for.

Cadence

It’s all set. Two weeks from today providing I don’t back out at the last second, I’m scheduled for surgery.