God's Little Freak (2 page)

“
I’m confused, God. I don’t understand what you are saying,” Kevin says while scratching his head.

“
I can say no different. You may not understand now, but you may later, once you have learned what there is to be learned,” God replies.

“Why can’t you
just tell me what’s going on with my body? I don’t know what to do,” Kevin says.

“
Did Christopher Columbus know what to do? Did Thomas Cook? They travelled into unknown waters. They were exploring. You are doing that now. Do not fear. Everything will turn out as it should. I have faith in you! Just be with it,” God says.

Kevin feels it is
the strangest conversation he has ever had with God. He is even more perplexed. He is naturally curious and wants to know how things work, but with this he doesn’t know where to begin. He stares into the fire as he wonders about it and he is filled with excitement for having these feelings.

The next morning Kevin wakes up late with a hard-on. He has
noticed it before, but once again today is different. Normally it goes away after a while, but today it just won’t go away. He thinks it is rather funny. Eventually he puts on tight pants with a T-shirt hanging over so that no one can see anything. Brendan and his family have gone to Mkhuzi-Umfolozi Nature reserve for two days. They already left early in the morning and he really wants to speak to Brendan again. The morning is extremely boring so he goes for a swim.

At the pool he does the normal jumping and diving and goes down the super-tube.
After a while he notices that some of the guys around the pool are different. When he looks at them, he feels the same feeling as with Brendan, but luckily not that intense. What is weird though is with some guys, it feels as if his willy is getting a bit harder. It’s completely uncontrollable and he doesn’t know what to do. He stays inside the pool for a very long time.

Eventually, he needs to go to the toilet. He has
to get out of the pool, because it is wrong to wee in the water. He would never do that! He notices that when he looks at all the grandfathers and grandmothers, that none of these strange feelings appear. So, he concentrates mostly on them when he walks to the toilet. While he is standing at the urinal, four guys come in to change into their swimsuits. When he turns around, two of them are completely naked. Again he has the wild rush like before, but this time even stronger! He can’t help but to stare at them. It is the same feeling, in his stomach and in his pants all over again. In a way, he likes these feelings.

“Can I help you?” the one ask
s. “No!” Kevin replies and runs out without washing his hands. Outside he decides rather to go back to the lodge. The swimming pool is too much excitement and confusion at the same time.

“How was the swim? You were gone for a long time. Did you make any friends?”
his mother asks.

Kevin
thinks for a moment. “It was nice, but I didn’t make any friends today,” he says as he tries to get away from his mother. It is all getting a bit too much for him. He wishes he could speak to Brendan about this. He goes for a walk in the forest again that afternoon. It is safer since he doesn’t know how to control his body anymore.

That
evening Kevin’s parents want a night out alone. They ask the parents of Melissa, Marcus’ new love of his life (for the next three weeks), to look after them while they go out. Kevin is not impressed, but thinks that just as he wants to spend time alone with his mom or dad, they probably want the same too.

At Melissa’s flat, a few rows down from
their flat, they have to spend the evening. She has a brother Tommy, who is two years older than Kevin. Melissa is actually quite nice, compared to the rest of her family. Her mother is smoking all the time and is swearing like Kevin’s dad does when he is angry. So Kevin thinks initially that she must be really angry, because she is swearing so much, but later realises that is how she speaks. He thinks of what his father often says: “It’s OK to swear, as long as you have more adjectives and adverbs than just swear words.” Kevin understands now what he meant. She would say: “Take that fucken plate or hurry the fuck up!” It’s so funny!

Her father is overweight and si
ts in front of the TV, drinking brandy and watching rugby. He keeps yelling at the fucken ref. Tommy is in his room with his Xbox. His mother tells him to play nicely with Kevin, then turns to him and says: “You’ll have to excuse him, because he didn’t take his fucken Ritalin today. Kevin thinks: ”Gee, who are these people? And now Marc and Melissa are calling each other honey and lovey. I mean really! My brother has blue eyes and blond hair, very masculine and goes to the gym every day. He thinks he is the gift to mankind - or is that womankind. Does she realise that two days after the holidays he will have another chick again?”

“If you two want to fool around too
much, just use condoms. I don’t want fucken grandchildren now,” her father says. Marcus is blushing, like never before. Kevin bursts out laughing. His parents never talk about any sexual stuff. Even watching a movie when people kiss makes everyone uncomfortable at his home. From that, to this. Wow! Melissa’s family is from Witbank. Kevin has heard many jokes about Witbank people and now understands why.

Playing
some car game on Xbox, Tommy does very much the same as his father. He swears and yells at the screen all the time. Kevin wants to play with Tommy, but is a bit worried about his sister. She has no one to play with, but Melissa’s mother keeps her busy in the kitchen. Klara is quite happy helping her and tells Kevin that she doesn’t want to play Xbox. She likes Melissa’s mother.

When they start playing, Kevin also ge
ts right into the joy and action. After a while, he too is swearing at the screen and shouting like crazy. The entire house is so noisy with everyone yelling in each corner of the house. “This is what you would call a madhouse,” Kevin thinks.

While Tommy is
playing another round and without looking away from the screen, he asks Kevin, “How many times a day do you wank?” Kevin doesn’t understand the question. He doesn’t know what
wank
means. He has heard of
wanker
before, but thought that applied to an idiot. Kevin thinks for a moment and is a bit embarrassed that he doesn’t know what
wank
means, so he says, “It differs from day to day. You?”

“About twice a day.
I feel like wanking now. Do you want to join me?” Tommy asks Kevin.

“Maybe later,” Kevin says
.

Kev
in is so relieved when his parents finally return. They are back early, because the restaurant they were at had a live band which, according to his dad, wasn’t very good. “They drove me insane! The singing was out of tune. The drums were too loud and too much bass on the sound system. My kids could make better music!” his dad says. Their entire family is rather musical.

Kevin ca
n’t stop talking about the experience at Melissa’s family, especially on how they are swearing. Kevin’s mother says: “It’s better not to swear, but don’t judge others if they do.”

“I know. But
it’s so fucken funny,” Kevin says and they are all laughing. Late that night, when he is in bed already, he remembers that he wanted to ask his parents what
wank
means, but forgot completely about it.

Late t
he next evening Brendan and his family finally return. Kevin can’t wait to speak to Brendan, but Brendan has a headache and goes straight to bed. “He gets migraines often,” his mother says. “No one seems to figure out why.” Kevin is really concerned about Brendan which surprises Aunt Sally.

The next morning, Kevin gets up early. He hopes Brendan is OK, but does
n’t want to disturb anyone, so he goes for a walk in the forest again. There are so many things he wants to ask Brendan. Kevin is somewhat surprised at how much he sees Brendan as a friend. He was always around, but he hardly noticed him until now.

They all have
breakfast together again. Kevin is relieved to see that Brendan is doing fine. “Kevin was a little worried about you last night,” Aunt Sally says. Brendan looks at Kevin and smiles and once again - all these feelings rush throughout his body as before. Kevin finds it almost unbearable and wants to figure out what is going on. “There is a path in the forest I want to show you after breakfast if you want to come,” Kevin asks Brendan. “Sure, we can go after breakfast.” Needless to say, Kevin doesn’t feel like eating. He just wants to get going.

On the way, Kevin asks
Brendan if he is really OK. “Yes, I get migraines often. It’s really terrible pain in my head and in my eye, usually on the left side. I’m also usually nauseous and the only thing that helps is just to go to bed.”

“Do
you take medicine?” Kevin asks.

“Yes, but for
something else.” Brendan replies.

“For what then?”
Kevin asks.

“For depression
,” Brendan replies.

“What is that?”
Kevin wants to know.

“I don’t really know, but they say it’s an illness of the mind. I have to go see a psychologist for it as well. But
I don’t want to talk about that,” Brendan says.

Kevin picks up a stick in the road and says: “
OK, I have something else I really want to talk about. The other night when you were chatting on your phone and I told you about the hair on my balls, I had a very weird feeling afterwards when you looked at me.”

Br
endan laughs and says, “Well, I had a weird feeling too!”

“I never had it before! It was awesome. I don’t know what it is or where it is coming from. It was in my stomach, as if my muscles pull together. And the next day when you went to the game reserve, I went swimming. When I looked at some of the boys, I would get the same feeling and sometimes, even in my pants. It was totally weird. And afterwards when I went to the toilet, I saw two guys completely naked and the
n it was even worse!” Kevin keeps rambling on and on.

Brendan c
an’t believe what he is hearing. “I can’t believe you talk about this so openly,” he says.

“Why? Wh
at’s wrong with it?” Kevin asks.

“Nothing, I guess.” Brendan does
n’t know how to answer that question. “I don’t know how it works,” he says.

“Do you have these feelings
too?” Kevin wants to know.

“Yes, I do. I’ve just never told anyone about it. You are the first one I
am telling about this,” Brendan says and then presses his lips together.

“I am? But why didn’t you tell anyone
else?” Kevin asks again.

“My god, but you are inquisitive.” Brendan takes a deep breath and sighs. “Because your brother gets this feeling with girls and I get it with boys. That’s what makes me a freak.”

“What? Why are you a freak?” Kevin asks.

“Because, normally
one feels like this with girls,” Brendan replies.

“Does that mean I’m a freak, too? I don’t understand
,” Kevin says.

“No, you are not. You are very strange and special at the same time. I feel so relieved to at least tel
l someone about it,” Brendan says. “I don’t feel as lonely anymore. It’s complicated. You won’t understand. You’re too young,” Brendan says quite sternly.

“I don’t understand because you are not explaining anything. And don’t say I’m too young. I know about more things than you think. Didn’t you notice
when we chatted on the boat?”

“This is different. I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s a sexual thing. You know our families don’
t deal well with sexual matters,” Brendan says. He is gesturing more and more with his arms.

“It’s sexual? But if I see sexual scenes on TV, I don’t feel like this
,” Kevin says.

“When was the first
time you felt it?” Brendan asks.

“With you, the other night; and then the next day
with so many others guys over and over again. And the day after that. I must say, a part of me feels it’s a bit too much, but then again I feel like wanting more. I don’t know what is going on with my body,” Kevin says while hitting trees with the stick.

“You will definitely feel different about sexual matters
from now on, I can promise you that. Not all of it feels good. I sometimes feel awful about it,” Brendan says.

“But why?
I think it’s great! Even if it’s sexual, it’s something new and I should explore. I’m becoming a man. I think it’s great and you should too,” Kevin says.

Brendan
doesn’t know how to deal with Kevin and becomes a bit frustrated. “I think we should talk about something else,” he says.

“OK, but I want to talk about it, so if you want to talk about
it, let me know. As you said, if it’s sexual, there is no one else I can talk to in my family,” Kevin says as he throws away the stick.

“Yes, yes, n
ow just leave it!” Brendan says.

Once
again there is a hint of rudeness in Brendan’s voice. Kevin doesn’t understand anything more about his body, but doesn’t want to annoy Brendan. He feels a bit disappointed that Brendan reacted this way and wonders why. He thinks that it’s probably the depression. They keep on walking without saying a word.

Brendan on the oth
er hand actually wants to talk about it. For so long, he has wished that someone would understand him and now he’s found someone. “But he is still a little kid,” he thinks. “He couldn’t possibly understand the gravity of the situation and I don’t want to explain everything.”

After a while, Kevin remembers
the evening with Melissa’s family and tells Brendan about it. Both of them laugh at the strangeness of that family. Then Kevin remembers something and says, ”I have a question, but promise me you won’t laugh.”

“I w
on’t,” Brendan says. He expects something serious.

“What does
wank
mean?” Kevin says.

Brendan burst
s out laughing and cries out: “You don’t know?”

Kevin i
s immediately upset. ”You told me you won’t laugh!” he cries out.

“I know, I know, but why do you ask me
that now? I told you I don’t want to talk about it,” Brendan replies.

“You said you do
n’t want to talk about the stomach feelings and sexual stuff. What does
wank
have to do with it?” Kevin asks Brendan.

“It’s kind of the same, or actually it’s something you d
o after you feel these feelings,” he says.

“Something you do? Will you show m
e then?” Kevin asks.

Once again Brendan
cracks up. “I don’t believe this. You are twelve years old and you are already making advances. I admire you! You’re the man! I’ve never had the courage to do that,” Brendan says.

“What do you mean by
making advances? And I’ll be 13 in February,” Kevin says defensively. He hates it when people talk about his age. His brother does it all the time.

“Making advances means… I don’t know how to explain it.” Brendan is so embarrassed about
Kevin’s questions. He smiles, shakes his head and looks up into the trees.

“Will you show me what
wank
is? Please, I want to know!” Kevin asks again.

Brendan realis
es it is better to humour Kevin than to oppose it. “I’ll show you how to
wank
, because I don’t think you will stop. All this talk has made me so horny anyway.”

“
What do mean by horny?” Kevin asks.

Brendan sighs,
“It means you have all those feelings you’re talking about and a hard willy.”

“So we’re going to
wank
now?” Kevin asks.

“Yes,
yes, yes, but we must find somewhere where nobody will see us. Maybe we should walk away from this foot path a bit deeper into the forest. Do you have a hard-on? A hard willy?” Brendan asks.

“Yes, for qu
ite a while already,” Kevin replies. He is so excited that he jumps up and down. The suspense of what Brendan is going to show him is driving him crazy. Kevin asks Brendan: “How much further away from the footpath do you want to go? There is no one else nearby.”

Brendan ignores him and keeps walking.
Finally, Brendan says, “OK, let’s stop here.” They are behind a shrub so no one can see them from the footpath. On the other side there are thick bushes and no one could come through there. It looks fairly secure. “Take out your willy” and Brendan takes his out. Kevin is stunned. “Wow, that’s huge! You must be proud of that!” Kevin says.

“Whatever.
” Brendan says “Now, take your hand and put it around your willy, like this, and hold it firmly.” Kevin does exactly what Brendan does, but doesn’t hear what he says. He wonders what it would be like to touch Brendan’s willy. “Then you move it up and down, like this,” Brendan says while doing it. Kevin is surprised at how big his own willy has become. He wonders why he never thought of playing with it before.

This i
s a fantastic experience for Kevin. This is something so strange, and yet so exciting at the same time. He isn’t sure if this is really sexual, but if Brendan says so, it must be. He is actually having his first sexual experience. After a short while, Brendan says, “It feels strange to stand while I’m wanking. I usually lie down.” Before Brendan can say anything else, Kevin lies down immediately. The ground is somewhat wet.

Once
they are both lying down, Kevin says, “Can I touch your willy?”

Br
endan has no resistance and says, “Yea, go ahead.” Kevin tries to repeat the action that Brendan shows him. All of a sudden, Brendan grabs Kevin’s willy and says, “You do it like this.” Shortly after that, Kevin feels his willy wants to explode. His whole body feels like bursting all over and he wants to shout, but doesn’t. It makes a kind of a contraction and gooey white stuff shoots out of his willy. Kevin feels a bit embarrassed about that but likes it too. Oh, wow, it feels amazing! He is stunned into silence. Brendan then continues on himself and Kevin watches him intensely. Soon afterwards it seems as if his body is going into a spasm. He groans and then he too has that white, gooey stuff coming out.

Now they are
both full of the white stuff and have nothing to wipe it off. They just use their shirts to clean it, get up and walk off. No one says anything.

After a w
hile Brendan says, “Now you know what
wank
is.”

“I do.” Kevin says
, “But I want to do it again. Tommy says he wanks twice a day. I think I will wank ten times a day. I love it!”

Brendan clears his throat and says:
“It’s better that you don’t talk about this. You don’t know what people will think.”

Kevin says:
“I won’t. It’s our secret, OK?” They continue walking with Kevin reliving every moment and every little detail of his first wank with Brendan. He doesn’t know what Brendan’s magic touch is, but the way he sees it, it is like playing the piano. Practice makes perfect.