Gator (9 page)

Gator

Mia sleeps so
deeply I find myself checking to see if she’s breathing. The blinds are open,
allowing the morning sun to brighten everything including her relaxed face. I
plan to close them, but first I admire my woman.

I notice a
little scar just past her hairline. Even after so much time exploring her body
this last week, I still discover little things. My mind wanders to the freckle
behind her left knee. I remember how she’s ticklish and jumps when I nibble at
the tiny mark.

In the
brightness of the morning, the toys look ugly, obscene even. I plan to throw
most of them away. Only one will stay. The purple vibrator causes Mia’s eyes to
roll back and turns her body to jelly. Yeah, we’ll keep it. The rest is trash.

I’d used them
on her. More than once, I caused her pain and Mia struggled to remain with me,
instead of returning to her hell. The worst moment of the night was when she
took one of my belts and wrapped it around her neck. After I fucked her and she
endured the feel of the belt around her throat, I threw it in the trash. I
never want to see any of that crap again.

Leaving her
to sleep, I grab the toys. The balls, plugs, pins, whip, and all the vile tools
of pain go into a bag I place at the door. Once the shades are closed, I crawl
back into bed and watch Mia in the dark room.

She’s my
gift. When I got away from the swamp, I demanded good things for myself. I
didn’t settle. The last year, I wanted a dream home in a warm and friendly
place. I also wanted a woman. Someone who wouldn’t give me shit for being quiet
or rude. Someone who accepted my flaws because I’m not good at hiding them.
Someone who’s perfect yet flawed. I wanted what didn’t seem possible. Before
Mia, I figured I’d end up alone.

I feel
unworthy of Mia. She feels the same way about me. We’re so perfectly fucked up
that I hate thinking of a time when she wasn’t mine.

I doze off
with my hand covering one of hers. A small gesture of protection after a long
night of darkness.

When I awake,
the sun still hides behind the shades, but I sense it’s much lower in the sky.
I roll over to see the clock. Half of the day is gone and we’ve missed
breakfast. In the corner chair, Mia works on her tablet while wearing
headphones, so not to wake me.

Seeing me
awake, Mia rushes to the bed. Something about her expression worries me.
Overeager like she’s afraid. Did a night of rough sex change the way she feels
about me? Did I remind her of the ugly things in the world, rather than
stealing them away?

“What?” I ask
when she sits next to me with one hand on my chest and the other into a fist.

“I love you.”

Like the wind
is knocked out of me, I can’t respond at first. She isn’t afraid of me, but
for
me. Worried I’ll feel bad after our dark night together, Mia reassures me how I’m
still hers.

“Did you
eat?” I ask, sliding off the bed. “Did you go to the buffet?”

“No, I ate
out of the fridge,” she says, following close behind me as I head for the
shower.

“You could
have gone or woke me up. It’s not healthy for you to skip meals.”

Mia ignores
my words and strips down. As we step into the hot water, I wonder if she thinks
I’ll cry soon. She looks so worried about me.

“Last night…”
I start and Mia runs her hands down my chest.

“I love you,”
she says again, her eyes bright as she watches me.

Refusing to
say the words she wants to hear, I maneuver her so the water cascades down her
hair until it’s soaked. We switch and I wet my hair. Soon, we’re back to
staring at each other.

“You’re a
good woman.”

Mia smiles as
her fingers tease the patch of hair above my cock.

I share her
grin. “Do you know what I want?”

She begins to
kneel until I lift her up and onto my hips. The laugh she gives me is music.

“You were
close,” I say, rubbing my cock between our wet bodies.

“You’re a
good man,” Mia whispers then adds before I can complain, “You’re good to me. I
don’t care what you do to bad people. When I look in your eyes, I’m special and
you give me that.”

Wrapping her
tighter in my arms, I fill Mia with my cock and she murmurs my name. Even after
last night, I’m her hero and she comes so perfectly for me.

Mia

At the Italian
restaurant, I practice my name on a pad of paper I found in the hotel room.
Jake glances at my attempts and nods his approval. I feel such pride when I
write “Mia.” Suddenly, I’m like other people.

My pride
fades when Jake reads me the menu and I don’t understand what he’s saying. He
reads it again, this time slower, but the words are jumbled in my head.
Finally, he orders me chicken.

Looking at
the three letters, I feel nothing like other people. Without a doubt, I’m the
dumbest person in the room.

“I don’t know
what half of the shit is on the menu either,” Jakes whispers in my ear and I
shiver at the feel of his hot breath. “Those sauces have fancy fucking names,
but they all end up tasting like ketchup, barbecue sauce, or mustard. Someone
tries to be clever and creates hoity-toity names. Big whoop. I just choose
something then bitch if it tastes like shit.”

Staring up at
him, I twirl a lock of his dark hair in my fingers. “So you’re stupid too, but
you just hide it better.”

Jake frowns
at me. “I’m not stupid.”

“You’re a
little stupid.”

“No, I’m
not,” he growls.

Finally, I
can’t help laughing. When he realizes I’m teasing him, Jake smiles at how he
fell for my joke. Jake is too sensitive and makes it easy for me.

“You’re not
stupid either,” he says, wrapping an arm around my waist and tugging me closer.
“You’ll need to practice your other name too.”

“What name?”

“My last name
is James,” he murmurs in my ear then takes my pen and writes five letters on
the paper. “It’s your last name now. Better start practicing.”

Grinning, I
take the pen and study the letters. I don’t tell him how the first letter is a
mystery to me. I just copy it the best I can while Jake frowns at a man nearby.

“People make
you mad,” I say, working on the “A.”

“Stupid
people, yeah.”

“I guess it’s
good I’m not stupid, huh?”

Jake smiles
and kisses my head. “How old are you?”

“I don’t
know,” I mumble, stuck on the small “M”

“I’d guess at
least eighteen. Maybe twenty.”

“I don’t
know,” I say again and look at him. “I never had birthday parties and I forgot
how old I was after my brain got broken. I think I was thirteen, but I don’t
remember how many years have passed. Ten maybe.”

“I doubt
ten.”

“Maybe not,”
I say. “How old are you?”

“Hell, if I
know. I told people I was eighteen when I showed up in the city. Got fake
papers saying I was eighteen, so I’d be thirty now. I never went to school
either. My mom taught me a little reading and math,” Jake says, running his
fingers down my back. “Do you know your birthday?”

“Rodent said
I could have the same birthday as America, so I’d have the fireworks.”

“Shit,” he
whispers, “I wish I could kill him again.”

“I would hold
him down while you do it.”

Jake grins.
“Yeah, you’re pretty tough, aren’t you?”

When I flex
my arm, Jake’s smile widens. When he flexes his arm, I forget how to spell my
name.

“You’re so
easily distracted,” he teases as I caress his hard muscles. “I want to be
inside you.”

“Okay.”

“Soon.”

“Okay.”

“You need a
new birthday.”

“When is your
birthday?”

“August
sixteenth. It’s the day I killed the asshole and walked away from the swamp. My
rebirth.”

Cuddling
closer to him, I smile. “What was the day you saved me from Rodent?”

Jake frowns as
he does the math in his head. “May second. I guess you have a new birthday.”

Grinning, I
look at my new name and try to memorize my new birthday. “Will you help me
remember?”

“You don’t
have to ask, Mia.”

“Because I’m
yours.”

“Because I’m
never letting you go.”

Jake’s voice
is hard and demanding. If I didn’t know him, I’d think he was angry. I do know
him, so I realize he’s desperate to be alone. He wants to touch me. He wants me
to touch him too. Soon, we’ll be alone. For Jake, it’s not soon enough.

Mia

Jake is
restless like an animal caged for too long. Even in the pool after he does his
laps, he can barely stay still. At first, I think to leave him alone. What can
I do to help him? Barely able to soothe myself, I rely on Jake to make me
happy. No doubt I’d fail such a powerful man.

I need to try
to help him though. Jake is mine and I love him. Love isn’t like I saw growing
up. It isn’t using people. It’s not lies and manipulation. Love with Jake is
strong and fair. He gives to me and I must find a way to give back.

“Come,” I say
with authority like he does with me.

Jake is
glancing around the pool area like he wants to hurt someone. He ignores my
command and glares at men walking by the door. They are dressed in suits and
look ready for a meeting. Jake hates them because he needs to hate someone. The
city is making him crazy.

“Jake,” I say
stronger and he glances at me in a weird way. He knows I’m challenging him.
“Come here.”

Sitting on
the steps of the pool, I relax with the water up to my waist. When Jake walks
to me, he seems bigger. I know he wants to intimidate me. He’s in that kind of
mood. Everyone is the enemy and no one is safe.

Despite what
Jake feels, I’m safe.

“I won’t
bite,” I say, holding out my arms.

Jake stares
at me like I’m trash. He’s so angry and I want to run away. I know he says he
will never hit me, but I think maybe he’ll forget and hurt me anyway. His eyes
are filled with hate and I’m still weak. Even afraid, I don’t give up.

“I love you,”
I whisper, “but you’re being an asshole.”

Jake’s eyes
narrow and I know he’s ready to say something mean. He’ll hurt me then feel
guilty later.

“Am I still
yours?” I ask before he can lash out. “Do you not want me anymore?”

Jake blinks a
few times then looks around like I’m an idiot. When his gaze focuses on my
face, I see him calming. His long fingers caress my cheek and his eyes lose
some of their rage.

“Come,” I say
again, holding out my arms.

Jake sighs
like he’s humoring me by obeying. He doesn’t want soothing. He wants to rage,
but the anger has nowhere to go.

Resting his
head against my chest, he lets me hold him. He is too large to play the role of
a child, yet I comfort him like I might a little boy. Caressing his head, my
fingers gently play with the wet strands of his dark hair. Jake adjusts in the
water and relaxes against me. He’s in my hands and it’s my duty to sway his
heart from the fury of the past. I know the anger he feels can never be
satisfied. No death or vengeance will bring him true peace. The swamp child
knows only pain and hate.

“You are so
beautiful,” I whisper, consoling the boy whose mother never consoled him. “I
love you so much.”

Jake says
nothing. His gaze is focused on the sign displaying pool rules. His mind is far
away to a time when he was powerless and alone. As my fingers tenderly trace
his face then graze his shoulder, I remind Jake the swamp is gone and he’s
free. No longer powerless and alone, he is a fearsome man with a woman who
loves him.

I hum
Jingle
Bells
because it’s the only song I know. Jake looks up at me and his gaze
is free of the anger from earlier. The corners of his mouth lift into a hint of
a smile then he sighs and returns to staring at the sign. We are together in
the now because of me. For once, I have the power to make the past fall away.

Jake has
saved me and I can save him too.

Gator

The city is
driving me crazy and I need to get Mia to Nicaragua. The only way to be free is
to finish the job, so I end the life of the final target on Carz’s list.

A big man
with little eyes, he doesn’t die easy. He fights me, but I’m more than big. I’m
strong and he only prolongs the death he deserves. After he’s dead, I look
around his apartment and see pictures of small undressed children. Many are
smiling, so unaware. Those who understand don’t smile.

Leaving
behind the dead pedophile, I think about Carz who ordered these deaths. All of
them, except Mia, were people who deserved to die for their crimes against
others. However, Carz didn’t kill them for their evil. These people were his
friends and employees. He killed them to protect himself from paying for crimes
he’s committed. These people were innocent of his suspicions, yet guilty of so
much evil.

Thinking
back, I remember how I almost didn’t take the job because of my hatred for
Carz. Now, I have Mia and have reduced the amount of filth in the world. With
Carz’s death, I’ll make the world a little better too.

A gift is
given to me as I drive away from the big man’s building and see the woman who
gave Mia life. She is standing on a corner, frowning at everything. Worn down
by a long life of selfishness, she looks smaller than Mia. I stop my car and
leave it without thinking. My mind focuses on how Mia only wanted to go to
school, but her mother forced her to satisfy the desires of monsters.

Her name is
Lis and she tells me she has an amazing tongue. I say no more than two words to
her while she shares everything with me. We walk to her place nearby and she’s
nearly bouncing off the walls. I think she might be high, but mostly she’s
excited to fuck someone who doesn’t make her struggle with the urge to vomit.

“You have any
kids?” I ask as we enter her tiny apartment. “You have any family?”

“No, baby,”
she says, reaching for me.

I dodge her
filthy touch. “What was Gidget’s name as a baby?”

Lis frowns at
me. “Are we going to fuck or not? I ain’t looking to walk down memory lane when
there’s money to be made.”

She’s just as
vile as I imagined. A little part of me hoped she might show regret over the
child she ruined. I even hoped to tell Mia how her mother died with shame in
her heart. How her mother did love her even if she never showed it.

My fingers
feel good around the bitch’s throat. Enjoying the panic in her blue eyes, I see
how much they look like Mia’s and hate her more for destroying her lookalike
child. Lis struggles, clawing at me. Even with a pathetic life, she’s desperate
to live. I suspect she knows what awaits her when this life ends.

Once she’s
dead, I rest her on the couch. She looks peaceful and I feel a little guilty to
have let her die so easily. Rodent died quickly too. Though they deserved
endless torture for their sins against Mia, they got off easy.

Cleaning the
apartment, I have more death on my mind.

Mia said his
name was Patrick and he lives only a few blocks away in the building Mia once
called home. The man doesn’t realize he will die soon for hurting her in a way
I can never heal. No amount of love or care will fix what he did to her brain.
He treated her like an animal and I plan to put him down.

Leaving
behind the cleaned apartment, I move steadily to my next destination. I know
he’ll be home. Fate is on my side and vengeance belongs to Mia. She needs this
even if she can’t understand just yet. So desperate for comfort, she doesn’t
think of revenge. One day, she’ll be happy for the spilt blood.

Patrick’s not
what I expect. When he opens the door, I find a fairly soft looking man. The kind
I never think twice about when I see them on the street. He’s blond and
freckled. Harmless in every way except to a helpless Mia who couldn’t tell him
no.

When I push
him inside the room, he barely reacts. He’s scared and I don’t blame him. I’m
exactly the kind of man I worry about on the street. The hard scarred man with
cold eyes. I imagine what he sees on my face and smile at his fear. His doughy
hands once harmed Mia and he suffered nothing for his crimes. Today, I am Death
and his time in this world is over.

He struggles
against the gag as his bones shatter under my fists. Killing him is so easy.
All through the beating, I whisper to him why he’s suffering. Mia is why he
must die. This is no accident. No random crime. He committed violence against a
child and broke her, so she would remain a child forever. Now, violence came
for him in the form of a man on a mission.

I want more
than his death. Much like with Lis, I feel unsatisfied because there is no way
to fix what they did to Mia. No way to return her childhood or restore her
innocence. Yes, I can keep them from harming others. Yes, I can tell my woman
those who tormented her are dead. While I can do these things, there are limits
to the power of my wrath.

Just like
years ago in the swamps when I killed my father, I realized he might die a
million times and it would never be enough. What he stole from me couldn’t find
relief.

Dougie James
made me into a man capable of killing his father. His death wasn’t the end or
the beginning, only a symptom of my evolution after being raised by evil. Much
like Mia will never be more than the broken women I love because evil claimed
her too.

The apartment
Mia called home burns to the ground. Watching the fire for a long time, I
finally accept how much I miss Mia. My vengeance leaves me wanting in a way
only she can satisfy.

I need to see
her needy gaze. Feel her lips on mine. Hear her sigh when she’s in my arms. The
world is too fucking ugly and I feel the past ruining my future. Only Mia can
save me.