Four Doors Down (27 page)

My phone beeps again.

Charlie: I know you’re at home. I can see your car. Come out.

I stand to look out the window and sure enough, his car is there. He’s looking at the house and has probably seen me. My heart’s suddenly beating fast again.
Shit
.

“Stay here,” I tell Jay. “I’m just going outside for two minutes and then we’ll go get ice cream.” He nods and I smooth down my hair, hoping I don’t look too much of a wreck. Then I stop myself. I do not need to impress Charlie anymore. I don’t owe him anything.

I leave my house and walk down the drive toward his car. I stop several feet away and he gets out of the car to face me. I cross my arms and look away; I have no idea what to say.

“I’m sorry, Becca,” he tells me.

I shake my head and finally look at him. Only this time when I look at him, he doesn’t make my heart flutter. Instead, I see that his hair looks greasy and his slim build looks scrawny rather than sexy.

“Why?” I ask him and instantly hate myself for it. I don’t want to show him that I care.

He shrugs. “Because you’re hot?” he says, cocking a grin.

I look at him in disgust and resist the urge to slap him. Is he actually trying to make this into a joke? His expression turns somber at my obvious disgust, like he realizes he can’t joke with me and make this go away. “I never meant for it to go this far,” he carries on. “Things weren’t going great with Catherine. That’s her name.”

“Your girlfriend?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“That girl we saw at the gig that time?”

“She went to my old school. She knows Catherine.”

I shake my head in disgust, remembering how I thought that was weird at the time, how he didn’t introduce me but all it took was for him to pull me into a dark corner and show me a bit of attention and I’d been too distracted to think about it again. I’m such a fool.

“Look, Becca, you’re awesome and I’m sorry. Catherine and I broke up. The distance was too hard and I should have done it ages ago.”

“You mean she found out about me and dumped your ass?”

He looks away and I know I’m right.
Total dick.

“I would have picked you anyway. I’m sorry I lied to you, but we could try again? I like you so much, Becca. We’re so good together.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. He actually thinks I could forgive him for something like this? For such a betrayal? And only because his actual girlfriend dumped him first and now he doesn’t want to be alone. I look at him—this guy I was infatuated with, this guy that I thought I was in love with—and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I think back over our whole relationship and remember how he made me feel. Like I couldn’t question him about things, how I had to accept whatever he gave me, however much time he chose to give. How I felt that if he didn’t contact me, it was my fault. I’d done something wrong, I was to blame. I wasn’t good enough.

“Go away, Charlie.” I look him straight in the eye. “Don’t contact me again.”

He looks confused at my response, which I suppose is because all I ever did was be there for him whenever he wanted, for whatever he wanted. But I’m still me. I won’t put up with this bullshit no matter how much I like someone, or in Charlie’s case,
think
I like someone.

He opens his mouth to say something but the look I send him stops him. He looks away and climbs back into his car, driving out of my life for what I hope is the last time.

I stand and watch him go and don’t feel anything. Tears don’t even come close to my eyes. I can’t believe I wasted so much of my time on him to begin with.

I
t’s mid-morning and I’m heading toward my locker, knowing I left my math book in there. As I get closer, I sigh in annoyance. Ryan’s there and he’s surrounded as usual. I’m going to have to start planning ahead and only come at lunch or when I’m certain he’s in class. He looks up and our eyes meet. He steps toward me, but I spin on my heel and rush away. Who needs books anyway? There is no way I’m having that conversation with him. Not now, not ever.

“Becca, are you okay? You seem a little nervous.” Sam looks at me quizzically. I bite down on my lip and push my tray of food away, I have no appetite. I’m at lunch and anxious because I can feel him watching me. I’m grateful that he hasn’t come over and spilled everything in front of everyone. At least he’s trying to catch me on my own. I just have to make sure that I’m never on my own.

“I’m fine. Totally fine.” I lie. I haven’t told her about the kiss with Ryan. I’m too embarrassed, but she obviously knows there’s something wrong.

“Is it Charlie?” she responds. I nearly laugh out loud. The one good thing about this whole Ryan situation is at least I’ve not been thinking about Charlie. At all. That lying, cheating bastard.

“No, it’s not Charlie. Do you want to get out of here?”

She nods agreeably and stands. I follow suit and try and steer her out of the cafeteria conspicuously. She looks at me in surprise. “Don’t you have Anatomy next? You’re going the wrong way. I’m going that way too.”

Oh shit, this means I’m going to have to walk directly past Ryan’s table. Oh well, at least I’ve got Sam with me so he won’t say anything and his table is so full maybe he won’t notice me.

I quickly smile at Sam and reverse directions. I pick up the pace and think I’ve almost made it.

“Becca!”

Jesus, he says it loud enough so that half the cafeteria hears him. Sam stops walking and turns to face him, leaving me with very little choice but to do the same. His whole table’s staring at me with unveiled curiosity. Oh my God, what if he’s already told them and they’re just waiting for the show to begin? If Jessica could shoot daggers from her eyes, I’d be dead right now.

He’s laid back slouched in his chair, arms crossed and he’s staring at me directly. I don’t dare look him in the eye. “What?” I mutter.

“I want to talk to you.”

I glance around desperately; it’s not just his table watching me. I feel myself blushing. Oh God, please don’t out me in front of all these people, I’d die. The whole school would know about it by the end of the day. I’ll be a complete laughing stock.

“What about?”

“You know what about.” His voice is loud and clear.
Oh fuck, everyone really is listening.

My eyes find Jake, who’s sitting next to him. He’s watching me, glancing back at Ryan every so often. Jake will rescue me; he won’t let Ryan do this to me. I plead with my eyes, but he just sits there waiting. Yup, he knows. Clearly Ryan’s told him and he wants to see this pan out. Great, my last hope is gone.

Ryan sighs loudly and abruptly stands, picking up his bag. He cocks his head toward the nearest exit. “Are you coming? Or are we gonna have to do this in front of everyone?”

There’s literally not a sound in the room. I’m going to die of shame. My heart is beating loudly in my chest, but I freeze. I don’t know what the best thing to do is. I really don’t want to have this conversation with him. When I don’t react, something flashes in his eyes and he drops his bag back onto the floor.

“Fine,” he bites out. His voice isn’t particularly loud but to me in the silence of the room, it feels like he’s shouting. “Are you back with Charlie?” he asks me.

Blood rushes to my head. Why the hell is he talking about Charlie? What is he doing? Oh God, this is it. He’s going to tell the whole school I jumped him after finding out about Charlie. I glance around desperately looking for some teachers or lunch staff that might stop this, but I can’t see anyone. It’s just face after face of students staring back at me, waiting for my moment of humiliation. My hands start to tremble at my sides.

When I don’t respond, he scoffs at me. “You’re back with him after what he did to you?” he continues. “When he was fucking someone else behind your back?”

I hear gasps from the watching students, but I don’t look at them. I only stare at Ryan and the look of disgust on his face. I’m actually shaking now.
Why is he doing this?
And why does he think I’m back with Charlie? Does he actually think that little of me?

My silence seems to infuriate him further. “No, wait. Actually, it was you he was fucking behind
her
back, wasn’t it?”

Oh my God. He did it. He told everyone what Charlie did to me. He just told the whole damn school. There are shocked gasps, murmurs, and snickers around me. I bite my lip to try to stop it from trembling. My stomach starts churning and I actually think I might throw up.

I see Jake stand and say something to him, trying to get him to move away, but Ryan ignores him, not looking away from me. All I can hear is the blood rushing to my ears.

“And you’re back with him.” This time, it’s not a question and he sounds bitter. Really bitter. I don’t know why he thinks this, why he’s just told everyone this. I was right all along—he just wants to make me look a fool and ruin my life.

He opens his mouth again and I know this is it, the moment he tells the whole school that I kissed him after finding out my asshole ex-boyfriend was cheating on me, that I was that desperate and pathetic after being betrayed I thought I could jump him. But Sam cuts him off. “No she’s not back with that idiot,” she snaps at Ryan. I look at her and can tell she’s pissed. Sam doesn’t get angry, but she looks angry now. “But thanks for telling everyone that. Nice, Ryan, real nice,” she continues, her voice is cold and she’s looking at him in disgust. “Is there anything else you want to announce to the whole student body?” Her words cut through the silence of the room and that’s when he glances around and seems to notice for the first time that everyone is watching us. “Nothing to say now?” she asks, staring him down. “Shame you weren’t this quiet a few minutes ago,” she mutters. “Now we’re late so…” She lets the sentence linger, sending him a death glare. I glance back at him still shaking and find his eyes are back on me. She touches my arm and I look at her like she’s given me a lifeline. She turns toward the door and I follow her on trembling legs. We exit and make our way down the hallway, away from the silence of the cafeteria and the total humiliation I’ve just suffered in there.

She glances at me sideways. “Are you okay?”

I nod but feel anything but okay.

“What was that about?”

I swear I’m still shaking. From terror, from adrenaline, I have no idea. I shake my head. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” I turn and rush from school, all my good intentions of not ditching gone. I need to get the hell away from this school. Now.

I
’m lying on my bed when there’s a knock on my door. Sam sticks her head in; clearly she’s come straight from school. “Hey. Can I come in?” I nod in response.

She comes and sits down in front of me. “Okay, spill. What is going on between you and Ryan Jackson?”

I just groan in response.

“Becca!”

“Do you know what happened after we left?”

“Erica said he kicked over a chair and then disappeared with Jake.”

Oh God. “Did everyone see?”

“Yup. Everyone’s been talking about it all afternoon.”

I groan again. “Shit!”

“He came and found me after school. Told me to tell you he was sorry. I told him to tell you himself, but he said that he couldn’t because you’ve been ignoring him all week. That you’re refusing to talk to him.”