For Nicky (6 page)

I love my little apartment!  It’s very me; nothing loud or outrageous, it’s just cute.  I get lonely sometimes so I think I may get a cat.  But, the thought of that puts me one step closer to being the book-loving cat lady, so I may not follow through on that. The front door opens into a little entry hall which I’ve outfitted with a bench and coat rack. The hallway leads to the living room. My living room is teal and light gray. I’ve got a gray couch and recliner. My TV is a decent size and looks nice on my small entertainment center. No surprise, I have a huge bookshelf in my living room. It probably looks out of place and takes up too much room, but, what can I say? I love my books. The kitchen and breakfast nook is just over a half wall from the living room. My kitchen is a sunny yellow. It has an island, which I love. My breakfast nook is a decent size so I put my small table there along with a small desk for my computer and printer. Off the living room on the other side is a hallway which houses the bathroom and leads to my room. My bathroom is not terribly
small, it at least has a bathtub. I don’t think I could stand not being able to take a bath! The bathroom is purple and green. It’s very girly, with lace and flowers, lots of scented soaps, and fluffy rugs. I guess it’s good I don’t date, most guys would probably run screaming from my bathroom or spend the whole evening in pain having to pee so badly but avoiding the lace and flowers! My bedroom is my favorite. My dad helped me lug in these awesome book shelves that line three of my walls. They are short, about hip level, so I have a lot of space on top of the shelves for things like my small TV and radio. I also have some pictures and decorations set around. But the actual shelves are full of books on all three sides of my bedroom. I painted my room light gray with purple, pink, and green accents. My bed is only a full size because my bookshelves took up too much room to fit a queen sized bed in here. I’m lucky that I can fit my dresser in my closet along with my hanging clothes. But, my books are the most important things to me, so I’m happy.

I need to get ready for the party! Looking in my closet, I am feeling sad.  I like my clothes, but today I’m feeling restless and bored with them.  I don’t want to, nor could I ever, pull off Audrey’s look, but sometimes I’d like to be a little more daring.  I think of Audrey’s outfit today, a pair of tight black ankle pants, a skin tight pink peplum top, and a pair of shiny pink wedge heels.  The most I do with color is usually soft pastels, but sometimes I wish I’d get the courage to wear some brighter purples or blues.  I impulsively grab a jean skirt, cowboy boots, and soft plaid button up blouse.  I start the shower and wash my hair. My hair is pretty. Audrey always finds pleasure in reminding me that my hair isn’t blonde like hers, but it’s a very pretty shade of brown and I like it. Plus, it’s thick and wavy and it can be straightened or curled easily.  I usually just let it air dry but today I decide to put it in curlers.  I lather my body up with my favorite body wash.  Then I shave my legs since I’m wearing a skirt.  After my shower, I do my makeup while I curl my hair.  I reach for my bra and underwear.  I may be timid, awkward, and shy around most people, but there are a couple things no one would ever guess about me.  One, I love sexy matching bras and panties.  I started buying them when I was in college and I love them. I have probably 20 different sets; they make me feel a little more confident even though no one will ever see them.  I’ve never undressed in front of my sister since I always knew I’d pale in comparison and Audrey would totally point it out.  My other secret is that I get a Brazilian wax once a month or so. I go to a neighboring town to get it done so there’s no gossip in my town.  I know it’s silly when no one else is going to see my girly bits, but I think it looks nice and it makes me feel good about myself.  I started doing this in college sort of on a dare from a friend and it just sort of stuck. She was a nice enough
girl and I know she never thought I’d go through with it. I think she dared me to do it just as a joke. But, the idea took root in my mind. I’d never done anything so outrageous. So, I grabbed on to some courage and headed to the aesthetician I’d looked up on Google. The pain wasn’t great, but I loved the results. I don’t think I ever even got the guts to tell my friend that I had gone through with it, but I really liked the way it looked so I kept up with it. Plus, it’s almost a must for my underwear.  So, today, I go bold with a bright purple satin bra and matching pair of purple satin and lace panties.

I’m headed out the door when I have a mini panic attack over my clothes.  I throw them all back on my bed and change into a soft cream tank with a fall-
ish orange sweater cardigan and a pair of my favorite jeans with some brown casual shoes.  My outfit may not scream SEX like Audrey’s, but my contacts and makeup make my eyes pop, my hair is good, and I still have my sexy items on underneath.  I don’t think I look bad; I look more natural, whereas Audrey looks more made up and obvious. I feel good about the way I look and that’s what’s important. Ok, let’s get this party started.

I left the gym late this morning and decided I’d stop by my parents’ house before going home to get ready for Nicky’s party.  If I know my mom at all, I’ll at least get lunch out of the visit. 
Can’t complain about that. I started eating my parents out of house and home about the time I turned nine and I haven’t stopped since. I bounded up the stairs and into the backdoor; I’ve never knocked at my parents’ house.  After today, I will always knock.  The sight before me was one no son should ever have to be subjected to.  My dad had my mom backed up against the counter with his hands up her shirt.  He was nuzzling her neck and she was giggling like a teenager.  I attempted to hold back a gagging noise and covered my eyes; in the seconds that followed, way too many thoughts rushed through my head—1) Fuck. Dude, that’s my mom. 2) That counter top is going to need sanitized. 3) The old man’s still got it. Go, Dad.  4) I love that there’s still passion after all these years.  5) I want that in my life.

What the hell was that?  That last thought basically knocked the air right out of me. While my dad kissed my mom’s neck and felt her up, all I could think about was that, for the first time in my life, I wanted more than just a casual date and sex. I just got sucker punched by the realization that I want a wife and a family like I grew up in.  Maybe not right this second, but someday. This was not a thought that had EVER crossed my mind.  I wasn’t AGAINST marriage, someday, but it’s not like I had any prospects at the moment. But something inside me was having a heyday with the thought of marriage and kids. The image of Nicky’s Miss Elizabeth danced through my mind. Well, these new developments should make things interesting….. After I cleared my head the best I could from that emotional ambush, I coughed slightly and raised my eyebrows at my parents when they sprang apart looking as guilty as horny teenagers.

Mom, with flushed cheeks, finished getting lunch ready.  My mom is a great cook and even a quick lunch is usually a sight to behold. Today was no exception. She kept it light since we would all be eating later at the party at the center. Grilled veggies on skewers, grilled salmon, and fresh iced tea. Perfect before all the fall themed food I knew I’d be stuffing myself with a little later. Nicky came downstairs to eat, so that alleviated any awkwardness that still floated in the air from the compromising position I’d caught my parents in earlier.  Although, from the looks and smiles and touches I kept seeing between Mom and Dad, they’d be taking care of any tension right after I took Nicky to my place.  It made me roll my eyes and smile and possibly feel a bit jealous. Again, what is that? How can I be jealous of a couple having an intimate, loving relationship when I don’t have, nor do I want, a relationship of any sort (unless it’s to find a quick release in somebody a little prettier than my right hand)? These feelings that are bombarding me are weird and uncomfortable, they can go away any time now. Actually, I think I know what it is, I haven’t had sex in a couple months, now that I think about it. So, obviously, I’m in serious need of getting laid and then these crazy thoughts of love and marriage and kids and forever will stop running on a loop through my head.

“Nathaniel, make sure you dress nice for the party, please.”

My mom usually isn’t one to care what I wear, plus I think I usually look decent so this comment confused me a little.

“What are you talking about, Mom? Don’t I usually look ok? Is this like a black tie affair?” I asked laughing.

“No, Nathan, nothing like that.  I just know that most the town will be there, so don’t show up in gym shorts.  You never know, there may be some pretty girl there you might want to impress.”

“Mom…..what are you planning?”

“Cindy….don’t play match maker.  Leave the boy alone.” Thanks, Dad.

“John, I just want to see Nate happy.  He’s a great guy, loves his jobs, has a good family, good friends, but he needs love.  I want to see him head over heels with the right girl.  Plus, I’m not getting any younger, grandbabies would be nice!”

“Whoa!  Ok, Mom, on that note, Nicky and I are going to head upstairs to get his clothes and then to my place to get ready.  Please, if possible, wait until we’re gone to discuss my future wife and babies. And, I’m begging you, for the love of all that is holy, don’t finish what you started on the counter until we are gone.  Totally out of view AND ear shot, please.” I heard my mom giggle at something my dad said as Nicky and I headed upstairs.

“So, Nicky, what do you want to wear to your party?”

“I want to look nice for Miss Elizabeth.  I want to wear clothes like you wear.” Nick stated matter-of-factly.

“Sure, Nicky, let’s see what we can find.”

Nick is a grown man but he sometimes comes across much younger because he speaks his mind and faces more challenges than most.  He usually wears sports pants/shorts and t-shirts because those are easiest to get on and off independently.  He struggles with buttons and zippers.  But, since I’ll be helping him, I grabbed his nicer pair of jeans plus a brown button up shirt and a pair of brown loafer type shoes.  We said good-bye to our parents and headed to my Jeep.  Since it was such a nice day, I had the top down and this excited Nicky.  We both loved to drive with the wind whipping around us. Who wouldn’t?  Well, any girl I’ve ever dated I guess.  They were always too worried about their hair getting messed up. I always wanted to tell them to let loose and live a little.

Nicky broke my thoughts by saying, “I think Miss Elizabeth would love your Jeep.  She’s really pretty, Nate.  She could be your wife and have babies like Mom wants.”

Whoa!  Hold on there bud. “Uh, Nicky, let’s not say stuff like that around Miss Elizabeth.  It might make her uncomfortable.  Plus, I’ve only met her a couple times, so I doubt we are ready for marriage and babies.” Nick just smiles like he has a secret.

We had about an hour to play video games before we needed to get ready.  Nicky beat me on three games of Mario Kart; he’s really good, I don’t just let him win. After a quick shower, I went to my closet.  I decided on jeans and a dark purple button up shirt with my casual dark gray sneakers.  Along with my admittedly bad habit of sleeping around, I also have a bit of an addiction to shoes. I have to have the perfect shoes for specific clothing. Most women would be green with envy over my shoe collection. Hey, a guy has to look good, right?

Nick got his wish to dress like me, the only difference was our underwear.  Nicky was a boxer man and I leaned more toward boxer briefs.  Although, I’ve been known to skip the under clothes altogether depending on my mood.  Sometimes the second layer feels a little redundant. I helped Nicky with his buttons and zipper.  We both keep our hair pretty short, but I styled the front with a little gel on both of us and gave him a quick spray of cologne that he picked out.  I don’t wear a lot of cologne; soap and deodorant is good enough for me.  Nicky likes to wear it because he says it’s what men wear. Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks that my twin brother has a cognitive level much below mine. He’s not stupid, he’s just different. This is why I fight for him. This is why I protect him. This is why I will always be here for Nicky. “Alright, Nicky my man, let’s get to this party of yours!” Nick beamed and raced to the Jeep.

While Nick ran to the Jeep, I was taken back to our 7
th
grade year.

We were both excited to be heading to the Jr. High dance. It was another time that Nick had wanted to dress like me. We had dressed in black pants and black shoes. I wore a red shirt with a flashy tie. Nick wore a blue shirt, but the tie just bothered him too much. I was already tense about the dance, not because I was nervous about asking a girl to dance, like most of my friends were nervous about. I was having a lot of anxiety about people making fun of Nicky. I knew there would be a handful of jerks, along with some snobby girls, who would be ready and waiting to attack Nicky. This meant that I had to be on my toes.

Needless to say, I spent most of my night threatening anyone who I knew liked to tease my brother and anyone who even looked like they MAY want to make fun of him. I was grateful to my few friends who let Nick dance with them and the couple sweetheart girls who asked him to dance. Nick had a great time and I made it through most of the night. I even managed to dance with a couple girls from our big group of friends. Unfortunately, one last trip to the restroom during the last song of the night, I ran into two assholes from the eighth grade class. “God, Morgan, how can you stand to bring that retard of a brother to something like this?” That’s all he got out because I hauled off and punched him right in the mouth. The other kid held his hands up and backed away, “Hey, man, I got no beef with you or your brother.” I shoved the first kid into the wall while he held his bleeding lip. “Don’t ever talk about my brother that way. And tell your friends to keep their filthy mouths shut, too.”

Luckily, the dance broke up soon after that, and it was so chaotic with parents picking up kids, that no one noticed the fight. However, my mom was quick to notice the
red, swollen knuckles on my right hand. The week after the dance was not very fun for me, Mom made sure of that. But, I had made sure that the dance had been fun. For Nicky.

I was really glad that we weren’t back in Jr. High and heading to this party. I didn’t expect anyone at the center party to give Nick a rough time, everyone there loved him. I’d still keep my ears open, just in case. But, I really wasn’t looking for trouble, I was tired of fights. I’d never stop standing up for Nicky, but I wasn’t itching to fight today.