For Nicky (10 page)

Me
: Hey, Libby-girl! You all ready for bed?

Libby
: Yep! How about you? How was the cold shower? :)

Me
: It was cold! So, what are you wearing? :)

Libby
: Seriously? :) Ok, I’m wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top. Totally not sexy!

Me
: Libby, you’d be sexy in a brown paper sack. I’m going to take that image to bed with me.

Libby
: The tank and shorts I hope, not the sack! Wait, if you get to take an image to bed, I should get to as well! What are you wearing?

Me
: Um, nothing. I usually don’t wear anything to bed unless Nicky is here for the night.

Libby
: Oh. Well. Wow. Ok, that’s quite the image I’m taking to bed! I want to sleep RIGHT NOW! Night, Nate! :)

Me
: Sleep, sweet Libby! I’ll talk to you tomorrow about weekend plans. Sweet dreams!

My brain couldn’t get over the image of Libby in short little boxers and a tank top. I bet the tank top is tight in all the right places. I imagine she doesn’t have a bra on and I can see the outline of her nipples. Shit, I think I may need another shower.

Luckily, I fell asleep without needing the shower. I definitely had some nice dreams about Libby throughout the night. I felt like a teenager waking up from a wet dream with morning wood that could have pounded nails. I decided a little one-on-one with Maverick was in order so that I could get this problem to go away and still take a nice warm shower. The warm water and slick soap along with my hand wasn’t nearly enough to completely satisfy Maverick
, but it was all he was getting for the time being. I couldn’t believe it, but I didn’t want to have sex with Libby. No, wait, that’s not actually true. I wanted to have sex with Libby something fierce. However, I wanted to see where this thing with us could go and I worried that having sex with her now would mess things up. I felt a little nauseous and light headed when the word “relationship” came into my head, but I guess that’s what I was hoping to have with Libby. I had no clue how to have a relationship, but I planned on trying to do my best. Maybe I should talk to my dad or my uncle, they both have long term successful marriages. Yeah, I’ll talk to them both today. Maybe we can even all three catch lunch together. I think my dad has an early release day at school and Uncle Dale could usually take lunch whenever. I texted both men about meeting for lunch then I texted Libby about the weekend.

Me
: Good morning! Did you sleep well? I sure did! I had some awesome dreams about boxers and tank tops! :)

Libby
: Hmmmm, I’d say my dreams were awesome as well! :)

Me
: So, you want to go out this weekend? Make a whole day of it? I was thinking a morning run, shower and change, then I could pick you up and we could maybe try bowling? Then dinner and a movie? Whatcha think?

Libby
: That sounds awesome! How about 10am run? Track or park?

Me
: Let’s do park, I get bored on the track sometimes. I’ll meet you there at 10 then. Can’t wait to see you, Libby!

Libby
: I’m already looking forward to it! Bye, Nate! :)

My dad and uncle are twins. So I guess Nicky and I being twins wasn’t a huge shock since those genes run in my family. John and Dale Morgan look almost as alike as Nick and I do. They’ve been best friends since they were born, just like Nicky and me. My parents have been married 30 years this coming summer. Uncle Dale and Aunt Jenny have been married almost as long. And, from what I can tell, the couples are very happy and very much still in love. So, I knew I was talking to the right men about this problem I was having. It was the actual talking about it, or even figuring out how to bring up the subject, that was causing me stress.

We were sitting in the local diner eating lunch. Dad and Uncle Dale had opted for cheeseburgers and fries with vanilla shakes. I had decided to go with the BBQ pork sandwich and chips. I had scarfed my food down in about 20.4 seconds and now just sat fiddling with the table cloth while Dad and Uncle Dale ate at a normal pace. I caught the men look at me strangely and then exchange glances with smirks on their faces.

“So, Nathan, to what do we owe this little lunch invitation? It’s not that I don’t love a meal with my brother and nephew, but you’ve not really ever initiated the invites. And, Boy, you look like you’re a little nervous. What’s going on?” Well, at least Uncle Dale brought it up. Now I just had to take the bait and run with it.

I took a drink of my water, breathed deep, then blurted out, “How did you guys know that you were ready for a rel
ationship?” Ok, there, it was out. Now these two wise men could impart all of their knowledge on me. I was ready for it, heck, I almost thought I should be taking notes.

What I didn’t expect was for the t
wo jack asses to start laughing. They both let my little question sink in, looked at each other, then started chuckling. The chuckling turned to straight up laughing when they caught each other’s eyes again. “Not cool, assholes. I’m serious here and you’re laughing at me? I came to you because I trust you and you’re laughing at me?”

“Sorry, Son, we don’t mean to laugh. It’s just darn funny to see you so ruffled. I’ve never seen you even slightly interested in a girl. Now, here you are, asking us about being ready for a relationship. I just never thought I’d see you so antsy and asking this question. Maybe we should pull
your mom into this conversation?” Dad was still trying to get his chuckles under control. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Dad.

“No way.
Mom is already trying to marry me off and start a reproduction factory, I don’t need her knowing I’m asking about this yet. Don’t mention it to her, ok, Dad?”

“Well, Nate, there’s one of the number one things about being in a relationship, you can’t have secrets. I won’t straight up tell your mom, but if she asks, I won’t hide this lunch conversation. I’m guessing Dale will do the same with Jenny.” Dad stated this with a look on his face that said I had to accept this condition and if I didn’t accept then I shouldn’t continue. Uncle Dale nodded his head to agree with what Dad had said.

“Ok, Dad, I can respect that. So, how did you guys know that you wanted to date Mom and Aunt Jenny exclusively? It’s no secret that I’ve never been interested in dating, so I’m having trouble with some of what I’m feeling here. Am I ready? Is it too soon? I’ve not known her for long, but I feel like I’ve known her forever and I want to learn more about her.”

“Nate, I can’t speak for your dad, but I know, for me, I found myself wanting to spend every spare moment with Jenny. When I had free time, I wanted to see her. I didn’t just want to be around her to kiss her, although that was really nice. I just wanted to be around her to talk to her and be with her. It’s not like I gave up everything I liked to do, I just wanted her to share those things with me. I thought about her all the time. And, for me, a big thing was the thought of going out with another girl or kissing another girl, totally turned me off.” Uncle Dale turned to my dad as if indicating it was his turn to dish on the topic.

“Yeah, I’d agree with what Dale is saying. I’d be studying and Cindy’s face would creep into my mind. Or, during a class, I’d start to laugh when I’d think about something she said last time we talked. And, this may border on too much information for you, but, it wasn’t a lust type thing. I knew we wouldn’t be taking the relationship to the next level until things were much more serious. At the time, I was figuring wedding ring type serious. So, I knew I wasn’t just thinking about her because I wanted in her pants. I enjoyed the sweet kisses, but it was more than that. I would see something and think about what Cindy would think. I’d hear something funny and want to share it with Cindy. And, like Dale said, the thought of kissing anyone else or sharing funny stories or watching movies with any other girl sort of just turned my stomach. So, that’s when I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship with your mom.”

“So, Nate, maybe your dad knows more about this than I do, but are you going to share with us who this potential relationship may be with?” Dale inquired with a bit of a grin. I shook my head at how much these men were enjoying me being a little uncomfortable.

“Wait, wait, let me guess!” Dad exclaimed. “Is it a sweet little librarian? Long, thick, dark hair? Beautiful gray-green eyes? Shy little thing? Did you two work past that little misunderstanding you had?”

“Yeah, Dad, thanks to you, we worked past that.
Luckily. No thanks to me and my big mouth. I’m so grateful that you helped me out with that. So, I’ve sort of been seeing Libby or talking to her, whatever you want to call it, and I have to say that she’s totally thrown me for a curve. I’ve never lasted more than 1-2 dates with a girl, and that’s only if it took me that long to sleep with her. Sorry, Dad, I know this is definitely too much information for you! Maybe you COULD keep this part from Mom, just this once?” My dad didn’t commit to an answer, but I knew that he was very well aware of how Mom would feel if she heard this. Mom wasn’t stupid, she knew I was having sex. She had sat me down in high school and had “the talk” with me even though she knew Dad had talked to me in Jr. High. But, that didn’t mean that she was ok with her son sleeping with random girls and forming no emotional attachments.

“But, even though I go home with a bad case of blue balls every time I’m around her, I know that Libby isn’t ready for sex, and I am honestly afraid that it would mess things up for us. So, instead, I find myself thinking of her smile constantly. Thinking about things we could go do, movies she might like, restaurants we should try. Heck, we’ve got a whole all day date planned complete with a run, bowling, movie and dinner. And it was MY idea. I’ve never spent that long with a girl in a single day. But, being
around her is all I want to do. Don’t get me wrong, the kissing is fabulous, but I just want to be around her whenever possible. So, it sounds like maybe a relationship is the right term for what I’m wanting. Wow, just saying that is absolutely terrifying. I never thought I’d want to spend this much thought and effort on one single girl.”

Dad and Uncle Dale just sat back and smiled at me as I had my little epiphany. “Nate, just make sure that you talk to Libby about where you’re seeing this going. Make sure she’s on board the same as you. And, start this whole thing with honesty. Talk to each other, communicate,
share. If not, you’ll find yourself in a heap of trouble more than once.” I nodded at Dale’s advice. So, now that I’d survived Dad and Uncle Dale, I just needed to find a way to bring this little nugget of information up to Libby and see how she responds. Now I’m not sure if I’m super excited about the date or super nervous. Maybe a little bit of both.

It’s date day! Instead of having to get through a whole day before seeing Nate, I get to spend the entire day with him. I’m dressed in my running gear and headed to the park to meet him for our morning run. I wasn’t silly enough to fix my hair or makeup to run, but I may have made sure to wear my shorter running shorts and my skimpier tank top. It’s not like I want to lead Nate on, but I don’t think keeping him interested is a bad thing, right? Or, yuck, did I just pull an Audrey? Shouldn’t he be interested in me for ME rather than my short shorts and tight tank? Do I want a relationship based just on physical attraction? Wow, now I’m seriously overthinking this. It’s just a run.

Speaking of being serious about a relationship with him, this is freaking me out. And, I know for a fact that Nate is probably totally freaked. I can’t imagine him being interested in a relationship. He’s a serial dater. No, not even a dater; he just has lots of sex with random girls. Oh, gosh, surely he’s not still randomly hooking up with girls while he’s seeing me, is he?! He doesn’t seem like the type to do that, but I know there’s no way he wants anything more serious.  I don’t know that I can move on physically without more of a commitment between us. But, I don’t want to use the promise of something physical to push him into a commitment because that would be using sex like Audrey does. That’s not me. Ugh, now I’m totally overthinking things AGAIN. I just want to enjoy my time with Nate and see where things go. Yep, that’s all I want.

I get to the park just as Nate is getting out of his Jeep. On the topic of the Jeep, I’m not sure there’s anything sexier than a hot guy and a Jeep and Nate does the hot guy in a Jeep thing perfectly. I keep my sunglasses on and watch as he climbs out. His long, muscular legs are encased in black basketball shorts. Of course, Nate, who I think has a shoe fetish, has on flashy green/orange/purple running shoes. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen the man wear the same shoes more than once. His dark grey t-shirt skims his chest and torso perfectly. Nate Morgan is one fine male specimen. The best thing about him though? He doesn’t really realize it, and he’s nice on the inside just like on the outside. Yes, he’s a whore. Yes, he uses threats and his fists more than he should. But, he’s also kind and considerate and funny. At least that’s the side of Nate that I get to see. I wonder if anyone else would believe me?  Maybe his parents and Nicky.

Nate must sense that I’m watching him. He turns and cocks his head sideways a bit and raises an eyebrow in question. I smile and shake my head to clear it from my little thought parade. Nate comes to my side. “Hey, beautiful,
whatcha thinking about over here,” Nate asks with a little smirk, like he knows I was checking him out.

“Oh, nothing really, I just saw a really hot guy and got a little sidetracked with how gorgeous he is both inside and out,” I replied with my own little smirk.

Nate ducks his head a bit like he’s embarrassed, but then he grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him and says, “Really? Because I saw this really hot girl and I got sidetracked with how beautiful she is both inside and out.” Then Nate cupped my cheek and leaned in for a kiss. It was warm and all too short. “Good morning, Libby.”

Nate and I do a few warm up stretches then decide on 3 miles for sure, 5 miles if we feel up to it. Usually I would have my ear buds in and music on, as would Nate, but we decide we’d rather talk. We start in on
Trail 1, which is 1.5 miles, but it leads to Trail 2 which is 3.5 miles, so we’ll get our 3-5 miles easily. We each set our GPS and start a slow but steady run. We both agree that running and talking is a lot harder than just running and listening to music. Nate is so easy to talk to. We spend our time talking about anything and everything as is the usual case when we are together. We start talking about Nicky and why he is the way he is. I sense the pain and guilt that Nate holds onto. He doesn’t straight up say it, but I get the feeling that he has the “why Nicky, why not me?” guilty thoughts running through his head. He tells me stories about Nicky and him as kids. Playing with Nicky, letting Nicky make up games for them to play, Nicky wanting to be just like Nate, Nicky crying when kids were mean to him, Nate beating up a lot of kids for being mean to Nick. It’s very clear to me that Nate does everything to help Nicky, to protect Nicky, to keep Nicky happy; the fighting and the threats and the sticking around town instead of moving away, it’s all been for Nicky.

By the time we get to mile 3, talk has turned to Audrey. It’s awkward talking to Nate about my sister when we both know he’s been physical with her. I mean, I try to keep in
the front of my mind that he didn’t even know me when he was with Audrey and that none of Audrey’s relationships have ever meant anything and, from what Nate tells me, none of the girls he’s had sex with have meant anything to him either, but it still runs through my mind. Now is probably not the time to ask, but I need to hear more about them together so that I can hopefully move away from this weirdness.

I tell Nate about growing up with Audrey, how she over shadowed me from the moment of her birth due to her neediness and vibrant personality. I share how much things changed for the worse when Mom died. I’d never really told anyone about Dad’s drinking and the friends he’d have over who made me feel so uncomfortable. Telling Nate about Dad’s depression and yelling and emotional shut down was sort of freeing in a way. I realized again how proud I was of my dad for getting sober and continuing with his continual recovery from the drinking.  I talked to Nate about how Audrey would make fun of me in school. She would get her friends and mine, if I ever had any, to laugh at my clothes. I wore the same clothes that everyone else wore so I never understood how they could laugh at those. Or Audrey and the others would make fun of my hair or glasses. I shared how she would spread rumors about me so that no boy ever wanted to talk to me. Looking back on all of this, I see that Audrey was a total bully and that I accepted it because she was some of my only family and I didn’t know how to stop it. It wasn’t fun and it brought me down, but I figured there were worse things in life than a sister who was mean. Plus, Audrey always said she never really meant anything by it, so I let it go. Nate looked flabbergasted when I told him about Audrey setting me up with Austin and the whole mess with all of that.  “Nate, I’ve never really told this stuff to anyone. Between Dad’s drinking and eventual recovery and Audrey’s treatment of me, it just feels good to talk to someone about it all. Thanks for listening.”

“Libby, I will always listen to you. I don’t care if it’s about something good or bad or silly or serious, you can always talk to me. But, I wonder if maybe you should talk to someone in a more professional capacity.  Audrey’s treatment of you wasn’t, and still isn’t, ok and it’s definitely hurt you. Just consider it, ok?” Nate looked so sweet and sincere, so I told him I’d keep it in mind.

We reached our 5 miles easily since we’d been talking so much. Because it was fall, the breeze was still warm but you could feel a bite in it every so often. Nate dropped
me off at home so I could shower and change. He told me he’d be back in an hour and a half to pick me up. We were planning on hitting a matinee movie so that gave me plenty of time to get ready and still be at the theater on time. We decided that popcorn would be our lunch then we’d get dinner later on.

I was so excited to spend the rest of my day with Nate. A perfect run this morning and then a whole day with him was possibly as close to perfect as I’d ever experienced. I felt a little silly being so excited about a guy, but this was stuff I’d never done. I didn’t have all the teenage first love type stuff, so I decided I’d just go with it all and enjoy it. I jumped in the shower and made sure I got all the important parts washed and shaved before lathering up my hair and giving it a good conditioning too. I did my makeup quickly, not putting on much of anything
except some mascara and lip gloss. Was it bad that I wasn’t too worried about my makeup? I never wore much and Nate never seemed to mind. I spent more time on my hair, just because it’s so thick so it automatically takes longer. I used the blow dryer for a while then decided I’d get dressed and come back to my hair if I had time. Since I knew the day was warm but predicted to get cooler and the theater would be cold, I chose a pair of skinny jeans, brown boots, a burnt orange tank, and a longer orange/brown plaid flannel shirt. I picked a thicker brown belt to put around the shirt. I had about 30 minutes until Nate was supposed to show up, so I finished my hair so that it was only slightly damp. Letting it air dry the rest of the way would assure some pretty waves.

I figured I’d sit and read for a little bit while I waited for Nate to come get me. A knock at my door surprised me. Nate didn’t strike me as a show up early/not text a warning type guy. I checked the peek hole and seriously had to swallow my groan. Audrey. Not really the person I wanted to see today. I didn’t want her to mess things up for me with Nate. I didn’t want to listen to her tell me how bad I looked or how Nate would never stick around. I definitely didn’t want to hear about her and Nate together. I wish I could pretend I wasn’t home, but I just am not that type of person. I wouldn’t want to offend her or piss her off. It’s easier just to deal with her and move on.

“Hey, Audrey, what’s up? Come in.” Audrey smiles, which seems a little fake, and comes on in. She’s dressed to the nines as usual. Heels, tight skirt, tighter shirt, hair styled much bigger than you’d think is possible. I can smell her perfume and hairspray as she walks past me. Who dresses like this for a normal day? Audrey does, obviously. She looks me up and down. “Are you going somewhere, Beth?”

I tell her I have a date. She looks pissed for a moment,
then gives me a smile that doesn’t even begin to reach her eyes, and says, “Oh, that’s nice. Who’s the poor shmuck?”

Obviously, she’s baiting me, but I don’t think quickly enough and I just reply, “Nathaniel Morgan.”

Audrey rolls her eyes. “Beth, sweetie, I’m going to try to say this in the nicest/sisterly love type of way. But, Nathan Morgan is way out of your league. You are dressed in a flannel shirt, you might as well wear a sign that says ‘frumpy’ on the front and ‘won’t ever get laid’ on the back. Nate is an animal in bed, I should know. He needs sex. I doubt you’re giving it to him yet. If you ever decide to try sex again, it will probably be as bad as it was with Austin. Not because Nate isn’t good, because the good Lord knows that man is G.O.O.D in bed, but there’s no way your ‘basically a virgin’ body can live up to what he’s used to. Hell, the boy wore ME out and I have as much experience as he does, if not more. I’m not sure why he’s hung around this long. Maybe he sees you as a challenge. Yeah, maybe he’s decided to string you along long enough to get in your pants, but, Beth, he’s not going to stick around. Nate needs hot sex, a variety of girls, no strings. I don’t want you to get hurt when he fucks you and leaves you. Oh, God, Beth, seriously, stop with the teary puppy-dog eyes. I’m just telling you the truth.”

Deep breaths.
Don’t let Audrey ruin this day. Don’t let Audrey ruin what Nate and I may or may not have. Don’t make her mad, just listen to what she’s spouting off about and let her go.

“
Audrey, thanks for your concern. I don’t know what’s going on with Nate and me. We’ve been on a few dates and we’ve been talking. He’s not pushing for sex. If I decide to take that step, it’s not like I’m a 16 year old, I’m a grown up, I can weigh the pros and cons of the decision. So, Nate will be here soon. What did you come by for?”

“What? A sister can’t just
come visiting? Gee, Beth, way to make me feel welcome.”

Um, no Audrey, I don’t think you just
came visiting, but I won’t cause problems, so I keep my mouth shut. “Sorry, Audrey, you just don’t come over often. It’s nice to see you. Do you want to sit down? Can I get you a drink?”

“No, I can tell you don’t want me here, so I’ll leave you to your date. I really hope you’ve got time to change because that outfit is hideous. Listen, about what Nate said at the party, I want you to know that I don’t purposely try to be mean to you. You sort of just open yourself up to it. I try to be helpful in what I say to you. I’m not trying to bully
you, I’m just trying to save you from strangers saying mean things to you. It’s easier if it comes from family. You’ve never been as brave or strong as me, so I just want to use my power to protect you. I hope you get that.”

Audrey says all this as she heads to the door. She opens it to find Nate standing there. “Oh, hi Nate, don’t worry, I was just leaving. Hope you guys have fun tonight! I’ll call Beth and set something up soon. You guys should come visit me sometime.
Bye-ee!”

Nate watches Audrey leave and then turns to me. “Lib, you ok? What was that about? Audrey doesn’t seem like the visiting type.”

Nate takes my hand and leads me to the couch. I’m trying really hard to keep it together, but I always feel emotional after a conversation with Audrey. Nate notices my tears and pulls me in for a hug. “Hey, now, don’t cry. Tell me what happened.”

I tell Nate that I don’t want to miss the movie. He pulls out his phone and after a few clicks tells me there’s a movie that starts 45 min later than the one we were going to see, so that gives us an hour to talk before we head to the movie. “Now, don’t worry about the movie, talk to me Libby.” I settle into the crook of Nate’s arm and tell him all about what Audrey said.