For Better or Worse (Book 2 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (8 page)

“So you’re telling me I married a dangerous man?”

Jackson could no longer keep a straight face. “I’m about as dangerous as a puppy.”

“Yes, I know, and you have no idea how nice it is.” She stood up slowly. “I think I’ll go to bed now if you don’t mind.”

“Goodnight, Hannah.”

* * * *

That first day set the pattern for the ones that followed. Jackson woke up on a sunny, but cool winter morning and realized with some surprise that he’d been married two months. While he was trying to figure out where the time had gone, Freya hopped off the bed and waited impatiently by the door.

“Don’t give me that look, missy. You don’t have a bum leg, and you don’t have to get dressed.” Once he was outside the covers, a shiver went through him. Hoping Hannah had been warm enough during the night, he dragged on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. He refused to think about the fact that neither of them would have to worry about being cold if they were sharing a bed.

Once the coffee was going, Jackson fed Freya and started frying bacon. He was dropping blueberries into pancake batter when Hannah strolled into the kitchen. He turned to look at her, his heart doing its usual thumping routine. It didn’t matter that her hair was sticking out all over, her face was pink from sleep or that her once slim figure was showing signs of her advancing pregnancy. In Jackson’s eyes, she’d never looked more beautiful.

“Good morning.”

She walked over and surprised him by slipping her arm around his waist. “It was my turn to cook breakfast.”

Jackson felt the warmth of her touch through his shirt. “You can pour the orange juice.”

“I don’t want to move – you’re so warm.”

She had been cold! What kind of husband was he?
“I should have turned on the heater last night.”

“You’re spoiling me, Jackson.” She moved to the refrigerator and removed a glass pitcher. “If you’re not cooking my meals, you’re doing my laundry. In case you didn’t know, those are things a wife usually does.”

Laughing softly, he scooped the pancakes out of the pan and onto a plate. “I like spoiling you.” He noticed Hannah’s hands rubbing her belly. “What is it?”

She smiled. “The baby is moving.”

A look of wonder passed over his face. “What does it feel like?”

Instead of answering him, she took his hand and placed it on her tummy. After a few minutes, he said, “It’s like she’s kicking her little feet against a wall.”

“
She’s
kicking? What makes you think this baby is a girl?”

He shrugged. “I guess it’s because I can’t help thinking how nice it would be to have another little Hannah running around.”

Sitting down at the table, she poured juice into two glasses. “When you say things like that, I realize how unfair I’ve been to you.”

“Unfair? How do you figure that?”

Instead of answering his question, she asked one. “Why did you marry me, Jackson?”

A teasing smile appeared. “Because you asked me to.”

She chewed on her bottom lip. “I know that, but sometimes I get the feeling that you…that you…”

“That I what?”

“Oh, I can’t say it. It sounds presumptuous and conceited.”

“You’re neither of those things, and you know you can say anything to me.”

Hannah absently picked up a slice of bacon. “The way you look at me and the things you do for me aren’t the actions of a man who thinks of me as just a friend.”

“Is that a problem?” he asked as he joined her at the table.

“You deserve someone who returns your feelings.”

Jackson caught her fingers in his hand. “You let me worry about that.”

Her eyes fell to her plate. “I can’t help but worry about it. You’re the last person in the world who I want to hurt.”

“As we’ve already discussed, loving someone involves a measure of pain.” When she continued to look troubled, he went on. “I knew going into this that your heart belonged to someone else.”

“How can you be content with so little?”

He gently released her hand. “Because
this
is more than I ever expected to have.”

“I hope I never give you a reason to regret it.”

Jackson passed her the syrup. “There’s nothing you can do that would make me regret it. Have you decided what color you want to use in the bathroom?”

She accepted his change of subject with a small smile. “I like the light green you showed me. What was it called?”

His lips twitched. “I believe it was Spirit Whisper.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope. I wonder how long it took some marketing person to dream that name up.” He stood up and took his plate to the sink. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Try not to use all the hot water this time.”

He made a sound that sounded suspiciously like a snort. “It’s hard to do that when I’m only in there five minutes.”

Hannah stood up and pushed in her chair. “Five minutes? Try fifteen.”

Jackson looked back over his shoulder. “The only reason I’d ever spend fifteen minutes in the shower is if I wasn’t alone.” Grinning at her shocked expression, he continued on his way to his room.

* * * *

Three weeks later Hannah met him at the door of the house. “I was just getting ready to text you. You didn’t forget about class tonight, did you?”

“Of course not. I’m loving these childbirth classes.”

“That’s obvious. If I didn’t know you were incapable of it, I’d accuse you of flirting with the teacher.”

Jackson followed her inside. “Incapable of flirting? Every man can flirt.”

“You don’t flirt with
me
,” she accused.

“Do you want me to?”

A shy smile touched her mouth. “Yes, I think I would.”

He hung his coat on the rack. “Note to self. Commence flirting with Hannah. Immediately.”

She slapped him on the arm. “Not immediately. We need to eat first.”

“I agree. It’s hard to flirt when my stomach is growling.”

“I made chicken fettuccini.”

Jackson scratched his cheek thoughtfully. “That’s the pasta with the white sauce and broccoli, right?”

“Yes. When I made it before, I had to bribe you with brownies to get you to try it.”

“What were you going to use as a bribe today?” His eyes slowly dropped to her mouth.

Hannah felt a quiver of feeling go through her.
What was going on?
“Nothing; you told me you liked it.”

“I do like it, but I know something I’d like more.”

This time she couldn’t stop the color that rose in her cheeks. Moving away from him, she asked in a strained voice, “What can I get you to drink?”

Jackson grabbed the mail off the table. “Whatever is easiest.”

Glad he hadn’t noticed her reaction, she reached into the cabinet for a glass and took her time filling it with ice. She needed a minute to catch her breath and regain her composure.
Who would have thought Jackson would be so good at flirting? Or that she’d find it so disturbing?

As she sat beside him and pretended to eat, she tried to downplay what happened. It was inevitable that her feelings for Jackson would evolve. What she hadn’t considered was how conflicted she would be about it. There was a part of her that wanted to open her heart to him, to be a wife to him in every sense. His gentleness and understanding merited a response that she was finding more and more difficult to withhold from him. What stopped her wasn’t the fear that Jackson would hurt her; it was the very real possibility that she would hurt him. He ought to have someone who could love him wholeheartedly, not someone who offered so little in return.

* * * *

As they walked down the long hallway of the medical building, Jackson glanced at the woman at his side. He’d been speaking nothing but the truth when he admitted his enjoyment of the childbirth classes. These weekly meetings had done more to draw him and Hannah together than all the other hours spent at home. Jackson didn’t know whether it was the atmosphere of the class itself or the various activities they participated in, but their relationship was changing.

His dreamy musings were interrupted by the arrival of the instructor. In her hands, she carried two life-size baby dolls. Jackson’s suspicions quickly became a certainty. Tonight he would be exposed, and everyone would know that he’d never been anywhere near a baby. He vaguely knew diapers and bottles were involved, but he couldn’t contain his surprise when the class was shown the proper use of a rectal thermometer.
There was no way he was going to do that!

Hannah’s whisper reached his ears. “How do you like the class now, Jackson?”

He gave her short ponytail a gentle tug. “Whatever you do, don’t volunteer us to go first.”

Her eyes danced with mirth as she acted as if she was going to raise her hand. He reached forward and captured her hand, bringing it down on his thigh. Before he could enjoy this small triumph, she pinched him. Giving her a look that promised retribution, he released her hand to rub his leg.

When Baby Lucy finally found her way to them, Hannah did everything on the list without once looking at the instructions.

“How do you know all that?” Jackson asked.

“I took a childcare class to get certified for working at a daycare.”

He sighed with relief. “That’s great; you can teach me what to do.”

“Are you going to be one of those dads who disappear when it’s time to change a diaper?”

“I’ll do diaper duty if you take care of that.” He pointed to the thermometer.

She giggled. “You should have seen your face. You turned as white as your shirt.”

“You’re not going to let me live that down, are you?”

“No way. Do you know how hard it is to find something to tease you about?”

“It appears I’m going to find out.”

She slid her fingers down his bare arm. “I won’t do it too often. Just enough to keep you on your toes.”

One eyebrow lifted. “I don’t know whether to be scared or excited.”

This comment produced another pinch on his leg.

* * * *

In the end, all the breathing exercises were unnecessary. Much to Hannah’s disappointment, the baby she’d hoped to deliver naturally stubbornly refused to move from the breech position. Three days before her due date, Jackson drove her to the hospital for a C-section and less than two hours later, Sophia Lynn Steadman was born.

Jackson stood at the window in the maternity ward.
Was that tiny person wrapped in a blanket going home with them?
His chest felt tight and tears pooled in his eyes. How could something so little inspire such immense feelings? He hadn’t cried since his father’s funeral. Why was he crying now?

Impatiently wiping his eyes, he took one last look at his daughter before returning to the room where Hannah lay sleeping. The nurse had told him they would be waking her soon so she could feed the baby. Jackson planned to get something to eat during that time. He didn’t want to embarrass Hannah by being present when she nursed the baby.

She opened her eyes as he approached the bed. He couldn’t resist bending down to kiss her cheek. As he did so, she touched his face.

“How do you feel?” he asked softly.

“Just a little sleepy. Jackson, isn’t she beautiful?”

He pulled a chair next to the bed and took her hand into his. “Yes, she is. I love her already.”

She chuckled. “That didn’t take long.”

“What did you expect? I love her mother. How could I not love her?”

“Her mother is very fond of you, too.”

He smiled. “I’ll take that.”

They were interrupted by the arrival of a nurse holding Sophia. “Mrs. Steadman, I’m the lactation specialist. I’m here to help you feed this adorable little girl. Will you hold your daughter for a minute, Mr. Steadman?” She handed Sophia to Jackson. “I need to help your wife get positioned correctly.”

As casually as he could, Jackson turned away from the bed, determined to give Hannah privacy. He heard the nurse giving instructions, and Hannah’s infectious laugh. He wondered what in the world could be so funny.

“Okay, Mr. Steadman; we’re ready for Sophia.”

Jackson froze.
He couldn’t turn around; if he did, he would see her…her…well, he was bound to see something he’d never seen before.
At his hesitation, the nurse took matters into her own hands.

“I’ll take her now, Mr. Steadman.”

After handing Sophia to the nurse, Jackson walked swiftly toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Hannah asked.

More embarrassed than he ever thought possible, Jackson stared straight ahead. “To get a sandwich,” he answered quickly.

“Oh, okay. But don’t be gone too long. My parents will be here soon.”

As he stood in the elevator and watched the digital floor number change, Jackson let out the breath he’d been holding. It surprised him that Hannah expected him to stay. How could she feel comfortable with him being there?