For Better or Worse (Book 2 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (3 page)

“Jamie, you have kids, don’t you?” Jackson asked the man working on the hot pack machine.

“Yeah, do you want to borrow one?”

“No, I need to know what to get a little girl as a birthday gift.”

“Get a gift card. You can’t go wrong with one of those.”

“That’s a great idea; then she can pick out what she wants.”

“Exactly, and you won’t end up getting her something she already has. The Publix at Parkway Crossing has a huge rack of them. It’s been a lifesaver for me on more than one occasion.”

Jackson knew all about the Publix at Parkway Crossing. He’d been avoiding it like the plague. It appeared his self-imposed ban on the store was going to be lifted. “I’ll stop by on my way home. Have a good weekend.”

His behavior since seeing Hannah with Bradley disgusted him. Mature men didn’t allow minor disappointments to affect them to this degree. Hannah didn’t know he loved her and had no idea what it did to him to see her with someone else. This was his problem, and he needed to deal with it.

The resolve resulting from this internal heart-to-heart talk lasted only until he walked into the store. Jackson wiped his sweating palms on his pants with an impatient sigh. It was absurd that a grown man could get this nervous. Wishing he could get his body to behave like an adult instead of a teenager with raging hormones, he made his way to the deli.

He decided to get a rotisserie chicken. What he didn’t eat, Freya would. The elderly couple ahead of him got the last one. He asked the woman behind the counter when the next batch would be ready and was told thirty minutes. Too long to stand around; he decided to do his other shopping and come back.

Once the final item on his list had been checked off, he returned to the front of the store and surveyed the rack of gift cards. Someone walked up behind him. Jackson knew who it was before she said a word.

“Hi, Jackson.”

He turned around to face her. “Hey, Hannah. How’s it going?”

“Great. What did you think of Flannagans?”

He would never forget Flannagans, and it wasn’t because of the food.
“They make roast beef almost as good as my mom.”

She threw him a teasing smile. “You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend. Nicole is my boss.”

“Oh, really? I was hoping you’d found someone. You didn’t date much in high school.”

Much? He hadn’t dated at all in high school.
“I’m looking for a gift card for a little girl. Should I get the one to Toys R Us, Wal-Mart or Target?”

“I’d get the Wal-Mart card because it’s closer. Her parents won’t have to drive so far.”

He smiled down at her. “That’s a good idea. Thanks.”

She glanced into the cart. “Not a single microwave dinner. You must know how to cook.”

“I know the basics.”

“Based on what I see here, you do better than that. What are you fixing tonight?”

“Rotisserie chicken courtesy of your deli.”

Hannah laughed. “That’s what I’m planning to do. Bradley and I were supposed to go out to dinner, but he got called away on business.”

At those words, Jackson’s common sense as well as any idea of self-preservation flew out the window. “You’re welcome to eat with me.”

“You’d have to eat late again. I don’t get off until seven.”

“That’s fine. Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No need for that. I have my car back. What’s your address?”

“It’s 5538 Pelican Lane.”

“That’s right around the corner from here. I’ll see you a little after seven.”

* * * *

All the way home, Jackson wondered if he was losing his mind or if he just liked punishing himself. Wasn’t he complicating an already challenging scenario?
Hannah was involved with someone else. If that wasn’t enough of a deterrent, she was still in love with Mitchell. This situation had all the signs of a lost cause.

After going for a walk with Freya that should have settled his agitation but increased it instead, he took a shower and changed clothes. He hadn’t been in the house long enough to get it messy, but the thought of doing nothing for an hour was unthinkable.

Grabbing the vacuum, he headed to the living room. Hannah might never go in there, but at least if she did, it would look nice. Back in the kitchen, he loaded the few dishes in the sink into the dishwasher and wiped down the already immaculate counter. The dining room received an inspection, but since he hadn’t eaten in there yet, there was nothing to clean. All he had to do was set the table.

Grateful for the wisdom of his mother, he removed the newly purchased and never used plates and glasses from the cabinet. Given his dislike of doing dishes, Jackson hardly ever used anything but paper plates and plastic cups. He wasn’t going to do that with Hannah.

When the wall clock showed seven, Jackson was equally relieved and nervous. He couldn’t understand why he was so much more on edge tonight as opposed to the other evening when he’d taken her to dinner. Other than finding out she had a boyfriend, nothing had changed. If anything, he should be relaxed. There was no pressure to impress or worry about looking foolish. They were just two people sharing a meal.

Freya’s bark told him Hannah was in the driveway. “Calm down before you have a heart attack,” he muttered to himself as he walked over to open the door. His glance noted the fatigue in her eyes. Reaching forward, he slid the bag off her shoulders.

“Thanks, Jackson. By the end of the day, that thing weighs a ton.”

He lifted it up and down. “What’s in there? A rock collection?”

She chuckled. “A little bit of everything.”

He led her into the dining room and pulled out a chair. “Have a seat; what can I fix you to drink?”

“I need caffeine, but I’m trying to wean myself off. I’ll take water.”

“I have Sierra Mist. It’s caffeine free.”

“Okay, I’ll try it.”

Jackson returned to the kitchen and absently pulled the liter of soda out of the refrigerator. She was as lovely as ever, but Hannah’s air of exhaustion bothered him. Was she working too many hours and not eating?
Or was she just missing Mitchell?

When he handed her the tall glass, she smiled. “Thanks. It’s nice to be waited on for a change.”

“I’m not doing anything you haven’t already done for me. When I fixed your flat tire, you brought me lemonade.”

“It was so hot that day. I felt awful asking you to do that.”

“That afternoon was the highlight of my summer.”

She laughed. “Yeah, right. You were too nice to tell me to do it myself.”

“No, that wasn’t it. I’ll go get the food.”

After arranging the dishes on the table, he sat down and with a quick glance in her direction, bowed his head to pray. “Father, thank You for this meal and the job that provided it. It’s another example of Your love and care for us. May we never take that for granted. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”

Hannah passed him the chicken. “Did you find a church?”

“Yes, I did. You’re welcome to come with me this Sunday if you’re free.”

“I don’t have to work, but Bradley and I are spending the day with friends in Jacksonville.”

That wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“Where did you meet Bradley?”

“He was the manager of the Gainesville store where I worked. Now he’s a regional sales manager. He got me the job I have now. We only recently started dating. I was with Mitchell for so long; it’s hard to start over with someone else.”

“From where I was standing the other day, you’re doing okay.”

Her cheeks turned a rosy pink. “Yes, well, appearances can be deceiving. Bradley is a nice guy, but…”

“He isn’t Mitchell,” Jackson finished for her.

She took the plate of rolls from him. “I thought going out with him would help, and it does temporarily, but it doesn’t last.”

“Love isn’t something you can turn on and off quickly or easily.”

“Or at all. Sometimes I feel as if I’m fighting a losing battle. The worst part is knowing that if Mitchell called me right now and said he would marry me, I’d jump in my car and go back to him. I never thought I could be so weak and pathetic.”

“It’s not weak and pathetic, Hannah. It’s the reality of being in love. The only advice I can give you is to pray. Jesus loves you and if you ask Him, He’ll give you the strength and wisdom to get through this. That doesn’t mean all the pain will disappear overnight, but it’s possible to achieve a peace of mind that’s worth more than everything else. God knows us better than anyone else. He doesn’t promise to give us what we
want
; He gives us what we
need
.”

“I don’t think God wants to hear from me. I’ve ignored Him for years.”

“He’s right where you left Him. All you have to do is pray.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Just talk to Him like you’re talking to me.”

“Jackson, it’s not the same.”

“You won’t know until you try.” He sensed her withdrawal and decided to change the subject. All he could do was point her in the right direction; the rest was up to Hannah. “I assume from what you said the other day that you never finished college. Have you made any plans to go back?”

“I started this semester. Since I have to work, I’m only taking two classes and even that is challenging with my schedule. I’m trying to save enough money so I can work less and go to school more.”

“What are you taking?”

“English composition and algebra. I’m doing okay with the writing, but the math is killing me. I don’t remember doing any of this stuff in high school. Yesterday, I stayed up until two in the morning trying to figure out how to solve quadratic equations.”

“I’m not a math whiz, but I’ll be glad to help you.”

“Would you really?”

“I can spare a few evenings for someone I’ve known my entire life.”

“It may require more than a few evenings. Are you sure you want to take this on?”

She didn’t know he’d do anything to spend time with her.
“I’m sure. When do you want to start?”

“How about Sunday evening? Say around seven-thirty? I’ll come by here if that’s okay.”

“That’s fine.”

Hannah reached over and clasped his hand. “You don’t know what a relief this is. I’ve been so afraid that I’m going to fail this class.”

As before, her touch set off a chain of tumultuous sensations. It was as if everything else faded into insignificance except her. “You’re not going to fail.”

Her hand tightened. “I wish some of your confidence would rub off on me. You’re so calm about everything.”

Calm didn’t come close to describing Jackson at that moment. “You’ve had a rough time, but things
will
get better. Life is full of up and down cycles. I’m not a substitute for Mitchell or anyone else, but you can call on me anytime. I want you to understand that.”

She laughed shakily. “You may regret that rash offer.”

He shook his head. “My only regret is you probably won’t take me up on it.”

* * * *

After the dishwasher was loaded, they ventured outside to the deck. “It’s time for you to meet my better half,” Jackson said.

As she accepted the paw Freya offered, Hannah laughed. “That saying is meant for wives, not pets.”

He picked up a tennis ball and threw it across the yard, a small smile playing around his mouth as Freya took off after it. “If my track record with women is anything to go by, I won’t have the opportunity to use that phrase for a wife.”

“That’s silly, Jackson. Why do you think you won’t get married?”

He took the ball Freya offered and sent it soaring into the air again. “I’m not going to win any beauty contests.”

“Women want more than looks in the man they marry.”

Jackson chuckled. “That may be true, but you have to admit, that’s where they start the process.”

“If that’s a reference to your scars, I don’t even notice them anymore.”

Hannah had little idea what those words meant to him. In reality, she was probably just being kind, but at that moment he didn’t care. “I wish I could say that.”

This time when Freya rejoined them, she brought the ball to Hannah. “Does she want me to throw it?”

“Yeah, but take it easy on her. You’re not in centerfield trying to throw out the runner at home plate.”

“I’ll remember.” After throwing the ball, she said, “I haven’t been anywhere near a softball field in years. It’s strange how something that was so much a part of my life was so quickly replaced by other things.”

“Nothing stays the same.”

“I know, and I don’t like it. I wanted to have that fairy tale ending with Mitchell. Instead I’ve wasted years of my life waiting on something that’s never going to happen.”

Not every man is like Mitchell
, he wanted to say but couldn’t. “We can’t pick who we’re going to fall in love with any more than we can decide we’re not going to love someone. It’s out of our control.”