For Better or Worse (Book 2 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (7 page)

“At first I was terrified, and I still am a little, but I’m also okay with it.”

“No matter what happens with Mitchell, you’re not alone, Hannah. Uncle Jackson is only a phone call away.”

“Uncle Jackson?” she asked with a grin. “I like the sound of that.”

Gathering their plates, she went into the kitchen. Jackson didn’t immediately follow her. He was again dealing with the un-Christian-like desire to shake some sense into Mitchell.

* * * *

Just when Hannah decided Mitchell wasn’t going to respond to her numerous text messages, he called her. Hating that her hands wouldn’t stop shaking, she hoped she didn’t sound as uncertain and abandoned as she felt.

“Hello, Mitchell.”

“I don’t know what else you want me to say, Hannah. I’ve already told you that I won’t be forced into marriage because you decided to stop taking birth control pills.”

“Is that all this means to you? This is a child we’re talking about. Your child, Mitchell.”

“I only have your word for that.”

As the meaning of his words became clear, she gasped.
Did he have so little faith in her?
“A paternity test would prove it beyond all doubt.”

“Is that a threat?”

Her voice broke. “Do you hear yourself? I can’t believe you really believe all these things you’re saying. You’ve known me since ninth grade. In your heart, you know I didn’t trick you into anything.”

Mitchell sighed heavily into the phone. “I said that in anger, but it doesn’t alter my decision. I’m not ready to get married.”

She laughed scornfully. “I know that. What I did hope was that you might want to be involved in some aspect of your child’s life.”

“I can’t be involved. I’ve met someone. I know this isn’t the best time to tell you, but I can’t compromise my chance of happiness over something that could easily have been prevented. Given our history, it’s understandable that I would assume you’d taken measures to avoid getting pregnant. I’m sorry if that sounds callous and unfeeling, but these are the facts as I see them.”

“In that case, you’re right, Mitchell. There
is
nothing else you can say.”

At her sudden capitulation, he said, “I know you think I’m the worst person on earth, but I told you a long time ago that I didn’t want children. I made no secret about my feelings. It didn’t bother you at the time, and you’ve never brought up the subject since.”

“I hadn’t forgotten, but I believed, however foolishly, that you loved me enough to change your mind.”

“And I trusted you to respect my decision on the subject of children. A few words from you would have averted this entire situation.”

“Yeah, but we both know I didn’t want to prevent it. This was my evil plan. Luckily for you, you were smart enough to see through it.”

“Being sarcastic isn’t going to help. Have you thought about what this baby is going to mean for your own life? Being a single mom is no picnic. If you won’t consider an abortion, you might want to seriously think about adoption.”

“Wow, Mitchell. You almost sound as if you care about me. Thanks for the advice. I wish you well with the new woman in your life.”

Before he could reply, she ended the call and threw the phone at the wall. It was too bad it couldn’t have been Mitchell’s head.
He refused to compromise his chance of happiness! That said it all.
If that was how he felt, she didn’t want him around. She didn’t need someone so uncaring and self-centered anywhere near her baby.

Mitchell might find the thought of a child an inconvenience to be avoided at all costs, but Hannah felt the opposite. Since the moment she watched the blinking light on the ultrasound screen and been told it was her baby’s heartbeat, she’d felt an almost primitive urge to protect the life growing inside her.

Chapter Four

Jackson sat back in the chair and rubbed his stiff neck. He and Hannah had been studying for a statistics test for at least three hours. “I think we’ve covered everything that could possibly be on the exam.”

She closed the book and couldn’t suppress a yawn. “I just want it to be over.”

“By tomorrow at this time, it will be. When will you know your grade?”

“They’ll be posted online by the end of the week.”

As she stood up, his glance went to the small bump just visible beneath her shirt. “You’re starting to look like a mother.”

“I know; I can’t hide it any longer.”

“Have you been given an official due date?”

“Valentine’s Day.”

Jackson smiled. “Well, a baby is better than flowers or candy.”

Hannah laughed so hard tears formed in her eyes. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“Your life is going to change in new and exciting ways.”

“It seems unreal – like it’s happening to someone else.”

“Are you going to find out what the sex is?”

“I haven’t decided yet; it would be nice to know so I could do the nursery in an appropriate theme. On the other hand, I like the idea of being surprised.”

“You have lots of decisions to make.”

“Decisions I have to make alone.” She sighed deeply. “All of this is my own fault. As my mother would say, I’m reaping what I sowed. I trusted someone to be there for me and when I needed him, he looked the other way.”

“There are ways to force Mitchell’s cooperation.”

“I don’t want to force someone to do things for me or the baby.” She sat back down and drummed her fingers on the table. “Jackson, I’ve been thinking. I know this sounds crazy, but would you consider marrying me?”

Was he hearing things? Had she just asked him to marry her?
The phone in his hand dropped to the floor. “Where did that come from?”

Her eyes fell away from his. “I want my baby to grow up with a father, and I can’t think of anyone better than you.”

“Your baby has a father,” he pointed out gently.

“He doesn’t want any part of me or his child. He’s made that very clear.”

Jackson shifted in his chair.
She’s overwhelmed and scared. That’s the only reason she’s willing to marry you.
“Marrying me would solve one problem only to create others. A father isn’t the only important male influence in a child’s life.”

Hannah looked up at him. “Do you know the statistics for children who grow up in a home without a father?”

He looked past her to a picture on the wall. “Marriage works best when the two people involved love each other.”

“Putting aside the love aspect, would you have any hesitation about marrying me if this baby was yours?”

Playing for time, Jackson bent down to retrieve his phone. “Of course not, but even in that scenario, we would have a relationship that would lend itself more easily to marriage.”

“We like and respect each other. Isn’t that a good basis on which to start a marriage?”

What was he supposed to say to that?
While he appreciated the fact that she was willing to marry him for the sake of her baby, he knew she hadn’t thought through all the ramifications of such a decision. “You have to think of yourself as well as the baby. What happens if in a few months or years down the road Mitchell changes his mind? I’d rather not be the first Steadman to get a divorce.”

Her lips twisted bitterly. “It won’t come to that. He’s seeing someone else.”

His heart ached for the hurt he knew Hannah must be feeling. She’d been rejected at her most vulnerable moment. No wonder she was so upset, so worried.
“I’m sorry about Mitchell, but marriage isn’t something to be entered into lightly. It’s a sacred bond between a man and a woman created by God.”

She reached over and touched his arm. “You’re right. I’m only thinking of myself. I’m not the kind of woman you would choose to marry and definitely not the wife you deserve.”

His eyes narrowed. “That’s not what I meant, Hannah.”

“It’s okay, Jackson. I understand. You would never marry someone like me. Up until eight months ago, I was living with someone and if that isn’t bad enough, I’m pregnant with his child. It was a stupid idea.”

He put his hand over hers. “None of those things would stop me from marrying you if we loved each other. You aren’t the first Christian to make mistakes. If God can forgive you, I certainly can.”

“I know we don’t love each other, but that doesn’t mean we never would. I feel safe with you, Jackson. You can’t imagine how wonderful that is. I’ve never had that with anyone else.  It was
your
acceptance that made me believe I could make a change. It was
your
faith in God that inspired me to return to the beliefs I abandoned. Is it any surprise that I want to keep you in my life? That I want you to be a part of my baby’s life?”

Her words touched him deeply. They gave him hope for something he’d never thought to experience. Was it wrong to marry when only one of the partners loved? His hesitation wasn’t for himself; it was for her. Hannah still loved Mitchell. In marrying her, he would be the means of separating her from him.
Would that be something she would later regret and possibly resent?

He realized he’d been silent for too long. “I’m glad you feel safe with me. I want it to always be that way. As for us marrying, this isn’t something to be decided in a hurry or without prayer.”

“I’ve already prayed about it. If you change your mind, let me know.”

* * * *

A month later they were married in a private ceremony. As they walked out into the early morning sunshine, Jackson turned to the woman who was now his wife and wished he could speak the words that filled his heart. Instead, he was forced to say something anyone could tell her.

“You’re a lovely bride, Mrs. Steadman.”

“Thank you, Mr. Steadman. You look very nice, too.”

He loosened his tie. “Why does looking nice have to be so uncomfortable?”

“I know what you mean. I think my feet must be swollen. These shoes feel two sizes too small.”

“Take them off. I’m supposed to carry you over the threshold anyway. We’ll just extend that to carrying you from the truck.”

She laughed. “I might take you up on that. My days of wearing four-inch heels are numbered.”

He shook his head. “I’ve never understood why anyone would want to wear them in the first place. It looks like torture to me.”

“In my case, I do it because I need the height. You have noticed that I’m short, haven’t you?”

Jackson grinned teasingly. “There’s nothing about you that I haven’t noticed or appreciated.”

“Spoken like a new husband. I’ll do the wifely thing and tell you how much I appreciate all the work you’ve done in the nursery. It would have taken me days to put the crib and changing table together.”

“No, it wouldn’t because I was going to take care of that no matter where you were living.”

She gave him a playful push. “Don’t be so sure about that. I’m not a doormat.”

“That’s good; I don’t like things to be too easy.”

With a speaking glance, she allowed him to carry her into the house. After he set her gently on her feet, she said, “I’m going to change clothes and make lunch.”

Jackson glanced at the clock. “It’s only a little after ten.”

Hannah laughed. “You better get used to being around a pregnant woman. I eat every two to three hours.”

“Well, go ahead, but don’t fix anything for me.” As she walked toward the guestroom, he put out his hand to stop her. “In all the excitement of getting married, I forgot to tell you something. I switched rooms with you. After you left last night, I noticed how crowded your room was so I moved your things into the master bedroom. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that sooner. I also put the crib in there. You’ll probably want the baby with you at first since you’re…um, nursing and everything. Anyway, it will give you more privacy and the bathroom is bigger, too.”

“You gave up your room?”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“To me, it is. It’s not as if you’re getting much out of this arrangement. You won’t even let me help with the mortgage or buy groceries.”

Jackson shrugged out of his suitcoat. “I didn’t do it to get something in return.”

Her cheeks flushed. “I didn’t mean that. You’ve been so good about everything. “

“If it’s a problem, I can try being uncooperative and mean,” he suggested with a crooked grin.

Hannah came over to where he stood. “I don’t think that’s possible. Thank you for the bigger room.”

Jackson looked everywhere but at her. Her gratitude was almost too much to bear at that moment.
Would he ever have her love?
“I was just trying to make things easier for you.”

Hannah pushed back a lock of hair that had fallen over his forehead. “You’ve been doing that ever since you came to St. Simons.”

“I hope to keep doing it.” Summoning a smile, he stepped away from her. “I hear Freya scratching at the door.”

“I hope my living here isn’t going to bother her.”

“No worries there. Like me, she’s fallen completely under your spell. I’ll see you later.”

She watched him walk away with a puzzled look on her face.

* * * *

After dinner, Jackson took Freya for a walk while Hannah finished the last of her unpacking. Getting married hadn’t been the ordeal he imagined, but he wasn’t naïve enough to think there wouldn’t be problems along the way. All marriages experienced setbacks; he didn’t know what to expect from one that had so little foundation to build on.

As he watched his inquisitive dog investigate the interesting smells coming from his neighbor’s garbage cans, he resolved not to force his company on Hannah. He would treat her exactly the same as he always did. In no way did he want her to feel like she had to spend all her free time with him. They might be married, but there wasn’t anything conventional about their relationship.

When he turned the corner, he saw her standing on the front porch, the setting sun gilding her dark hair with an amber glow. He knew the road he’d chosen wasn’t going to be easy. Having Hannah living with him in the house was going to challenge his endurance and self-control. They hadn’t discussed the possibility of a physical relationship, and Jackson had no intention of bringing the subject up. As much as he desired her, he wanted her to come to him in love.

“Anything wrong?” he asked when he got closer.

“No, I just came out for some air. Are we going to early or late service tomorrow?”

Jackson fished a few dog biscuits out of his pocket and gave them to Freya. “Let’s go to late service. It’s been an exhausting week for both of us. Do you like blueberry pancakes?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“That’s what I make every Sunday for breakfast.”

“My mouth is watering already. I hate to bring the practical into our special day, but could you take a look at my essay? I have to turn it in by midnight.”

He laughed as they walked into the house. “Sure. Let me feed the beast, and I’ll join you in the living room.”

When he returned, she was sitting on the couch. She patted the cushion next to her. “Do you mind reading it on my laptop? I don’t have my printer set up yet.”

As he sat down next to her, he said, “I’ll take care of that tomorrow. Don’t let me forget.”

Hannah slid the laptop onto his legs. “Don’t hold back; if it’s terrible, tell me.”

“For that I’ll have to take off my husband hat and put on my tutor hat.”

“I don’t care what hat you put on – just read it.”

When he finished, he said, “It’s good. I didn’t know all that about Nathaniel Hawthorne.”

“So it makes sense?”

“Yes, it does. You write much better than I do.”

She took the laptop from him and set it on the coffee table. Pointing to the Bible, she said, “Now that I’m living here, I can read with you every night.”

“I was hoping you’d want to do that.” Jackson picked it up off the table, turned to the book of Matthew and started to read. Though he was unsure of when or if he would ever be a husband to Hannah in the physical sense, he was grateful for the opportunity to share spiritual things with her. He was hardly aware of the passing of time until he heard the chime of the clock in the kitchen. With an apologetic glance in her direction, he closed the Bible. “I didn’t mean to keep you so long. You should have said something.”

“Why? I enjoyed listening to you. You have an attractive voice.”

He laughed uncertainly. “Do I?”

“You also have beautiful eyes.” She leaned closer. “They’re a sort of purplish-blue now, but usually they’re just dark blue.”

“You can stop now. You’ve officially embarrassed me.”

“Then I better not comment on your muscles. Am I not supposed to notice those either?”

“Compliments mess around with a man’s common sense. That can be dangerous when he’s alone with a beautiful woman.”