Finding Orion (31 page)

I didn't want
to be responsible for that. I didn't want to be the person he remembered
whenever he looked back on leaving the lifestyle. I saw the damage from his ex,
or at least as much as he was willing to share. I refused to be added to that
shit list.

It took some
time, but by the end of the night
Jace
had called
seven times. Oddly enough, when I finally got up the nerve to check the
messages, there weren’t any. He didn’t leave a single one.

I checked the
incoming calls. They all had his number. Whatever he’d called me for, it must
not have been important.

I thought of
calling him. But what would I have said? Sorry, I wasn’t taking your calls just
because? I highlighted his number, had my thumb over the
talk
button. I set it back down. Rolling over, I closed my eyes and
tried to get to sleep.

I was just
about to doze off when my phone rang again. And this time I did pick up. "What?"
I growled, not needing to look at the screen to know who it was.

Jace
was quiet
for a long moment,
then
said, "We need to talk.
Karie
called."

"I'm
fine." The bitterness of my voice surprised me and I wasn't sure who I was
upset with more—
Jace
for calling when I was in no
mood to talk, or
Karie
for calling him after I'd had
my breakdown.

"
Bree
."
His voice was gentle then. I listened to
him as he heaved a sigh and could almost envision him setting me down in the
living room. "Can you please open your door?"

My heart
dropped. I took the phone away from my ear and checked the number. I had to
remind myself he was in
California
.
He wasn't due back until the middle of the week. I closed my eyes and lifted the
phone to my ear. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Let me
in,
Bree
."

I turned off
the phone and threw it across the room. I didn't care if it broke or not. I
couldn't be bothered. He'd left when he knew this was going to happen, and now
he just wanted back in?

My throat
tightened as I pulled my knees to my chest. I stared at the door to my room. I
imagined
Jace
walking through it.
He isn't here.
There's no way he could've
jumped coasts again. Not when he was still supposed to be in
California
.

My cell
buzzed, taunting me. And when that didn't work, the hard knocks on my door—on
the walls did.

"
Bree
," a voice came from outside my apartment. "It's
Simon. Is everything okay?"

Great.
Now he was getting involved. I tried to
answer, but the words wouldn't come. Biting back tears and swallowing as much
anger as I could, I walked over to the door and unlocked it. My breath caught
when I saw not only Simon but
Jace
standing in the
hallway.

Simon set a
hand on
Jace's
shoulder,
then
looked at me. "I'm down the hall if you need me."

When Simon
left, I was still staring as
Jace
—surprised to
actually see him in the hallway. He was carrying a duffle bag at his side and looked
as if he’d gotten just as much sleep as I had.

His jeans
were torn and despite the cooler weather, he hadn’t bothered to change out of
the tank top he’d probably worn on the plane home.

His shoulders
dropped. He let the bag fall to the floor. We exchanged glances. His was a mix
of anger and something I’d never seen on him before.

Stepping
forward, he took me in his arms and kissed me on the lips. "Why didn’t you
answer your phone?" His voice cracked. "You have any idea how scared
I was."

"Scared?"
I snapped, louder than I intended. "What about me? You
leave,
go across country, and for what? You didn’t even explain why you left. And
don’t tell me it was the band."

Jace’s
eyes
darkened and he eased me inside. "Can we not do this out in the hall?"

"Why?
Why the hell not? You already got Simon involved."

Jace
squared his
shoulders. This time he wasn’t gentle. In fact, he was borderline aggressive.
Shoving past me, he pulled me into the apartment and shut the door. Before I
could catch my breath, he spoke. "You mind telling me why I had to hear
about this from
Karie
?"

Now I did
snap out of it. "She had no right."

"Yes,
she did."
Jace
guided me over to the couch and
set me down. "Why didn’t you tell me? Didn’t I tell you that you have to
talk to me about stuff like this? You and I talked about aftercare the other
night."

"Why do
you think I asked about the long distance relationships?"

"Long
distance?"
Jace’s
face was red. "
Bree
, just because I might get pulled away on business or
with the band, that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave."

"But you
knew. You knew this was going to happen."

Jace
was shaking
his head before I could finish. "No, I didn’t. Every sub reacts
differently. I was careful. I did more aftercare than I usually do. But that’s
the thing. I don’t know what all you’ll need, and until we can figure that out,
yes, there will be times when you drop. Hard."

"But I
never dropped with Orion!" And he was always there.
Until you chased him away.

"That
was a fucking dream,
Bree
. Of course you didn't drop
from it. All that happened when you woke up was reality sinking in. Your dreams
can't compare to what you're feeling now, and I know it sucks, but that's part
of the lifestyle. It happens. The best we can do is
prepare
for it."

"But you
weren’t here." I looked away as I fought back the ice in my voice.

He hugged me
close to his chest. "Jesus,
Bree
. If I’d known…if
I had any idea this would happen, I would’ve postponed our trip. But we didn’t
know, and up until
Karie
called on Derek’s phone, I
thought everything was fine." He lifted my chin. "You’re supposed to
call me so I can help you get back down. I never intended for you to get
aftercare from work, Simon, or David. I’m glad they were there to help, but
this is why we had that talk the other night. If you can’t trust me enough to
tell me these things, this isn’t going to work."

Curled in his
arms, I let him rock me, and as my anger slowly boiled down to guilt, I eyed
his duffle bag. "Where are the others?"

"Back
at the hotel.
In
California
."

I blinked at
him and wiped at my eyes. "You mean you just up and left?"

"Of
course I did!" Taking me in his lap, he draped his arms around me. "Will
they be pissed with me in the morning?
Possibly.
But I
never, and I do mean never intended to screw things up with you. I was actually
hoping we could move forward a little bit."

I sniffed and
coughed around the soreness in my throat. "What about
California
?"

"It’s a
major deal for all of us, but I’m not going back until I know you’re okay. You
can even come back with me if you like."

"A
major deal as in what?"
I steadied myself with his help and sat
up.

"A
record deal.
Of course
this mean
less time
together in the beginning, but if you’re patient, I’d like you to join us."

I wanted to
be excited for him. I knew he’d worked hard to get as far as they had, but all
I could think about was my drop and how it could easily happen again. "What
do we do when you go on tour?" I asked.

"
If
we go on tour.
And we'll worry
about that when it comes, but nothing, and I do mean nothing, can take your
place. Not my music. Not the band. Understood?"

I nodded and shrunk
in his arms. He hadn’t forgotten about me and he probably never would. And as
he rocked me, the ice in my voice melted away. All that remained were my tears
and his strong embrace.

Epilogue

"Kneel."

The command
was terse, and I quickly obeyed, dropping to my knees before lowering my gaze
and locking my hands behind my back. My eyes closed almost immediately, knowing
the next step of this dance before he even asked me for it.

The room grew
still and quiet. Carpeting bit at my knees, but I didn't care. Floorboards
creaked off to my right.
Behind me.
To
my left.
In front of me.
Seconds passed as he
circled me, his breathing slow and steady. His body heat teased me, as if to
say "I'm here" right out of reach.

My heart
crashed against my ribs. I swallowed hard, tracking him as he stepped around
me. Every step he took was slow. Deliberate.
Planned.
I wet my lips, widened my stance, and drew in a shaky breath.

He
stopped,
his lips close to mine. They were barely touching,
but still there. "What are your safe words?"

I chewed at
my bottom lip.
"Red to stop.
Yellow
to slow down, Master."

"Good
girl. Lift your chin, but don't open your eyes."

I did as he
asked. My breath caught when the blindfold covered my already-shut eyes.

"As
you were."

I bowed my
head.

He moved
again, tracing delicate fingertips over my shoulder, across my back, to the
other shoulder and finally to my breasts. His hand snaked beneath the thin
layer of fabric between my naked body and the air around us. He held the collar
of my robe between his fingers, feeling the silky-smooth texture before backing
away.

"Untie
your robe."

Swallowing, I
moved my hands to my stomach, searching for the loosely tied bow. My fingers
fumbled with the fabric as I tried to find an end, pulling at it slowly until
it came undone. The sides of my robe hung open, still covering my breasts which
had begun to peak underneath.

Without
touching my skin, he pulled the fabric away from my breasts, exposing my hard
nipples to the cooler air. He inhaled a sharp breath and moaned before doing
the same thing to the other side, his hands creeping under the fabric on my
shoulders. He drew it back, leaving the robe to fall down to my wrists. "Let
it fall to the floor."

I unlocked my
hands. The satin hissed against my skin, gently floating onto the backs of my
calves. Free of the fabric, I clasped my hands behind my back, straightening my
posture when he pressed a hand against the center of my back.

"Are you
uncomfortable?"

"No,
Master."

"Do you
need to change positions?"

"No,
Master."

"Good
girl. Wait right there."

The air
around me cooled as he stepped away. Listening, I tracked him.
To my left.
In front of me.
A chain
jingled. My muscles tensed and I stopped breathing.

He leaned in
close to me, lips brushing against my ear. "You know what these are?"

More
jingling.
I nodded, anticipating the bite of cool metal from the
nipple clamps on my breasts.

His footsteps
carried him to my right.
Behind me.
Around
me.

My mind went
blank. I felt completely numb, on the edge of subspace.
Still
alert.
Still there.

"I'm not
going to use them on you," he slurred, circling me again. He paused behind
me, leaning over to whisper in my ear. "Not yet."

I exhaled,
releasing some of the tension in my shoulders.

When his
voice came again, it was barely audible. "I need your hands." I
lifted them in front of me without hesitation. Tentative hands wrapped around
my wrists, guiding my fingers to the top of his pants. "Remove my pants."

I struggled with
the button, unable to see it through the blindfold or my closed eyes. It was a
lot harder than I remembered, but with time, the button came undone. Using my
left hand, I searched for the zipper, feeling his erection beneath the taut
fabric. That too was slowly undone. My hands moved to his belt loops, to his
pockets and then to his waist, carefully pulling the fabric down to his ankles.

After
stepping out of his pants, he continued.
"Boxers, too."

My hands
lifted slowly, waiting for his guidance. He directed me to his groin, and like
the pants, his boxers were removed as well. I inclined my head and clasped my
hands behind my back.