Finding Orion (25 page)
Authors: Erin Lark
I set it off
to the side. My eyes widened when he pulled out a second pair of cuffs. "Two
sets?"
He smirked.
"Ankles, too."
He moved the bag to the side and
turned back to me.
I was still
staring at his backpack. The way it slumped over made me feel as though there
was a lot more in it. "That's all?"
"For
now."
Jace
inclined his head. "I
know you've read some erotica, but the one thing you need to realize is that not
many authors get it right. Bondage, domination, sadist, masochist—they all
follow the same rules.
Safe.
Sane.
Consensual.
A good Dom would never bind you or dominate
you without your permission, and only up until a safe word is used. Many of the
newer
Doms
these days don't play by the rules, and
that's when subs tend to get hurt."
"But you
bound me the other night."
"That
was kink. Not to be confused with BDSM. Bondage is commonplace in just about
every bedroom these days, but that alone doesn't mean someone is in to BDSM. It
isn't just what we do in the bedroom—it's a state of mind. One that I think you
have. Besides, if I ever thought you were in danger or in any kind of
discomfort, our play that night would've stopped. The posers out there who
pretend they're
Doms
look at subs as playthings—someone
they can push around who won't fight back."
"But
that isn't true, is it?"
"Not
at all.
A Dom might be the one calling the shots, but the sub is the one who has all
the control. One safe
word,
and play stops. No
questions asked."
"Then
how do you point out the posers from the real thing?"
"You ask
the right questions. Do your homework. A lot of the younger subs coming into
the lifestyle don't realize they have a choice in the matter and that saying no
to the first Dom they meet isn't such a bad thing. And if at any time something
feels off, it's better to get the hell out of dodge and talk it over later than
to stay and not say a word."
"Subs
actually do that?"
Jace
nodded. "They
get jaded. For example, you're going to want to please me, but there's a very
fine line between pleasing me and pushing yourself too far. So, before we can
even work on your submission toward me or any other Dom, you need to learn your
limits." He paused, then said, "You won't know all of them in the
beginning, but having an idea of what you don't like is as good a place to
start as any."
I played with
a pair of cuffs as I spoke. "How many years experience do you have?"
Looking up at him, I asked, "When did you know you were a Dom?"
"I
actually didn't know what it was called at the time, but I knew I was interested
in having control in my late teens. I've been actively living the lifestyle for
close to ten years now—aside from the last couple of months that is. And even
though I haven't been to any of the clubs recently, I'm known within the
community."
"Where
are the clubs around here?"
"All
over actually.
running in to one. You just have to know where to look." He sat back. "And
when I feel you're ready, I'll take you to one to see how other subs and
Doms
act in a public setting."
"And
tonight?"
I looked eagerly at the cuffs in my hands.
"Tonight
you'll wear the cuffs to get comfortable with them." He showed me how to
unhook them so each cuff could be worn alone, much like a bracelet. "Wear
them to bed, see how they feel."
Taking one of
the cuffs, I unhooked the buckle, put my wrist against it,
then
closed it without any trouble.
Jace
helped me with
the second one.
"What
about these?" I held up the ones intended for my ankles.
"Get
used to wearing two first. Then we can worry about the other ones."
After he'd
set the other cuffs and flogger back in his bag, he pulled me in to his arms. Out
here in the living room, he was still
Jace
—the
Jace
I'd met weeks ago.
But inside my
bedroom?
Would he be exactly like Orion? Would he be somewhere
in-between?
Curling up in
his arms, I wrapped my arms around his neck when he picked me up, walking right
for my room. My body tensed, but I quickly relaxed when
Jace
set me on the bed.
He smiled at
me, smoothed back my hair and excused himself to lock the front door. He turned
off all the lights before coming back.
After turning
off the bedroom light, he stripped down to his boxers and climbed under the
covers. He kissed the nape of my neck and tucked me in.
I
laid
down and closed my eyes as he weaved his fingers with
mine. And as he settled down behind me, I slept.
****
For the first
time since my odd run-in with Orion, I dreamed. My room was dark. Not even the
streetlamps outside could chase away the shadows. But I still saw him. Felt
him. I knew he was there, standing in front of me, just waiting for me to open
my eyes.
Concentrating
on what was real and what wasn't, I noted the cuffs around my wrists—the same
ones I'd put on before
Jace
and I fell into bed
together. Then there was the empty space behind me.
Jace
hadn't found his way into my dreams.
But
Orion has.
He was quiet,
his breathing barely audible in an already quiet room. His silence put me on
edge—made me feel as though I'd done something wrong.
Opening my
eyes, I stared into the night at where I thought he'd be. He slowly
materialized beside my nightstand, just as he always did. He was wearing a
suit, the cuffs of his jacket and shirt pulled back to his elbows. The tattoo
I'd become accustomed to seeing on his arm was gone. In its place was a set of
bracelets.
Jace
?
Confused, I
glanced up at his collar, but the raven claw I'd given him wasn't there. "Who
are you?"
"Don't
you remember?" the mix-matched man asked.
"I do."
Or at least I thought I did. "You look...different."
He glanced
down at the bracelets, then back at me. "This is
your
dream. What did you expect to happen?"
The
circumstances had changed. My relationship with
Jace
was growing. Meanwhile, my time with Orion had become so stretched out, I was
surprised to see him. When I didn't reply, he threw off the covers of my bed
and pointed at the cuffs I'd worn before I fell asleep.
"Are
those
his
?
" Orion gestured to something
behind me.
And just as
Orion had appeared in my dream, so did
Jace
. He was
sound asleep, but there was no denying he was there.
"You
promised." Orion's voice echoed in the dark room. "I told you
you
could have anyone while you were awake so long as I was
the only one for when you were asleep." He glared at
Jace
.
"So what's he doing here?"
"I...I
don't know." My eyes stung. My mouth was dry. And the more I tried to
speak, the harder it was for me to breathe.
I stared at
Orion.
Then
Jace
.
Thinking
back on the long discussion we'd had the night before, I realized just how
different
Jace
and Orion actually were. Here was a
Dom who bound me in my sleep and demanded I only dream of him. But how could I
when he and
Jace
both belonged in my subconscious
mind?
You can't keep both of them.
Someone
had to go.
Instead of
thinking about Orion when I was at work, I couldn't think of anyone else but
Jace
. I thought of his music, his voice, his lips,
the
way he held me, the way he looked at me.
Orion was
just a memory, a fading dream. And yet, a pang of guilt hit me then.
BDSM isn't just what we do in the bedroom—it's
a state of mind.
Looking at
Orion, I could tell he was a poser. He wasn't the real thing. He was born from
a fantasy—one that I'd gotten all wrong.
Without
saying another word, I rolled over toward
Jace
. I
rested my head on his chest. And as the dream slowly began to fade,
Jace
remained. Orion on the other hand was gone.
"Orion..."
Jace
stirred
beneath me and cracked open an eye.
"Can't say I've ever
been called that before."
Somewhere
between dreaming and waking, I'd called out Orion's name.
"Shit,
did I just say that out loud?"
Jace
propped his
head up on one of his arms. "I hate to ask, but should I be worried?"
I groaned and
sat up. "No. Not unless you’re jealous of the men in my dreams."
He laughed
and sat up beside me. "Okay, now I really want to know."
I turned on
the light so I could see his face a little better. And after mentally checking
him for signs of Orion, I spoke. "You remember back when we first met how
I said you looked familiar?" He nodded. "There's a reason for that. I
don't know how or when I might've seen you, but a few weeks ago, I started
having these bizarre dreams."
"What
kind of dreams?"
"Submissive
ones."
And now I'm the one
who looks like a stalker.
I winced.
He wasn’t
pushing me away. He didn’t make fun of me.
Has
he known this whole time?
I chewed over the possibility of
Karie
telling him, but she hadn't even known I was with
Jace
until after we'd been dating for over a week.
"It
doesn’t….offend you?" I asked when he didn't say anything.
"Should
it?"
"I don’t
know…I mean
,
you don’t feel threatened by it?"
"What,
by this other man, or your secret lifestyle?"
"If
you know about it, then how is it a secret?"
"Touché.
But that
still doesn't explain why I should feel threatened by it."
I bowed my
head.
"Because...he was."
Jace
tried to
hide his smile. "Okay, let me make sure I heard you right. This guy in
your dreams—who looks just like me—is threatened by...me?
Himself?"
"Confusing,
isn't it?"
"You're
telling me. So all this time, you've been dating this Orion in your dreams?"
"I
wouldn't call it dating. It was more like submit—obeying orders. He isn't
anything like you. Not like I thought in the beginning."
Jace's
eyes
softened when I censored myself. "Well, I'm glad you're able to tell the
difference.
Kind of an odd way to figure it out though.
Usually a sub has to be broken by a bad Dom before she realizes it."
"And I
kind of was, but mentally."
"
Bree
, that's all this is. When I said it was a state of
mind, I meant it."
"Yeah,
but it's physical, too. With Orion, it was just a fantasy, probably brought on
by some late-night erotica or something."
Jace
lifted my
chin and kissed me on the lips. It wasn't aggressive, but it wasn't gentle
either. It was somewhere in-between. And as he parted my lips, I forgot all
about Orion, about how he may have looked like
Jace
or how he was my first step into a completely new world.
In the end,
Jace
was the one who was still there when the sun came up.
It was his arms that were around me, his arms hold on me. It was his kind
caress and his eyes softening when he looked at me.
Jace
.
Just
Jace
.
Chapter Seventeen
After lying
in bed for the better part of the morning,
Jace
and I
both got up to head in to work. He was off, but had a meeting with the band.
Unfortunately for me, I'd pulled the short straw at work and would be at
Farrin's
until eight or nine at night. And even though it
was only the middle of the week,
Jace
and I agreed to
meet later on in the evening.
Removing the
cuffs from my wrists, I set them under the nightstand and collected my things
before stepping into the shower. The warm water beat against my back, and for
the longest time I didn't move. I still had an hour until I was supposed to be
in, so after
Jace
left for the morning, I took my
time.