Face Value (26 page)

Lauren went to
him without hesitation, setting her bottom on his legs and leaning
into him. She allowed him to remain silent until she couldn’t stand
it any longer. “Why are you drinking?”

“Because I
can.”

She swallowed,
trying to read between the lines, feeling frustrated when she
couldn’t decipher his meaning. “What does that mean?”

“The reason I
didn’t drink was because I couldn’t control the rage. It was too
big to contain, and the alcohol just stole my restraint. I was
never an alcoholic, Lauren.” He buried his face in her hair,
inhaling the scent of her shampoo with a satisfied sigh. “I was a
rage-aholic.”

Lauren knew he
was trying to lighten the mood, but she still felt uneasy. She
would until he told her exactly what happened in that hospital
room. “Still, do you think it’s a good idea for you to drink right
now?”

He looked up at
her, a smirk teasing his mouth. “I really had a hankering for a
beer tonight. After the day I’ve had, I think I’ve earned it.” He
pressed a kiss to the column of her throat. “I didn’t realize it
before, but I was still letting that old man control me. My anger
toward him ate away at me, impacting every area of my life. I
realized something tonight: He doesn’t have any power over me
anymore. Having a beer or two won’t make me lose my temper.”

“It won’t?”

“No way.” He
licked her bottom lip, coaxing her mouth open before kissing her
deeply. “Nothing and no one can take me away from you, baby. I’d
die before I did anything to land my sorry ass back in jail.”

Just when
Lauren thought she had a handle on how much she loved Tucker, he
said or did something to make her fall just a little deeper. “I
love you,” she whispered, raining kisses all over his face.

He chuckled.
“How ‘bout we go upstairs so you can show me?”

“But I’m dying
to know what happened with your stepfather.”

“I know, baby.
I’ll tell you everything, I promise.” He reached up to cup her
breast, brushing his thumb over the nipple barely concealed through
her thin cotton tank top. “But right now, I just need to lose
myself in you for a little while and forget this day ever
happened.”

***

Tucker stepped
under the spray of the hot shower, pulling Lauren in with him. He
held her a long time, letting the pulsating water soothe him. “I
just want to wash it all away. The death, fear, anger, grief… I
just want it all to go away... so I can be free. I want to feel
whole so we can move on with our lives.”

As though she
understood what he needed, she reached for the spicy body wash he
favored, squeezing some into her hands before replacing it on the
shelf. Her eyes never left his as her slick hands trailed over his
body. “You are free… to be with me. Our future can be whatever you
want it to be, Tucker.”

He’d always
protected the people he loved so fiercely because of what happened
to Sarah, but he knew that could be suffocating at times. He wanted
to be free to love without the fear of losing those who meant the
most to him. “I just want to feel normal.”

She coaxed him
to turn around. Working the taut muscles bunching in his shoulders,
she asked, “What does being normal mean to you?”

“I’ve just got
so much baggage, so much unresolved garbage to deal with.” He
braced a hand against the tile wall and dropped his head. He knew
he had to make the offer that could turn his world upside down. He
had to give her one more chance to back out before everything came
to a head. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this, baby. I love you
too much to drag you into my hell. When we find her,
if
we
find her, when Sam dies…” He released a breath that shook his whole
body. “I don’t know how all that’s gonna hit me.”

She stepped in
front of him, her bright eyes darkening as she glared at him.
“Don’t tell me you’re asking me to leave you to deal with this
alone.”

He thought he’d
come to terms with what had happened to his sister, but he feared
her grave stone may be a constant reminder of his failings as a
brother and as a human being.

“Is that what
you want? You want me to leave you?” she asked after an endless
minute of silence. She looked at him a long time before she said,
“I won’t waste my life with a man who doesn’t need me as much as I
need him.”

Tucker couldn’t
speak. He couldn’t find the words to stop the runaway train
barrelling through his life.

“If I walk out
of here… I’m never coming back. You’ll never see me again.”

He felt a
shudder move through his body until he had to hold onto the steel
rod running the length of the wall for support. He couldn’t lose
her. He would die without her.

“Damn it,
Tucker!” she shouted, slapping his chest. “Is that what you
want?”

What did she
want him to say? After the mess he’d stirred up in the last few
days, was she hoping he would set her free so she didn’t have to
deal with it or him again?

“That’s it! I’m
done with you! I can’t marry a man who tries to push me away every
time things get hard. Who won’t share with me because he thinks I
can’t handle it or I’ll stop loving him. If you don’t trust me to
love you forever, no matter what, we don’t belong together.”

She reached for
the handle, and Tucker sprang into action, seizing her wrist.
Everything he’d ever wanted was slipping through his fingers, and
for once, he didn’t care if he was being selfish. Lauren would be
his
wife, and he’d destroy anyone who tried to take her away
from him.

Crushing her
mouth with his, he pinned her up against the wall, taking her mouth
in a fierce, possessive kiss that showed her without words that her
vow to leave scared him straight. He would never give her the
choice of walking out of his life again. It wasn’t an option. They
would be together forever. Period.

She moaned into
his mouth before pushing him back on the bench and coming down on
top of him. He was inside of her in one slick slide, and they
kissed each other with a depth of passion that made words
pointless. Her hands were all over him, his all over her. His fists
were clenched in her wet hair as he guided her mouth and held her
prisoner at the same time. Their bodies moved in unison as she took
him hard and fast, over and over again, breaking him before piecing
him back together again.

That’s when it
hit him. The only thing he needed to make him whole again was
Lauren’s love. She was the answer to the conundrum of his life.
“Marry me,” he whispered, breaking their kiss. “Don’t make me wait.
Please. Just marry me. I don’t care when or how or who’s there. I
just need you to marry me.”

“Yes…” She
rocked her hips gently, a sly smile on her face when she knocked
the air out of him with her ministrations. “Yes…” She clenched him
harder, nipping his lip. “Yes.”

“Oh God,” he
groaned, tipping his head back against the tile wall. “I’m gonna
pass out if you keep doing that.”

She leaned
forward, whispering in his ear, “I’m gonna come, Tucker.” She
sucked in a breath when he grabbed her hips and forced her to
grind, producing just enough friction to set her off.

The relief of
being able to let go, totally and completely, was cathartic. He
felt his hot fluid filling her as she throbbed around him. “We
didn’t use protection.”

“We don’t need
it,” she breathed, dropping her head on his shoulder.

“I went to see
the doctor a couple of days ago… about reversing the procedure.”
He’d been waiting for just the right time to tell her, and since
she’d just agreed to become his wife, it seemed like the perfect
time. “He said forty to sixty percent of couples get pregnant
within two years after the reversal.”

She squealed,
throwing her arms around his neck. “Oh my God, that means the odds
are in our favor.”

He didn’t want
to point out they could be one of the unlucky couples. “No matter
what it takes, angel, we’ll have the family you want.” He tucked a
wet strand of hair behind her ear.

“We already
have a family,” she said, smiling. “A big, loving, slightly crazy
family.” She grinned. “And you’re stuck with them whether you like
it or not.”

Tucker
chuckled. “I don’t mind.”

“And I love
your kids. They’re my family too.”

His heart
tightened when she talked about his kids that way. “They love you
too.” He eased her off his lap and stood, gripping her waist and
smiling when her legs seemed a little shaky. “Monica asked me the
other day when you would become their stepmother officially.”

Lauren grinned.
“How does three months sound to you?”

It was Tucker’s
turn to be stunned. “You can’t possibly plan the kind of wedding
you’ve always wanted in that amount of time.” Though he’d gladly
marry her tomorrow. All she had to do was say the word.

“Anna and I
were talking, and she suggested their private island in St. Thomas.
You know, the place where she and Justin met.”

“Is that the
kind of wedding you want?” he asked, frowning. “You’ve always
talked about a church and flowers and having your daddy walk you
down the aisle.”

“I think this
would be perfect.” She kissed him. “It wouldn’t take forever to
plan, and you have to see this place. It’s paradise.”

“Anna and
Justin wouldn’t mind if we beat them to the altar?”

Lauren wrinkled
her nose. “My cousin told me she would throttle me if I insisted on
holding off on our wedding just because of theirs.”

Tucker grinned.
“I knew I liked that girl for a reason.”

***

Tucker felt
torn between two worlds. They had found his sister’s remains. They
were about to lay her to rest. His heart was broken, grieving for
her in a way he never had before. His rage over what had happened
to her had been so overpowering, he hadn’t allowed himself to
mourn. Until now. Yet the woman sitting beside him, holding his
hand, made him so grateful. Tucker had no idea he was even capable
of feeling two such strong and conflicting emotions at the same
time.

“Are you okay?”
Lauren whispered, stroking the pulse point on his wrist with her
thumb.

Tucker looked
around the small church. A year ago, he didn’t even know most of
the people filling it, yet they were there to support him simply
because Lauren loved him. That was reason enough for them to accept
him into their hearts and their lives.

“I think
so.”

When Derek
called with the news their search paid off, that Sam’s map led them
directly to the grisly discovery, Tucker was torn between weeping
with relief and putting his fist through another wall. Later that
day, when Lauren returned with a covered box, Tucker began to
process his feelings.

Apparently
Derek had accompanied Lauren to Tucker’s childhood home, and Lauren
collected a box of things she believed Tucker would want to have:
photos, stuffed animals, and letters that belonged to Sarah. They
sat in a place of honor at the front of the church, and Tucker knew
it was finally time to let go of his sister so he could move on. He
would never forget her or stop loving her, but Lauren and his kids
deserved his best, and he couldn’t give them that while he was
still wracked with guilt.

Tucker was just
a child back then. He was scared and alone. He wasn’t the cause of
what happened to Sarah, and she wouldn’t want him to blame himself.
They’d always been close. She’d loved and protected him
unconditionally. It was his turn to guard her memory and make sure
she was never forgotten.

Lauren
suggested they start a charitable foundation in her name. She said
their close family friend, Sierra Turner, could help them navigate
the process. Tucker loved the idea. It would be another step closer
to healing.

He’d been so
wrapped up in his thoughts he didn’t realize it was time to leave
until Lauren tugged on his hand with a sad smile, inclining her
head toward the dozens of people already filing out of the
clapboard building.

“Are you ready
to head home, sweetheart?” Lauren asked.

They were
having a small, private service by the meadow before their family
and friends joined them at the house for a luncheon. Lauren had
made all the arrangements, and Tucker had no doubt it would be
perfect.

Tucker and
Lauren drove back to their house in her car, while his kids rode
with Amanda. The silence was a welcome relief, and Lauren seemed to
understand that. She didn’t press him to talk.

Tucker reached
for her hand when she turned the car off. “Thank you for doing
this,” he said, watching the attendants walking to the appointed
burial site. “It means… everything.”

“You don’t have
to thank me,” she said, following Tucker’s gaze. “I’d do anything
to help you find peace. You know that.”

He thought
about her statement a long time before looking at her. “That’s what
you’ve done.” He skimmed his knuckles down her cheek. “I didn’t
know how to explain it. I knew the tightness in my chest was
starting to ease, but I didn’t realize I was finally at peace until
I woke up this morning. Facing the worst day of my life, I wasn’t
terrified of how I might react because I knew you’d be there to see
me through it.”

“I’ll always be
here for you. No matter how bad things get.”

He pulled her
into his arms, inhaling the sweet, familiar scent that would
forever remind him of home. “Let’s hope the worst is behind us,
baby.”

“It is.” She
kissed him softly, rubbing her thumb over her lips to remove the
remnants of her lip gloss. “I know it is. Our worst days are behind
us and our best days lie ahead.”

Three Months Later

As Lauren stared out
over the water, hidden under the cloak of darkness, she couldn’t
believe it was her life. She’d never been happier. In fact, she
didn’t even realize being so happy was possible. Tomorrow she would
marry her best friend, her business partner, her lover… her
everything.