Face Value (20 page)

Lauren was
furious with Amanda, but she tried to maintain her composure. She
needed to hear the rest of the story. “Why didn’t you tell the
police the truth?”

“I was scared.
I thought I might lose my kids. I couldn’t let that happen.”

So Tucker
assumed the role of villain and did the time without telling anyone
about Amanda’s boyfriend’s role? It didn’t make sense. Why would he
sacrifice himself for a man he despised? “Why didn’t Tucker tell
the whole story in court?”

Amanda looked
ashamed. “I pleaded with him not to. I told him our kids needed at
least one of their parents. I thought if the truth came out, they
might be taken away. Tucker had still beaten Rex badly. The odds of
him walking away without serving time were slim. He knew that. He
wanted to know our kids would be safe with me.”

Lauren wanted
to question how Amanda’s home was a safe place for two innocent
children, given Amanda’s questionable taste in men, but there would
be plenty of time to tell Amanda her behavior was abhorrent later.
Right then, she was more concerned about Tucker.

“You always
told me how much you hated him. Why? What did he ever do to make
you hate him so much?”

“He stopped
loving me,” she whispered. “When we got married, he promised he’d
always be there for me. He lied.”

Lauren sighed.
The situation was too complex for her to wrap her brain around. “I
need to find Tucker. Do you know where he is?”

“Yeah. Give me
your phone. I’ll give you the address.”

Tucker sat in his
truck, staring at the tiny three bedroom house he’d grown up in. It
was even more dilapidated than he remembered, but the real horror
was inside. The house held unspeakable secrets.

Cars lined the
small driveway, so at least he wouldn’t have to be alone with his
stepfather, Sam. He feared what might happen if they were alone.
Sam had been the object of his twisted revenge fantasies for more
years than he could count. According to the therapist he’d talked
to in jail, Sam was the source of his inner rage.

As a child,
Tucker had been helpless to stop the man’s rampages, but now Sam
was the helpless one. Old and feeble, without a prayer of
protecting himself if Tucker ever unleashed his temper on him.

His mother was
gone. Tucker wanted to feel something, but he couldn’t. Barbara
hadn’t been a real mother to him since his father died and she
slipped into depression. Marrying Sam meant she had someone to
share the burden, but Sam wasn’t interested in parenting someone
else’s children. According to him, Tucker and his sister were a
nuisance.

Tucker lost
count of the number of times his stepfather told him he wished he’d
never been born. Tucker used to wish that as well. But he got
stronger, thanks to his uncle, and when Tucker became a teenager,
Sam was afraid to challenge him. Sam wandered around the house
muttering to himself, but the manic outbursts stopped when Tucker
told him he’d better sleep with one eye open.

How did someone
steel themselves to face the horrors of their childhood while
pretending to grieve a mother they hadn’t loved or respected in
years? Tucker was still contemplating that question when his
passenger’s door opened and Lauren slid in. He’d never been happier
to see a familiar face.

“Hi there,” she
said, as though meeting under those circumstances was normal. When
Tucker couldn’t find his voice, she asked, “Why did you leave the
police station without telling me what happened?”

“I don’t know.”
He’d been in shock when he got the call, and he was trying to
process his feelings. At first he mistook his pain for remorse, but
when he’d had more time to ponder it, he realized he was simply
grieving the relationship he and Barbara had never had.

Lauren slid her
hand across the gearshift, reaching for his bandaged hand. “You
shouldn’t drive with one hand.”

He smiled. He’d
been driving with one hand since he was old enough to get his
learner’s permit. “If you say so.” Having her there was a nice
diversion. He could escape his thoughts for a while. “How did you
know where to find me?”

“Amanda told
me.”

Tucker watched
a dark blue sedan pull up to the curb. An elderly couple got out.
The lady wiped her nose with a tissue, leaning into her husband for
support. At least some people were genuinely sorry his mother
wasn’t gracing the earth anymore.

He’d just
received news of his mother’s passing a few hours ago. Judging by
the friends and neighbours who’d arrived to offer his step-father
support, her son was one of the last people Sam had notified.

“She told me
about the pictures, Tucker.”

“I’m glad you
know.” He hated feeling as though Lauren thought he was capable of
hurting Amanda, but he couldn’t blame her. In her position, he
would have felt the same way. Smart girls like Lauren didn’t risk
their future happiness on men like Tucker Brooks.

“I’m so sorry,”
she whispered, her voice breaking. “I don’t know how I could have
thought-”

“Don’t blame
yourself. You had every reason to suspect I’d do something like
that. My temper precedes me.”

“Why are you so
angry?”

That was the
million dollar question. People had been asking that for years. But
did he have the courage to tell Lauren the truth? “When I’m angry,
I feel in control... like no one can hurt me. Anger insulates me,
protects me.”

Lauren shifted
in her seat to face him. “Protects you from what?”

“Getting hurt.
Physically, emotionally...” He’d learned a long time ago pain had
so many different types and levels. Too many.

“Did you get
hurt physically as a kid? Is that why you don’t have a relationship
with your family?”

He could have
endured physical pain, if that’s all there was. But he had to come
to terms with the emotional pain of knowing he could have helped
his sister and didn’t. “That man is not my family. He’s the
enemy.”

“You’re talking
about your stepfather?”

“Yeah.”

“What about
your mother? Was she the enemy too?”

For years,
Tucker had tried to figure out how he felt about his mother. Most
days it ran the gamut from pity to disgust, but there was an
underlying anger and frustration he couldn’t quash. “No, she wasn’t
my enemy, but she wasn’t my protector either.” As a parent, Tucker
knew that his most important job was to make his kids feel safe and
loved.

“And you resent
her for that?” Lauren’s questions were softly spoken but loaded
with ammunition, and she watched him carefully for a reaction.

“Yeah, I do.”
He tipped his head back against the seat. “I don’t remember much
about my old man, just what she told me, but I can’t help but feel
growing up with him would have been better than growing up in that
hell hole.”

“What made it
so terrible?”

That was the
moment of truth. Did he have the guts to share his nightmare and
hope she wouldn’t brand him a coward? “He sexually abused my
sister.”

Lauren sucked
in a sharp breath as she set her hand on his thigh. “And you?”

“He knocked me
around a lot, but my sister always got the worst of it. She was
older. According to him, she should have known better than to
challenge him.” Just repeating Sam’s claims prompted Tucker to curl
his good hand into a fist.

“Are you still
in touch with your sister?”

Tucker
swallowed the golf ball-sized lump in his throat. “She went missing
when I was a kid.”

“Oh, God.
No.”

“I know he
killed her.” Tucker braved a glance at Lauren and saw a tear slide
down her cheek. God help him, he loved that woman.

“Do you want to
tell me what happened?”

He didn’t know
if he could, but he wanted to try. “I heard it all through the
wall. I heard her cry. I heard his warnings. I told my mother, I
begged her to leave him, to get help, but she told me I didn’t know
what I was talking about. After a while, I started to believe her.
I thought maybe I was the crazy one. Maybe I was having nightmares,
imagining what I thought I heard.”

“Oh, Tucker, I
can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you.”

It was hell on
earth, but after a while, he convinced himself it was normal.
Believing that other kids were coping with the same challenges was
the only thing that kept him sane.

“Did you ever
tell your uncle about it?”

“He was away at
school. He didn’t come back until I was twelve, and by that time, I
just tried to block it out of my mind. If I thought about what
happened to my sister, what she must have gone through before she
died, I couldn’t handle it.” Scalding tears slid down his cheeks.
The first tears he’d shed since he found out his sister wasn’t
coming home. The irony wasn’t lost on him. On the day he should be
grieving for his mother, he was finally able to grieve for his
sister.

“Oh, honey.”
Lauren reached out to pull him into her arms. When she couldn’t get
close enough, she climbed over the gearshift and settled herself in
his lap. Lauren set the seat back as far as it would go and just
held him. “Nothing that happened in that house was your fault. You
were just a kid.”

“I could have
told someone.” That’s the part that hurt the most, knowing he could
have saved his sister’s life if he’d found the courage to speak up
sooner.

She ran her
hands over his damp cheeks before running her fingers through his
hair and tipping his face up to meet hers. Dropping a gentle kiss
on his lips, she said, “You don’t belong here, Tucker.”

He suspected
she was right. There was no telling how he might react if he saw
his stepfather again, and given his recent brush with the law, he
couldn’t take that chance. “All right, let’s just go home.”

“Before we do,
can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” There
were no more secrets left between them, except one, and he would
have to share that before he allowed their relationship to go any
further.

“Did they ever
find your sister’s body?”

Tucker winced.
He still had nightmares about what that bastard had done with her
body. “No.”

“That doesn’t
mean you can’t build a place to honor her memory.” She kissed him.
“I think it might help if you had a place to go and talk to
her.”

“You mean some
headstone at a cemetery?” Tucker didn’t see how that would help,
but Lauren suggested it, so he would listen.

“Yes. You could
have her photograph, her favorite item or saying etched onto the
stone, the fact that she was a beloved sister who’s missed. It’s a
way of honoring her life.”

“You might be
right. I’ll think about it.”

“I could ask my
uncle Derek to look into the case. I don’t know if there’s a
statute of limitations preventing your stepfather from being
prosecuted. He must be getting on in years. Maybe he would consider
owning up to what he did so you could lay her body to rest.”

It spoke
volumes that Lauren cared enough to even suggest that. “I love
you.”

Her eyes
widened on a sharp intake of breath. “You don’t have to-”

“I mean it.” He
framed her face with his hands. “I swore I’d never say that to
another woman. Given how things went down with Amanda, I thought I
couldn’t trust another woman, but you proved me wrong, baby.”

Another tear
slid down her cheek, and she clamped her teeth down on her lip when
it trembled. “I’m so sorry I thought the worst when I saw those
pictures. I didn’t want to believe you were capable of something
like that, but with those images staring me in the face... I
thought I’d be a fool to ignore it.”

“You would have
been.” He caught her tear with the thumb of his bandaged hand and
smiled. “You were smart to be cautious, Lauren. Don’t ever
apologize for trying to protect yourself.”

“But I realize
now that I don’t need protection from you. You would never hurt
me.”

He thought of
the secret that stood between them. “Not intentionally.”

She frowned.
“What does that mean?”

He closed his
eyes on a sigh. “Can we just go home and talk about it, baby? I’m
wiped out.”

Lauren looked
up at the house. “Are you sure you don’t want to go inside?”

“I don’t need
to face my memories head on to bury them.”

“Are you sure
you don’t want to say good-bye to your mother?”

“I did, a long
time ago.”

***

Lauren fought
her nervousness as she followed Tucker’s truck up his long, winding
driveway. He’d told her he loved her, but she’d been too stunned to
respond. She knew she was in love with him too, but was it the
right time to tell him or should she wait until he’d dealt with his
mother’s death?

In spite of his
claims, Lauren saw the funeral was hard on him. As distant and cold
as his mother had been, Lauren suspected they shared a few good
memories as well. Those were undoubtedly the ones drifting through
his mind as he accepted the fact he would never see her again.

Lauren pulled
up beside his truck and watched him get out before opening her
door. “If you need to be alone, I understand.”

He reached for
her hand, and he led her up to the front door. “I need you tonight.
You’re all I need,” he said quietly as he fit his key into the
lock.

She was glad
she could provide comfort when he obviously needed it, but aside
from holding him and encouraging him to talk about his feelings,
she didn’t know how she could help. His emotional scars obviously
ran deep, and with his mother’s death still fresh in his mind, a
lot of those old wounds were bound to be hemorrhaging.

“Can I get you
something to eat or drink?” she asked, running her damp hands down
the side of her jeans when he released his grip to close and lock
the door. She was nervous, and she didn’t know why. Tucker would
never hurt her, but she feared how he might react when the impact
of his mother’s death finally set in. Could he really be as
indifferent as he seemed? Maybe. Perhaps she would have felt the
same way about a mother who allowed her children to be terrorized
by the devil in her own home.