Face Value (15 page)

“Are you saying
you can’t imagine ever falling in love with me?” Her eyes
captivated him, daring him to lie or look away.

He was so close
to loving her in a matter of days. Maybe he was there already. How
deep would his feelings be in a year if he allowed their
relationship to continue? “I love my kids. That’s it, Lauren. Those
are the only people who’ll ever have a piece of my heart.” A little
voice in his head called him a liar when he thought about how he
would feel if she got up and walked out.

“What about
your parents? Siblings?”

It was an
innocent question, but it felt like a dagger through the heart
every time he thought about his family. “No.”

“You don’t have
any family?”

He didn’t have
anyone left that he considered family. “No.”

“I’m
sorry.”

“Don’t be. I
have my kids. That’s all I need.” But with every minute he spent
with her, he needed Lauren more and more.

Her lips tipped
up at the corners. “You’re such a great father, but haven’t you
ever wished for a do-over?”

“Excuse
me?”

“Most parents
say if they had it to do over again with their kids, they would do
this or that differently. Don’t you feel that way?”

Tucker knew
he’d made a lot of mistakes with Monica and Mason, but he couldn’t
erase the past. He’d already wasted too many years trying. Being in
prison taught him he needed to learn to accept the things he
couldn’t change and build a decent life for himself within the
confines of his limitations. “Sure, I do, but I love them and they
still love me, in spite of my mistakes. That’s the only thing that
matters.”

“Still, you’re
not even forty. If you wanted to have more kids-”

“I don’t!” He
brushed a hand across her cheek when she winced at his sharp tone.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to raise my voice. It’s just…” He
closed his eyes before continuing. He didn’t want to get into that
topic, but if it was the only way to make her understand, he would.
“People have been trying to change me my whole life, telling me I
wasn’t good enough. If I did this differently, or thought this way,
or acted that way, or set bigger goals, or worked harder, or…”

“I’m sorry,
Tucker.” She reached for his hand. “I never meant to imply-”

“I know you
didn’t.” He believed Lauren could learn to care about him in spite
of his flaws, but eventually she would resent him for all of the
things he couldn’t give her.

“Maybe I should
just go.”

Their eyes
collided, and Tucker felt his heart racing. It was the moment of
truth. If he let her go, she wouldn’t come back. If he let her
stay, he may never be able to get her out of his head or his heart.
Did he really want to take that kind of risk?

“I don’t want
you to go,” he said quietly. He had enough regrets in his life. He
didn’t want to add Lauren to the list. If he could discover
everything about her in the shelter of an intimate moment and he
chose not to, he would never forgive himself.

“I don’t want
to go either.” She climbed into his lap, facing him, as she linked
her arms around his neck.

“I’ve been as
honest as I know how to be with you, sweetheart. If we don’t have
any expectations of where this is going, neither one of us can get
hurt.” Tucker knew that was a lie. He hadn’t even made love to her
yet and the thought of letting her go twisted him up in knots.
“Agreed?”

“Agreed.” She
kissed him deeply, driving all thoughts of tomorrow out of his
head.

***

Lauren knew
having sex with Tucker may rank up there with the stupidest
decisions she’d ever made. She already felt things for him she had
no business feeling after such a short time. She knew they were on
two completely different life paths, yet there they were, naked, in
his bed, whispering about having sex over and over again until they
were drunk on each other.

He’d been
thorough, not leaving a dip or curve of her body untouched by his
hands or mouth. He was branding her, leaving an indelible
impression that would haunt her the next time another man touched
her. Part of her was unnerved by the intimacy they shared, but
thrill eclipsed the fear when he dipped a finger into her tight
heat as he licked and nipped at her neck.

“You’re
incredible,” he whispered, tugging her earlobe between his
lips.

His tongue and
fingers performed magic, sending her into a sensual tailspin. In
that moment, he, and the pleasure he gave her, was the only thing
that mattered.

“Tucker,” she
cried, scoring his shoulders with her nails. Her hips began a slow
rotation, silently begging him to finish her off. She couldn’t take
much more. He’d already coaxed one orgasm from her with his mouth;
the second would surely be her undoing. “Please. I can’t…”

The force of it
hit her like an avalanche. Her body trembled in response to his
carefully timed strokes. “Oh, God…” No words could explain the
experience of being at his mercy. He was relentless to the point of
being almost brutal in his quest to pleasure her, and Lauren feared
she may never be able to get enough.

“I love
watching you like this,” he whispered, kissing her shoulder as he
slowly brought her back down the crest. “You’re so sexy when you
give yourself to me.”

That’s exactly
what she was doing, she realized. She gave him her body, but he
took even more… whether he realized it or not. He’d just absconded
with her heart. It was his to treasure or to break.

She was
terrified to speak. The enormity of her realization weighed
heavily, and the words she longed to say were a breath away from
rising to the surface. She feared if she opened her mouth, she
wouldn’t be able to hold back and her feelings would pour out.

“Hey, are you
okay?” he asked, stroking her face.

Lauren nodded,
praying the glow of the bedside lamp wouldn’t betray her.
This
can’t be happening
, she thought. Panic threatened to consume
her. She couldn’t be falling in love with a man who, by his own
admission, was the worst possible partner for her. Fate couldn’t
possibly be that cruel, not when she’d managed to protect her heart
for so long.

“Are you sure?”
He skimmed his hand over her flat stomach, letting it rest on the
curve of her hip. “We don’t have to make love if you’re not ready,
baby.”

Why did he have
to refer to it that way? Why couldn’t he call it sex, so her brain
might get the message their connection was supposed to be physical
and nothing more? “I want you.” That much was true, but she wanted
more than his body. She wanted just a fraction of the love she’d
seen him bestow on his kids. She wanted a place in his inner
circle, among the people who meant the most to him.

“I want you
too.” He kissed her with such tenderness tears burned her eyes.
“Sweetheart, what is it?” he asked, catching a stray tear on her
lower lash. “You’ve got to talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering
you. Is it your father? Are you thinking about the fight y’all
had?”

Her father was
the last thing on her mind, but she couldn’t tell Tucker the truth
after his speech about the future. “I just didn’t expect this to be
so… intense.”

“We’ve got all
night,” he murmured, skimming his lips over her collarbone to the
valley between her breasts.

She closed her
eyes and surrendered to the buzz building in her core as he lapped
at her breasts, working her into a frenzy. “Make love to me,
Tucker.”

He looked up,
and his eyes held hers. “Once I start, I’m afraid I’ll never be
able to get enough of you, lady.”

“Let’s risk
it.” She knew she was taking a greater risk because she’d made the
colossal mistake of allowing her heart to guide her, but it was too
late to turn back. She needed Tucker more than she’d ever needed
another man. Her feelings shattered reason and taunted intent, but
they were breathtakingly real.

“Let’s.” He
reached into the nightstand and sheathed himself in record time,
never taking his eyes off her. “You take my breath away.” His eyes
traveled over her body, and he brushed her long blond hair aside
when it obstructed his view. “Everything about you is so damn
perfect.”

Yet I’m not
enough to make you want to keep me forever.
The thought
startled her. She’d never thought of a man in terms of forever
before, especially one she’d only known a short time.

Tucker
supported his weight on his forearms, taking his time to explore
her mouth as he allowed his body to find shelter inside of her. He
finally broke the kiss when he was fully immersed, breathing
heavily in her ear as he tried to restrain himself.

“You feel
amazing.” She ran her fingers through his hair as she locked her
legs around his waist. “Perfect.” She didn’t utter the word aloud,
merely mouthed it when she couldn’t contain it. The whirl of
conflicting emotions nearly stole her breath when he whispered in
her ear…

“I’ll never
forget this moment, Lauren.”

A tear slipped
down her cheek into her hairline because, without words, he was
telling her they could never have anything more. Sex, for a week or
a month, would only intensify the ache when he walked out of her
life, but she suspected her willpower wasn’t strong enough to
resist him, especially after learning how unbelievable being his
lover felt.

They spoke
without words, their bodies moving to a gentle rhythm that belied
the fierce emotions rocking Lauren to her core.

She heard his
moans echoing her own, but she didn’t hear the words she needed.
There were no whispered promises or regret about the claims he’d
made about the future. He was merely enjoying her body, and she let
him, because at least then she would have the memory of that
night.

He loved her
slowly and tenderly before relinquishing some of his control and
taking her faster and harder.

She cried out
his name when she really wanted to say so much more. “Yes…” With
that one little word, she would have given him anything, but she
knew he’d never ask for more. He didn’t want her to warm his bed
every night or help him raise his kids or share a meal at the end
of the day. He didn’t need her in his life, he’d said so himself…
She was just a fun diversion.

His eyes locked
on hers as he brushed her hair off her damp forehead and slowed his
pace. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Oh God, did she
dare tell him the truth? “I’m thinking I could get used to
this.”

He grinned that
heart-stopping smile that almost made her miss a step the first
time they met. “Yeah, me too.” He grinded, eliciting a tiny gasp
from her. “I’m betting you could become pretty addictive.”

He rolled his
hips, creating a delicious friction that drove fear out of her
head, demanding she focus on the only thing that mattered: her
body’s need to reach that elusive summit only he could guide her
to. “I need-”

“I know what
you need, angel.” He kissed her again. Her head was already
spinning, and she felt short of breath. He invaded every part of
her from her body to her mind to the cage that had always shielded
her heart.

The kiss went
on and on. He continued to consume her mouth through the most
intense orgasm of her life. “Wow,” she murmured, dropping her
forehead against his slick shoulder. “I can’t believe that just
happened.”

He chuckled,
the vibration moving through her. “I’m not sure if I should be
offended at your lack of faith in me.”

“I’ve never… I
mean, no man has made me…” Her face burned when she realized there
was no delicate way to tell him she’d never had an orgasm during
intercourse. She was still trying to un-tie her tongue when he
stilled and pulled back to reveal a scowl.

“I don’t want
you thinking about other men when I’m making love to you.”

The look on his
face told her he was deadly serious. “I’m sorry, I didn’t
mean-”

“When you’re in
my arms, you’re mine.” He tightened his hold on her. “You don’t
think or talk about other men. Understood?”

She swallowed
to coat her dry throat. His jealous streak still caught her off
guard, especially since he was the one who wanted to keep their
relationship casual. “Got it.”

“Good.” He
began thrusting, but it was agonizingly slow, as though he was
punishing her for her previous indiscretion. “Goddamn losers.”

He’d said it so
low she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. “Excuse me?” She could
barely remember her own name, and he was asking her to decipher
code?

“Any man who
would let you out of his bed without making sure you were
thoroughly satisfied didn’t deserve you.” His breathing was labored
as he picked up the pace, looking frighteningly intense as he
pinned her with a dark gaze.

“O…kay.” Lauren
didn’t know how else to respond. She’d never fooled herself into
thinking she’d had the world’s best lovers, but they held their
own.

“Why the hell
did you put that visual in my head?” He muttered a curse as he
braced his forearms on either side of her head.

“I’m…
sorry.”

“You don’t know
what you do to me, girl.”

She closed her
eyes as he showed her. Within minutes, they were both on the verge
of losing control, and she could scarcely believe her body could
perform that incredible feat. No question, the man was a master.
Which only made her wonder how he got to be that way. Ugh. He was
right, it was a terrible visual.

“Now, baby,” he
groaned, his jaw clenching with the effort it took to suppress his
release.

He didn’t have
to prompt her. Her body demanded she give in to him. “Tucker… I…”
Don’t say it!

“Oh God,
Lauren…” Her name slipped from his lips sounding like a curse, and
she knew he hated losing control, even in her arms.