Exposed: Book One of The Love Seekers Series (31 page)

Chapter 31

Emma

How was it possible that my nerves were even more out of control than they had been the previous day? This morning I woke up, got out of bed, fed my dog, and then it dawned on me that at any moment Chad would call to see if I was up for a date. Thankfully, my body decided to cooperate today, even if a cloud of foreboding and guilt still circled me. The pressure felt so intense, it wouldn’t have surprised me if I looked up and saw vultures circling overhead.

Last night, I tried to ping Bryan because silly me wanted to talk to him about anything and everything, but he never responded. Even before I sent my message, I suspected he would not reply, but I had to try.

Me:
Decided to go out with Chad for one date. Now I’m nervous.

Silly me crossed my fingers and watched the computer screen in the hopes he would type something, give me some sort of encouragement. I waited in vain.

Since the beginning of our odd pact, I never lied to Bryan. Maybe I withheld information, but that was different. This date was the culmination of everything Bryan and I had been working toward, and for that reason I would not start to lie to him. He knew Chad wanted to ask me out, and I believed it only right that I tell him I had agreed to the date. If he hated me for it, then so be it. But I couldn’t let it—
him
—go completely.

I did nothing that day except lay around. Neither Curley nor I were up to doing anything. I even blew off my sister by telling her I was having a bad day. She never questioned me, only asked, “Do you need anything?”

“No, I’ll be okay. Going to rest up,” I told her, desperate to get off of the phone as soon as possible.

“What about Curley? Do you want me to come and get him?”

“He’s fine. Mel took him to day camp yesterday and he’s tuckered out.”

“Good. That’ll make things easier for you. If you need me, call me. I’ll call to check on you later.”

“Okay,” I said before hanging up. After that, I went back to bed and stayed there until morning. Periodically, I flipped through the channels on TV, however, nothing held my interest for long because I knew what I wanted to be doing. I wanted to converse with Bryan, but I never heard from him. Unable to do much more than lie in bed, I only left it to go to the bathroom, forgoing food because I had zero appetite.

Chad called around lunch time the next day, after I had laid down for a nap, and since I got off of the phone with him, I’ve had to talk myself out of cancelling our date more than a dozen times.  Technically, I had an easy out. An excuse I was ashamed to admit I’ve used in the past when I didn’t feel like going out with a particular group of people, or whenever my anxiety got the better of me.
I’m too weak. I took a turn for the worse. I’m too tired. My muscles don’t want to cooperate.
Unfortunately, with MG, things could change suddenly from good to bad, and bad to worse, however, today was not one of those days.

I could hear my granny now telling me to buck up because her great-granddaughter was no coward. That woman had raised six children during the Great Depression, could kill a chicken with her bare hands, make a meal out of scraps, and managed to make every single person around her feel special and loved. I was lucky enough to be close to her for a good portion of my life, only losing her six years ago when I was 23 on the verge of turning 24, a year before I got sick. Through the years, her voice had developed into my conscience, and for that, I could also picture her slapping the back of my head to knock some good sense into me whenever I did something she considered wrong. Whenever I got on her shit list, her lips would always turn down into a frown, and she would demand I explain myself. In this case, I pictured her asking why I agreed to go courting with one man when I wanted a completely different man to court me. She used to call dating courting, which always made me snicker.
I missed her.

So, on the one hand I heard her voice telling me to grow a backbone, and on the other hand, her voice told me I needed to listen and follow my heart.

One date. I only agreed to go out with Chad for one date. Surely that would be all right. After dinner, I could think about what I really wanted to do about my tattered love life. Later, I would listen to my heart. Later, I would sit down and I would pray that my feelings for Bryan would leave. I wanted to be loved, I wanted to love, but caring for him made everything impossible.

Slight tremors wracked my body as my nerves got progressively worse throughout the day, and by the time the doorbell rang, my anxiety had made me so tense, I felt as if I could implode at any moment. It was probably a good thing that my phone had already been tucked away in my purse for safety reasons. I feared for its life. In my current state, it could have landed in the garbage disposal. The last thing my phone needed was another flying lesson.

Flying lessons made me think of skydiving. Skydiving made me think of Bryan. NO! Not happening.
Get it together Emma!
I chastised myself as I dragged my body toward the door.

Plastering on a smile in an attempt to appear more excited, I took a deep breath, grabbed the handle, and pulled the door open for my date. As soon as it flew open, I caught a waft of Chad’s strong, odorous cologne. It assaulted me and could’ve probably been arrested for assault and battery to the nose. But it showed he put forth some effort. Right?  And it could have been worse. Some fragrances out there smelled more like a garbage truck than cologne.

Nothing compared to Bryan’s scent though. Fresh, clean, and crisp without being too overpowering. I never felt overwhelmed by his scent.

I had to stop comparing everyone and everything to Bryan. This was not Bryan.

When the smoke cleared, meaning I could breathe again without the smell of his scent killing me, I released my breath slowly and closed the door behind him so that Curley would not escape. Although my dog was too busy sniffing this new person to consider running out the door. “Hi. Thanks for picking me up. I hope you don’t mind—”

He pressed a finger against my lip, shushing me. He actually shushed me. “
Shh
. Whatever you need, I’ve got you covered, babe.”

Babe? I mean Bryan called me honey and baby, but those were southern terms people used on anyone and everyone, even people they didn’t know. Babe? I kind of disliked the word. It always rubbed me the wrong way. 

Already backed against the wall in the entry way, I moved my head backwards and hit it against the wall.
Thud
. “Uh. Okay then. Well, tonight I have my walker. Is that going to be a problem?” My question was meant as a challenge because I wanted to see what he would do. Yes, he never seemed to have a problem with it at his house, but this was different–he was different. He entered my home with a completely different personality, and if it wasn’t for his looks, I would have thought someone else stood before me. This man screamed gigolo, whereas the other one said caring friend and brother…man. Did he have a brain transplant? A lobotomy? Maybe he had split personality syndrome?

“Sure babe. Walker, cane, scooter, whatever. I got you covered.” He tried to shake Curley off, but my dog thought the new person was playing with him and he bit down on Chad’s pant leg and tugged. At that point, my date gave up, deciding to ignore my dog for now.

Scooter? Last I checked I didn’t need one of those yet. Braces for my legs, walker, cane, a carryon full of meds…yes to all of the above. Not a scooter though, and as long as I was able, I would continue to walk for myself. I knew people who have had to use one and I didn’t fault them for that, but I didn’t want one unless it got to the point I had no other choice.

He licked his lips and leaned in closely, depriving me of fresh air and oxygen. “Or if you want, you can lean on me, and I’ll help you from place to place.”

Thoughts of another set of arms carrying me made me feel warm and fuzzy, while the thought of Chad with his arms wrapped around me…that image gave me the heebie-jeebies. I shuddered picturing it. When he noticed my reaction, his smile grew and he leaned in even closer, his nose rubbing against my cheek. I knew he had misinterpreted my reaction.

This new Chad creeped me out and I did not like the change in him at all. Knowing he could overpower me if he wanted, I still pushed him away from me, grateful that he went willingly. A point in his favor, considering he started in the hole from the moment I opened my door tonight. “What’s wrong with you?”

“What do you mean?” He blinked in confusion.

Curley tried to get Chad’s attention by growling as he pulled on his pant leg, but my date refused to give the little guy any attention. Did Chad dislike dogs?

Narrowing my eyes, I seethed. “At the party you were a nice gentleman. You even acted the same way on the phone. What? Now that we have a date, you think you have to act like you have game? Sorry, but I don’t play that. And if this is the real you, I’m not in the market. You can leave. There’s the door, don’t let it hit you in the ass on your way out.”

His eyes grew to the size of small saucers. I guessed my reaction shocked the hell out of him. “Girls like confidence,” he countered.

“There’s confidence, and then there’s being an ass-hat.”

“What the hell? Want to pull that knife out of my back?” He gripped his chest as if he had been wounded.

“Just speaking the truth. Don’t tell me this is how you are with all your dates?”

“Pretty much.”

“Really?”

“The ladies love what I have to offer them.”

I lifted one of my brows in disbelief before I challenged him. “Yeah? Well, those girls probably wanted a couple of things. You in bed and to be seen on your arm. I mean, you’re hot as hell, but your attitude sucks. I’m not impressed at all.”

“Aren’t you the girl who hasn’t been on a date in forever? You should be happy I asked you out.”

My hand reacted before I realized what it had done.
SLAP!
The cracking sound rang out loud and clear in the confines of the small space. Chad did not move a muscle, did not twitch. The surprised expression was clear on his face. 

Even Curley stopped what he was doing, sat on his haunches, and watched us. If needed, he would pounce on Chad in order to protect me–not that a little French bulldog could do much damage.

I snapped at him. “I’m sorry, but if this is nothing but a fucking pity date, you can get your ass in your car and leave. I don’t need those, I don’t need you, because I believe I deserve better. I’ve been with enough losers in my short life to know I don’t want to date another one, and if a guy can’t be real with me, I don’t want him. I have enough bullshit that I have to deal with right now, that I don’t need, or, want anymore. So if you’re here only to add to my drama, leave now and lose my fucking number.”

His eyes blinked in shock. “You’re serious?”

“As a fucking heart attack.” The ball was in his court. He had to decide his next move. Either he dropped the act, or he left. Plain as that. I might have wanted to use him to help me get over Bryan, but I refused to deal with an asshole who acted like a player. Or was that a player that acted like an asshole? Actually, they were probably the same thing. Regardless! I refused to become a pawn in his game.

I waited. Just when I got the notion to kick him out of my house, he straightened up and cleared his throat. “Sorry.”

“For?” Was he leaving or apologizing for his behavior?

“Other than my family, you’re the only girl that’s called me on my bullshit. Most girls I go out with don’t mind me acting like that. They kind of relish the overconfident player because they like believing they tamed the bad boy.” He grinned sheepishly. I noticed this time that his lips lifted higher on the right side than he left, and it was still sexy as hell.

“What about your ex-girlfriend?”

“Let’s say we had an understanding.”

I didn’t know what he meant by that, and at this point, I didn’t really care. “I see.”

“How about I promise to behave, if you agree to still have dinner with me?”

I knew three things: I was dressed with my hair and make-up done, hunger made my stomach growl at the most inopportune moment, and I wanted out of the house for the night so I wouldn’t think about Bryan. With those things in mind, I agreed. “Fine, but if you act like an asshole, I’ll call a cab and leave you wondering why I’m taking so long in the bathroom.”

“Deal.” He laughed, which made Curley bark and then my little dog bit his pants again. Chad must not be all bad if Curley liked him.

Dinner proved to be interesting. After figuring the best place to put my walker, since he had things piled in his trunk, he managed to shove it in his backseat, and then we took off.

Walking into the restaurant, the hostess flirted with him when he asked for a table for two. Then the waitress attempted to grab his attention when she took our orders. Actually, as I looked around the place, girls from every corner in the restaurant were gawking at him. The brave single women, tried to get his attention, shooting daggers at me with their eyes when nothing worked. It seemed no one was immune to his charm except me.

As we sat there eating our food, we talked about anything and everything, and that included trash talking each other’s hockey teams. It felt comfortable to sit across from him. After our salads were removed by the waitress, I grinned, and he pointed out, “You have salad stuck in your teeth.”