Exposed: Book One of The Love Seekers Series (34 page)

Tears gushed down my face as I sniffled and hiccupped. It was only then that I realized the fighting had stopped and no one was saying anything. Utter silence engulfed the church. All eyes were on me. Turning my head, I took in the scene next to me. Chad had a bloody nose and the makings of a black eye. Bryan, on the other hand, had a little blood on the side of his lip, but seemed to be none the worse for wear. Cussing in a church. Fighting in a church. Yelling in a church. My granny was probably rolling around in her grave.

“Why? Why did you kiss me?” I demanded, my eyes boring into Bryan’s.

“Because I can’t stand the thought of you going out with Chad.” His words came out tense and rushed.

“So, you thought you’d kiss me? Bravo. That’s exactly how to get me past my issues,” I bit out sarcastically.

“Em…”

He took a step toward me, and I held up my hand. “Don’t you dare come near me. I don’t want to hear it. I thought you understood better? I thought we were friends, but I guess I should have known that isn’t the case since you’ve hardly talked to me this past month. I’m not even dating Chad. We’re only friends, which you would’ve known if you’d bothered to talk to me He’s been trying to get me out of the house more often because…because…” My crying overwhelmed me, making it harder to talk.

“Wait, Emma! I think you’re misunderstanding something.”

Shaking my head, I whimpered, “I don’t think so.”

“I do think so. Emma, I love you.”

Had I heard him correctly? I stood there gaping at him as if he had lost his damn mind while my tears continued to fall.  “I’m…I’m sorry?” My voice was nothing but a soft squeak.

***

Bryan

Crap! I had everything planned. I knew exactly how I wanted to declare my feelings. But with one fell swoop, everything had been blown out of the water as I unceremoniously blurted my entire confession. In my head, everything would be said at the perfect moment in time, with her in my arms. It wasn’t supposed to happen while she ranted. It was supposed to be a sweet, romantic confession. But what she got was a desperate man grasping at straws. 

The moment she walked in the door, I felt her. Her very essence called out to me, pulling me toward her as if my soul recognized its other half. The only thing that marred the image of her standing at the back of the church was that Chad stood next to her with his arm dangling around her waist. Reason told me she only did that because she needed someone to steady her while she used her cane, which she probably used because it seemed less noticeable than her walker. It didn’t take much to see that her stance wavered, leaving her looking a little unsteady. What killed me the most, was that I was not the person helping her Fucking Chad got the honor.
Asshole.

I forced myself to keep my head straight, or else I would gape at her, but periodically I allowed myself the liberty to watch her out of the corner of my eyes. She looked breathtaking. Her black strapless sheath dress fit her figure perfectly, accentuating her body’s curves. Both flawlessly done, her hair held a hint of curl, and her makeup—though not needed in my eyes—made her lips seem fuller and her brown eyes stand out a little more.  The picture perfect angel…except for Chad. I wanted her, and so did my dick. Sheer willpower kept it from becoming too noticeable. Thankfully, my black slacks had some give and they helped mask my hard on. People have said the color black made the person wearing it slimmer, and in this case it hid my very physical reaction to her.

And then my sister had to storm in like a bat out of hell, ignoring everything around her. Before I could say anything to her, Chad tore into her, and when they went toe to toe, the distraction became my opportunity to confess my feelings to Emma. I had it all planned out right down to her ecstatic reaction in which she would confess her own feelings for me.

Unfortunately, reality and imagination very rarely coincided. Her tears pained me, twisting my gut.

She refused to look at me, thus I did what any red blooded man in love would do: I kissed her in order to get her attention. I expected Chad to back off at that point, or at the very least to remain oblivious as he continued to argue with my sister. However, once again my expectations fell short. Upset that I dared kiss her, he yanked Emma away and threw her behind his back. Did he not realize that Emma was mine? His actions pissed me off for two reasons. First, he stood between Emma and me. Second, when he grabbed her, he had been too rough with her. She was a treasure and should be treated as such.

Unable to hold back after Luke pulled Emma to safety, I proudly threw the first punch, hitting him in his nose. Hopefully, I broke it. It didn’t take him but a moment to retaliate, and he punched me in the mouth. If he thought I was done with him, he thought wrong. Throwing my fist, I caught him in the eye.

Our fight stopped there. Emma’s voice carried throughout the small church, her words loud and echoing. She was crying again. All of her rage was directed at my sister, and I wouldn’t stop her. Rayne had done this to herself. For Emma though, I wanted to wrap her in my arms and shut out the world. I wanted to end her pain, her disappointment. I wanted to protect her from anything that would rob the world of her smile.

I never expected her to turn her anger on me, or to challenge my kiss. I said the first thing that popped into my head. HUGE MISTAKE! As true as it was, that wasn’t the real reason I kissed her. My jealousy had spoken for me, and instead of confessing, I misspoke.

After I finally declared my love for her, she stood there with her mouth agape, stunned into silence. Everyone in the church watched us closely, waiting to see what would happen next, as if our love life was some sort of soap opera. Chad’s expression of disbelief was mirrored on almost everyone’s face, except Mel. On her face, I saw a knowing smirk. I didn’t question it, because she knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. The fact I had asked about Emma before I got into town a month ago, had probably clued her into the fact I felt something for Emma. But I ignored them all, focusing all my attention on the only girl I loved.

Her small voice questioning me, felt like a slap in the face, but I understood her confusion. I had told her countless time that she was not my type. Enough that I had started to sound like a broken record, and here I stood before her contradicting myself. I had been a fool.

This time when I stepped toward her she didn’t stop me. I only had one chance to convince her. “I love you more than you’ll probably ever know. When you decided to go out with Chad, I got so damn jealous. Every time I saw a status update saying you were out with him, I wanted to punch something, him mainly. He’s my friend and I hated him because he got to spend time with you. Emma, when I took you skydiving, it turned into the best day of my life–and I’ve had some pretty good ones. Honestly, I have more fun talking to you on FaceSpace than I have ever had with any other girl. Chad turned into my enemy because he was trying to take all of that away from me.” My gaze shifted to Mel. Sending her a small wink, I shrugged. “Sorry. Em’s—”

“I get it.” She grinned. Yep, she had me completely figured out.

Focusing on Emma again, I told her, “I just want to make you happy. I want to be the one to support you when you have to lean on someone either physically or mentally. I want to protect you from anyone and everyone that would harm you, or hurt your feelings. I want to love you, and I know you want the same thing.”

Her brow scrunched as she regarded me, before she shook her head in denial. “No, I don’t.”

“You do.”

“No.”

Sometimes her pigheadedness made me want to wring her neck…or kiss her senseless. “You do. Trust me on this.”

“Oh, and how do you figure?”

Her nose resembled Rudolph’s, her eyes were red and swollen, but even when she probably thought she looked her worst, she still looked beautiful to me. “You kissed me back, and were ready to continue when I ended it.” 

Her blush intensified and moved down her neck and chest. Had her breasts also turned red? “I’ll admit you’re a good kisser, but it’s been a while since I’ve been kissed and I like kissing. That’s all there is to it. I don’t want you or need you.”

“But you love me.”

“No.”

“Why don’t you try looking me in the eye when you say that?” Her eyes looked everywhere except my eyes. 

She locked her gaze with mine. “I…I…I…” Huffing with annoyance, she snapped, “It doesn’t matter if I do or not. I refuse to be with anyone who pities me. I want more.”

“It’s not pity, and I intend on giving you world.”

“I’m not your type, remember?”

Why was it when I had something important to say, people chose those moments to interrupt me? The pastor, who had been running late, ran into the church with the door slamming shut with a loud bang. Out of breath, he asked loudly, “Is everyone here for the rehearsal?”

“We’re not done, Emma,” I warned her.

Wiping her tears away with my handkerchief, she held it out to me. “Yes, we are.”

“Bryan, take a hint. She doesn’t want you. Besides, you can do better than someone who’s broken.” Rayne’s snide remarks made me want to slap her. My sister should be supporting me, not trying to rip Emma apart again.

“Emma isn’t broken! And if you can’t accept her, then you can’t accept me either.”

“Bryan!”

Emma, the peacekeeper, said, “He doesn’t mean it, Rayne. You’re the little sister he adores more than anything.” Her words held a note of finality to them which terrified me. And my fears were confirmed when she asked Chad, “Can you take me home? I don’t feel so well.”

“I’ll take you home,” I insisted.

Luke grabbed my arm, holding me in place, as Chad helped her toward the exit. I tried to break free, but could not. “Give her some space. After what Rayne said, and on top of everything else, she’s hurt and confused. You’ve barely talked to her this past month, then you show up with this monumental declaration…You know, anytime we saw her this past month, she always asked about you. We knew she was pining for you. She only needs some time,” he instructed me.

“He’s right. Listen, I’m pretty sure she’s in love with you, even though she hasn’t admitted it to me. Give her some space and try again tomorrow. They say weddings can help bring people together. Maybe it’ll work in your favor. If not, I fully intend to have her catch my bouquet.  We’ll just make sure you catch the garter.” Mel snickered, getting entirely too much pleasure out of my suffering. I almost shrunk away from her in fear due to the devious expression on her face. She was plotting, which never turned out well for her victims…I meant friends.

Reluctantly, I agreed. However, when I whirled to confront my sister, my demeanor changed. I seethed with anger, and I clenched my jaw as tightly as my fists hanging at my sides.  “If you ever treat her or someone else so disrespectfully again, I don’t care who you are, you will regret it. Not all diseases can be seen. Mom has diabetes. You can’t see that, can you?” When she didn’t answer, I yelled, “Can you?”

Rayne flinched. “No.”

“Then I suggest the next time you see her, you apologize.”

The pastor appeared lost, confused, and a little scared, as if he had entered the middle of a war zone, and was trying to figure out if he should run for cover. His pews were askew, one of the members of the wedding party left in tears, and another raised his voice to a woman. This would be a wedding he never forgot.

It took Mel asking, “Are we ready to get started? I’ll give Emma the run down tomorrow,” to get everyone focused on the wedding again.

Nodding quickly, the pastor agreed. “Yes, shall we?”

I honestly couldn’t recall anything that happened during the wedding rehearsal or what I ate for dinner afterwards, but none of that mattered as I stood on Emma’s porch banging on her door at almost eleven that night. After I ditched Luke and the other guys, I drove here. She was more important than any mischief they wanted to stir up the night before the wedding. I’d given her a few hours, but now we needed to talk. I wanted explain myself, and then I would beg her to give me a chance.

Chapter 35

Emma

When he dropped me off, Chad offered to stay with me, but I wanted to be alone. My emotions were all over the place. Not necessarily in turmoil, but not jumping for joy either. I mean I felt both of those and so much more. Anger, confusion, happiness, nervousness, anxiousness, hopeful…I doubted there were enough words in the dictionary to describe how I felt the moment Bryan declared his love for me.

I wished I could believe him. I did, but, I couldn’t. Why now? Why after a month of radio silence, did he confess now? Because he thought I was dating Chad? If that’s all it was, he could keep his confession, his supposed love, and shove it up his ass.

Seeing him again after longing for him had been harder than I originally thought it would be. I certainly never expected to hear any sort of declaration from him tonight…his fake confession shattered my already broken heart. He didn’t really want me. It was more like he didn’t want anyone else to have me. To Bryan, I was the shiny new toy. He reminded me of a child that wanted not only their toy, but everyone else’s as well. Eventually, my shine would fade, and he would move on to something else. The mere thought of that crushed me.

I had to clear my head of Bryan, I had to find some semblance of peace so that I could get through this weekend without breaking down. I failed. Bryan consumed my thoughts and my heart. Soaking in a bath had always been relaxing to me, even before myasthenia gravis entered my life, however, I gave up soaking after only five minutes because the longer I sat in the water, the more time I had to think. The more I allowed myself to think, the more my thoughts centered on Bryan and his confession. And the more I thought about that, the more I ached. It felt like a self-imposed torture.

Getting out of the bath had been a small struggle, but I managed it with the help of medical bars that had been installed all around the bathtub. They helped me to shower, to bathe, to soak without assistance, and gave me a lot of independence. Without them, getting in and out of the shower bath would be more difficult. On bad days though, I didn’t try to bathe myself. It was too dangerous, and I never knew if I would be able to get out of the bathtub by myself, even though I used a shower chair. Tonight, my legs were a little weaker than usual, and lifting myself from a seated position on the ground was not the most graceful feat, and that was all right because I still managed it on my own.

It wasn’t until I slipped on my nightshirt and shorts that I heard the first sounds of tapping. The small tapping turned into a knock, which kept getting louder and harder until the other person was essentially pounding on my door. The walls rattled. The door shook with the power. I could’ve pretended I didn’t hear, or I didn’t know who was attempting to break my down my door, but I somehow knew Bryan stood just outside of my apartment. Why was he here? 

“Emma, I know you’re in there. Open up! We need to talk!” Bryan yelled through the door.

Talk? If he wanted to talk, he should have talked to me after he left Charleston a month ago instead of waiting until now. What was I expecting though? Bryan apparently thought everything should happen on his schedule. He tried to punish me for doing what he encouraged me to do from day one. But now I was supposed to listen to him and believe him after he ignored me? No. He always said I deserved better, he was right. I did deserve better from him.

My heart did not agree. It screamed at me to open the door and let him in, because it believed in him.

On the other side of the coin sat my logic, who wholeheartedly disagreed. She reminded me that if he truly loved me, if his feelings were real, he wouldn’t have shut me out for a month. To which, my heart countered that his jealousy prevented him from reacting properly. The war being waged within me exhausted me.

Pushing my walker down the hall, I shuffled to the front of my apartment and quietly placed one of my hands on the door, trying to feel him through the cool metal. He was still pounding on it, and I could feel the vibrations travel up my arm. But I refused to answer it. I couldn’t. I’d left the rehearsal in order to get my head on straight, and I still hadn’t succeeded.

I loved him. I couldn’t deny it, and if he actually loved me, it would make me over the moon ecstatic. But, how could it be true? For months, I continually heard him say that I wasn’t his type. He told me he would help me find love, but he could never be my Prince Charming. Chad even confided in me that I was the exact opposite of Bryan’s type. So how could I believe him? Why now? How was I supposed to forget everything he’d ever said, and accept his sudden confession? Did he have some sort of epiphany, because he assumed I started dating Chad? This was real life, and not some dime store romance novel. I couldn’t do it. If I let him through that door, my heart wouldn’t survive.

My hand fell back onto my walker handle, numb and practically limp. I messed up because I fell in love with the one man I wasn’t supposed to, the one man who probably knew me better than anyone. He opened me up, and exposed most of my secrets and insecurities. I didn’t hate him for it. If anything, I was grateful to him. Due to his perseverance and doggedness, I’d faced a lot of my old ghosts. Bryan had done that for me.

Maybe it was a hero complex or something. Maybe I didn’t really love him. Maybe it was like that Stockholm syndrome, or whatever they called it whenever the victim fell in love with their captor.

But I knew better. It wasn’t. While I did feel grateful to him for what he had done for me, my feelings for him went beyond anything I’d ever experienced. Saying otherwise, was a lie. The day he took me skydiving, he handed me the world by giving me something I believed was lost forever. His body pressed into mine as we jumped out of the plane and flew through the air, the feel of his arms around me as he tried to protect me on our landing, it felt like home. Everything about him and that day felt right…
utterly perfect.

The longer I stood next to the door, the more I wanted to throw caution to the wind and open it. I needed to walk away. I should walk away.

Then again, maybe it was time to stop living my life so cautiously. Maybe, it was time to start living again…

Not yet.

I walked to my couch and fell onto it, grabbed a throw pillow, and pressed it over my head to mute the sounds of Bryan’s constant pounding. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but suddenly, nothing except silence could be heard from the front door. Had he finally given up? Or was that I heard shuffling outside? Unsure, I got up, and carefully peered out of the small window next to door. He sat on the ground, propped against the hunk of metal he’d been banging on. It almost appeared as if he was settling in for…the night? An hour? What and why? Why would he do this?
Just leave!
With his eyes staring out into the darkness in front of him, he sat there waiting, and I sat there watching him until I couldn’t watch any longer.

Lightning flashed, lighting up the blackened night sky. The rumbles of thunder cracked, breaking the stillness of the night. Then the rain began. Not a mere gentle drizzle, this was a torrential downpour. Yet, Bryan remained unmoving. The rain hit him, spitting on him, but he ignored it.

I couldn’t let him suffer.

Against my better judgement, already believing I would regret it in the morning, I unlocked the door. He must’ve heard me above the angry sounds of nature, because by the time I pulled it open, he stood there with a hopeful expression on his face, looking like a drowned rat. “Emma—”

“Come on in. I’ll get you a towel. Mel will kill me if you got sick and didn’t show up to her wedding,” I interjected. Turning around slowly, I walked toward my bathroom where I kept the dry towels. On the short trip, I begged my heart to stop pounding, to quiet down, but it completely ignored me. Traitor.

“Here.” I shove the towel in his face and told him, “I think I have a pair of basketball shorts and a T-shirt that’ll fit you. We can throw your clothes in the dryer if you want.” I avoided making eye contact.

“Em, I need—”

“Hurry up and dry off. You’re getting my floor wet, which makes it dangerous for me. I’m a bit of a klutz sometimes. I’ll go and see if I can find the clothes.” When he didn’t follow, both relief and disappointment duked it out within me.  Logic versus heart again. This man was going to be my undoing.

It didn’t take me long to find the clothes I’d offered to him, but a small part of me wished it had taken longer, especially when I returned to find his shirt clinging to his chest and arms like a second skin.

I gulped. The material defined his muscles, making it look more like someone had taken a paint brush and painted the color onto him. The visual made my mouth water. Unable to meet his gaze, I focused on his chest, fighting the small party of me that wanted to rake him from head to toe. “Here. They should fit. And before you complain about wearing women’s clothes, they’re men’s shorts. I got them from the sports store online.”

“LA Surf?”

“If you don’t like my team or if you choose to complain, you can stay in wet clothes and get the fuck out for all I care.”

“No, I’ll change. Thanks. Where’s Curley?”

“My sister’s. She’s watching him while I deal with wedding stuff this weekend. I was supposed to be staying with Mel tonight, but plans changed. Ellie is going to the wedding, but since she’s not in the wedding, she volunteered to keep him for me since I had planned…”  I cleared my throat, stopping myself before I repeated myself. My nervous energy increased around him, and I couldn’t calm down. I was on edge.  “There’s extra towels in the bathroom if you need them.” As he brushed passed me, I instinctively inhaled. His scent was like an aphrodisiac. I desired him. I wanted to grab him, throw myself into his arms, and never let go until we were both tired and sated. Although, I firmly believed that I would never have enough.

I behaved. My feet remained firmly planted until I heard the bathroom door close. Then and only then, did I release my pent up breath, exhaling loudly and slowly.
Stop it.

If I had to deal with him, I had to be comfortable, or at least sitting. I moved to the couch and sat down, listening carefully for him to come back into the living room. It wasn’t until I heard him moving toward me that I realized my mistake. I should have sat on my oversized chair instead of the couch. The couch had too much space, gave him too many options which allowed him to sit with me.  Big mistake. Monumental. ‘
Keep calm, Emma,’
I kept telling myself.

“Where’s your dryer?”

“I’ll—”

“Just tell me where it is, Em. I’m a grown man. I know how to use a dryer.”

Damn!
There went my excuse to get up and move to a new location. “In the kitchen, behind the door on your right. The other one is the pantry.”

“Thanks.”

I heard him moving around before I heard the dryer come alive. Now that the dryer had been turned on, my nerves and anxiety kicked it up another notch. I should have moved anyway while he was in the kitchen.

“Thanks for letting me come in out of the rain,” Bryan spoke softly as he settled onto the opposite side of the couch.

See, I knew I should have moved, but even the oversized chair would not have been far enough away. “No problem. Mel would kill me if she knew you were here and I left you out in the storm. I don’t want to ruin her wedding.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten sick from a little rain.”

“What? You think you’re Superman or something? People get colds all the time from getting caught in the rain. Unless you were on your way to Luke’s, then you can TYA.”

“TYA?”

“Take your ass.”

Chuckling, he said, “No, I actually planned to stay out there all night if I had to.”

“Why?” Defensively, I demanded he answer me. I was on high alert. Defcon 1.

His body shifted until he sat on the middle cushion, a little closer to me. I couldn’t escape him. “Because we have to talk about what happened at the church.”

My head shook vigorously from side to side. “Nope. Let’s forget it and move on with our lives.”

“I don’t want to forget!” he snapped. His fingers on both hands combed through his hair in agitation, and he pulled it.. I wasn’t sure if he groaned from pain—I didn’t realize he was a masochist—or frustration. I saw his lips moving, counting down from ten, and when he addressed me again, his tone sounded quieter and more civil. “I don’t want to forget anything about you, Emma. I don’t want to forget our conversations or skydiving or dinner. Until you, everything bored me except my job. Girls were fucking annoying, and anytime I had to talk to them, I wanted to rip my ears off after five minutes. You were always different.”

“You’re a good friend too.”

“No! I mean yes, you are, but that’s not what I’m talking about right now. The day you messaged me that you had decided to go out with Chad, I sat in my room stewing about it all day. The longer I sat there, the more pissed off I got.”

“Bryan, I get it. I’m just the shiny new toy. You’ll get over it.” I tried brushing his confession again in order to protect my traitorous heart that wanted to shout for joy from the mountain tops. My hands ached to reach for him, my lips wanted to feel his pressed against them again, and even my logic had started to climb over the wall in order to join my heart. But I still fought. I still rejected his confession.