Entangled (Entangled Trilogy #1) (23 page)

“Are you lying to me?” he asks me
and I shake my head slowly. James relaxes and leans in closer to
me.

“I hope you’re not lying to me.
You don’t know what I would do if you were lying,” he warns me and
I mentally give myself a pat in the back.

“Actually, I do know what you
would do if I were to lie to you, which I’m not,” I tell him as a
matter of factly.

“
God, you’re so beautiful,” he
murmurs and lowers his lips so that it met mine. I couldn’t believe
it; he was kissing me while I kissed him back. The rational part of
me thought about this carefully, trying to get away from him while
the other part of me held onto him, longing for him. He gently
pushed me back so that my back was leaning on the headboard while
he put his hands on my hips. I kept kissing him, losing myself
until I sensed someone’s presence.

Adrian.

“
James!” Adrian yelled as he came
over to James and pried him away from me. I sat there for a
millisecond and then realized what had happened. For some odd
reason, my mind didn’t regret a single thing that happened. I
watched as Adrian and James practically fought. James tried to
punch Adrian in the face, but he dodged it.

“
How dare you touch her? You tried
to kiss her, trying to get her to fall for you again,” Adrian
snarled and I flinched. I’ve never seen Adrian this angry and this
kind of scared me. Kind of? a voice asked me in the back of my
head.

“
I gave you and
Lucifer a fucking
restraining order
for a reason,” Adrian said again, getting ready
to punch him again, but I stopped them both. Adrian never said that
word so this is definitely not a good thing.

“STOP! James, just leave. Just . .
. get out of here,” I tell him and he nods before leaving me alone
with Adrian who looks passed the
I’m-so-pissed-off-that-my-girlfriend-cheated-on-me level. I
couldn’t even believe it; I cheated on him. What was I
thinking?

“Roza, how could you? I thought
you really loved me,” Adrian asked me as a million emotions filled
his voice.

“
You clearly thought wrong,” I
muttered and his eyes instantly filled with tears, but he held them
back.

“
You lied to me? Again?” he asked
me, his heart breaking. Well, there is never going to be a better
time than this.

“
Look, Adrian, you’re a really
great guy, but I can’t continue on with this whole soul mate thing.
If you ask me, I think this whole thing is—it’s ridiculous. I don’t
really have feelings for you and I sure as hell don’t love you. I
was just trying to get my mind off things. Guess it didn’t work,” I
said and the heart break was definitely clear on his face. Hell, my
heart was the one that was breaking, saying all these to Adrian. I
didn’t want to see him upset, but it’s for his own good.

“You’re breaking up with me?
Again? Wait, so you used me?” Adrian asked me, clearly upset by all
of this. He did not see any of this coming. I shrugged without
hesitating.

“It didn’t work anyways,” I
shrugged again and he finally broke down.

“
What is it that James has and I
don’t? We’re soul mates for goodness sake! I love you, knowing you
loved me back,” Adrian cries, trying to get me to tell him this is
all a lie. He comes over to me, shaking me by the shoulders while I
swat his hands away.

“You’re right. I
loved
you. I don’t love
you anymore and I never did,” I said without being unfazed by how
much it hurt me to say these words to him.

“I trusted you,” Adrian tells me
and I sneer.

“Adrian, trust is like an eraser.
It gets smaller and smaller after each mistake and trust me, I’ve
made lots and lots of mistakes,” I tell him.

“Why’d you do this to me?” Adrian
asks me once more.

“I don’t know. I felt like it. I
hate you, Adrian. I don’t want to see you ever again in my life.
Please, just get out of my life. You know, whenever you’re in
danger, just remember that I did this to help you. I did all of
this for you,” I tell him as his sadness is replaced by something
else.

“What do you mean? I love you,
Roza. You’ve got this all wrong,” Adrian tells me again.

“No, I don’t have this all wrong.
I cheated on you for God’s sake. You should hate me right now,” I
yell at him and he shakes his head.

“But I don’t hate you, Roza. I
love you, Roza. You may have broken our promise but I didn’t and I
never will and that is a promise I will keep no matter what. I love
you, Roza. What about our promise? What about my promise to you?
Just think about it,” Adrian tells me.

“NO! Adrian, I’m not the love of
your life or your soul mate; I’m just another promise that you
couldn’t keep,” I tell him and he stands there for about a second
longer before heading out, hopefully, for good.

I don’t even know what to do now.
How could he love me even after what I did to him? I thought
kissing James would make Adrian angry at me.

Trust me, I will not hurt you, but
I will slowly kill you once and for all this time. I am going to
torture those you love, agonizingly slowly in front of you. I think
I’ll start with Prince Charming.

Ever since I read that letter,
those words have been haunting me. That person couldn’t hurt me but
he could hurt Adrian. By now, I know for sure that the letter was
written by a dude. I couldn’t even stand to see Adrian hurt or dead
so I had to break things of, for good this time. I couldn’t let
this happen. There is no one else on Earth who hates me more than I
do.

You may have broken our promise,
but I didn’t and I never will and that is a promise I will keep no
matter what.

Now I know for sure that Adrian
was talking about that promise we made that night in the
hospital.

“
I love you too, Adrian. I’ll be
with you forever. I won’t ever leave you, I promise.”
“Unconditionally, forever and always,” we both alleged before he
leaned down to kiss me again, fastening that undertaking of ours
that was absolutely resilient.

I was the one who broke that
stupid promise and now I will suffer. I broke down and tried to
fall asleep, that same poem in my head again, lulling me into a
deep, dreamless sleep.

Outside lives a girl with a smile
that will brighten up the room,

Yet inside hides a girl with a
frown full of despair . . .

Outside lives a girl with eyes of
joy that brings you to ease,

Yet inside hides a girl shedding
tears of sadness . . .

Outside lives a girl with a
beautiful laugh that’s contagious,

Yet inside hides a girl screaming
her lungs out in unwanted anger . . .

Outside lives a girl with the
personality everyone envies,

Yet inside hides a girl full of
insecurities and shame . . .

Outside lives a girl who is
fearless and tough,

Yet inside hides a weak girl who
lives in fear . . .

Outside lives a girl full of
life,

Yet inside hides a girl full of
pain, wanting to die . . .

Outside lives a girl with a
perfect image,

Yet inside hides a girl with
regrets and mistakes . . .

Outside lives a girl of
innocence,

Yet inside hides a girl with
tremendous guilt . . .

Outside lives a girl with goals
and aspirations,

Yet inside lives a girl lost in
confusion . . .

What you see on the outside is my
personal disguise,

What hides underneath you can’t
even begin to imagine . . .

Now I knew for sure who this girl
was. There was no doubt that this girl was me. I guess the last
part of the poem seriously relates to me, doesn’t it?

What you see on the outside is my
personal disguise,

What hides underneath you can’t
even begin to imagine . . .

* * * * *

I woke up and glimpsed at the
clock, grumbling. I tried to lull myself back to sleep, but it was
impossible. I groaned again once I remembered everything that had
happened last night. The whole letter, James, Adrian and the break
up and my stupid sacrifice. At least now, he doesn’t have to run
away from his demise anymore. I felt the warm tears slide down my
cheeks and I wiped them off.

I will not cry anymore. I have to
let my feelings go or at least conceal them. That perfect girl I
was before, yeah, she’s dead. She will never come back, never. I
will start over. This is my chance to start fresh again. Live my
life like it’s the last day of my life which I feel as if it is. I
could feel my heart breaking into millions of little
pieces.

I, grudgingly, got out of bed to
take a shower but for some reason, I went over to the window. Every
single day, Adrian would stand outside, by the fountain in front of
our house. Every day, he would stand there, clutching a single red
rose with a little note. Every day, in the note, he would write
something funny to cheer me up. I thought after the break up, he
wouldn’t show up every day but boy was I wrong.

Right there, out in front of the
fountain stood Adrian, wearing black skinny jeans and a white shirt
with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, holding a single red rose
with a note in his hand. Every day, my heart would melt at the
sight of him and it still did, just not with love but with longing.
He looked the same from here but I know for sure that he isn’t
fine. My Adrian is not fine and I wish I could just run down the
stairs and into his muscular arms but I held myself
back.

Instead, I turned around, wiped my
waterworks and headed off into the bathroom to take a long
shower.

* * * * *

I couldn’t believe what I was
seeing. Adrian was still in front of my house, standing there with
the note and that rose, looking down at his feet. I wish I could
tell him to leave. He’s been standing there for five hours
straight. As if he knew what I was thinking, he turned around and
left, slumping his shoulders and walking away. I wish I could run
up to him and try to get him back, but it’s better off if I
don’t.

* * * * *

It’s been a whole week since
Adrian and I broke up. He’s still outside my house. He’s been
standing in front of my house every day for five hours each day,
waiting for me. I waited and waited until he left today and this
time, it was different. He decided to leave the rose and the note
on the edge of the fountain, in case I decided to go there and read
it which I did. As soon as he left, I went downstairs, picked up
the note and the rose. I held them close to me, near my heart. I
wanted to read the note, but not now. It’s better if I
wait.

I’m sorry, Roza. Please come back
to me. I love you, Roza. Please come back to me; I’ll make it all
better. I miss you.

“I miss you too, Adrian. I miss
you, too,” I cried and broke down once again for the millionth
time. I can’t believe I did that. I ran up to my room, to find
comfort, only to find another note there. Great, now my secret
admirer.

Rosemarie,

I see that you’ve been following
orders. How easily you’ve fell for my trick. You really think I
would hurt Adrian? Wow, you were wrong. I would never hurt him. So
. . . you broke up with him for no reason. It was hilarious to see
you both in so much pain. I am planning on hurting someone else.
It’s better if I don’t tell you who it is. Adrian really loves you
and you broke his heart. Wow, Rose, I didn’t know you had it in
you. I guess you two are really not soul mates, are you? Mark my
words, Rosemarie; I will put you through even more agony than this.
You think all of this is painful? Wait ‘til you see what I’m
planning for you. Sweet Dreams.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer.

“No, no, no, no,” I shake my head,
tears streaming down my face furiously. “What have I done? Adrian,
oh my god, Adrian. What have I done?” I keep telling
myself.

* * * * *

I looked down to see if Adrian
came today and he did. I am going to do it. I’m going to ask him to
take me back. I love him and I will not put him through so much
pain. He wasn’t the one I was supposed to hurt. He’s my soul mate.
I walked down the stairs cautiously and onto the front door. I
thought I would faint from seeing him again. He was dressed in
black skinny jeans and a light blue shirt that made his eyes stand
out more. He was twirling the rose in his hands, looking down at
his feet. I knew that if I do this, there would be no going
back.

“Adrian,” I breathe and his head
snaps up, meeting my depressing eyes with his shining aquamarine
ones.

“Roza,” he gasps, his expression
filled with love and affection. He really is the one I’m meant to
be with.
Is it too late to turn
back?

CHAPTER 24

MISSING

Should I just run back inside?
This way, I wouldn’t have to worry about his waterworks. But then
again, you can’t run away from your problems.