Entangled (Entangled Trilogy #1) (20 page)

“But I love you. Unconditionally.
Forever. Always,” I said to principally nothing.

That’s it. I couldn’t take it
anymore. I am not going to let that letter rule my life. My heart
felt as if a giant had stepped all over a beautiful garden, the
flowers dead. A garden filled with thorns. A garden filled with
emptiness. A garden without love to nourish it.

I did what I thought was the right
thing to do. If I couldn’t stop the stupid admirer, then I will
stop my life, my breaths. I ran over to the bathroom and turned on
the faucet. I let the cold water numb my wrists, satisfying my body
with the lack of emotion. I turned off the faucet, took the blade
and walked over to my bedside table.

I looked at the picture on the
table, the one with me and Adrian. He was hugging me from the back
and I had my head turned around, kissing his cheek while he smiled
into the camera. I missed them, I missed us. I love Adrian. I don’t
want to leave him, but if I’m not alive, he’ll have one less person
to worry about. One less burden for everyone, right?

I looked down at my wrist, the
blue veins under my skin was obscurer than before. My skin was just
very pale but due to the cold water, my veins looked darker than
before. I could hear my heart beating rapidly in my chest. The
heart that couldn’t beat no more. My eyes burned with tears, but I
knew that my eyes wouldn’t shed a single tear; they could cry no
more. My whole body was filled with a mind numbing pain but I knew
that I couldn’t feel anything anymore.

I looked at the picture next to
the one with Adrian and me. It was a picture of Elliot.

“I’ll miss you, big bro. You were
amazing. I love you. I’m sorry for doing this,” I smiled. The next
one was my mom’s picture, her face shining for some
reason.

“Don’t worry, mother. I’m coming,”
I smiled again.

The last picture was of Adrian,
his smiling face and his beautiful aquamarine eyes filled with
love. Those blue green eyes were the only thing that could make me
want to live. I looked into those eyes that were filled with love
and smiled, inching the blade closer to my wrist.

“I’ll miss you, most of all,
Adrian. I love you. Unconditionally, forever and
always.”

With that, I plunged the blade
into my wrists. I could feel the tissues tearing apart, making way
for the blade. How I loved the sensation of pain. I’ve felt it many
times before. This is nothing. Oh, how I loved the sweet sensation
of pain. There is no other feeling both sweeter and bitterer than
the feeling of being in unbearable agony.

Aeternum vale, Adrian. Farewell
forever. I love you and you only. Unconditionally. Forever. Always.
My heart belongs to you. I will always be yours and yours only. No
one else can have me, not even death.

CHAPTER 20

MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

BEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP!!

BBEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!

What was that annoying sound? It
has been going on for hours and I can’t even focus on my
surroundings. Wait, I just said my surroundings. I was supposed to
be dead. I cut my wrist and I am supposed to be dead. How am I out
here?

I looked around and saw that I was
in a dark tunnel with a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Is
this supposed to be some sort of a NDE? A bright light at the end
of the tunnel. I looked around but there was nothing
here.

I looked down at myself and saw
that I was wearing the same aquamarine dress I wore on my death
day. The same aquamarine as Adrian’s eyes. Thinking of Adrian made
my heart ache really, really badly. I wish I could be in his arms
but the sacrifice was worth it. If suicide meant Hell for me then I
would rather be in Hell than let Adrian, Elliot, Maddie or Savvy
die. I love all of them.

The light began to move towards
me, brightening with each step it takes. I shielded my eyes with my
hands but it was no use. I willed for it to stop and it did. The
light started dimming until it was just faintly glowing with the
outline of a tall figure behind it.

“Rosemarie? Is that you?” she
queried in a musical voice. I know that it was a girl, I just
somehow knew.

“Yes, it’s me but who are you?
What do you want from me? Aren’t I supposed to be dead?” I asked,
my voice hoarse from the screaming I’d done during my break up with
Adrian.

My whole body ached but the wrists
hurt more than anything else. I looked down to examine it and saw
that they were slit open. You could see the flesh inside and the
crusty blood surrounding it. Usually, the sight of blood would make
me squeamish but I just didn’t get that nauseas feeling
now.

“
Don’t worry, child. I will not
harm you. I mean no harm. I only desire answers from you, nothing
else,” she answered in that magnificent voice of hers.

“
Answers? Who are you? Why should
I trust you?” I whispered and somehow, I felt as if I’ve known
forever now. I felt a parental connection towards her.

“
I’m the one who can get you out
of here. Now, tell me, Rosemarie, what happened? You are not
supposed to be here. I sent my children out to guard you for a
reason. They must’ve messed up. Adonael was meant to guard you,”
she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. I could see her
silhouette only but it was enough to show her concern.

“
Who’s Adonael? Your children are
supposed to protect me? Who are they? What is this place?” I said
helplessly. My whole body ached and I didn’t have time for
this.

“
This is the middle of nowhere.
You’re in between death and life and it is up to you to choose.
Answer my questions properly and then listen to me carefully. Make
the moral decision to get to your next destination,” she answered
and I nodded.

“
Excellent! People end up here
only if they kill themselves purposely. If they kill themselves
without a purpose, then their death is futile and they eventually
go onto Hell,” she said and waited for me to comprehend all of
this.

“
Why are you here? Why did you
kill yourself?” she asked me in that sweet voice.

“
I—I can’t tell you. I’m sorry,” I
said and lowered my head so that I was looking at the ground. Just
because no one else was around us, doesn’t mean that we were
safe.

“
Trust me, you’re safe here. You
can tell me,” she told me and I, unwillingly, obeyed.

“
Someone gave me a letter telling
me to breakup with my boyfriend, Adrian. I didn’t know who wrote
the letter but I wanted to find out. The person said that if I
didn’t do as the person said, then he or she would try to kill the
people I love. I broke up with Adrian but I couldn’t take the pain
anymore. I didn’t want the stupid letter to rule my life so I
attempted suicide. If I’m dead, then the person can’t demand
anything from me nor can the person try to kill the people I love,”
I explained, wiping away the single tear that had managed to escape
my eye.

“
Oh, Rosemarie. You shouldn’t have
done that. We all tried so hard to keep you alive. You came so
close this time, all by yourself, and you gave up and killed
yourself. We don’t have the time to try again with you. We’re worn
out. Poor Adonael. That boy loves you so much. You two are soul
mates,” she explained.

“
What do you mean?” I asked in my
current confused state.

“
Well, dear, all fallen angles and
angles have soul mates. Someone who they would reproduce with.
Someone who is compatible with them. You were Adonael’s soul mate
and he lost you now. He must be devastated. He waited for you
forever now and you left him,” she said rather sadly. Who is
Adonael?

“
Well, dear, Adonael is the
Archangel Adonael, my son,” she smiled and I didn’t realize that I
said that out loud until she responded to me.

“
I don’t understand,” I
said.

“
Adonael is your Adrian,
Rosemarie,” she smiled again. Oh. My. God. This could not be
happening.

“
Now, you have the choice of going
back to Earth and living your life to find out about your past and
fulfill your purpose or you could wait the next 50 years to start
all over again, putting Adonael through that pain again,” she told
me.

“
But what about that letter?” I
asked as a shiver made its way down my spine.

“
Don’t worry; I’ll make sure that
you’re safe. No one can harm you,” she said and made her way over
to me. The light started to get brighter and again, I had to shield
my eyes from her view.

“
Close your eyes, dear,” she
ordered and I did. I closed my eyes as she placed her hands on
either side of my head. I somehow felt some kind pf power course
through my body and I felt strong again. Unfortunately, I wasn’t
strong enough to move my wrists without hissing in pain.

“
Open your eyes. Now, make your
choice. Do you want a second chance or not? Adrian will take
drastic measures to keep you from dying completely, you know,” she
grinned.

“
But everyone thinks I’m dead,” I
said but it felt more like a question.

“
Yes but I could make it look like
a miracle. So . . . what will it be?” she asked again, leaning
forward.

“
Wait, what if I don’t choose to
go back to Earth? Where will I go then?” I asked.

“
You will be simply dead, unlike
everyone else. You will be dead while my other children will
prepare you for your next incarnation in the next 50 years,” she
said. So I will come back to life in the next 50 years, only to
encounter pain all over again. I should just live through it now or
I could wait for 50 years.

“
What will it be? What will you
choose?” she asked me again in an influencing voice.

“
Rose, You’ve never come this far.
My son Adonael always has to give you up whenever you find out the
truth about him. That’s why he pretended to be someone else, just
so he can be close to you. Just so he could love you and have you
all to himself. He wanted to protect you,” she started. It took me
a while to process all of this. Now, I knew who she was.

“
Please, he didn’t mean anything
he said to you. He truly does love you. He didn’t mean any of those
negative things. He isn’t ready to lose you again, Rosemarie. I beg
for forgiveness on his behalf, Rosemarie. Please forgive him,” she
said in a shaky voice, bending on her knees to touch my feet. She
was literally about to beg me and I took a step back, bent down and
took her by the shoulders to bring her up to a standing position
again.

“
So . . . You are God, right?
You’re Lord?” I asked, almost hopeful; almost.

“
Yes, I am and I seek your
forgiveness for Adonael,” she said again and I let out a shaky
breath. This was a lot to take in. Adrian was my soul mate, my
whole world, my everything.

“
I forgive him,” I smiled and
considered the offer; almost considered it.

“
So . . . will you?” she asked me,
her voice filled with hope and something else.

I thought back to what I told to
the picture of Adrian back in my bedroom. I love you, Adrian.
Unconditionally. Forever. Always. I guess those words were true. I
do love him. A tear had managed to escape my eye and I quickly
wiped it away.

“
Oh, I understand if you don’t
want to go back. We could try and wait for you again, Rose. Just
say the word and you don’t have to go back. Adonael could wait.
I’ll make him understand that this is what you wanted. He’ll
understand, right?” she asked me in an unstable voice. For a
moment, I thought that she was going to cry.

“
Of course he’ll understand,” I
smiled a sad smile, tears escaping my eyes in an orderly fashion. I
was crying, in front of the Lord. This was just great. I didn’t
want her to think I was weak so I furiously wiped at it.

“
You and Adonael have that in
common. Both of you don’t want to show your weaknesses to anyone
but you two are not afraid to be yourselves and reveal yourselves
to each other,” she smiled again.

“
Yeah,” I said and an awkward
silence stretched out between us. I sighed and decided to tell her
what I wanted.

“
So . . . about the offer,” I
started.

“
Yes?” she cut in. She leaned
forward, her expression full of hope. She wanted to know what my
answer was going to be. I love Adrian. Unconditionally, forever and
always. I’m his forever. There’s no denying it. That’s it, I’ve
made up my mind. I just have to say it.

“
I love you, Adrian.
Unconditionally, forever and always,” I whispered and I broke down
again. I don’t know if this is the right choice or not but I’ve
made up my mind. Once it’s done, it’s done.

CHAPTER 21

SECOND CHANCES

Once again, I was speechless. I
don’t even know what to say. I know I’ve made up my mind, but I’m
starting to have doubts.