Desperation of Love (7 page)

I love being here on this beach alone with Alex. I still can’t believe that no one takes advantage of this place. True to his word, he dragged me to the grocery store and stocked my kitchen with all sorts of things that I have no idea what to do with. He packed lunch for us and brought me here. I look over at him, lounging on a beach chair, eyes hidden behind dark shades. He looks so much different to me than he did just yesterday. More appealing, if that’s even possible. There’s always been chemistry between us. Although, I never gave much thought to the type of man that he is, I knew that he was funny, smart, and kind, but there’s a depth to him. He has many different layers, and I suddenly want to get to know them all.

The corner of his lips curve up slightly. “Why are you staring at me?”

I giggle. “You caught me. I thought you fell asleep. You just looked peaceful.”

“Yeah?” He slides his sunglasses on top of his head. “You just look hot. I like that bikini on you,” he says, eyeing my simple black string bikini. Alex gets up from his lounge chair and grabs my hand. “Come here,” he says, pulling me to my feet and wrapping his arms around my waist. “Want to get in the water with me?” His seductive grin stirs up a flurry of butterflies in my stomach.

“It’s probably freezing.”

He shakes his head and places a kiss on my lips. “It wasn’t that bad the other day. It should be fine.” I look in his eyes. They seem dark, hungry, and he’s looking at me like I’m his next meal. It terrifies me and excites me all in the same breath.

“Alright, let’s go.” He lets go of my waist and grabs my hand, pulling me to the water. We wade in together slowly, hand in hand, until we’re waist deep. The cool water feels good on my overheated skin.

“Wow, this actually feels really nice.”

“You feel really nice,” he says, bringing his lips to the crook of my neck and kissing me. Instinctively, my arms circle his neck and his hands drop to my ass, lifting me up until my legs are wrapped around his waist. I can feel his arousal growing as our lips meet. He flicks his tongue out and gently licks my bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth then slowly releasing it, teasing me. His lips curve up into a sexy grin as he slowly brings his mouth back to mine. Our tongues collide and a rush of excitement billows through me, making me grab on tighter and turn myself over to him, wanting him to give me more. Alex pulls away.

“Mmm, don’t stop,” I plead.

He stares at me for a moment, lust in his eyes. “I have to or we’re going to drown.”

“We’re fine.”

“This is the Jersey shore, not the Bahamas. Any minute now, a wave is going to come and knock us down.”

I can’t help but laugh at his statement. “Okay, okay.” I nod. “You’re right, let’s go.” I say, unwrapping my legs from around him. We make our way back to the lounge chairs, holding hands, and pack up our things.

On the drive back to my house, I take the opportunity to ask Alex a few important questions. “Okay, so since we’re supposed to be getting to know each other better … what’s your favorite color?”

He smiles. “It’s blue. How about you?”

“Green, but not like a hunter green, like a nice seafoam green.”

He chuckles. “Got it. Seafoam. Favorite ice cream flavor? Mine is rocky road.”

“Cookies and cream.” I think for a moment. “Favorite book?”

“What’s yours?” he prods.

“I asked you first.”

“Let me guess. Billionaire, virgin, handcuffs, that sort of thing?”

I laugh because he couldn’t be any closer to the mark. “You got me. Now you.”

He thinks for a minute then glances over at me when we come to a red light. “The Odyssey.”

“Really? Like the one they make you read in high school?”

“Yeah, I read it in school and I loved it. Odysseus is gone, missing for over ten years, and his wife waits for him the entire time. She never gives up on him, no matter what, no matter how many men try to make a move on her. It’s about his journey back to his family. I mean, there’s a bunch of other stuff that happens but … you get the gist.” I can see the importance of family to Alex, what it means to never give up hope and fight for the people that you love. I understand his need to keep his brother close since his parents have long since destroyed their relationship with him. My heart hurts for him, my lost boy, and that desire to protect him comes back with full force. I hate it. I hate that I care so much, especially about him, because now I realize that if I ruin this, I’ll just be another person that has let him down. That puts a lot of unwanted pressure on me.

“Hey. Why don’t we do something fun tonight, Alex?” I ask, trying to lighten my mood.

“I have a few ideas of fun activities we can do tonight.”

“I’m sure you do, but I’m thinking more along the lines of going out somewhere, maybe dancing. I haven’t been dancing in such a long time.”

“Ummm.”

Clearly, he doesn’t want to go anywhere, but I think a night out together might be good for us. See how we do in social situations as a couple. “Please. We don’t have to stay long. If you don’t want to go to a club, we can go to a smaller lounge, have a drink and hear some music. It’ll be fun.”

“Alright, princess,” he says, putting his hand on the nape of my neck in the way that I love.

An awkward silence falls between us as we make it back to my house. I drop my beach bag by the door and turn to Alex. “I’m tired from the beach. I think I’m just going to go upstairs and take a nap.”

“Alright. I’m going to the gym for a bit. Do you have a spare key I can use? I don’t want to wake you when I come back.”

“Sure.” I turn and walk over to the key rack, which hangs by the front door. I grab a set of spare keys and hand them over to him.

“Thanks.” He lifts my chin up with his thumb and forefinger and places a kiss on my lips. “I’ll be back soon.”

I smile at him, taking him in for a second before I head upstairs to take a shower. The hot water feels good on my skin, washing away the residue from the sand and ocean. I’m not sure what it is about Alex that feels different to me. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever dated. He’s nothing like Mark. Not that Mark was a bad guy, he wasn’t, but he just didn’t get me. To Mark, I was just a pretty girl that was playing hard to get. It was a game to him, and he thought he’d be able to win me in the end, that I would agree to move in together and forge a commitment. He thought that my issues were just stupid excuses to keep him at a distance, but Alex … Alex gets me in a way that no one really ever has before. He understands, for the most part, why I’m not fired up to get involved with someone only to have it blow up in a ball of flames. I get that I’m not the only person to come from a broken home, but everyone handles things differently, and this is just my way. I hate how people try to judge me for it. Alex doesn’t judge. He listens and tries to understand. I’ve known him for over a year and he didn’t try to pursue a romantic relationship before now. That’s never happened before.

The sound of my feet hitting the treadmill belt as I run helps to calm me down. I came to the gym because I needed to get away for a while. Being around Jordan is fucking with my head. On one hand, things are great because I’m so attracted to her, and I’ve grown to care about her over the last year as our friendship has developed. On the other hand, it’s bad because, intuitively, I know that she can be very dangerous for me. She brings up all these protective instincts that I have, the need to take care of her because it’s what I’m used to doing. When she flipped the tables on me earlier and went up against Victor, I was floored. That did something to me on a very primitive level. I wanted to find an empty room and take her right then and there. It took every ounce of control I have to not let everyone in that room know exactly how I feel about this girl. I’ve never had anyone jump to my defense before. She thought that I was being taken advantage of and she didn’t hesitate to speak up. I know most men wouldn’t want their woman defending them in any situation, but fuck me if I didn’t like it. It felt good to have someone take my back. The only other person who’s ever done that is Victor, which is why I’m so fiercely loyal to him.

I’m not sure exactly when this shift in me happened, when these feelings for Jordan became so intense. They started off friendly in nature. I mean, of course I was attracted to her, she’s beautiful, I’d be blind not to notice her, but I was able to just fool around with her in the past and keep our friendship intact. I think the turning point was the night of Victor and Ellie’s wedding. Jordan looked stunning, but as the night progressed, she started to get more and more intoxicated. I took it upon myself to make sure she got home safely. I got her ready for bed, and when I tucked her in, she grabbed my hand and pulled me down to her.

“Don’t leave me, Alex. I don’t want to be alone tonight,” she said, barely above a whisper.

I hesitated for a minute, unsure if I should stay or go, but she looked so defeated in that moment. “Okay.” I slipped into the bed next to her, pulling her warm body tight against mine. “I’m right here.” I began stroking her hair, letting her know that she wasn’t alone, that she was safe with me. I noticed a few tears sliding down her face. “Hey, what’s the matter, princess. Why are you crying?”

“I’ll never have what they have.”

“Who?”

“Victor and Elle,” she responded with a sob. “She’s so brave. She’s been through so much more than I ever have and she managed to let herself fall in love. She let him into her life and I don’t think I’ll ever be that strong.”

I’m not sure what to say right away. I realize in that moment that Jordan and I have more in common than I ever thought. I think that maybe my childhood is the reason that I’ve never actually committed myself to anyone. It’s a revelation that I don’t want to think of. I wipe away her tears and stroke her cheek lightly. “Just because she went through more than you doesn’t make your experiences any less meaningful. You will have what they have, trust me,” I say, pulling her deeper into my arms and holding her tightly. I let her cry it out until she finally finds sleep.

That was the moment for me when I knew I had to be a part of her world. Then, she walked out of my life. For four months, I wondered what the hell I did to make her practically vanish. I thought that our conversation that night had embarrassed her, but Jordan doesn’t get embarrassed easily. Now, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even remember that conversation at all, and the real reason she left me at her place alone was because she thought we had drunken, meaningless sex that night. I’ve got to give it to her; Jordan does drama like no one else, but it doesn’t matter. She’s what I want, and for once in my life, I’m going to do whatever it takes to get it.

Alex takes me by the hand and leads me into the lounge. It’s bigger than I thought it would be, and it’s packed. He tightens his grip as we make our way through the crowd of people to reach the bar. He pulls me to an available stool and instructs me to sit, while he stands behind me and places his hands on the bar, effectively caging me in as he orders our drinks. I can tell it’s his way of staking his claim to me, letting every man in our general vicinity know that I’m taken. It’s kind of a Neanderthal move on his part but I like it. What does that say about me? I turn around in my stool until my back is to the bar. I casually slip my arms around his waist and tilt my head up to look at him. He really is all kinds of sexy. His cool confidence easily draws me to him.

“How did you hear about this place?” I ask.

He smiles down at me. “A buddy of mine from the gym.”

“Well, I like it,” I say, taking a look around.

He brings his mouth down to my ear and tugs at it with his teeth, making a familiar warmth pool in the pit of my stomach. “You want to go dance, princess?”

“Yes.”

Alex grabs my hand and pulls me off the stool, leading me through the crowd and onto the middle of the dance floor. He wraps his hand around my waist and starts to move us to the bass-filled beat that’s invading the space. My arms go up around his neck and I match his movements, feeling the rhythm vibrating through me as we sway to the music. It’s an uncontrolled, heavy beat, and the combination of the music and Alex’s hands on me, his breath in my hair, his close proximity makes me dizzy with something that I can’t explain. Desire maybe, or intoxication. I’m engulfed by him, his arms around me. His body against mine makes me feel more alive as everything else melts away, until it’s just him and I entwined in our dance. A fleeting moment that I wish could last beyond the length of a song. Before long, his lips are connecting with mine, his kiss filling me with warmth and anticipation. Suddenly, our dancing bodies are the last thing on my mind.