Desperation of Love (21 page)

“Hi,” I greet him timidly. “Can I come in?”

He looks at me warily, says nothing to me, but opens the door all the way and lets me in.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m alright, I guess,” I say, turning around to look at him. I’m not sure where to begin so I start with small talk. “Elle’s shower was today.”

He lets out a sigh. I don’t know if he’s sighing because he wants me gone, or he’s annoyed at the topic of conversation. “I heard. Did you stop by to tell me about it?”

I take some time to gather my thoughts, never breaking eye contact with him. My heart rate increases, and I’m taken in by his honey colored gaze. God, I hate this. I hate how I pushed him away again, and I not only hurt him, but I hurt myself too. “I came by to see you because I haven’t seen your face in over a week, and something about that just feels so wrong to me.”

He rubs his forehead as if this conversation is physically causing him pain. He drops his hand and takes me in again. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it? You told me to leave. I asked you to give me something to go on, a reason to stay, and you told me to go.”

“I know.” I breathe out, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill over. “I messed up, Alex. I fucked it all up, but I warned you. I told you I would. It’s what I do.”

“So, then what?” he roars out, causing me to flinch but I don’t waver. I stand my ground and let him get it out. “What do you want from me, Jordan? Why are you here?”

“Because I’ve tried to stay away,” I confess, my voice getting louder with each word spoken. The louder they get, the braver I feel, and I need to hold onto that feeling, because underneath that is an underlying layer of fear. “I’ve tried to let you go, but I miss you. I miss you so much and I hate it. It’s driving me crazy. I’ve never felt this way before and I don’t know what to do with that.”

He looks shocked, like he wasn’t expecting me to be honest and lay it all out there for him, but I came to fight and I’m not leaving this house until he hears me out. Some of the anger that was splayed all over his face begins to dissipate and his features soften. I’ve broken through. Even if it’s just a small crack in his armor, I’ll take it. I’ll work with it and I’ll keep pushing until I crack it open.

“I miss you too, princess. I really do. It’s just too much. You’re too much. Every time I think we’re getting somewhere, you do something to push me away. I don’t even think you know you’re doing it.”

I take a step closer to him, fighting the growing urge to run to him and wrap my arms around him. “Give me one more chance. I can do better. I will be better. Look at me for God’s sake!” I yell. “This isn’t me. I don’t grovel for anyone because I normally don’t care enough. You’re changing me, little by little, but you
are
changing me. All I really want is to be with you. Nothing is the same when you’re not around.”

He tilts his head and I take in the look on his face. I can see a hint of disbelief there. He wants to believe what I’m saying but he’s still guarded. “You want us to be a couple, for real? No more hiding, no elaborate lies to explain to people why we show up places together? No more family dinners pretending that we barely speak?”

I nod my head quickly, hoping that he sees that there’s no hesitation. “Yes. That’s what I want. No more lying, just you and me together, and I don’t give a shit who knows or who sees us. There’s nothing else I want more than that.”

He puts his hand on his hips and shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“Alex, please. You and I are good together, we work. That thing with Mark was nothing. I was telling you the truth, I swear.”

“I know that. I know you were telling the truth. It’s never been about Mark.”

“I know that … I know that I’m broken but I want to try.”

I barely get the words out before he’s in front of me, his face so close that I can see the tiny pores on his nose. He cups my face in his hand before speaking. “You’re not broken, princess, and even if you were, you can still be put back together.”

I let out a shaky breath. “That’s if you can find all of the pieces of me.”

He grins at me then lets go of my face, opting instead to put his hands on my hips. God, the look on his face makes me melt even further. “Is that a challenge?”

I shake my head and place my hands on his chest. “It’s a wish.”

“You know, my specialty is making wishes come,” he says, moving his hands toward my back until they’re wrapped around me.

“Does that mean you forgive me?”

His eyes turn liquid. “Will you spend the night?”

“Yes,” I say, letting out a giggle.

“Then I forgive you.”

At that, I do what I wanted to do from the minute he opened the door. I throw my arms around his neck and initiate the kiss that I’ve been aching for, wanting for over a week now. It doesn’t take long for things to get heated. His grip on my ass is my cue, and I hop up and wrap my legs around his waist.

“Take me upstairs,” I whisper as I tug at his earlobe with my teeth. He doesn’t respond, but he complies with my request. We make it to his bedroom and he tosses me onto the mattress. He pulls his shirt over his head. I make it up to my knees and mimic his movements, pulling my shirt off and tossing it onto the floor on top of his. His pants are next and mine quickly follow. I move to undo my bra clasp and he stops me.

“No. I want to do that,” he grumbles as he climbs onto the bed, pushing me down on my back as he goes. He looks down at me like I’m a feast and he’s starving. I watch as his fingers undo the front clasp on my bra. He pulls it apart to reveal my naked breasts. I close my eyes and my body tingles at the feel of his fingertips grazing my nipples. His fingers are replaced by his tongue, swirling around the small peak and then finally closing his lips around it to suck. I throw my head back at the sensation, relishing in the knowledge that Alex knows exactly how to make my body react to him in a huge way. I love the foreplay during most of our encounters, but tonight all I want is him.

“Please, Alex,” I whimper, pushing his shoulders.

He lifts his head up and gives me his sexy grin. “What, baby?”

“I need you now,” I reply, writhing underneath him.

He chuckles, dropping his head down to my neck and sucking. “You’ll get me.”

“Now, please. Please, babe.” I don’t mind begging. I know the payoff will be worth it.

“You don’t want me to go slow?” he teases, slipping his fingers inside the edge of my panties.

“No,” I breathe, jutting my hips up.

“You want me to fuck you hard?” he questions, all traces of humor gone.

He’s driving me wild and he knows it. “Yes.”

My panties slide down my legs and are gone in the blink of an eye. He positions himself between my legs and I can feel him at my entrance. He’s just as ready as I am. I close my eyes, waiting for the moment of connection, the point where our bodies are melded together, but Alex makes no moves. I panic, thinking that maybe he’s changed his mind. Maybe he’s realizing that he can’t do this, that he no longer wants to reconnect with me. I open my eyes, and as our gazes meet, he slams into of me, causing me to cry out. My head falls to the side as he slides out of me.

“Look at me,” he demands, grabbing my chin and pulling it until our eyes meet again. Once again, he slams into me. “Keep your eyes on me.” He starts to move inside me, starting off slowly and quickly picking up the pace until we’re both in a frenzy. My limbs are wrapped around him, and his hands on my inner thighs, keeping me exactly where he wants me. The orgasm hits me in a wave that washes over me, pulling me under until I’m drowning in it. His body tenses up, letting me know that he’s found his release too. I wrap my arms around him tighter, loving the sense of him enveloping me. This is what’s been missing since I let him walk out of my life. It’s the connection that I crave daily. It’s not about the sex, although that’s part of it. The rest is him, his presence in my life, his understanding of my heart and my mind. Tonight he’s allowed me back into his embrace, and all of a sudden, everything is right with the world. I’m exactly where I want to be, where I’m supposed to be.

When I woke up this morning, Alex and I were spooning. He was lying behind me holding my leg so that it was positioned over his and he was inside of me. I’ve never experience waking up to sex like that but holy shit, he can do that to me anytime. I was instantly aroused and ready for him.

After my early morning wake up call is over, I’m sated and taking comfort in the fact that I’m with him again. That the damage I caused wasn’t permanent.

“We have to get up and go, princess,” Alex says, tugging on a piece of my hair.

I roll over onto my side, giving him my back, and pull the covers over my head. “No, I’m not leaving this bed today. I just want to stay here with you all day and you can’t make me leave.”

He rolls me onto my back and tugs the covers until they’re off of me. He kisses my neck, and then moves south. He cups my right breast in his hand and flicks the nipple with his tongue. “Is this what you want to do all day?”

I bite my lower lip and nod my head, “Yes, this is exactly what I want to do all day. We have a week to make up for, you know?”

“I know,” he responds, taking hold of my left breast and giving it the same attention. When he’s done, he places a kiss on my lips. “As much as I’d love to do that, baby, we have to go.”

“Where? Where do we have to go that’s more important than this?” I huff, giving him my best pouty face.

He chuckles at me then pulls me up to a sitting position. “Your best friend and my brother are going to have a baby today so I think we should get to the hospital.”

“What?” I shriek at him.

“Victor called about twenty minutes ago. Ellie went into labor. They’re already at the hospital.”

“Oh my God! Why didn’t you say something?”

“I tried to wake you up, but you sleep like the dead so I had to get creative.”

“Alex!” I yell, but really I’m kind of amused by his silliness.

“What? We have plenty of time. She was only three or four centimeters dilated. She has to get to ten, doesn’t she?” He shrugs his shoulders and smirks at me.

“That is so not the point. Come on,” I say, tugging his hand. Let’s take a shower and go.”

He smacks my ass as I head toward the bathroom. “You sure you want to shower with me right now?”

“Yes, it’ll save time. You just make sure to keep your hands to yourself.”

He grabs hold of my waist and pulls me backwards until my body is pressed against his. He slips his hand down and fingers my clit, causing me to gasp and my head to fall back on his shoulder. “I make no promises,” he says before he releases me and walks past me to the bathroom, leaving me standing there, breathless and aroused.

“Tease!” I call out when I hear the sound of the shower running. I make my way into the bathroom where, for the second time this morning, Alex shows me just how much control he has over my body.

Jordan showing up at my door last night was unexpected. She’s normally so fucking stubborn. It was shocking to see her actually make the first move toward reconciliation, but thank fuck that she did, because I missed my girl like crazy. I would have ended up seeking her out eventually so it was a pleasant surprise to open up my door and see her there. Being with her again last night and having her in my bed felt right. The emptiness that plagued my house was gone. She breathes life into it, making it feel more like a home and less like four walls.

I really did try to wake her up when I got the call from Victor, but the past few weeks have been hell for her. She must have been exhausted because she was completely unresponsive. She looked beautiful lying there on her side, content and peaceful, so being the asshole that I am, took it upon myself to wake her up in a more exciting way. Then I got her in the shower and showed her how exciting that could be. Now we’re in the hospital elevator on our way up to see Ellie and Victor. I look over to my girl and she looks like she’s about to be sick. It hits me that this is the first time she’s set foot in a hospital room since her father passed away, and I feel like a jerk for not knowing that it might affect her.